I had my first appointment with the doctor, and nothing about it seemed normal to me. Her office was small, like a prison cell; the walls were blank and two-year-old magazines full of dust sat in a magazine cabinet. I sat on the loud crunchy paper and wiggled impatiently for her to arrive.
After several days at a learning center doing flash cards, answering questions, and clicking a green dot on a screen, it was official. I had ADHD. And it was in this dull cellar office that I would receive my new medication.
My doctor walked in wearing a flowered blouse and holding a clipboard with a half-concerned grimace that soured her face. I clamped my hands harder and tore small rips into the crusty paper. I’ve always despised the barber-esque stations I had to sit at before the doctor arrived with my future.
“How are you?” she asked, sitting down with a pen in one hand and the other hand softly pointing at me.
“I’m doing okay, hanging in there. I’m happy I’m going to get some help.”
“Good Andrew, I wanted to discuss treatment options with you.”
I interjected, “Medicine?”
“Yes, I wanted to discuss options such as stimulants and the side effects of long acting versus short acting medications.”
“Yeah.” I was worried that a medication might change me but I felt a sense of relief as well.
“Also, I wanted to review the option of an alternative non-stimulant called Strattera and the pros and cons of that versus stimulants.”
“Okay.”
“I’m going to tell you the common side effects, typical delay in onset of therapeutic action, and the need to gradually increase dose. I’ll provide handouts with reading material for you to look over and recommendations. Alright?”
“Sure,” I said, but I was not going to read material on the drug. Come on, who actually reads the two pages of medical side effects? It’s like the fine print on an Apple contract. I would need a telescope or a magnifying glass and, let’s be honest, it’s not plausible for a sixteen-year-old kid to spend his time reading medical fine print about a drug he’s taking. In a perfect world, sure, but I just wanted to take the stupid pill and see what happened.
She scooted closer to me on her four-wheel rolling chair.
“Stimulants will be something you will feel immediately upon taking in the morning and non-stimulant will take a few weeks to get into your system.”
“Okay. So which one is which?”
“Strattera is the non-stimulant and if you were to take that one you would start with 20mg and build up 10mg every week for a month. What do you think about that?”
“I’m not very good at routines.” I knew I would mess up and skip a day and mess up the cycle.
“Okay, so then there is Adderall, which you will feel immediately upon swallowing. Want to try that one? There are several other ones similar to Adderall. One example is Ritalin.”
I felt that I was picking my fate by choosing one of these drugs. It was completely random, but Adderall had a nice ring to it.
“I’ll take Adderall,” I said.
“The Adderall?”
“Yes, the Adderall.”
She scooted backwards in her chair, wrote on her clipboard, then pulled a prescription pad out of her pocket and wrote down “Adderall 20 Mg Tabs (Amphetamine-dextroamphetamine) 1 q am.” She tore it off like she was tearing off a check from a checkbook, except my parents were the ones who were going to have to pay for the little pill.