The next day, Jason was waiting outside school when I emerged with Poppy.
‘When were you going to tell me?’ he asked.
‘How did you hear?’
‘The police called me. They assumed I already knew.’
I was about to reply that he had forbidden me from contacting him, but I felt Poppy’s warm hand in mine and I stopped myself. I didn’t want to be that woman anymore. He was Poppy’s father; I had let danger into his daughter’s life.
‘I am really sorry you had to find out like that,’ I said. ‘You’re absolutely right. I should have told you at once. It was just that everything was—’ I stopped. My eyes were hot with tears and I didn’t want to cry in front of Poppy. I didn’t want to cry in front of Jason either. I wanted to lie in a dark room and let tears course down my cheeks and into my pillow, weep with anguish and guilt and relief.
‘Where do I be now?’ asked Poppy, looking up at both of us.
‘With me tonight,’ I said. ‘You’re with Daddy tomorrow. Today is Tuesday and tomorrow is Wednesday.’
‘I can do it, I know it: Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday,’ she yelled in a frantic sing-song voice.
‘Brilliant,’ I said. Then to Jason, ‘Can we have a little walk, the three of us?’
He nodded and took Poppy’s other hand. I couldn’t read his mood. He was a handsome stranger.
‘Swing me,’ commanded Poppy as she always did, sinking down so her bottom was almost on the pavement. ‘Swing me high.’
So off we went, Mummy and Daddy and our little red-haired daughter swooping up between us.
‘Aren’t you going to apologise?’ asked Jason.
‘Yes, I am.’
‘You pretty much accused me of murdering a woman. You set the police on me. And then it turned out to be your boyfriend all along. It was all happening under your own roof.’
‘Again! Again!’
‘One, two, three, up! For the rest of my life I will have to live with that. I was wrong. I was looking in the wrong direction. I didn’t see what was right there – in my own home, as you say.’
And in my bed, I thought, and that familiar nausea rose in me.
‘So from the bottom of my heart, I apologise. I’m sorry I suspected you of being connected with Skye’s death. I’m sorry that I trusted someone who turned out to be a murderer. I’m sorry that all the time I thought I was protecting Poppy, I was in fact putting her in danger.’
I put my hand against my throat. My whole body felt raw and sore; my eyes stung. I waited.
‘I could ask for custody, you know,’ he said.
Here it was, what I had feared.
‘Again!’ cried Poppy imperiously.
Up she flew, our red-headed daughter.
‘I’d fight you every inch of the way,’ I said. ‘Why not run to the corner, Poppy?’
We waited while she raced away from us.
‘I was wrong about you and Skye, but I wasn’t wrong about you.’
‘What the fuck is that supposed to mean?’
‘It’s true you didn’t kill anyone,’ I said in a low voice. I turned to face him. ‘But you bullied me, you cheated on me, you lied to me and when we split up you made me think it was something we were doing together in a civilised way. And now you’re doing it to Emily and to other women as well, even people who work for you.’ I saw his startled look. ‘Yes, I know things about you that you really don’t want anyone to find out. It wouldn’t look great in court, would it? And you’ve let Poppy witness your treachery. You’re not a murderer, I was wrong about that, but I wasn’t wrong about you. And I think any judge, given the evidence, would see that I was foolish, but I acted in good faith, whereas you – you were faithless.’
‘So that’s how it is.’
‘Jason, I want us to behave in a civilised way together, for Poppy’s sake. I don’t want us to be enemies for the rest of our lives. But I swear I won’t be civilised if you try and take Poppy away from me.’
He stared at me. I could see tiny red veins in the whites of his eyes and a faint speck of spittle at the corner of his mouth. Then something shifted in his expression.
‘We used to be good together,’ he said. ‘What’s happened to us?’
‘We were never good together. I was young and foolish. But we can try to be good parents.’
We caught up with Poppy, and I took her hand.
‘Home,’ I said.