“You sure you don’t mind?” Evan asked when he called Sara Thursday night.
“Of course not. It sounds fun,” Sara told him. She recalculated the timing in her head. It was another delay, but a small one. The change of plans might actually be better. Going into Tulsa Saturday morning, she could watch his buddy basketball game then spill her news. If things went south, she’d still have plenty of daylight to get back on the road to Dallas.
She spent another day lounging around the house and watching movies with her parents, then packed her car. After Saturday morning brunch, Sara climbed into her car and slipped her sunglasses into place. She hoped the sunny skies were a good omen. The Christmas storm had passed, the roads were clear, and she felt better. Spending time with her mom could be exhausting, but also energizing. Sara was approaching the heart-to-heart with Evan with a more positive outlook.
Yes, she was dealing with huge life issues, but it didn’t have to mean a storm. There could be a little sprinkle, a few dark clouds, and then blue skies. Evan was level-headed. Once he got over the shock, he might be the person to help her see things clearly. Doom and gloom wasn’t her style. Her mother was right. Maybe Sara had let the job rejections get to her and skew her perspective.
She was looking forward to watching Evan’s game, and meeting some of his friends. She’d never thought of him as an athlete, but it seemed he enjoyed several sports. At least he participated, staying in shape, rather than simply watching them from his living room sofa.
Sara pulled up to Evan’s apartment only minutes before they needed to leave for the game. She’d cut it close on purpose, needing to avoid any spare time alone with him. But it was closer than she’d planned. The drive took longer, and she’d lingered at the rest stop, her stomach churning. By the time she arrived in Tulsa, her head and back ached. If she remembered anything she planned to say, it’d be a miracle. At this point, she just wanted it done.
Evan opened the door with concern etched in his features. “Hey, I was starting to worry. You okay?”
“Yeah. Sorry. Just running a little late. Do I have time for a quick pit stop before we leave?”
“Sure.” He steered her down the hallway. “First door on the right.”
When she returned to the living area, Evan pulled her into his arms. “I don’t think I gave you a proper greeting,” he said, his breath warm against her ear.
She kissed him back but was careful not to press her body too closely to his. At four-and-a-half months, her baby bump was harder to disguise.
“Did you get a chance to eat anything?” Evan asked.
“Oh, yeah. Mom wouldn’t send me off without breakfast and a bag full of snacks.” Sara wasn’t sure whether it was nerves or something she ate that had her stomach feeling unsettled. She hadn’t eaten that much. “I’m good.”
“Great. When we get back, we can look at the stuff I got from marketing on what they pay freelancers and what kind of work they do for the bank.”
“Really? They gave you that information?”
“Sure.” He ushered her toward the door. “Looks like there’s some potential, especially if you can get a couple of steady clients. Carolyn, our client services VP, says a lot of companies are outsourcing like that now.”
“Client services?”
He shot her a wry smile. “Yeah, that’s what we call marketing these days. Sounds better, not so much like sales and promotion.”
“Right.” She hadn’t done any research on the freelance market in Dallas. Maybe there were options, but she wasn’t pinning her hopes on that. If so many people were looking for jobs, then there was probably a glut of freelance professionals – i.e. desperate people. And that meant companies could pay lower wages. Still, she should at least look into it and know the standards within the industry. “Thanks for doing that,” she told Evan. “I haven’t had a chance to look into it in Dallas.”
“Well, like I said, Tulsa would be happy to have you.”
Ugh. Why did everything he said remind her that he was seeing a different future than she was?
Relief washed over her when Evan pulled into the fitness center parking lot a few moments later. Inside the gym, he introduced Sara to some of his teammates, then she took a seat on the bleachers along with other spectators. Girlfriends and wives, she guessed. She pressed a hand to her back, thinking bleachers were about the worst invention ever.
Looking across the gym, Sara caught her breath when a man dressed in the same jersey as Evan entered the gym with a young boy on his shoulders. Evan was the first to give the grinning toddler a high-five. He ruffled the child’s hair and handed him a basketball when his dad lowered him to the floor.
Evan had already told her that he liked kids, but it touched her heart to see him engaging with – and enjoying – someone else’s child. It occurred to her that Evan Gerard might be too good to be true. He had so many positive attributes, was such a nice guy. But no one was perfect. There had to be flaws. Was she about to expose them?
As the game got under way, Sara tried to concentrate on the action, but her thoughts kept wandering, and her discomfort made it hard to pay attention. When Evan glanced her direction, she smiled. She remembered to clap when he made a basket. In her admittedly biased opinion, he was one of the best players on the team – and definitely the most fit. While other players left the court practically panting, in search of their water bottles, Evan sauntered off, took a few sips of water and was ready to play again.
Sara reached for the bottle of water Evan had given her but found nothing. Erg. Must’ve left it in the car. Glancing around, she took a small notepad from her purse and began fanning her face, wondering if she was the only one melting. The gymnasium was stifling. The only air flow appeared to be about ten feet up.
She swiped a hand across her brow when the final whistle blew. Ready for a blast of cold Oklahoma air, she stood too quickly, and grabbed for the handrail when a wave of dizziness hit her. She took a moment, then made her way down the stairs. She had to get out of there.
Sara crossed the polished wood floor toward Evan.
Evan did a double-take, and his smile disappeared. He was at her side in a flash. “Sara? You okay? Angel, you look really pale.”
Sara put a hand to her forehead. “I’m sorry. I don’t feel very well.”
“Don’t be sorry. What can I do?”
“Where’s the restroom?”
He steered her to the women’s room. “I’ll be right here. Holler if you need anything. I can send someone in.”
She slipped past him, and nearly collapsed against the door of the stall. What the heck was going on? She considered lying down on the dirty cold floor but sat on the toilet seat instead. Maybe something just needed to–
Oh, God. Panic rose in her chest and her head swam at the sight of blood on her panties. Only a few drops, but enough to tell her that something was wrong. She’d have to get to a doctor. But how– What would she tell Evan? She screamed inside. No, no, no. Not like this.
Barely standing, she stumbled to the door. Evan must’ve heard her bang against it because he opened it from his side.
He reached out to steady her. “Jesus, Sara. We need to find you a place to lie down.”
“I– I think I need to go to the hospital.”
His brow furrowed, but he didn’t miss a beat. “Okay. Come on, let’s get you to the car.” With one arm around her waist and the other holding her arm, he helped her out of the building and into his car.
“Is it close by?”
He squeezed her hand. “Sit tight, angel, I’ll get you there.”
Sara sat perfectly still, willing her body not to betray her. Was this a sign of miscarriage? Was she about to lose the baby? Could she be in danger herself? And what the hell was going through Evan’s mind? He probably thought she had the flu and was seriously over-reacting. What a nightmare.
She put a hand on her abdomen.
“You feel sick?” Evan asked.
Yes, she felt more than a little sick. Truth be told, passing out sounded like a good option. “I’m okay,” she managed.
“Almost there.”
He pulled into the emergency entrance and parked under the canopy. “Stay there.” He dashed inside the building. When he returned, a woman pushing a wheelchair scurried behind him. Evan helped Sara into the chair then proceeded through the sliding glass doors while the woman pushing the chair bombarded Sara with questions.
“Well, I…” She gulped for air, her voice quaking. “I– I’m spotting. My back hurts, and I’m four and a half months pregnant.” Fists clenched, Sara looked back at Evan, her eyes pleading with him to wait, to understand.
“Oh, dear. Let’s get you to a room and see what’s going on.” Turning to Evan, she smacked her hand on the counter. “Dad, might need you to answer some questions.”
Sara’s face flashed white hot. Oh, no. Just before the woman whisked her through another set of doors, Sara got a last look at Evan – and the shock frozen on his face.
* * *
Sara lost track of time, and the number of people who went in and out of the room. She had no idea who they all were or what role they played. They descended on her like a swarm of bees. The one thing she knew for sure was that she was on the verge of losing her baby. She couldn’t explain the tremor of fear – or the heart-wrenching regret that stole over her. Her baby girl was going to die before she even had a chance to live. That thought filled Sara with a deep sadness and sent tears flowing down her cheeks.
Someone brushed them away.
“There now, you take it easy, sweetie. Everything’s going to be fine,” a soothing voice told her.
Sara’s eyes fluttered open, but she wasn’t sure who had spoken the soft words.
“Just breathe,” the voice said.
She closed her eyes but opened them again at the now-familiar squirt of liquid over her abdomen.
“Sara?”
A woman took her hand and leaned in close. “Sara, I’m Doctor Anderson. I’m going to do a physical exam now, and we’re looking at your baby through a sonogram. Okay?”
Sara nodded, tensing as soon as the doctor began her examination.
“Just relax.”
As if that was possible.
The doctor and technician murmured to each other as the wand roved over her baby bump. It took Sara a moment to realize they didn’t seem panicked. After a little more poking, the doctor stood, and snapped off her gloves while a nurse covered Sara’s legs with a sheet.
Sara gasped when another nurse entered the room with Evan. Apparently, he hadn’t corrected them after the first woman assumed he was ‘dad.’ Dr. Anderson approached the bed, and one of the nurses nudged Evan forward.
“Is– is the baby all right?” she asked, her voice strained.
“Placenta and baby look fine,” the doctor said without hesitation. “I’d like to do some lab work. You may have an infection, and we’ll start a saline drip for dehydration.”
Keeping her eyes focused on the doctor, Sara nodded.
Dr. Anderson squeezed Sara’s hand, then turned and began issuing instructions.
* * *
Sara awoke to a quiet, darkened room. Blinking, it took a minute to get her bearings. Where were all the people? Had she– She put a hand on her stomach. Had she lost the baby? What even happened? Her eyes tracked across the dim room, and she froze when they focused on Evan only a few steps away. She sank farther into her pillow as he came toward her.
Evan stood beside the bed, hands shoved in his pockets. “Hey.”
Sara was almost afraid to look at him. She pressed a hand to her head, willing it to clear. With a sigh of relief, she remembered the doctor’s words. She hadn’t lost the baby. Tears welled in her eyes, and she stared at Evan, trying to read his face. His eyes were clouded, his expression serious. Not angry, but not smiling. Not encouraging.
She swallowed hard and asked the next agonizing question, her voice barely a whisper. “Did I lose you?”
He held her gaze, then looked somewhere behind her, his lips moving, but forming no words. Obviously, he was struggling with what to say.
Regret settled in her chest, like a heavy weight, crushing her, stealing her breath.
Finally, he reached out and touched her hair, his hand brushing against her cheek. “Of course not.”
She choked on a cry, her face crumpling as the tears spilled over.
Evan handed her a tissue. But he didn’t hold her or kiss her. Doubt lingered in his eyes. “How are you feeling? Do you want me to get a nurse?”
Sara shook her head. She felt raw and exposed. Nothing a nurse could help with. “I’ve just been asleep?”
“Yeah. They gave you something to help you relax. That’s probably why you feel groggy. You just have to take it easy for a while.”
“Oh.” Her eyes met his again. “I’m sorry– sorry they put you on the spot like that. I know they thought–”
He shook his head. “It’s fine. I’m glad I was here. I do have a couple of questions, though.”
Sara clenched the sheet in her fists. “Yeah, I’m sure you do.”
His hands went back in his pockets, and he faced her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
A nurse breezed into the room. “Thought I heard voices in here.” She moved forward and lifted Sara’s wrist to take her pulse, then checked the various equipment in the room, tapping on her keyboard. “How do you feel?”
Sara figured overwhelmed and exhausted wasn’t what the nurse was looking for.
“I’m okay, I think. A little tired.”
“Normal. What about dinner? I can put in an order.”
Dinner? Sara pushed the hair away from her face, wondering what time it was. It’d been a long time since she’d eaten, for sure. “Yes, thank you. But does that mean–”
The nurse handed Sara a menu. “Looks like you’ll be spending the night with us. Dr. Anderson wants to keep you overnight – just a precaution. She wants to be sure this doesn’t develop into pre-term labor.”
She took Sara’s order, then headed for the door. “This’ll just take a little while.”
Sara turned her attention back to Evan who was still waiting for an answer to his question. She drew in a deep breath.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you earlier. I was going to tell you the weekend you got sick and couldn’t come to Dallas. Then I was going to tell you over Christmas, and we had no time. Other than my parents, no one knew. I only told Annie and Jason Christmas morning. I wanted to get it out in the open this afternoon, but not this way.”
She crossed her arms and studied him. “So now you know. I’m going to get big and fat. And I’m going to have a baby. Not ideal dating material.”
Evan brushed her comment off with a shake of his head. “That doesn’t matter. I’m guessing this had something to do with the sudden move to Dallas, right? Where’s the dad?”
That apparently mattered. She gave him the brief lowlights. “So, the ‘dad’ is not in the picture. And, yeah, that’s how I ended up in Dallas. Lately, I’ve been thinking about putting the baby– It’s a girl. Putting her up for adoption.”
“What?” His eyes widened as he stared at her. “Why would you do that?”
Sara hesitated. Repeating herself over and over was getting a little tiresome. Wasn’t it obvious? She took a deep breath. “Well, I…I’m not sure I’m ready for a baby. Not sure about the whole single-mom thing. Not sure it’s fair to the baby.”
“Sara, I have to tell you that sounds a lot like running away from responsibility. Besides, you could’ve married the guy and still ended up a single mom. It’s not always a choice.”
Okay then. Here we go. Maybe this is where they part ways. High moral ground, and judgment.
“A lot of people have babies and aren’t sure they’re ready for them,” Evan continued. “Hell, is anyone ever really ready? The way I hear it, you jump in and swim.”
Her defenses rose. “And that’s what I’d planned to do,” she cried.
“This is why you’ve been so interested in my mom and my family life.”
“I admire your mom, Evan. I’ve thought about her a lot since I first decided to do this on my own. She…She’s my role model.”
“Ah. She’d be a good one. Is that–” His eyes pinned her to the pillow. “Is that what this thing between you and me is all about?”
“What?!” Sara’s voice pitched. Did he really think that? “Of course not. This, this thing. You and me…Evan, I never expected this to happen. How could I know that we’d reconnect after Annie’s wedding? Or that we’d start– have a relationship?” Tears burned in her throat. “I honestly thought I would be a single mom. And then you happened, and it’s been so much harder than I thought to find a new job. Now my mom is sick. So many things seem to be working against me that I– I’m having second thoughts.”
A charged silence hung in the air, and Sara waited.
Evan leaned against the railing of her bed, and lifted her hand, toying with her fingers.
At least he was touching her. Hadn’t stormed out of the room.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked, his voice low and husky.
The question sent tremors through Sara’s body. Love me, she thought instantly. Love me and stay with me. Her heart pounded. Could she say it out loud? “Just– just stick with me, okay? I totally understand if you want some time, if you want to back off. Most of all…most of all I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you or hide anything from you. It all happened so fast…”
A nurse interrupted, and Sara offered a terse smile. Less than an hour later, she was being released and told to “go home” and rest. They hadn’t specifically told her not to drive, and she wasn’t about to ask clearance for a four-hour road trip. She was stuck in Tulsa, temporarily.
Evan had withdrawn into polite conversation – speaking only as necessary. It was obvious he needed some time to process the news. She couldn’t impose on him any more. Things were awkward enough already. As soon as she picked up her car from his place, she’d locate the hotel where she’d reserved a room, and then crash.
She touched his arm. “I just need to pick up my car. I’ve got a place to stay lined up.”
“Sara, you can stay at my place,” Evan said when the nurse turned away. “You take the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch. Not a big deal. Then you can go on to Dallas when you feel up to it.” He leaned closer and cleared his throat. “Or, I can drive you to Whitfield in your car, then catch a ride back here with Chase or Kent. I’m sure one of them could do that.”
She twisted her hands, trying to think fast. Is that what he would prefer? Then he’d only have to spend two more hours in her company. He’d been calm and concerned and helpful. But that wasn’t the same as warm and loving.
“That would be a huge inconvenience,” Sara said, her voice wavering only a little. “I could call my dad.” It was an option she hadn’t thought of, but she had to admit it wouldn’t be her first choice. Her dad already had his hands full with her mother. Not to mention that it was New Year’s Eve, and they might have plans. “No.” She gave a quick glance toward the door to make sure no nurses were within hearing range. “Honestly, I think I could go on to Dallas. I feel fine. They’re just being overly cautious.”
“Sara. No way. You’d be by yourself.”
“I have a roommate.”
“Not on the road, and not someone who’s going to look after you like your parents will.”
She noted he didn’t add ‘or like I will.’ Sara sucked in her breath. He was right about the driving, but it wasn’t her style to involve everyone else in her problems. If she took a couple of days to rest once she got to Dallas, she wouldn’t need anyone looking after her at all. “I don’t know, Evan. If I go to Whitfield, everyone will know what happened and that I’ve been here with you.”
Hands on his hips, he slowly nodded. “Yep. Just like everyone’s going to know you’re pregnant.” The look he shot her held sympathy, but his words were firm. “Might be time to own that, angel.”
* * *
The car ride back to Evan’s was silent, and Sara stewed in her thoughts. When she chanced a sideways glance at Evan, his eyes were fixed firmly on the road, both hands on the steering wheel. In the parking lot outside Evan’s apartment, he switched off the ignition and swiveled toward her. “If you don’t want to go to Whitfield, I’d like you to stay here. I’ll worry if you don’t have someone with you. Besides, we need to talk.”
Ugh. She wasn’t looking forward to that conversation. Could she handle such an emotionally charged discussion right now? “Evan, are you sure? Maybe we watch a movie tonight and let things go for a little while.”
After a short silence, he nodded. “Sure. Unlock your car, and I’ll get your bag.”
Inside, she dropped onto the brown leather sofa and took out her cell phone. “I guess I’ll cancel my reservation,” she said softly.
“Right. That reminds me, I’d better cancel our dinner reservations, too.”
“Oh, Evan. I’m sorry.”
He put up a hand. “Stop apologizing. Please.”
Sara swallowed the lump in her throat. She’d day-dreamed of ringing in the new year with him, but this wasn’t how she’d envisioned it.
He sat on the coffee table, facing her. “We could still go out if you feel up to it.”
She could tell by the flat tone of his voice that his heart wasn’t into it. A quiet evening at his place would be best. “Let’s just stay in,” she said.
“Okay by me as long as you don’t mind carry-out or pizza delivery. I don’t have much in the fridge because I thought we’d be eating out.”
She thought of the little black dress rolled up in her bag. Boy, she had royally screwed up those plans. “If you know a good pizza place that’ll deliver on New Year’s Eve, let’s do that.”
“I’ll call now. It might take a while.” Pushing off from the table, he left her.
When he returned a few minutes later, he set a glass of water on the side table and placed a throw blanket on the cushion beside her.
“Thank you,” she murmured.
“Can I get you anything else?”
She drew in a deep breath. “Evan, please sit down. You don’t have to wait on me.”
He picked up the TV remote and perched on the edge of the chair next to her, leaving her the entire sofa, which suddenly felt like a deserted island.
“Let’s see what’s on Netflix.”
Fine by her. She kicked off her shoes and curled her legs up, watching the selections flip by. “Wait, what’s that one with Bill Murray?”
Evan flipped back. “St. Vincent. No idea what it’s about.” He clicked to the movie description.
“Oh, it has that McCarthy gal, too,” Sara said. “I think I’ve heard of this one. Might be worth a try.” Something light and funny would be perfect.
“Works for me,” he said. He clicked play and sat back.
Within the first ten minutes they became engrossed in the movie, and, Sara noted, both laughed at the same lines. A few moments later, she gasped when a bikini-clad pregnant pole dancer sashayed across the screen. Sara’s face warmed, and she quickly looked at Evan. “Oh, my–”
“What the hell?” Evan said simultaneously.
Could they possibly have chosen anything more inappropriate?
Evan reached for the remote, mumbling under his breath. “Damn, it didn’t say anything about–”
Sara held up her hands. “Evan, calm down. It’s all right.” At any other time, the ludicrous image might have been amusing. But the damage was done. Evan hit pause – after the dancing scene had ended, thankfully – and practically slammed the remote down on the table.
Sara jumped, and her eyes met his. Standing, she made a referee’s signal with her hands. “Okay, time out,” she said. “Tell me what you’re feeling, Evan.”
He looked at her for a long moment, then sank back into the chair, his elbows resting on his knees.
“I’d like to know,” she pressed. She knew confrontation wasn’t his style, but she needed to know where she stood, to break through the awkwardness. “I get that it was a huge shock, but what else? What’s making you uncomfortable? Is it that I didn’t announce that I was pregnant on our first date? That I’ve had sex with someone else? That you don’t want to be with someone who has a kid? Is this a choice for me? I can’t be with you and have this baby? Is it one or the other?”
He sprang from the chair. “Absolutely not. You have to decide whether to keep the baby on your own. I can’t be part of that equation.”
Sara held his gaze. “But you already are,” she whispered.
He raked a hand through his hair, his deep blue eyes troubled. “Look, Sara, I care about you. I always have. You know that. I honestly–”
The doorbell interrupted him, and they both froze. The pizza delivery driver’s timing couldn’t have been worse. She glanced around for her purse, but Evan was already heading toward the door as he pulled his wallet from his pocket.
At the table, Sara chewed slowly in the charged silence, taking frequent sips of water. She was into her second slice of pizza when Evan spoke again.
“I guess I feel cheated.”
“Cheated?” Sara echoed. She dropped the pizza and stared at him.
“Yeah. Cheated out of time alone with you. Just the two of us spending time together, figuring things out. If you keep this baby, everything will change. She’ll be the focus of your life.”
“Well, that will for sure be true if she’s the only thing in my life.” Sara’s voice quivered. “But it doesn’t have to be that way. A lot of people have kids and still manage to have an adult relationship, Evan.”
He got up and pulled a bottle of beer from the fridge.
Sara’s glance strayed to the bottle of champagne there as well. Chilled and ready for a celebratory evening that wasn’t going to happen.
“I think I just need some time and space,” Evan said, resuming his seat at the table. “Like you said, it’s all happened pretty fast.”
Sara swallowed hard. She nodded, but words stuck in her throat.
The rest of the evening passed with little conversation. They continued to watch the movie, which, in the end, Sara found entertaining, though she could have done without the breastfeeding scene at the end – while everyone else began eating, the new mom was focused on the baby. That’s just the way it was, Sara figured. A phase that you got through and laughed about later.
“Want to choose another one?” Evan asked as the credits rolled on the screen.
Sara shook her head. “There’s no way I’m going to make it to midnight. I’m kind of tired.” Fading fast, and more than ready to put the night behind them.
“Right. Let me get a few things out of my room.”
She watched him retreat down the hall, then took her glass to the kitchen and finished tidying up.
“It’s all yours,” Evan told her from the living room. He tossed a pillow on the sofa.
“Thanks,” Sara said, her voice weary. She slipped into Evan’s room and closed the door behind her. She took the opportunity to look around, not snooping, but taking in her surroundings and satisfying her curiosity. The dark wood furniture was clean and simple, the platform bed sporting a heathered gray comforter. Not much other decoration. Very Evan.
Disappointment washed over her as she dug through her bag and pulled out the lacy cami and matching satin shorts she’d brought. What a waste. She quickly changed and slid under the covers.
She pulled them up with her when she heard Evan’s light tap on the door.
“Come in,” she said.
Evan opened the door a crack. “You doing all right? Got everything you need?”
The polite questions of a host. She didn’t have the one thing she wanted most. “I’m good, thanks,” she said, sending a polite smile.
“Okay, goodnight, then.”
“Evan?”
The door opened wider. “Yeah?”
Sara’s heart pounded. “You…you could stay in here with me.”
He leaned against the door casing, presumably considering her suggestion, and she held her breath. Slowly he straightened. “Don’t think I haven’t thought about it, or wouldn’t like to,” he said. “But it’s probably not a good idea right now. Get some rest.” He quietly clicked the door into place.
Alone, Sara switched off the bedside lamp and lay still. Here she was in Evan’s bed – exactly where she’d hoped to be tonight. But no Evan. Funny how things worked out.
She tried not to be disappointed the next morning when he walked her to her car, loaded her suitcase into the hatch, then turned and pressed a kiss to her cheek.
“Text me when you get there,” he told her.
She forced a shaky smile. “I will.”
Four hours of open road stretched before her. A lot of time to think, or more likely, to play the weekend over and over in her head. At least he said he still cared for her. That was something. But their future was clouded and uncertain. He needed time and space. The question was, how much and for how long?