“I think that was the last time we were alone again,” Mason said, as Victoria placed her hand on Mason’s abdomen.
“You moved out?” Victoria wanted to go slowly because she sensed there was so much more to the story.
“No, she did, three days later. My dad offered her a job at my urging, and she left to get settled, not caring about graduation. It’s like she couldn’t run to the West Coast and away from me fast enough. Even if she’d wanted to graduate, she wouldn’t have passed that last semester because of the partying and chemical enhancers.”
It wasn’t hard to miss the misery in Mason’s voice, and she reached up and placed her hand on her cheek. “What happened? I don’t think that was the whole story.”
“Not by a long shot. I didn’t see it, or I was too wrapped up in myself to admit I saw it and totally ignored it, but Natalie was hooked on E and she’d made the transition to heroin. There wasn’t a gradual spiraling out of control but a rapid descent.” She took a deep, shaky breath. “She was dead before she even started her new job.” Mason smiled but her eyes were full of pain. “Too much of a good thing, I guess. When we took that first vacation to LA and I was busy doing some stuff for my dad, Natalie was making new friends and experiencing new things. I wasn’t around.”
“Mason, there was no way you could’ve known that’s what she was doing.” Victoria’s heart ached for Mason’s obvious pain.
“I’d been around my father’s business long enough that I should’ve recognized her problem for what it was. It should’ve never come to her dying.”
“What she did has nothing to do with you.”
“You never believe me when I tell you that.”
She smiled at Mason’s accusation, which was right on point. “You’re right, but I guess it’s different when it’s you.” Mason closed her eyes when Victoria moved her hand to her cheek. “Is this why you did all you have for my mom?”
“It was part of the reason. I never understood how we went from sharing our first kiss right over there”—Mason pointed to a spot closer to shore—“to a funeral. Her mother blamed me for a long time, probably still does, and I’m totally guilty of missing all the signs. I thought it was simply a lot of partying combined with plenty of booze to burn off the boredom.”
The similarities of their situations made some of the walls she’d built crumble just a little more. It wasn’t lip service. Mason really did understand. “That’s how Mom started. It was slow and picked up in the last year. The sad part is, I did know better. I saw it every day, and I still made every excuse for her to keep right on doing it. I wasn’t strong enough to stand up to her and demand she stop.”
“The funniest part of all this?” Mason held her tighter and it felt like she was using her as a lifeline. “The story of my first kiss is how I convinced Belle to come out of retirement to help your mom.”
“You have to tell me now.” She moved closer and loosely embraced Mason. The cool late afternoon breeze made her shiver, but Mason’s warmth made it perfect.
“Natalie was the first girl I kissed, and your mom was on the radio. Talk about coming full circle.”
“How’d you meet Belle?” Now was the time to sweep away any old business before they started whatever this was they were doing.
“The LA office called me to tell me Natalie had pushed her start date back and that she sounded out of it the few times they’d spoken to her. I thought she might need some counseling to deal with her newfound freedom, and someone recommended Belle.”
“That’s when she was still in private practice?”
“Yes, and I planned to fly out there with Belle and have her help me get Natalie into a program if that’s what was warranted. But before we took off, Natalie was gone, and Belle ended up helping me grieve.” Mason went back to stroking her back like she had the night before. “Life went on, and after a few years learning the business here, I left for LA to finish my job training. I lost touch with Belle until recently when I moved back.”
“Socially, you mean? You mentioned she’s retired.” That Mason had gone from sad to squirming like a fidgety little kid was humorous.
“She has a show at Skull’s Rainbow Room. I happened to see her there.”
“What kind of show?” She was going to keep pulling teeth until Mason confessed. She remembered how Belle had gazed out at Mason the day they’d had tea. There was more than just an old friendship there.
“She and her girls do a burlesque show that I checked out.”
“Along with Ms. Lenox? The checking out, I mean.” She stilled her hand and bit her lip to keep from laughing. “I’m not stepping on any toes, am I?”
Mason shook her head and grinned down at her. “It’s never been anything serious. That we both agreed on, and I wouldn’t be here with you if it was.”
“I know, and I believe you. You seem special to her, though.” Victoria had seen how Belle’s gaze in the kitchen was colored with blatant want. “It’s amazing you’re still single.”
Mason chuckled as if she was on to her fishing expedition but didn’t mind all that much. Mason’s cell vibrated and they broke apart so Mason could get it out of her jacket pocket. “Hey, Mom.”
Victoria took the opportunity to study Mason’s profile while she listened to whatever Mrs. Liner was saying. Mason was the type of butch who had always captured her attention, but when you added the sweet and caring personality, she was irresistible.
“Do you mind if I bring someone?”
“No!” she whispered, and Mason simply smiled.
“Okay, we’ll see you tonight.”
“What was that about?”
“She invited me to dinner, and I wanted to make sure it was okay to bring Fred.”
She started to get up, but Mason wouldn’t let her go. “Who’s Fred?”
“My dog.”
She pinched Mason’s stomach and started to pull away. This was moving too fast, and her experience had been that if something seemed too good to be true, it was. Gambling with her heart with all that was pending with her mother wasn’t a smart move, and it was time to gain perspective, which would be so much easier away from Mason’s warmth.
“Come on, I was kidding.” Mason had both arms around her now, and she was pressed against her chest. “Miss Roddy, would you do me the honor going to dinner at my parents’ place tonight? I’d like you to meet them.”
“Why?” The whole tableau of meeting someone’s parents wasn’t something she’d ever done, but she knew what it signified. The entire universe knew what that meant. And they’d had exactly one picnic, a bunch of walks, and lots of lunches. They weren’t in meeting-the-parents territory. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
“Because I want them to know you. You’re important to me, and I want them to know that too. Whatever develops between us, that will stay true.” Mason moved her head closer but stopped short of touching her. “And I don’t want to leave you behind.”
Those words were loaded with so much meaning, and she was afraid of believing them. It was just too soon, too crazy, and too out of her norm. But it was Mason saying them, and she wanted to believe as much as she wanted to kiss her. For once she was totally selfish and took what she desired in that one sweet moment. She pressed her lips to Mason’s and smiled at the second of hesitancy.
Mason’s lips were soft, and she tasted like mint, and once she accepted her invitation, she kissed her until she couldn’t help the moan that escaped. She felt possessed, as if Mason had reached in and taken everything she had to give, and it was amazing. It wasn’t what she expected, but she never wanted to stop.
“Thank you,” Mason said softly into her ear. “I so wanted to do that last night but didn’t want to get punched in the nose.”
“You’re not too bright, are you?” She traced Mason’s lips with her finger and inhaled deeply when Mason bit the tip. Mason seemed at ease with the flirting, which left Victoria dubious about her whole I-don’t-date-much protestation. “If a girl lets you sleep next to her, she might not mind getting kissed.”
“I totally get that, but it’s the might part of that disclaimer that gave me pause.”
They kissed again before she put her head on Mason’s shoulder and allowed her fear to creep through. “What happens now?”
“Right this second?” Mason was joking but Victoria wasn’t laughing. “Listen to me.” She lifted her head when Mason put her finger under her chin. “Tonight we have dinner at my parents’, and then hopefully you’ll agree to have dinner with just me. A date where you ask me stuff, and I ask you stuff, so we can decide if I’m wonderful or not. A date where we both know that it’s actually a date and not a lunch where we tiptoe around each other.”
That made her laugh. “What about Mom?”
“I don’t want to date Sophie.” She grunted when Victoria lightly punched her. “How we got here isn’t as important as how we handle it.”
“Do you promise?” It was juvenile to ask, but she needed this reassurance. Even if they ended up as friends and nothing more, she needed the reassurance.
“I do. Slow and steady until you’re sure. Until we’re both sure.”
They decided to skip the picnic and head back to the main house since they were having dinner soon. As Victoria gathered her things, Belle texted. She wanted to give Victoria a progress report before she started her shift watching Sophie for the night.
The big Lab Mason had been playing with before came running up when they stopped at the back of the house.
“Is that Fred?”
Mason saved her from a tongue bath when the big guy jumped into the cab and strained against Mason to get to her. “This is Fred, and he’s a goofball who likes to show his affection, so don’t put your face anywhere near his mouth.”
Belle came up to the truck to greet them. “You should’ve given me that heads-up,” Belle said as Mason came around to help Victoria out. “How are you feeling?”
“A couple of days and I’ll be fine.” She sat next to Belle at the patio table and placed her hand on the chair next to her to encourage Mason to sit with her. “How’s my mom?”
Belle glanced up at Mason, who threw a stick for Fred. “She’s tired and drained, but we’ve come to the end of hard detox, and she’s going to need some time to find the strength to begin the real hard work.”
“I’ll go and let you talk.” Mason threw the stick again, and one of her field hands grabbed Fred and put a leash on him to lead him away.
“No,” Victoria said, lifting her hand and holding it out to her. If Mason really meant everything she’d said, then she wouldn’t let her go through this alone.
“Are you sure?” It was funny that the question came from Belle and not Mason, who didn’t hesitate to sit and take her hand. “I need to ask you some hard questions.”
Mason had said their relationship was casual, but Victoria sensed Belle hadn’t gotten that memo. At least, not completely.
“Could you wait for us in the kitchen?” Victoria asked Mason.
Mason nodded and didn’t protest, but she didn’t think it was from relief of escaping an awkward situation. Mason squeezed Victoria’s hand and headed inside.
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Belle pointed in the direction Mason had gone.
“Did you think it was a good idea when you were with her?” She had to admit that the momentary shock on Belle’s face brought her a sense of satisfaction. “Or is it that your good ideas with her have come to an end that’s bothering you?”
“I have no hold on Mason.” Belle frowned, looking thoughtful.
“Neither do I, but we’re working up to that. If that’s going to be a problem with you working with my mother, I’d appreciate your honesty.” Why did everything in life have to be so fucking hard? And did the best person for this job have to be someone Mason had taken her pants off with? “Maybe whatever Mason and I have won’t last, and maybe it started in a weird way, but she’s a good friend. And I really need one right now.”
“That she is, and I’m glad you have her to help you through this. You might not believe me, but I was only asking for your benefit, not because I have any doubts about Mason.”
“Thank you, and I’d like to know if there’s something I can do to help my mom with whatever comes next.”
“For the most part she’s clean, but I’d like some clue as to what got her here. Has she said anything that would help?”
“Would you mind if we went in?” She could see Mason in the kitchen looking at her phone as she stood next to the coffeemaker. “I want Mason with me. She’s the one who got us this far.”
They sat in Mason’s home office downstairs, and Victoria held Mason’s hand in her lap as she studied the room. The wood paneling and leather furniture gave it a formal feel, but really, it was anything but. It was a tribute to Mason and her obvious love of books and the pleasure she took in designing wonderful places to indulge her reading habit.
“The night of that fiasco at the Opry, my mom said something that really surprised me, and she admitted it, so I’d understand why she seemed so self-destructive.”
Mason didn’t let go of her hand but switched it so she could put her arm around her.
“She said she couldn’t handle growing older, and she needed Weston and what he did for her to help her forget that she was getting old. She said she’d always been worried about not being enough, about being nothing. And now she’s worried about dying as nothing. Considering what she’s done, her worst fears might come true. No one is going to forget that performance that ended so disastrously.”
“Did you believe her?” Belle asked.
“Not really. I thought it was an excuse so I’d sign her out of the hospital and back to that asshole. Sophie Roddy is a vain woman, that I won’t deny, and I don’t buy that her vanity made her an addict.” Her chest felt tight over the fear that she might’ve been wrong.
“I’ve seen it before, but you’re mostly right,” Mason said. “The spotlight is an addiction all its own, and when it starts to dim, some people turn to other things to soften the blow. I doubt that’s all of it, but you know your mother better than anyone.”
“That’s just it. I really don’t know her at all. She insisted I travel with her, but it was never about being my mother or wanting me there. I know what most of the world knows about her. But the deeper stuff she kept to herself. All I wanted was to live with my grandparents, go to school, and make friends.” She shut her mouth so hard her teeth clicked together painfully. “I’m sorry, this isn’t about me.”
“You’re actually helping me a lot, and Sophie’s going to need more time to process all that’s happened to her. I think you’re partly right about what she told you, that she was stringing you a line, but the whole truth is something we’ll have to fight to get. Are you okay with another month if we give you updates?”
“Are you okay with that?” she asked Mason. “This is your house.”
“How about you and I stay down the hill until your mom’s rehab is done, and that way Belle and her team won’t be confined to the rooms upstairs?”
She wanted to kiss Mason for the suggestion, but she didn’t want to rub it in with Belle. “Great.” It was a huge relief to let someone else take the wheel for however long they were willing. And the thought of having a whole month of respite, when she didn’t have to live with her mother or even share the same space, was a massive relief.
“I think if Sophie has a bit more freedom, the process will be smoother. It’s easier to dig a hole than to fill it in so that it doesn’t form again. Sophie’s been digging for a long time, and the crater she’s formed is going to take time to fill back in. Having the run of the house will be good for her, and knowing she doesn’t have you to use as a crutch will be good too. We’ll get there.” Belle smiled and excused herself.
“I know—”
“Please don’t thank me or apologize again,” Mason said. “My part of this deal is no sacrifice if I get to spend time with you.” Victoria smiled when Mason brushed her hair back and kissed her. “And hopefully I can make this easier to bear.”
“You do. Don’t ever think otherwise, and I promised to make this as painless as possible.” She framed Mason’s face with her hands and tried her best to resist those dimples. “You’re giving up more than you planned. Don’t lie or sugarcoat it. If this becomes too much, do you promise you’ll say something?”
“It’s not like we’re homeless, honey, and I’ll have the crew get sheets for the couch. You and I are going to get to know each other better, and we’ll give your mother the time she needs to heal.”
“Why do we need to sleep on the couch to do that?”
“We don’t, but my mother didn’t raise me to be presumptuous. Speaking of…” Mason said before kissing her again.
“Are you sure you want me to go to dinner?” Being in the house and this close to her mother made the guilt of going on with her life and leaving the responsibility of all this to someone else crash down on her like a bucket of cold water.
“I don’t want to push you, and I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t mean it.”
Mason’s voice was so soothing. Her tone made it so easy to believe her, but Victoria had to remember to keep things in perspective. Good situations, good people, and good experiences weren’t things she’d had in abundance for a long time. If she relaxed now and started buying in, it would be that much harder to recover later when this joy was all sucked into the vacuum that was her normal daily life.
“You know you can talk to me. Whatever you have rattling around in here”—Mason tapped her temple gently—“isn’t going to scare me away.”
“Maybe right now I need to concentrate on what I can do to help my mom get better.” The confusion of what she wanted and what she needed to do was making her head ache.
“If I tell you something, will you try and accept that I’m not being harsh?”
She nodded, knowing she also owed Mason so much already. “Sure.”
“Try to remember that you didn’t push Sophie into what happened. She did that all on her own, and right now, she needs to find her way out alone. You do the hard work for her and give her another slew of excuses, and it won’t be long before she’s back in the same spot. No matter how much you want to, you can’t fix this.”
“She’s my mom—shouldn’t I care?” Unintentionally, some of her anger seeped into her answer, and she noticed Mason’s slight flinch.
“Sometimes we have to let a person we love find their own way out of a complicated maze. It’s the best way to show them they can work through the hard times without slipping into a bottle.” Mason smiled, but she couldn’t return it. “I think that’s why they call it tough love. Not because you’re turning your back on the person you love, but because it’s the hardest thing in the world to make them stand and fight on their own.”
She stared at Mason for a long, silent moment and thought about what she’d said. That was it exactly. Her mom needed to heal all those wounds herself and fight her way out of the situation herself. Victoria didn’t have to like it, but she had to accept it. That she had Mason to lean on while that happened was a gift she perhaps didn’t deserve but was lucky to have.
“Thank you.” She pressed her hand to Mason’s cheek and finally found the strength to smile.
“Keep reminding yourself that you’re not alone, and that it’s okay to lean on me. I’m not going to break, and I’m pretty awesome, as well as great looking.”
“And your modesty is legendary, I’m sure.” The ability to laugh lifted the oppressive weight of the dark cloud.
“Hey, you can ask my mother—she’ll tell you the same thing.”
“Let’s go meet the people who are responsible for you. They need a stern talking to.”