“Why won’t you let me see my daughter?” Sophie said, sounding hoarse and tired. It had been the hardest four weeks of her life, and the fun wasn’t over yet. That’s what this damn woman kept telling her, along with the fact that the cravings wouldn’t ever subside completely. If that was the case, what the fuck was all this about?
All she wanted was her life back the way it was before that night at the Opry. She wanted to perform, have Weston in her bed, and enjoy everything she’d worked her ass off to get, in whatever way she wanted to enjoy it. Now all she had to look forward to was this tag team of Belle and Cassandra giving her shit about her lifestyle choices. People needed to face the fact that’s what life was and what made it so great. You made choices, good or bad, and they added up to who you were.
“It’s a good thing, you giving up the booze and the pills,” Belle said as they sat outside in the nice patio area. “And I’ve answered that question enough times that you should have it memorized by now.”
This place they’d brought her to was gorgeous, but she had no clue where exactly it was. “I’m not forgetful, and I don’t give a shit what you think—I simply don’t see the harm.” She ran her hands through her hair, and it felt flat, disgusting her all the more. Her career was so much more than her voice, and a lot of it was wrapped up in her image. Right now, she was a tired old woman with flat hair who people stared at with pity. She needed to get the hell out of here and fast.
“How about I explain it another way? The best thing right now is for you and Victoria to take a break from each other.” Belle seldom glanced up when they spoke, as if she was writing a novel of notes. “Stop worrying about Victoria, and worry about you. Only you.”
“She needs me,” she screamed, but it was more from the frustration of not having her pills and a drink than from not getting to see anyone, including Victoria.
“For what, exactly?” That question finally got Belle to make eye contact.
“What are you talking about?” She reached for her cigarettes, but her hands shook so badly she couldn’t light one, and she wasn’t going to ask for help. “I’m her mother, and I’m also all she has.”
“Why do you think she needs you, though?” Belle put her notebook to the side and gave her what seemed to be her full attention. “From what I can see, she’s doing everything for you, including saving your life. Weston Cagle was there—he gave you the drugs, but he called Victoria when everything went south. You put your trust in him, yet it’s your daughter you have to thank for being here.”
“I’m her mother, so of course she saved me. That’s her responsibility.”
Belle shook her head. “Tell me one thing you’ve done for Victoria, and I’ll make the call myself. I’ll get her here, and we can decide together what’s the best next step.”
“I gave her a job.” Her answer was quick and would settle the issue. Her job as a parent wasn’t up for discussion with someone who probably had no children.
“I see. Was it a job she wanted?” Belle asked with a fair amount of skepticism. “And I think you misunderstood my question. I’m talking about something you, as a mother, have done for your child.”
“Victoria knows I love her.”
“Sophie, I’m sure Victoria knows that on some deep level, but you need to face the truth about how you’ve treated the people who love you most. Forget about yourself for a moment, and really think about how your actions have affected them.” Belle held her hand up. “We’re going to be at this until you drop the poor, poor, pitiful me routine and start really talking to me.”
“Talk about what?” She scratched the tops of her arms, wanting to get rid of the unpleasant sensation under her skin. “Everyone needs a little something to help them through the day, especially when you’re someone like me. You have no idea what it’s like to have everyone pawing at you and pulling you in a million different directions.”
“So almost overdosing twice was you indulging in your little something to cope?” Belle shook her head and Sophie wanted to punch her. “You should be proud of the career you built, and of the family you have. The band guys love you as much as Victoria does, but eventually everyone gets tired of caring.”
“Ain’t that the truth?”
Belle shook her head again. “You didn’t let me finish. They stopped caring because you don’t care about them, or yourself, at all. You’ve allowed a man into your life who’s sucking everything good out of you, and you’ve pushed everyone else away.”
“I’m not that hideous. Weston wants to be with me, and he’s not after my money.” She needed him and was tired of defending her choices. Why the hell didn’t anyone realize it wasn’t their business? “He loves me.”
“I don’t know Mr. Cagle, and I don’t know his true feelings for you.” Belle opened a folder and handed over a sheet of paper. “I do know Mr. Cagle withdrew close to forty thousand dollars from your account the moment you were taken to the hospital, and he hasn’t been seen or heard from since that night. If Victoria hadn’t locked down your accounts, that might not be the only thing he got away with.”
“Where did you get this?” Sophie’s hand shook as she held the bank statement. Victoria was going to pay for this humiliation.
“I asked Victoria to check, and she’s taken care of locking up the house as well as your money until you’re ready to go back.”
She laughed at how pathetic Victoria really was. The kid hadn’t been planned and had been a burden from day one, but your career went nowhere if you were a woman who abandoned your child, at least by the time she’d had her. She’d done Victoria a favor with the job, but Victoria’s problem was that she’d never overcome her lapdog ways. Everyone, starting with her clueless kid, thought Sophie was some blind idiot who didn’t realize who Weston was and what he wanted. “You can stop looking at me with all that pity. You don’t understand anything about me or my life.”
“Okay, explain it to me.”
“You think I’m letting some young guy get one over on me because I’m that desperate, but Weston isn’t getting anything more out of me than I’m willing to give.” Okay, she hadn’t known about the forty grand, but she knew he’d explain it once this shit show was over. She picked up the cup of coffee Belle had made and took a big enough gulp that she burned her tongue.
“I didn’t ask you about Mr. Cagle. I asked about Victoria. She’s your child, and because she is, maybe she deserves something from you. Children aren’t something that are foisted on you.”
“Like I said, she should know how I feel about her. I might sound harsh, but a kid was never in my plans. But it fucking happened, and my mother wouldn’t let me get rid of it.” Sophie closed her hands into fists, reliving the frustration from that loss of control.
Back then men did as they pleased, took what they wanted, then walked away free as the wind. It was still that way, but they were more careful about their images. But back then, her mistake had been hers to deal with. Her lover never looked back or acknowledged his part in the life they’d created. No, it had been her, and she’d put up with the snide comments and rumors of who she’d slept with and whether she even knew who the father was.
“Why did you keep her so close, then? From what I understand, your parents would’ve gladly taken Victoria in while you were touring.”
“Oh yeah, right. Like that wouldn’t have ruined my career. Having her and being branded a slut almost did that, so we were stuck together, and I took on the role of doting single mom. Underdog of the fucking century. So fucking no one was happy, and that’s the hard truth. The alternative was going home and ending up with nothing but a screaming brat and parents happy to have dirt under their nails.”
She turned away from Belle and thought back to her mother’s disapproving expression as she’d endured the worst months of her life. The morning sickness lasted her entire pregnancy. That alone should’ve made labor easy if life was fair, but easy had been the last thing it was. It had been hours of misery, pain, and fear before Victoria finally made her appearance. She arrived only to teach her that the work had only just begun.
“I understand what you’re saying even if you think I don’t.” Belle’s soft tone was soothing, but only drugs and alcohol had ever dulled the fury over the things in her life she couldn’t change. “Being coerced into having a child must’ve been bad enough, but going through that alone had to have been hard.”
“Does that buy me a ticket out of here?” She drank the coffee and stared at Belle sullenly.
“The truth is, you can leave whenever you want.” Belle pointed to the door and smiled, probably at her surprise.
“You want to help me pack?”
Belle shook her head, and her smile faltered some. “We saved you from yourself when you were incapable of making smart choices. If you leave before you’re ready, you have to understand the consequences. Victoria understands and agrees, even though it will crush her if you decide to throw everything away.”
Her anger rose faster than bile in her throat after a bad night. “I can take care of myself. I always have. You keep talking about what could’ve happened, but it didn’t, did it?”
“Do you honestly think you’re here because you took care of yourself?” Belle shook her head. “I know that you’re responsible for you, and so does everyone who loves you, but believe me, life isn’t easy to navigate without a safety net. And you’ve had one for too long. If you leave, there will be consequences.”
“Just lay it out straight, and stop trying to stretch this out any more than you have to.”
“Victoria will give you what you want. You’ll no longer have to answer to her or anyone else. If your goal is to kill yourself, that’ll be your right.”
Belle spoke so matter-of-factly that Sophie blinked, not quite believing her. This asshole was talking about her demise like she was ordering a latte in one of those ridiculously overpriced coffee places.
“Victoria is no longer your responsibility, and in turn, you are no longer hers. That’s what you’ve wanted, isn’t it?”
“Victoria’s my daughter, and she works for me.” She stood, still shocked this woman was addressing her like this, and all her bullshit had obviously turned Victoria against her. She might not have any respect for Victoria, but dammit, her brat owed her. “She’ll have to deal with me one way or the other because that’s her job.”
“She told me she wasn’t your manager any longer, and you were fine with it. That was before you ended up in the hospital for the second time. When she found you within moments of death.” Belle stood as well and picked up all her notes. “That frees you to handle your life how you see fit with your candy man, until you eventually kill yourself because no one is around to care anymore.” Belle cocked her head to the side and smiled, making Sophie hate her that much more. “Or you can stay and put all this shit you’ve carried for so long down and leave it here when you’re ready to move on. Aren’t you tired?”
“Why the hell should I move on?” She leaned over the table and slammed her hand down. “After this, who’s going to want to have anything to do with me?” The thought of being alone in that big house with only Weston and their fun made her nauseous. She’d worked all her life to achieve fame, but it had disappeared in a second, and she had nowhere to go after this. That realization almost made her wish that Victoria hadn’t arrived in time, so she could have surrendered to oblivion.
“Are you kidding? Open your eyes, Ms. Roddy, before it’s too late. You have people who love you and are rooting for you. Victoria wants everything to do with you, and I bet the guys who’ve played with you for a very long time do as well. Grab on to all that, but also know that’s not enough.”
“What’s your suggestion, then?” She wanted a drink so bad she could taste the whiskey in her coffee cup. But what Belle said about being tired…yeah. Maybe that was true.
Belle held her hand out but didn’t come closer. “Before you can appreciate how others love you, you need to learn to love yourself. You need to be enough for you, and that only comes with being comfortable and happy with who you are.”
“That’s the most ridiculous mumbo-jumbo I’ve ever heard.”
“Sounds like it, doesn’t it,” Belle said and laughed. “But trust me, it works. Do you need help packing?”
In truth, Victoria was a pain in her ass, but the thought of her giving up on her depressed the hell out of her. A future without her daughter would certainly stop the constant nagging, but it would also be empty. Weston knew what it took to give her a good time, but he didn’t really care about the triumphs, so she’d never shared them with him. She had Victoria for that. At least if she stayed, she had a chance of keeping the only relationship that mattered.
“I think I’ll keep you around if only to spend some of Sonny Liner’s money. That, and I don’t want you to think I totally hate Victoria. I don’t think I ever learned to love her, but I don’t hate her.” She took Belle’s hand and followed her back inside. “Thank you, Belle, especially for kicking my ass.”
“Don’t thank me yet. I’m not done.”
“I’m sure, but not to worry—I can hit back.”
* * *
Mason stepped out of the bathroom buttoning a denim shirt, and her hair was slicked back with what looked like copious amounts of gel. It certainly was a new look, but she was gorgeous no matter what. Victoria was still sitting on the bed in her panties, not ready to get dressed. An afternoon of great sex, cuddling, and talking had left her with a need to be close to Mason, and she really didn’t want to go out.
“Are you going somewhere?” She watched as Mason tucked her shirt in before threading a black belt with a large Western-style buckle with bull horns on it through the loops on her jeans. All that was missing was a horse and a cowboy hat to complete the outfit. “Or are you rounding up some little dogies?”
“We’re going somewhere tonight.” Mason pointed between them then tilted her head back as if she was studying the ceiling. “Do me a favor and get dressed before I forget my name or go blind from staring at you.”
Black alligator boots completed the outfit, and Victoria had to run her tongue along her bottom lip as she considered how delicious Mason looked.
“You’re not helping, darlin’. Put that back in your mouth and think of what you want to wear.”
“Where are we going? And do I need to channel a cowgirl to fit in?”
“Wear something that’ll be comfortable to play in.” She was about to ask what that meant when Mason picked her up and carried her to the closet. “What’s your pleasure, Mistress?”
“Staying in and breaking you like a wild bronco, but I guess that’s not in the cards right now, so I’ll go with the white sundress.”
“You are trying to kill me.”
She smiled when Mason put her down so she could slip the dress on over her head.
“I need you to behave and agree to be part of Incognito tonight.”
“You’re in the band Incognito?” Now all the instruments in the studio made sense. She’d assumed they had to do with Mason bringing talent over and working with them, but clearly that wasn’t the only reason.
“You know it?” Mason sounded surprised.
“Babe, everyone in town knows it, and I’m lucky enough to have Josette as a friend, who gives me a heads-up whenever the band is coming to her place. She called me the last time Incognito played there and saved me a seat at the bar. You guys were fantastic, but I don’t remember seeing you.”
“The girl singing that night was Claire Murphy, which usually guarantees fantastic.”
Claire Murphy had been the hottest female act in country music for the last three years. “Your lead singer looked nothing like Claire Murphy.”
“She was dressed down and blending in. Incognito is more of a lab than a band. It’s a good way to test new music with an audience who’s only paying for drinks. We try stuff out, and if it works, it’s the music you hear on the radio or in concert. If it’s a flop or only so-so, we drop it and try something else.” Mason sat her on the bed and helped with her boot, and she decided on a cowboy one for the other foot. “We’re filling in at Josette’s place tonight.”
“Exactly who’s trying new music?” Victoria crossed her arms, remembering what Mason said about wearing something she could play in.
“Colt, and he needs a duet partner. You don’t have to, but it might help make up your mind on recording with him or not.”
Mason was speaking loudly from the bathroom, and she was trying to remember why she had no memory of Mason with this band. Even if they’d never met, Mason was noticeable. She did remember the guy with the ponytail and a full beard who’d walked out of the bathroom.
She started laughing. “You take that incognito thing seriously, don’t you? I don’t have to put on a beard, do I?” She put her hands on Mason’s face and stroked the facial hair. The only thing familiar were those beautiful blue eyes.
“Once people recognize you, you’ll have to go undercover, but you should be fine for tonight.”
She stared at Mason all the way into town and couldn’t help but reach up and touch the beard every so often, making Mason smile. This was the part of being a couple that made her curious when she’d witnessed it in other people. Being free to touch or kiss the person you were with without it being awkward wasn’t something she was familiar with, but it was nice. It was maybe a stepping-stone to having Mason belong to her because it would be mutual.
The trees flew by on the country road, giving her time to think about what she was getting ready to do. Granted, Mason had given her an out, but she was also gently prodding her to at least try to sing, and in that, she wasn’t going to disappoint her. Once she started singing, that might be where the disappointment started, but there was no denying the nervous excitement making her stomach queasy and her palms sweaty.
Singing with Colt Kenny in front of more than a handful of people was comparable to being dropped on Mars and convincing yourself it was normal. It was far from that, but this was one of those opportunities that came along once in a lifetime, and only if you were really lucky. If she took the chance and succeeded, it would change her view of the world. Seeing that she could build the courage to do something that seemed insurmountable would help slay whatever windmill stood in her way.
“What are you thinking so hard about?” Mason asked as she turned toward Nashville.
“Dreaming impossible dreams.”
“Those are the best kind, darlin’, because you have the chops to make them come true.”
The place was full, as usual, and the second scheduled band of the night was still playing when they arrived. Mason left her at the bar while she went to finalize some stuff with the manager. Josette opened a bottle of wine and poured her a glass, leaning over the bar to kiss her cheek before she delivered it.
“I thought you’d have come with Mason,” Josette said close to her ear. “I haven’t heard from you, and I was hoping it was because things were going well. You look relaxed enough to make me think you’ve been having lots of sex. Are you?”
“All I’m admitting to is that things are fine, and she’s meeting me later.”
“Does that mean I can buy the pretty lady a drink?” The tall blond guy wearing the tackiest Western shirt she’d ever seen on a man sat close to her and spoke into her other ear. It was necessary to get that close to be heard. What the current band lacked in talent, they made up for in volume.
“No, thank you.” She leaned away from him and rolled her eyes so only Josette could see her, and she spotted the gold teeth when he smiled. What possessed people to put their initials on their teeth? It was like tattooing your own name on your body. Was there a chance you’d ever forget it? Could you ever be drunk enough to have to refer to your arm or chest to remember who you were? “I’m here with someone.”
“Just one drink, and maybe a song later.” The guy was persistent, but he kept his distance. That made her take a better look at him. “Hey, Victoria,” he said quietly, winking.
She laughed at Colt’s disguise. He looked ridiculous, but he probably enjoying going into a public place and not getting mobbed. “Hello, TJ.” She went with the initials on his teeth. “Thanks for the invite.”
“Did you think about my offer?”
In the quiet moments, between bouts of sex and food and reading, she’d done some soul-searching. Taking a deep breath, she nodded. “I did, and I talked it over with Mason. If you’re sure, I’ll be happy to.”
His face lit up. “Great, and you’ll see tonight why I’m so sure about you. These people are going to fall in love with you.”
Josette glanced between them, seeming totally confused, and that expression only deepened when Mason came over and kissed her when Colt started for the stage. “Did you have some kind of sexual epiphany I should know about? Mason couldn’t have been so bad in bed that you’ve jumped into the world of tacky testosterone.”
She laughed and pushed Josette away. “As if.” She tugged lightly on Mason’s beard. “You really need to shave this off, baby. I’m not a fan.”
“You can wield a razor later, but now it’s time to work.”
Josette laughed, shaking her head, and waved them away.
Wilbur was setting up close to the piano, and he shyly kissed her cheek when Mason helped her up the stairs and to the piano bench before picking up her guitar. The other bearded guys were probably with Colt, but all that flew from her mind as she started playing. This was the largest crowd she’d ever played for, and it was empowering. It erased some of her self-doubt and cemented her decision that saying yes to Colt’s offer had been the right thing to do.
The first two songs were from the new album, and the growing crowd loved it. His voice was beautiful and made it hard to concentrate on the music. It was clear the crowd was enjoying it too, and she smiled at Mason’s wink.
She’d been here often but never on a night when the place was this packed and buzzing with energy, and she’d certainly never seen it from this vantage point. “This is crazy,” she mouthed to Mason as more people crowded in. The sidewalk was full of people who couldn’t get inside.
People had their phones out and were recording and taking pictures as Colt sang some music that wasn’t his, and she had to think that Incognito wasn’t such a secret, especially tonight when Colt’s distinctive voice was singing lead. This was certainly a new experience, and she couldn’t help but think of her mother. Having this many people so into what you were doing was certainly thrilling, and it had to be even more intense when it was a venue fifty times this size.
“You guys are in for a special treat tonight,” Colt said as he started toward her. They’d had another short conversation before they’d begun, and she’d made a rash decision about a question that probably needed more than a split-second reaction answer. It would be hard to undo. “It’s my honor to introduce you to”—he smiled at her—“Everly.”
Mason’s eyebrows went up, but tonight she didn’t want to be Victoria Roddy, hot mess and daughter of even messier Sophie Roddy. Tonight was a tribute to her grandparents’ belief in her, and Everly was her grandmother’s name. It was also her middle name, and a memory of happier times.
She glanced at Mason before she started to play and wished it was Mason standing next to her at the microphone and not Colt. The song was beautiful, but also incredibly intimate. It was sure to become one of those pieces people would play at special occasions like weddings when expressing love and devotion was paramount. If tonight was her opening and closing act, and she never got a chance to sing anything else in public, she was incredibly lucky to have it be this song.
Mason’s eyes never left hers as she sang her part, and while it was way too early to express the forever kind of love the song spoke of, she had no problem singing the words to this woman who’d come into her life and swept away so many horrible things so quickly. She finally glanced away when they finished, and she saw Sonny and Amelia Liner sitting at the bar.
The sight of them shocked her, but the rational part of her brain understood. Mason’s parents seemed to be the involved type, and like it or not, they knew what Mason bringing her for dinner meant. Even if Sonny didn’t, Amelia sure as hell did, and it was comforting to see that she wasn’t upset.
“We’re going to take a little break, so grab a drink and get ready for some more music in fifteen. Don’t forget to be generous to your waitstaff and the bartenders.” Colt unstrapped his guitar and turned the mic off. “Told you,” he said when he leaned toward her. “You’re not only a natural, but you’re fantastic.”
“Thanks, Colt, and thanks for taking a gamble on me.”
“Easiest decision I’ve made yet.”
“You invited your parents?” she asked Mason as she held her hand down the stairs.
“It’s more Sonny and Amelia assessing music than Mom and Dad coming to a recital. Colt’s been a big investment, and Pop likes to reassure himself every so often. On the nights it doesn’t go this well, Mom is here to talk him off the ledge.”
“Thank you for not saying anything ahead of time. I would’ve been nervous enough to make my voice crack.”
“The only thing you have to worry about is getting my father not to force you into a contract before you finish your first drink. You really were excellent, and the four hundred people in here agree.” Mason stopped her in the dark spot next to the stage and put her arms around her. “Just remember one thing.”
“What?” As thrilling as the night had been, she was ready to spend the rest of it with Mason.
“Only do what’ll make you happy. You have the talent, but it’s yours—no one else’s.”
“I think you’re biased, bearded man.” She tugged on Mason’s chin hair, laughing at how it made her mouth pop open with each pull.
“I’m certainly guilty of that, but it doesn’t make it any less true. The only thing you need is to believe it.”
The dream of playing, or more accurately being part of the band, had been her daydream for a long time now. It was what kept her afloat all those days when she wanted nothing more than to give up, or at least walk away from her mother. Adding her voice and being out front hadn’t factored into that, but tonight gave her plenty to think about.
The other thing it brought into focus was how addictive this could be, and she understood better why her mother had driven herself so hard. Once you heard the applause and had the adulation of the crowd, it could drive you to keep going to hear it again and again. Was that the life she really wanted?
She glanced at Mason, and that adoring expression was her permission to believe she could have anything as long as she had someone not only to share it with, but to lean on. If she wanted to step out of her daydreams and make this a reality, all she had to say was one word, and it fell from her lips as easily as falling into Mason’s arms.
“Yes.”