| |
AS MY PLANE TOUCHES down at LAX, a huge wave of guilt overtakes me.
I didn’t say goodbye.
I sneaked away, telling Dusty we’d have lunch and he could drive me to the airport, and then when he was out on the back acres, I asked his uncle to give me a ride.
I just couldn’t bear the thought of a goodbye. It was too painful. He’s going to be mad, and he has every right to be, but I did what I had to do.
The last few days have been heaven on earth, but not once did we talk about feelings or futures or anything past the next day. I promised myself I wouldn’t turn into a clingy mess. We had our vacation fling and now it’s over.
I put my hand over my abdomen. Unless I brought home a souvenir.
I’m just sick thinking about what must be happening at Pair-a-Dice right now. Maybe nothing. Maybe he’s secretly glad we didn’t have the long goodbye with tears and promises we won’t keep...or maybe he’s hurt, sad, angry. I don’t know. All I know is I somehow fell in love in just a few days and now my life seems even bleaker for it. Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost needs to pipe the fuck down. It sucks.
The Uber drops me off in front of my shitty apartment building. I want to run away. I don’t belong here anymore. Maybe I never belonged in LA.
There’s a padlock on my door. One I don’t have a key to. I call Katie, but she doesn’t pick up. I walk through the courtyard to the rental office. Deke is there. I hate Deke. Deke does the absolute minimum of work, and I count breathing on that list.
I start with a cheery smile, hoping maybe it will improve the tone of my voice. “Hey, Deke. Do you know why there is a padlock on my door?” I ask.
He yawns. “We were going to evict you, but Katie moved out. We haven’t had a chance to change the locks yet, so we just put a padlock on.”
I’m pretty sure that’s illegal. I clench my jaw and then relax it into my cheery smile again. “Well, I actually still live there. I’m on the lease. I was just out of town. Katie didn’t mention she was moving out.”
A super long pause grows even longer. He yawns again. Scratches his belly. I want to leap over the counter and throttle him. “Katie said you moved. The apartment is empty.”
My vision fills with red. “That can’t be. All my stuff is in there. My furniture, my clothes, my laptop...everything I own.”
“Nope. Empty. Saw it myself.” He shrugs. I’m sure he’s stoned. He’s always stoned. “There was a box. I’ll get it.”
I’m still fuming when he comes back. Katie isn’t answering her phone, of course. And why would she? She stole my stuff and now I have no place to live. He pushes the cardboard box to me. Inside, from what I can see, is all pictures. I take it and thank him. I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to do. I go back to my apartment, my old apartment, and just stare at the door. Then I sit on the curb.
Fine. I accept it. I’m defeated. It’s over. I lost. Hollywood isn’t for me.
I wonder what Dusty would say if I showed back up on the ranch. He’s too nice to kick me out, but if he’d wanted me to stay, surely he would have at least hinted at it by now. No, that bridge is burned.
I don’t have any choices left. My parents will take me in. There’s nothing wrong with Ohio except that I wanted something else for a while. I don’t want it anymore. The lying, the using, the struggling. All I ever wanted to do was act. So maybe I suck it up and do community playhouse productions and work behind the desk of a hotel and just...let this black hole go.
And get seven cats. And a membership to a wine club. I intend to drink a lot of wine in my new life as cat lady.
I stare at my phone, but can’t dial the number. It’s not pride. I don’t have any of that left. What’s stopping me? I try to run through my other options. Maybe work would give me a deal on a room for a few days. Maybe I could advertise for a roommate. One who already has an apartment would be best.
But I don’t want to stay here. Not anymore. I want to be someplace where the pace is slower. Where people are friendlier. I don’t mind hard work, but I’m tired of spinning my wheels. I want to accomplish something in a day and go to bed tired but satisfied with myself. My life.
I don’t dare wish for what I want most.
Love. A family. A real home.
Dusty.
Really, that’s what I want. I want the life I had the last few days. But that was a vacation. It was a step out of reality.
I don’t think I’ll ever find a man like Dusty again, and I certainly have no desire to go looking for one. Dusty is one of a kind. A real gentleman, a hardworking family man, and rough and dirty in bed. The whole package.
A shadow blocks the sun, and I realize someone has snuck up on me while I was wallowing. Stupid. I don’t have my keys in between my fingers or my pepper spray out. I can’t believe I was so careless. I’ve lived in this town too long to not be prepared for the worst.
I look up.
“Hello, angel. You forgot to say goodbye.”
––––––––
I LOWER MYSELF TO THE curb next to Ruby, who seems in shock. “You sure surprised me today.”
“Dusty, what are you doing here?”
She’s a sight for sore eyes, for damn sure. I know I only just saw her this morning, but her absence from the ranch made time drag out for me. The fear that I’d done lost her. “Imagine what it was like to come back to the house and find you gone like a thief in the night.”
“I’m no thief. I didn’t take anything.”
Anything except my heart.
“Why’d you run?”
“I wanted you to remember me in my white sundress and red lace. I was afraid I’d ruin everything by getting too emotional.”
I’d have given anything to see some tears or at least regret this morning. I stretch my legs out in front of me and cross my ankles. “And getting emotional, that’s a bad thing?”
“You signed up for a fling. What are you doing here?”
“Why are you sitting on the curb?”
“I asked you first.”
Shit. I don’t want to be brave. I want her to throw herself at me and tell me she loves me and doesn’t want to leave me. That she wants nothing more but running a small resort on a ranch at my side. Why won’t she break first?
“I’m here because I won’t lose the best thing that ever happened to me without a fight.” Breathe, cowboy. I take a deep breath. “I love you, Ruby. I can’t give you a glamorous lifestyle and I’ll never big sugar and own the kind of ranch that brings in the rich and elite, but you roped my heart that first day.”
She hiccups a cry. “You love me?”
“I know you probably don’t want to move to Pair-a-Dice, but maybe we can try a long-distance thing for now. Until you know one way or the other.”
“You love me?”
“Woman, if you could just—”
I don’t get the rest of the sentence out as my arms are filled with cotton candy sweetness and she’s kissing my face.
“I didn’t want to leave. I figured you didn’t want me to stay.”
“How’d you figure that?”
“Well, you didn’t ask me to stay, for one thing.”
“I didn’t want to trap you or make you trade your dreams for mine.”
“I love you, Dusty. I love you so much.”
My cranky cowboy heart heats up. “Angel, you don’t know how happy I am to hear that.” I start kissing her and my body responds the way it always does. Mine. “Maybe we should take this inside. I don’t reckon getting arrested for indecent exposure is a good way to start off our relationship.”
“We can’t go inside.”
“Ruby, why are you sitting on the curb with all your luggage?”
“Yeah, about that...”