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IT’S BEEN TWO WEEKS since the break-in, and I still haven’t gotten my bearings yet. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m usually the pragmatic one. The rational one. Tanaya hardly seemed fazed by it, but I can’t stand to be alone in the apartment since it happened.
I’m in my usual booth, my laptop in front of me, but I’m not getting much done. Truthfully, it’s because Anker Beck, Tanaya’s boss, is wearing the black T-shirt with the V-neck again. I’m not sure what it is about that shirt, but it does something extra special to the butterflies in my stomach that are always present when he’s around. They’re even more active when he’s wearing this particular shirt.
He’s a big guy. Behemoth really. Barrel-chested, tree trunk legs, full, thick arms. For a bartender, he’s really well made. I can visualize him in a different time period, wielding a battle-ax and wearing the furs of his hunt.
And he’s so out of my league. We’re talking like not a league in the same galaxy. I’ve seen the women who think they are in his league make plays and fail, and if they can’t do it, there’s no hope for normal human beings. The one last night was probably as close to a Victoria Secret model I’ve ever seen in person, and he managed to let her down gently, but still let her down. Tanaya suggested that maybe he’s gay. But I’ve seen more than one dude try to get his attention, and they don’t fare any better than the ladies.
I don’t talk to him much. I don’t talk to anyone much. I don’t know why that is. It’s not that I don’t like people. I do. One of my favorite things to do is people-watch. It’s one of the reasons I like coming to the Crescent. There’s such an interesting mix of clientele. Especially in the liminal times—the twilight between the day crowd ending and the evening crowd beginning is almost magical.
I close my laptop and bring out the book I’m reading about Norse mythology. I’m kind of obsessed these days. I try to ignore the black shirt and sink into the text in front of me. If anyone can do it, it’s Thor, right? I mean what Hemsworth and Hiddleston have done for bringing back the interest in Asgard is nothing short of amazing. It’s even hard for me, a serious scholar, not to cast the actors into what I read. Which isn’t really a bad thing. It certainly adds another layer.
Tanaya slides into the booth across from me. “Tomorrow, I want you to come to the bar like a regular person.”
I don’t even lose my place when I answer her. “I am a regular person.”
“I wouldn’t put a lot of money on that one. But what I mean is, leave your books and computer at home. Hang out. Meet people.”
“What would I do without my stuff?” Just sit here?
“Hang out and meet people,” she repeats. “You’ll notice the vast majority of people in this place do not bring outside entertainment. You’re never going to meet anyone with your nose buried in a book.”
“I don’t want to meet anyone.” Which is mostly true.
“You told me you wanted to punch your V-card this year. How do you plan to manage that if you don’t meet people?”
I look around to make sure nobody heard her basically announce to the whole bar that I’m a virgin. Probably the oldest living one in the city. And that’s counting the regulars from the day crowd. They might be old, but I bet even Ms. Winston with the blue hair had sex at least once. Though I really don’t want to think about it too closely. “I truly don’t think my next boyfriend will be someone I meet here. I think I’ll have better luck on campus.”
Tanaya swipes my water and takes a drink. “Why does it have to be a boyfriend?”
“What, are you advocating that I have a one-night stand now? I thought you were the one who was telling me how magical it can be with the right person.”
Which is never going to happen because I don’t intend to ever fall in love. Ever.
“I was in new relationship with Denton then. You can’t take anything someone says while in a new relationship seriously.”
Denton didn’t work out.
“I think this is what they call transference. You want to get back in the saddle after your breakup, so you’re putting it on me instead.”
She pushes the glass back over the table. “Oh, I’m so glad you paid attention in Psych 101. Transference, my ass.” She’s got that look that says she’s going to school me about something. “Look, the longer you put it off, the harder it will be. You should just pick a guy and get it done. Then you can move on, and when Mr. Right comes along, you won’t be consumed with insecurity and fear about that step in your relationship.”
“Well, I wasn’t consumed with fear and insecurity a few minutes ago, but I am now. Thanks, Tanaya. Now I’m paralyzed with it. All I have to do is lay there, right? I think I can handle it.”
She shakes her head at me. “Girl...”
“I’m just kidding.”
“It’s picking up. I should get back up there. I mean it, though. Tomorrow you wear something not beige and you don’t bring a book.”
“We’ll talk about it later.”
I get back to Thor and Odin and suddenly, instead of Hemsworth, it’s Anker Beck swinging that hammer. I’ve seen him pick up a lot of heavy things. He could totally do it.
Those butterflies are moving again. Lower.
Much lower.