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I THINK HE’S ABOUT to pass out.
“Anker?” I wave my hand in front of his face.
“Why...what...I have no idea what just happened.”
“I was kidding about you not falling in love with me. I mean, I wasn’t kidding, I don’t want you to fall in love with me. But it was a joke because I understand you won’t. I was trying to deflect the shocking virgin part, but I think I made it worse.”
I can’t even believe I said it.
“You’re really a virgin? And you want me to...”
“It’s weird, right? But this seems like the perfect opportunity. I want to lose my virginity, you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend. As long as no money is changing hands, if we have sex once, it’s not like it’s prostitution or illegal for either of us. And this will probably be better than me trying to pick a random guy on campus.”
He explodes off the desk. “That’s what that was about? You were going to have sex for the first time with a random asshole at college?”
“Look, I know it’s odd. Most women have had sex by now. But I have reasons, and now that I’ve gotten this far, my virginity is starting to feel like a thing that just needs to go away.”
“Why haven’t you...you know?”
This is the strangest night of my life. Two hours ago, the idea of talking about my sex life, or lack of sex life, with Anker Beck, the hot boss of my friend, would have seemed like one of those dreams where you have to take a test you didn’t study for and you show up naked and can’t find your keys all in one. But if you can’t talk about sex with your boyfriend, who can you, right?
My life is so weird.
“I’m just awkward.”
“You’re quiet, not awkward.”
“No, I’m totally awkward.”
“Annabelle...”
“Look, I’m not afraid of sex or anything. I just don’t do well with the other intimacy stuff that leads to sex. So, do we have a deal?” I hold my hand out.
Because shaking hands on a contractual fake relationship with a virginity clause is totally the right way to go with this, right?
The shock seems to be wearing off, because now he appears to be thinking. “Maybe we should agree to the terms one more time. You will portray my girlfriend in public for one month, maybe two, and the only one who knows we are not really dating is Tanaya.”
“Agreed.”
“We will display affection openly in public.”
“Agreed.”
“And I will be your first lover.”
That doesn’t sound like the transaction I’m trying to make it. “You will take my virginity, and we will have sex one time during the month that we appear to be dating.”
“Right, one time per each month we date.”
Is it my imagination, or has he been stretching out the length of this fake relationship? I’m pretty sure the conversation started with one week.
He rubs his jaw thoughtfully. “I’m a little concerned.”
“Just a little?”
He huffs out a laugh. “The thing is...I’m...well, you know I’m a nice guy, right? I mean you’ve been around me a lot.”
“Sure, yeah. You’re a nice guy.” Where is he going with this?
“I don’t know how to say this. I don’t want to freak you out and give you false expectations. I’m not exactly...a nice guy in bed.”
I choke on a breath and lower the hand I’ve been waiting for him to shake.
“I would never hurt you. But I like things...maybe rougher than you might think.”
“Are we talking like whips and chains or...?”
“Not so far, no. Just—I get a little...primal. Savage is maybe a good word for it. Kind of raw.”
If he thinks this is making me leery, he’s wrong. Which might surprise him just as much as it’s surprising me right now. “Do women actually complain about that or something?”
He leans down, moving into my space, his focus on me. My heart speeds up. “I’m fucking relentless in bed, Annabelle. I’m dirty as fuck, and I don’t hold back.”
He’s staring at my lips, and my stomach dips again, remembering what it was like to have his tongue in my mouth.
“So do we have a deal?” I hold my hand out and hope he takes it this time.
He takes my hand in his but doesn’t shake it. “Are you sure? Do you trust me?”
“Obviously, I trust you. It was my idea, remember?”
He shakes my hand, and somehow I feel like maybe I just made a deal with the devil.