"No, Kait. No," he whispered, his eyes wide. “You can’t know what you’re saying.”
"You have to,” I insisted. I couldn’t believe what I was saying. But I wanted him to. I really wanted him to. “Tristan, I need you to. Please, listen to me."
Tristan looked at me and shook his head. "Kait, I can't,” he said firmly. “It’s not right…”
"Once I'm bitten," I interrupted, "they can't get me. Right? I'll be part of..." I trailed off. It was on the tip of my tongue to say, “I’ll be part of your pack.” But Tristan didn't have a pack. If we were together… But I had no right to hope that he would want to stay with me. For all I knew, he was only protecting me out of guilt about his sister’s death. And even if we did stay together, would that mean that I was off limits to other weres? I realized there were still so many things I didn't know. I really couldn’t have any idea whether I wanted to be a shifter; I had no way of knowing what it would be like. But I knew, suddenly and beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I wanted to be with Tristan. And I knew for damn sure I wanted to be able to defend myself against Lowell and Mingan. They were clearly hunting me, and they weren't going to stop unless we stopped them. Maybe the two of us together could fight them.
“No,” he repeated stubbornly. “I can’t do that to you.”
“Do what to me?” I asked. “Is being a were… don’t you like it?”
At this, Tristan looked at me, and his face broke into a beautiful grin. “Yes,” he said. “I like it. I love it.” His eyes shone. “When I’m in wolf form… there’s nothing like it. Weres live primarily in human form mostly because it’s easier – less dangerous – for us to blend in with society. But when I’m a wolf, I’m truly alive.” He smiled, clearly thinking about the feeling of giving in to his dual nature. “Your senses, your muscles, the way everything tastes, smells, feels… It’s amazing. Sometimes, when I’ve shifted, I don’t ever want to shift back.”
“Then if it’s so great to be a were,” I persisted, “Why won’t you turn me?
Tristan had been staring off into the distance. I could tell he was thinking about what I had asked, and I could tell that he was trying to think of a way to talk me out of my request. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, then looked at me. "Kait,” he began gently. He led me to the couch and sat me down. “The change, when you're bitten, it's... different than when you're born a shifter. Shifters who are born that way, well... it's in their blood, in their genes. It's part of their puberty. They start shifting at the same time their human forms start to mature. It's a natural process, and they have their pack to help them through it. It’s a little hard the first few times, but they've seen others go through it, so they know what to expect.
“But when you're bitten... the process is much more violent.” He looked into my eyes, his expression grave. “It can be scary, and it can be very painful, especially for the ones who don't grow up around shifters."
I knew he was trying to warn me away from it, but all I could think of was that by even discussing it with me, he was actually considering it. I did all I could to push him toward agreeing.
"But Tristan,” I coaxed. “I'd have you to help me through it. You can tell me all about what will happen, and you can be there to be my guide." But as I was talking, the horrible thought persisted: What if Tristan doesn't want to be there for me? True, he had been staying with me and protecting me for the better part of the last month. We had spent 24/7 together pretty much since the first night we met. We had had the most amazing, earth-shattering sex possible, and I felt like I knew his body -- well, his human body, anyway -- almost as well as my own. But that didn't mean that we were "together" now. Hell, it didn't even mean he was doing anything but being helpful to me, and getting a little "reward" on the side. My face turned red with shame as I realized how much I had come to assume without really even thinking about it. Somehow, I had started thinking of us as a couple, almost as soul mates, and I realized now that he hadn't given me the slightest reason to think that way.
I started to backpedal now, shame heating my face bright red. "I'm sorry, Tristan, I realize I can't ask you to do this for me. I'm not your... I mean, I'm not really anything to you..." I took a deep breath, let it out, and said, more composed now, "Thank you very much for helping me and protecting me this past month. I realize I had no reason to expect you to do that, and you are certainly under no obligation to keep doing it."
Tristan stared at me while I recited this speech, willing myself to keep my tone light and formal. When I was done he grasped me by the shoulders and looked hard into my eyes. "Kait," he said urgently. "Do you not know how I feel about you?"
How could I? I thought to myself. You've never told me. But that wasn't fair, after all. I hadn't told him how I felt, either. "No," I said in a small voice.
A look of anguish flitted across his features. “Kait. Goddamn it, Kate,” he cried softly.
“What?” I had no idea what he seemed so angry, so tortured about. “Please, just tell me!” I couldn’t stand it. If he was going to tell me there was someone else – or simply that he just didn’t feel anything for me beyond sex – I needed to know. Right now. It was unbearable like this. I realized how much my whole self – my whole being – had turned toward him in the past few days. He – this – had become my world. If he was going to leave me, I needed to know it now. While I could still survive the thought of him leaving me.
Tristan ran a distracted hand through his dishevelled hair and looked at me, his eyes shining in pain. "Kait, weres, they – we -- mate for life.” His voice was soft, full of emotion, as he continued. “It's not that I haven't... been with other women before you, of course… But you... You are the woman, do you understand me?”
“I…” I tried to answer him, but I couldn’t. I felt the same way – of course I did – but I needed him to finish what he was saying.”
“I haven't said anything because I didn't want to frighten you,” Tristan continued. “And because the life I have… The reality of who I am… I can’t ask you to commit to that. I can’t ask you to be with me without fully understanding what that means. And I can’t possibly turn you, Kait, without believing that you wouldn’t regret it.”
He was right, of course. We knew next to nothing about each other. I knew absolutely nothing about what it was like to be a were, much less what it was like to be one without a pack. But I did know that Tristan and I were in this together now. We had been thrown together by fate, and we were bonded now. Human to human. And I wanted us to be bonded were to were, too.
"Tristan," I said, looking into his eyes, not blinking.
"Yes, Kait."
"Turn me."
“Kait…” he began, frowning.
“No. Don’t try to talk me out of it. It won’t work. I need you. I want you.” I took his face in my hands, caressing his rough, stubbled cheek. “Please. Let me become your mate. In every sense of the word.
His eyes flashed with doubt. "Are you sure?"
"Yes. Be with me. Turn me. Let me be with you.”
Tristan crushed me against him, his lips finding mine. He kissed me softly, lingering to kiss my cheeks, my neck, my hair, then held me in his arms for what seemed like ages. Finally, gently, he broke away.
"Kait, this isn't going to be easy for you,” he said finally. “But if you're sure, I'll be with you for every step. All of it."
"Tell me what I need to know," I replied firmly.
He looked at me soberly. "I'll have to... bite you. You know that."
I nodded.
“My saliva will... infect you, basically. The transformation will take somewhere between two to four days.” He continued with a worried frown. “You'll feel fine at first, but eventually you'll start to feel kind of like you have the flu. At the end, you'll shift for the first time. I'll be with you, and I'll help you. It will happen at night, and we'll run it off.”
He stopped for a moment, as if considering how much detail to go into. “You’ll likely want to run all night. I’ll teach you how to hunt. How to feed.” I flinched a little at the thought, but nodded for him to continue. “You'll be able to shift back with a little effort once the dawn comes,” he finished. “The first time you shift back will be painful. Eventually, you'll learn to control it, and you'll be able to shift back at forth with little discomfort at will.
“You'll be very strong, much stronger than you can imagine, and very fast.” He smiled a little, for the first time. “Some of the strength and speed will stay with you when you're in human form. Your temperature and heartbeat will also go up. That will stay with you as a human, as well. That's why we can't really go to human doctors. Our hearts beat so fast that their machines would register us as being in tachycardia. We have healers in the shifter community, though. Anyway, you can learn more about that stuff later..." he trailed off.
I mentally digested all that he had told me. "Okay," I nodded. "That's all I need to know for now. Let's do it."
Tristan looked at me with a serious expression, and then cupped my chin in his hand, bringing my face closer to his. "I love you, Kait," he breathed.
"I love you, Tristan," I whispered.
He kissed me deeply, wrapping his arms around my waist, and I threw my arms around his neck. He carried me to our bed and lay me down, lowering himself on top of me. His mouth left mine and began to trace a path down my neck, licked me, nuzzling me, and I clung to him, knowing that this time would be different. Preparing myself for the inevitable. I could already feel him stiffening, and my body responded immediately, heat pulsing between my legs. I rose up and pushed him onto his back. This time, I would be in control. I would show him how much I wanted this. I lowered my mouth onto his already stiff rod and licked, sucked, as he moaned and writhed. The heat between my legs was so intense that I needed him, now. I straddled him, lowering my moist pussy onto his waiting cock. Slowly, I pushed him inside me to the hilt, and then rose up until only his tip was inside me. “Kait,” he cried, lifting his hips to meet me. He groaned as I again lowered myself, slowly, making him wait.
I leaned forward so that my lower lips were sliding against his hot cock, making me moan with delight and move faster, faster. He caught my left nipple in his mouth and sucked as I rode him, taking him for my pleasure. I wanted every inch of him, and I plunged him inside me over and over, calling his name. "Tristan, oh, God, yes! Yes!" I slid up and down his pole as I felt my orgasm building, unstoppable. Tristan reached up with both hands and caressed my nipples as he thrust his hips up to meet me. "Yes, Kait, yes!" he urged. “Come for me!” He raised himself up so that he was sitting, me still straddling him, and he grabbed my waist and lifted me up easily, raising and lowering me onto his cock effortlessly as his breath grew more ragged with each thrust.
With every thrust he went deeper, and I moved against him with my hips, needing to come right then. "Oh, God, Tristan, I'm coming! Yes! I'm coming!" I screamed as I exploded into a million pieces, and as I came I could feel his cock spasm and explode inside me as he cried out as well. We clung to each other as we lost control, the moon rising through the window.
Then he bit me. I cried out in pain and pleasure simultaneously, feeling him break the skin. I threw my arms around him, welcoming the agony, knowing what was coming and leaning into my destiny.