Keeley is naked. Every inch of her skin is pale and glowing and exposed. She’s looking at me with blue eyes full of not pity but concern. A desire to help and comfort. An open kinship that says she understands and she’ll be with me.
My guts knot. My eyes sting. Water. What the hell is she doing to me?
“It’s all right,” she promises in a voice so soft it almost hurts me.
I shake my head, slowly at first, then the motion picks up steam and I think over and over how wrong and terrible tonight’s scene was. “I never wanted you to hear that.”
All of a sudden, she wraps her fingers around my fists and kisses her way up my clenched jaw. I feel her gentle touch clear down to the living, breathing anger inside me.
“I know,” she assures. “And I know everything he said hurts. I’m sorry. Truly. But I understand so much better.”
“What, that I’m fucking broken?” A tear slides down my cheek even as rage keeps my heart pumping in a stomping rhythm. “You knew that. Why the hell is it good that you’ve seen the gory details?”
As I mentally replay every word she overheard, mortification curdles my blood. My father’s beatdown is a brand blackening my soul. He couldn’t have found a more complete way to humiliate me.
“No, he’s broken. You…” I hear a shaking in her voice and risk a glance her way. Tears pour openly from her eyes as she cups my cheek. “You’ve survived. I’m so proud of you.”
At those five words, my knees buckle. I’ve been waiting to hear them from someone my whole life.
I choke back more tears and try to modulate my voice. “He’s left me with a lot of scars.”
“Of course he has,” she says earnestly, right into my eyes with no shame for the emotion she’s spending on me. “But you’re stronger for them. Better. And softer in here.” She places her hand on my chest.
My whole body lurches. I grit my teeth. “I don’t want to be softer!”
“It’s not a bad thing.” Her fingers graze my cheek. “It’s what separates you from him. He will never be capable of caring about the people around him, not even his own children. You’re right that he’ll die alone and unloved. He’s reaping what he’s sown. You have a chance to be different.”
When she reframes the situation like that, I see she’s right. I absolutely can’t rail about the fact that he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone, then be afraid to care about people myself.
I take a deep breath, hang my head. I’m still wound up and turned inside out. And I’m doing my best to apply familiar logic to emotion, like if A plus B equals C, then A plus C must equal B. I know that isn’t accurate, but when I fill in the blanks with feelings and opinions, it works. If hurt plus resentment equals egotistical bastard, then hurt plus egotistical bastard must equal resentment. Yeah, that makes total sense.
“You have a chance to purge everything he dumped on you and be whole, Maxon. Let it go and be happy.”
The words come out so softly. Every syllable grips my heart and squeezes. But her meaning kicks me in the teeth. Forget everything the old bastard has ever said or done to me? Carry on as if the demeaning way he’s treated me for thirty-three fucking years doesn’t matter? I can’t bend my brain around how to pretend all that away. How would that make me happy?
I gape at Keeley. A cynical comeback streaks through my head, perches on my tongue.
Then I stop. Think.
What good does it do me to expend so much energy and hate on an asshole I rarely see if I neglect to live?
I’ve come to a fork in the road. I can be a motherfucker, like my old man. It would certainly be easy. I’ve learned from the master, after all.
Or I can be my own man.
I can’t believe how much courage it takes to simply open my eyes and look at Keeley. No way I can hide the tumultuous confusion churning my insides like a blender. For once, I don’t even try. I just lift my head and meet her stare.
She’s blurry because my eyes won’t stop watering. I grind my teeth together. I’m not sure I’ve ever openly cried in my entire adult life. It’s ugly, I’m sure.
It’s also like a runaway train I can’t stop, especially when I see the empathy waiting for me in her blue eyes. It nearly fells me.
I grab her shoulders to hold on. She closes the distance between us and wraps her arms around me. God, how fucking badly I need her touch…though it’s unraveling me even more.
My chest heaves. My breath is a sob. Another tear falls. The part of me that’s resistant to change doesn’t want this, yet I know I need it.
“I’m here,” she vows. “I’ll catch you. Just…fall.”
If anyone else were standing in front of me, I would scoff and insist they fuck off. But I believe Keeley. This woman is everything to me. In this moment, I’m pretty sure that, despite everything, she must love me, too. Why else would she put up with my crying-baby routine? Yeah, compassion and whatever. I have to believe she isn’t comforting random people on the street. The fact that I’m special to her fills me with peace and warmth that smooth over so many of the wounds my father gouged out in his wake. I want more of her comfort. I need more of her caring.
As I seize her in my arms, I crush her against my chest. I feel complete when her heart beats in time with mine. But it also turns me inside out. The shield around my soul is splintering apart with every quiet moment we’re locked together. All I can do is hold on tight and let myself feel.
I splay my fingers across her back until there isn’t a single breath between us. I can smell her, feel her, inhale her. I fucking sob into her hair. A part of me is waiting for her to laugh, call me a pussy, and bark at me to man up. But that old tape belongs to my dad. Keeley will never say those things. She simply soothes me with slow strokes of her palms up and down my back, comforts me with kisses up my neck and across my cheek. I feel her tenderness like a blanket wrapping me in safety, care.
Love.
The idea of this woman giving her heart to me is both reassuring and terrifying. I would never mean to, but what if I’m a thoughtless jackass and I break it? She’s giving me something precious. I have to figure out how to not fuck it up. The fact that I have no clue terrifies me all over again.
I shake as I try to rein in more sobs. But stopping them seems pointless now, so I’m rolling with it. Not like I have a choice…
Her lips press against my temple. She breathes over to my forehead. I have to bend down so she can reach me, but the effort is worth the payoff, especially when she eases back to look into my eyes. “Better?”
Yes and no. It’s confusing. “I don’t know.”
She sends me a smile of soft understanding. “That’s honest.”
“Why are you here for me? Why do you give a shit what happens to me? I’ve been an inconsiderate asshole. I’ve tried to make you do things that go against your grain.”
“Don’t forget that you’ve consistently tried to get me into bed, too. But under all that, I see you. Not the cocky but likable douchebag you project to everyone else. I see the boy who was neglected and hurt, so he never learned to trust his heart. I see the man dying for someone to not only care for him but give him undying devotion. And love. He’s strong…but he’s so afraid to ask for what he needs most.”
I choke out a groan and drop my forehead to hers. “I sound pathetic.”
“I could call you a lot of things. That’s not one of them.” She brushes her hand through my hair. “Maxon?”
I hear the shift in her voice. It beckons me to search her face again. I see not just tenderness there. I see invitation.
“Yeah.”
“In case it’s escaped your notice, I’m naked. I want to be with you.” She caresses her way down my nape. “Make love to me.”
My heart stops. Is she serious right now? I’ve waited and ached for Keeley for interminable days and endless nights. And she wants me when I’m sniffling, red-eyed, and too raw to have a filter?
It’s official: I will never understand women. But I’m grateful for this one.
“You sure?” I croak out.
Keeley smiles at me, nothing but assurance in her big blues. “You’ve been trying to hustle me into bed for nearly three weeks, and now you’re hesitating?”
“I want you to be sure.”
“I don’t have a single doubt.”
That’s all I need to hear.
Keeley believes in the concept of soul mates. I never have…but I’m wondering if they’re real and if she’s mine.
I bend and lift her against my body, cradling her in my arms. She wraps herself around me, curling her legs about my hips. The glance we share steals my breath.
I can’t stay away from her for another second, so I plunge into her mouth. Tonight, she’s mine, and I want her to feel it. I’m thrilled when she melts against me with a moan.
Though I’m drowning in her taste, I somehow manage to stumble through the maze of the kitchen and foyer. I’m thankful I keep my living room uncluttered. When I hit the threshold to my room, I have a clear path to the bed.
With one hand, I tear the duvet down. Pillows topple and scatter. Pristine white sheets beckon. I lay Keeley in the center of the bed.
She looks perfect because she belongs here. I’ve fantasized about having her in my bed so many times, rolling to me in the night for pleasure, cuddled up to me in the morning for warmth. But she’s looking at me now as if she wants all that and more. She wants the things I’ve never been willing to give anyone—my heart, my soul, my promises of tomorrow.
A week ago, I doubted I’d ever be capable of giving anyone all that. Now I’m seriously considering whether I could share every moment with her and—maybe for the first time ever—be happy.
I brace above her, drinking in her beauty. I have no idea how she saw past my inner asshole and decided she likes me, anyway. The only explanation is that I got lucky.
Her fingers climbing up my arms and curling around my shoulders distract me from thinking. When she winds her hands around my neck and tugs me down, I don’t fight the urge to plaster myself over her bare body and sink into her mouth again. As my naked chest settles against hers, I groan.
In the past, women have felt good. Women have felt dirty. Women have never simply felt right.
Keeley does.
I lose myself in her. She’s sweet and soft and open beneath me. Her thighs part, and I slide between them, deeply resenting my pajama bottoms. I could shove them aside, reach into my nightstand for a condom, and be inside her in less than sixty seconds if I want. Which I do…but I don’t.
Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve had time to think about all the ways I wish I’d touched and taken Keeley that first night. I’m not letting this opportunity pass me by. Yes, I want what I want when I want it—and I’m determined to get it this time. But I also want her to be dizzy and dazzled. I want to give her everything she could ever yearn for in a lover. That means I can’t go about this like an impatient shithead again.
I tangle my tongue with hers, losing myself in the sway of our rhythm. Then I ease back, press a kiss to her mouth, brushing my lips over hers before I lean away. She groans and tries to pull me down again.
“One second, sunshine. Trust me. I’m not going anywhere.”
It’s too dark, so I flip on the light. I want to see her. Once I do, I blow out an amazed breath at the soft glow beaming across her bare skin. Then I reach into the nightstand with one hand while shucking my pants with the other.
Keeley smiles at me and crooks her finger my way with a come-hither glance.
She won’t get an argument from me.
I knee my way between her legs again. She welcomes me without hesitation, and I set the foil packet aside. It’s within reach when I’m ready…but that won’t be for a while.
Because for the first time in my sexual life, the goal of tonight isn’t pleasure, it’s connection.
Shit. Do I even know how to do that? I’m good at sex, but I don’t know the first fucking thing about joining more than bodies.
“What’s wrong?” she whispers.
I can’t tell her that I’m lost. I’ll sound stupid and dickless. Inept.
“Sunshine, tell me how to give you what you want. I want to do this right for you.”
Her face softens. Then she curls her fingers around my hand and brings it to her breast. She caresses my chest in return. “Just touch me. Be with me. Let it flow from here.”
Keeley makes it sound so simple, like all I have to do is close my eyes and breathe.
Does it have to be more complicated than that?
I’m certainly willing to give it a try. The alternative is to hang around with my dick in my hand, staring at her like I’m stupid. Um…no. Not happening.
Instead, I cradle her flesh, thumb her nipple, and bend to take her rosy lips under mine. They’re already slightly swollen and so fucking soft. She meets me halfway, eyes half-dazed, arms winding around me. As we join mouths, I delve deep. We share breaths. She arches into my palm. Her legs wrap around me. I feel her heat, sense the excitement skidding through her.
“Maxon…” she moans.
I press my forehead to hers to catch my breath. Normally, after a few kisses, I’d be impatient to get on with it. Not now. Not with Keeley. “I don’t want to rush this, sunshine. I didn’t savor you last time and I’ve regretted it like hell.”
She nips at my lobe with a dainty bite, then whispers in my ear. “I don’t regret anything. In fact, I think it happened for a reason. It brought us here.”
Good point. Damn, this woman is smart.
I need to keep up, make sure that, after all the waiting for tonight, it’s worthwhile, give her something she’ll never forget.
After a passionate crush of my lips on hers, I kiss a path to her chin, over her collarbones, down her sternum. Her breasts beckon. No, they’re not just tits. Keeley’s are special, at least to me. I nuzzle the side of one, dragging my tongue up the so-soft skin while my thumb teases the hard tip. The little sounds in the back of her throat urge me on. Her body has a language all its own. The way she’s flushing and arching speaks volumes.
I wrap my lips around her nipple, suckling, laving. Even her skin is slightly downy and sweet. I bring her closer, move in for seconds, lose myself in everything that makes her special.
She glides one hand over my short hair and tries to pull me in tighter. She pants. She sighs. She writhes.
I move to the other breast. I don’t even want to open my eyes and deal with any reality except Keeley right now. So I suck harder on her nipple while I press my fingers around the other, giving it a squeeze. Satisfaction jolts me when she cries out my name.
Risking a glance up her pale body, I watch in fascination as she tosses her head back, throat arched, lips parted. God, she’s so beautiful. So…what’s the word? Unabashed.
Keeley isn’t afraid of anything, least of all what she feels.
My father would call me a loser and a pussy for even imagining she matters as anything but a fuckhole, but he can eat shit. This woman excites me. Inspires me.
Completes me.
Clutching her waist, I travel farther down her body, my hips sliding out of the cradle of hers. As my knees hit the floor, I drag her to the edge of the mattress. Her legs part even more as she plants her feet on either side of my head.
She braces on her elbows and stares down her body at me. “You don’t have to—”
“I want every part of you I can get my hands—and mouth—on. Pleasure seems like a small gift after all you’ve given me. But I can give you so much of it, sunshine. Let me.”
As I kiss the inside of her thigh, she melts back to the mattress with an aroused sigh. “Please.”
Keeley doesn’t have to ask me twice. I rake my tongue through her slit. She’s wet, plump. Ready. So fucking sweet. I swipe at her hard button and focus there, suckling, teasing, mixing the touch point and pressure. It doesn’t take long before she’s curling her toes around the edge of the bed, grasping for the fitted sheet, and panting out in passion. I love watching her unwind and give herself over to me, even as her body tenses in anticipation of the climax I’ll give her.
I slide a pair of fingers inside her, almost groaning when her flesh closes around them and clamps down tightly. Once I thrust inside this hot heaven, I won’t last long…but she’s going to get a thrill first. And I can always give her oral seconds, right? Yeah. I’m digging that idea.
Her body jerks, bringing me back to the now. She’s flushing. She’s close. And she’s a stunning sight to behold.
“That’s it. Give it to me, sunshine,” I murmur as I stroke my thumb over her clit, only to replace it with my tongue again.
Her knees fall even farther apart, and Keeley opens herself utterly to me. She keens out her surrender as her hips buck in need.
Almost there…
I give her one last nudge with my tongue, then suck her clit deep—and she’s gone. Screaming in a long, hoarse cry, she seems to soar up in pleasure and sail in weightless ecstasy before she shudders her way back to earth and into my arms.
Keeley in climax has to be one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen.
“Maxon,” she sighs in satisfaction, then holds out her arms to me.
I’m Johnny-on-the-spot, vaulting up the bed to scoop her into my embrace, taking her deeper into the soft cocoon of sheets with me. I can’t wait to get my hands on her again, especially when I look into her eyes. They’re dazed and dilated. Her cheeks are red, her breathing rapid. And that crooked smile of hers is epic.
“Hi, sunshine.” I can’t help but grin at her. “Happy?”
I hope so because I know that’s what she wants out of life.
“Yeah.” Her smile widens. “You’re awfully proud of yourself.”
I glance off as if I really have to think about this. But she’s right. “I’m thinking I just gave you some of the best minutes of your sex life.”
“It’s always about you…” She laughs with a roll of her eyes.
I pause. “No. That was all about you. That statement was just my asshole way of making sure you really liked it.”
Her smile morphs into a laugh. “You know I did. I’m pretty sure your neighbors know it, too.”
“Fuck them.” I settle over her and stroke her hair away from her damp forehead. I love the spill of loose red curls across my sheet. I’m glad my bed will smell like her again. I’m thrilled that I’ll have a memory of her here with me I can play over and over.
Before we make more together.
“I’d be happy to reciprocate, you know.” She brushes her fingers across my jaw, caresses my shoulder.
I’m excited about the idea of Keeley on her knees in front of me, moaning as she takes my cock between her sweet, bowed lips, into the sweltering heat of her mouth, while I wrap my fingers in her hair and let her have at me. Just imagining it, more blood jets south.
I’m not going to lie. Of course I want that. But right now I want to feel her beneath me, against me, around me way more.
“That sounds great.” I reach for the condom. “Later.”
Her breath catches. “All right. Can I ask for a favor?”
This ought to be interesting. Keeley never fails to surprise me.
“Shoot.” I’m poised to rip the foil wrapper, depending on what she says.
She nods at the little square. “Can you hurry that along?”
“Impatient for me, are you?”
Her eyes soften as she seems to open the windows to her soul wide for me. “I’m impatient to be with you. I want you to feel as good as you made me feel.”
God, the woman just keeps giving to me with her big heart. How am I worthy of her for even a second?
“I have no doubt it will be my pleasure, sunshine.” I tear into the condom, roll it down my length, then align my erection against her opening.
Keeley is already welcoming me, curling her arms and legs around me, tilting her head as I nudge forward and plunge inside her, taking both her sex and her mouth at once.
I groan into her. Now I understand the difference between mere pleasure and connection. I feel the contrast between sex and love. I’m drowning in something that feels so much like devotion.
Fuck, I really do love this woman.
We’re rocking together, breathing together, surging through pleasure together. I break the kiss. I have to look into her eyes, see if Keeley is feeling the way I am. She’s right there with me, lids heavy, lips parted, skin rosy. To a man who didn’t know her, they might see the quirky, carefree, emotionally in-tune woman. If he wasn’t looking carefully, he’d fail to see the sensual grace just under her surface that blooms when given attention and passion. When she trusts.
Weeks ago she told me that when she gives her body, she gives her soul. I feel both now.
Tonight, she’s all mine.
I lay my face over hers, foreheads and noses touching, as I thrust deep again. I’m looking right into her eyes, so blue and available. Everything about her reaches inside and rips me wide open—guts, chest, feelings—and spills them out between us.
My personal “number” is probably embarrassing. I’ve nailed too many chicks to count. None have felt anywhere as amazing as Keeley.
Her fingers curling around my shoulders suddenly begin digging into my back. I feel the prick of her fingernails, the tightening of her walls around me. Her breathing picks up pace. Those pretty blues flare with sensual tension.
“Maxon, I need to come.”
“Do it, sunshine. I’m right here. I’ll make sure it’s so good. I won’t let you down.”
If I have to bite the shit out of my tongue and think of something boring, like the fine print on escrow documents, in order to keep my self-control together, I’ll do it. For her.
“Come with me.” A high, keening note fills her voice.
It’s so tempting…
I ease back and rock into her again. And again. Jesus, I’m going cross-eyed. It’s that good. I know I have something precious right now and I don’t want it to be over. But holy crap, I don’t know how long I can hold off.
“I want it to last,” I pant out before I take her lips again.
Kissing her is an addiction. There’s always something new about her mouth to explore. She’s sweet…but then she’s tart. She’s teasing and sly…before she turns eager and draws me in like a siren. I’m waxing on and on—mostly because I never knew I could feel this way about a woman.
Keeley eases away, and her lips drift up my neck until I shudder with a whole new ripple of excitement. My blood boils; my head is hazy. I don’t even have words to describe how hard I’m working to ignore the ache in my balls.
“We have all night…” she murmurs in my ear. “We could do this again, you know.”
We could. We will.
“I’m planning on it. It’s so good, sunshine. I don’t know how you’ll ever keep me away from you. I’m always going to want more.”
“Hmm, know what I thought about the first time I saw your lanai?”
From her tone, I’m guessing it’s not about the pretty ocean and that my dick is going to like it. “No.”
“I wanted you to touch me out there. I wanted to lean on the rail wearing one of your shirts—and nothing else—while you sauntered up behind me in just your pants and filled me. No one else would know. It would be our secret. But we could move like the waves of the ocean while we watch the sea crash…”
Oh, fuck. That sounds good. That sounds amazing. “Next time around, I’ll make that come true.”
I nuzzle her neck, breathe against her skin, squeeze one of her nipples. Her entire body tenses around me.
“Can’t wait,” she breathes.
Neither can I. She’s so close…and I’m right behind her. At first, I resist but I see the future. I can make her come now and later. I can make her come tomorrow and the next day. I can make her come for the rest of our lives.
I slam deeper into her, grinding against her to put pressure where she’s most sensitive. She gasps, reaches out to me like she needs me to steady her. Her eyes go wider. Yeah, that got to her. I do it again. Her pussy clenches on me so tight I can barely move.
With a grin, I roll to my back and take her with me, until she’s straddling my hips, hands braced on my shoulders, swaying over my body. Her hair grazes her arms as her breasts bounce and I surge up beneath her, deep into her, hitting the one spot that should coalesce all the tingles and aches into an eruption she can’t deny.
But leave it to my Keeley to change things up on me. She doesn’t sit passively above and wait for me to make her come. Of course not. She surges with me, gliding, sliding, slamming until there’s really no stopping the runaway ecstasy from taking over.
Her cry of unrestrained pleasure fills my bedroom. The sound sends me over the edge. I lose all hint of composure. Some grunt that’s low and dark and shocked by the force of my climax spills from my chest in a guttural roar. I empty out my balls, my energy—my fucking heart—until I’m lying beside her spent and gasping and wondering what the hell hit me.
Is that what love does?
“Wow,” she sighs.
I gasp. “Yeah.”
“We should do that again soon.”
I look over, watch her chest rise and fall rapidly as she tries to catch her breath. She looks sated and happy, just like I feel.
“Very soon. That was amazing.” I prop my head on my elbow. “You may laugh or not believe me but…it’s never been like that for me.”
She smiles like my words please her as much as my touch does, then she gives me a wry grin. “So I’m better than your usual good time?”
I lift her hand, press a kiss to her palm. “You’re the best.”
I want to tell her I love her. I think she’d be happy to hear it. I hope. I think she loves me, too. But what if I’m wrong? What if she says it’s too soon? What if she laughs?
This should be simple, right? Why does it now feel so complicated?
“You okay? Your face got serious all of a sudden.”
I swallow. I have to grow a pair. It’s not as if she’s going to put up with me for the rest of my life if I can’t tell her I love her. I mean, I want to hear it from her, too.
I suddenly realize that Dad didn’t believe in love because he didn’t want to deal with emotion—too inconvenient—and didn’t care enough about anyone else’s feelings to try—too much effort. Fuck him. I am different. What’s the point of living and working your whole life if you don’t share it with anyone? Granddad used to say that. I wonder why my mom couldn’t be more like her father. Maybe Barclay Reed shut her up over and over so she just shut down.
I can’t imagine ever smothering Keeley that way. I don’t want to stifle her or make her feel less than worthy. I don’t want her to wonder if I love her. I just have to work up the courage to tell her everything I’m thinking.
“Yeah. No. Good. I’m—”
Suddenly, my phone rings. How many times can a guy get interrupted in one evening?
Then I realize I haven’t heard this chime in three years. My ears aren’t deceiving me. But I don’t know how that’s possible. After Griff stopped answering this number, I figured he’d changed it. I didn’t even remember that I’d set up a special ringtone for him. I certainly never thought to change or delete it.
Holy shit.
Keeley groans. “Who is that?”
I rise from the bed and snatch up my boxers. The chime sounds again. I drag in a bracing breath. “That’s Griff.”