I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left my last entry on such a cliffhanger. I should have told you how things resolved. I made you worry, and that was wrong of me.
I thought I might cry in class if I wrote any more. I’ll tell you the rest now.
We did call the police, Ms Hiller.
Fergus saw how upset I was. He looked me in the eye, for the first time in a year. ‘You need to let Dad make the call,’ he said. ‘It’s important. Okay, Clem?’
I’m not sure I would have agreed, if anyone else had asked.
Fergus held me tightly, and Sophie rubbed my back, and I felt good that Dad was calling. I know there are many girls who have things like this happen to them – and even worse things – and don’t tell.
I’m glad I told.
I’m glad Fergus had the strength to make me.
The police came, and they took my statement, and then they asked if I wanted to press charges.
They said it was my choice.
I said I didn’t want to.
And I hope this doesn’t make you less proud of me, Ms Hiller, but I couldn’t do it.
It’s not because Sam’s popular and I’m scared of him, if that’s what you think. It’s more that I wanted it to end. I wanted the police to know what he’d done, but I didn’t want to go to court. I didn’t want it to be in the papers. My family had enough to deal with.
I wanted to shut the door on it and make it go away.
I said that, and Fergus got a funny look on his face and didn’t say anything in return.
The police told me I could change my mind.
I might still change my mind.
After they left, Fergus grew quiet and then, after a while, he said he needed to lie down.
‘Can you please stay?’ I knew I sounded desperate. I was desperate. ‘Fergus, I don’t want you to go back in there and not come out.’
‘Clem.’ Dad’s voice was gentle, but there was a hint of warning.
‘It’s okay, Dad,’ said Fergus. He took my hand. ‘I’m sorry, Clem. I’ll try harder. I promise.’
And then he left. I burst into tears again. I really thought I’d brought him back. For good. But he went back to his room.
After that, Mum and Dad asked if I wanted to get a movie, or takeaways, or both. I knew they were trying to cheer me up, but I didn’t feel like it. I felt like being alone. I told them I was fine; that I was just going to stay in my room and do some writing.
I wrote until my fingers were sore. I wrote until my eyelids sagged. And it did help, but I was still angry and confused. I was still sad.
The next morning, though, Fergus came down to breakfast. He didn’t say much, and he didn’t eat much. But he was there. And, before he went back to his room, he said, ‘Dad, I wouldn’t mind if you called that Elizabeth lady again. I’d talk to her.’
I had a big breakfast, because I hadn’t eaten any tea on Friday night – a bowl of Sultana Bran with soy milk, and a banana smoothie, and a breakfast bar.
Then I remembered I was supposed to be at the steampunk ball in a few hours. And my entire breakfast came to life and began a particularly dramatic dance in my belly.
‘Clemmie, I’m going to stay home today,’ said Soph. ‘I was going to go out to . . . um, Pilates, but I know you and Cleo and Chelsea-Grace aren’t getting along, and I’m worried about you being lonely, so I want to be here with you.’
I wrapped my skinny, shiny sister tightly in my arms. I knew it was a big deal for her, to offer to change her routine. ‘You should go to Pilates. You enjoy it, and I actually have plans. But thank you.’
‘Plans?’ Sophie arched a perfectly plucked eyebrow. ‘Have you made up with 3CD?’
I shook my head. ‘Plans with other friends. New friends.’
Sophie nodded. ‘I think that’s a good thing, Clem. A really good thing. I love Cleo and Chels – they’re like little sisters to me. But I think it’s healthy that you’re branching out in new directions.’
‘Even if those new directions involve a corset and a croquet mallet?’ I asked, expecting Soph to look at me as if I’d lost my marbles.
‘Steampunk society?’ she said.
‘How did you know?’ I gasped.
‘The little sister of one of the girls in my law study group is in it,’ she said. ‘Angharad, I think her name is? Her sister Arwen told me about it, and I think it sounds interesting. I was considering joining myself, except with sport and study and Pilates, I don’t have the time for another hobby right now. I’m thrilled that you’re doing it, though, Clem. You’ll have fun.’
And I did, Ms Hiller.
But I’ll tell you about that tomorrow.