CHAPTER 43

Nolan opened the door and could not close his mouth. The surprise of her visit was nothing compared to his astonishment at her beauty. She was always in his mind ’ s eye, but he never got it quite right. The reality of her was so much more than his imagination could express. Why was she here? He wouldn ’ t dare to hope. “ Angela. ” He opened the door, welcome already brightening his pupils.

“ Nolan. ” He was ruggedly handsome. So confident and comfortable with himself. Even now, he did things to her heart rate and made her breathless. She glided past him into the living room. “ How are you? ”

Nolan took a deep breath, closed the door, and locked it. He turned around and waited for her to speak.

“ I ’ m sorry. I should have called, but … but nothing. I was scared. ”

“ Of? ”

“ You. I was scared if I called, you would tell me not to come. ”

As she spoke, he stepped forward, each word bringing him closer until he invaded her space. “ Never. ” His voice dropped an octave. “ But I would ask you why? Why are you here? ” He whispered. Without preamble, he claimed her lips, kissing her with uncontrollable desire. She returned his kiss, matching his ferocity with her own need. He stopped caring why. All that mattered was that she was there. She was in his arms. She was his.

She wasn ’ t his. She rejected him. Just like Jackie.

That didn ’ t stop him from wanting her. He crushed her to him, touching her, luxuriating in the feel of her against him. He wanted to take her right there. He would have, except she wasn ’ t his to take. He gave himself a few more precious seconds before he dragged his mouth away. “ Why did you come? ”

Tears spilled across her cheeks — tears of joy, tears of relief, tears of desire. “ I wanted to see you. So bad. I missed you. ” She reached for him again, needing his mouth moving over hers. Needing his strength, his protection. “ Nolan, I don ’ t know what this is, what we are, but it hurts too much being away from you. It hurts. ”

Responded to her urgency, he met her halfway. “ You know why. You do know what this is. ” He backed her up, lowered her onto the sofa. He had worshipped her body numerous times in his dreams. Now, he would do it in earnest. “ It ’ s love, Angela. It ’ s real. I love you. ”

She wasn ’ t his.

“ I love you too, Nolan. I can ’ t not love you. ” She was still crying, but blissfully euphoric. She hadn ’ t been this happy since she left Florida. She realized when she walked away, she forgot to take her heart with her. Overwhelmed and overjoyed at these revelations and emotions, it took her a moment to realize he didn ’ t pull away to undress. “ What? ” She reached for him, caressing the steel of his bicep and sighing.

“ Where ’ s Mitchell? ”

That name coming from his mouth was as chilled as the ocean. She was reminded of the night she plunged into its depths. “ To hell with Mitchell. ”

He arched an eyebrow at her venomous tone but said nothing.

The heat ebbed away. He sat back, giving her room to sit up. She heaved another sigh — this one without passion. She supposed talking should come first, but she wanted him to hold her. “ Mitchell is away on a ‘ business trip. ’” She air quoted.

“ I take it all is not well in paradise? ”

“ All will never be well in paradise. We can ’ t get past anything. But, I don ’ t want to get past anything because I can ’ t get over you. ”

“ What are you going to do about it? ”

She hunched her shoulders. “ I ’ m here. ”

“ Permanently? ”

She didn ’ t answer for a long minute, unable to meet his eyes.

“ Hell. ” Nolan saw his dreams slipping away from him, again. “ Angela, why are you screwing with me like this? ”

She shook her head. “ No, no. I ’ m not! This is so intense; it ’ s crazy. But is it real? Are we in love? Do you love me? ”

He stared at her as if she was insane.

“ I came down here to see if we could try. To ask you if you thought we should … try. I ’ m scared, Nolan. I can ’ t help it. I ’ m on the verge of adultery, but I ’ m here. ”

“ Adultery? ”

“ I can ’ t pretend it ’ s not. ”

It wasn ’ t so much what she said that irked him. It was what she didn ’ t say. That was the problem. He stood up and moved away from her as fast as possible before he crumbled at her feet.

“ Nolan? ” She waited for him to turn around. “ Talk to me. Please. ”

“ And say what? I ’ m in love with you Angela. I would do anything for us to be together. Anything. I opened that door and for one split second, I thought you were here because you felt the same way. ”

She started to slide off the sofa. “ I do. I ’ m here. ”

He took a step back and raised his hand to halt her and her words. “ You don ’ t. That ’ s not why you ’ re here. You ’ re here because you ’ re still in some kind of indecision. You ’ re still on the damned fence. You ’ re still angry with Mitchell. You can ’ t move on like that. Is he off somewhere with Keira? Is that why you ’ re here? How is this any different? Do you want me to screw you, so you can get even? ”

“ NO! That ’ s not it! ” He wasn ’ t getting it. He didn ’ t understand.

“ I ’ m never going to do that because I am in love with you. I won ’ t share. You need to get that through your head. ”

“ Nolan …”

“ If I was married, but told another woman I loved her as I attempted to undress her, I would be a dog, a scumbag, a cheater, all those things you call him. What does that make you? You don ’ t love me, Angela. You ’ re stringing me along. You ’ re stringing us both along. ”

He had never spoken so cruelly to her before. She sat, stunned, unable to accept the truth past the ringing in her ears. The sting was too great.

And he wasn ’ t done.

“ I ’ m only human. How many times are we going to get close before I decide I won ’ t be denied? ”

She shook her head. “ I-I ’ m not denying you. ”

“ You ought to. You damn sure shouldn ’ t be offering me something you can ’ t deliver. What do you think this does to me? How long were you planning to stay? A week? A day? I want you here, but if you only came for a visit, go check into the Enn. I ’ m not going to be strung along, not understanding what the hell is going on. ”

“ I can ’ t explain it. Three hours ago, I wasn ’ t planning to com e down here. I tried to remember the last time I was happy, completely content. I thought about you and that night … the night they came back. I had to see you. I don ’ t remember if I bothered to cut off the lights or lock the door. But, I had to see you; I couldn ’ t wait. I should have called. We could have talked. But, but … I needed to see you. I wanted you to …”

“ To what? Save you. Is that what I ’ m good for? ”

It didn ’ t occur to her to lie. “ Yes. ”