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I DON’T SEE KANE or Gabe the following day. I sent Amanda as requested and I’m not ready to face Gabe after that detour down fantasy lane with the prince. I’m not ready to face Kane either. I hadn’t planned on using him but I did and now it’s done and I can’t get it out of my mind.
Another incredibly questionable thing I should regret.
I’m not quite sure why I don’t, but I do know this: it took the edge off the self-loathing and disgust that usually follows me out of a feed. The prince was just a Vampyre sucking at my throat. Kane was everything else.
My choices may not be healthy, but they’re mine.
Yesterday I took back some of the power I’ve lost and I intend to keep it.
I don’t ask Amanda about her visit to the cave and when I’m summoned to the castle that evening, I slip into Kane and me without a moment’s hesitation or shame.
Day four of my deal with Nial dawns with turbulent clouds chased in on a blustery wind. I set out with a light step in my mood. One final feed and one less noose around my neck.
Nial is already there, waiting in the outcrop with the overhanging thorn tree. I’ve yet to figure out why he risks this when he has the buffet Silks at his disposal. Maybe he’s just a thrill seeker, a devil chasing his luck.
“Hello, love.”
I roll my eyes, although I’ve come to appreciate his disregard for this particular rule. I’m not a fan of love but I’ll take it over Silk Senna every time.
“Nial.” I gather my hair over one shoulder, smoothing my fingers through the wind-tossed knots as I expose my throat to him. “Let’s do this.”
Nial advances a slow step. “Well, aren’t you the eager bunny this morning.”
I’m always eager. The less time I spend here, the less likely we’ll be discovered. A simple fact Nial cannot seem to grasp. Another agonizingly slow step and he’s breathing down my neck.
I stare over his shoulder, my nerves pricked for warning sounds. I don’t trust Nial to stay tuned in. He may be seventeen or a hundred-and-seventeen—I haven’t asked—but he doesn’t give off the vibe of a responsible adult.
The wind isn’t helping, rustling phantoms through the trees and pushing whispers on the breeze.
He trails a finger down my throat, his head cocked to admire the view.
“It’s bad manners to play with your food,” I mutter.
“You’re not food, love.” Finally, he snaps his jaw, tucking an arm around my waist as he brings his mouth down. “You’re a fine delicacy.”
I breathe through the pain as his fangs pierce my skin. Steel myself against the burn threading my veins as he sucks.
My eyes grow heavy and panic hits with a rush of adrenaline. I don’t trust his self-control. I can’t keep watch for nasty surprises with my eyes closed. I strain to stay alert for as long as possible before my body softens into the support of his embrace.
He stops before my conscious starts to fade in and out like that first time and presses the flask of sugar water to my lips.
I drink. A couple of sips and I return to full awareness, the mist of light drizzle on my face, the arm circling my waist, the hollow weakness behind my knees.
I ease out of his space. “I’m fine, you can go.”
“Eh, about that.” There’s a look in his eyes that shaves the last bits of fuzz from my brain. “It would be a shame to end this arrangement when we’re having so much fun.”
“No.” No. No. “I kept my part of the deal.”
“And a deal is a deal,” he says agreeably.
“Good.” I grab the flask from him and gulp down another horrid mouthful. Usually I rest for ten minutes, but if Nial isn’t leaving right away, I am.
“What I have in mind is a new deal.”
“I’m not interested.” Another mouthful and I shove the flash back into his hand.
“Gabriel Winter will be disappointed to hear that.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He can’t work in the stables if he’s dead.”
Nial isn’t my friend, but we had an understanding built around this deal. I tolerated his feeding with good grace and he treated me fairly decent. “You wouldn’t do that.”
“I assure you, my love, I will.” He shrugs. “You’d be surprised how easy it is to get carried away while feeding. Happens more often than you’d think.”
My blood runs cold at the back-stabbing threat. “Why are you doing this? Why risk the trouble when you have the buffet Silks?”
“Fear and royal pheromones sweeten the blood,” he says. “The fear quickly fades with regular feeding, but house Silks are always pumped full of royal pheromones.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“Delicious.”
“You’re despicable,” I grind out. “Amanda said you’d honor our deal. Blackmailing me into a new deal is not honorable.”
“The lovely Amanda knows how this works,” he says. “She sent you to me, after all, to take over payment of her old debt.”
“What?”
“Eh, perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned that.” A grin snakes across his mouth. “My bad.”
“Look, I don’t know what debt she has—”
“Our arrangement is indefinite,” he cuts in. “Every morning for as long as I wish.”
So that’s why she never puts in an appearance before noon. “That’s between you and Amanda.”
“And now it’s between you and me,” he says. “The decision’s already made. I’m happy with your commitment to Gabriel Winter’s good health.”
“You can’t do this.”
“It’s already done. The debt is yours.” He pockets the flask and salutes a finger to his temple as he turns to walk away. “See you in the morning, love.”
It’s not a bluff.
Amanda has been meeting Nial here for God knows how long and she’s too shrewd to fall for a bluff.
The conniving bitch.
I’m halfway back to the house, driven by white-hot anger and murderous thoughts, when I realize how dangerous my current state of mind is. I will physically attack Amanda. I will claw her eyes out. I will rip that duplicitous tongue from her throat.
That’s not the problem.
If I cause a scene at the house and expose our dealings with Nial, I’ll go down with her.
I change course for the river to walk it out, but my anger just circles around and around with no new place to go.
I don’t even care about Nial feeding on me. I can handle the pain and the disgusting burn of my blood pulling through my veins. It’s the risk of discovery that terrifies me. The prince will show no mercy. I’ll just be another unfortunate accident notched into the hole where his soul should be.
What have I done?
After everything I’ve gone through, how can I still be so naïve? I don’t know Amanda. We barely crossed paths at school. It was so stupid to put my life in her hands. To put Gabe’s life in her hands.
The drizzle has picked up into a steady patter, soaking me to the skin. I wring my hair out and knot it into a ponytail as I change direction along the river bank, my feet carrying me toward the cave...where Kane and Amanda had their little reunion yesterday.
How could she do this?
We’re not supposed to be like the soulless Vampyre monsters!
I’m so mad, I’m even mad at Kane and his poor choice in friends. He warned me about her. He knows exactly what kind of person she is.
When I reach the stepping stones, I kick my useless silk slippers into the water. They’re ruined anyway, waterlogged and caked with mud.
I hear Kane’s timbered voice as I scramble up the rocks on the other side.
Then I hear a female voice and blind fury ignites inside my chest.
“You bitch!” I shout as I charge into the dimness of the cave, searching her out. She’s sitting against the far wall with Kane, eyes startled wide on my raging entry. “You used me!”
Kane lurches to his feet, intercepting me before I can throw myself at her. His arm slings around my waist, dragging me back from her.
I can still wriggle and kick and bash with my elbows. “Let me go!”
“What’s going on?”
“Ask her,” I hiss, stabbing a finger.
He shoves me up against the opposite wall—not gently—and slams his palms at my shoulders to keep me there. “Senna, look at me.”
My eyes blaze into him. His face is an impassive mask, his stare cool and collected. Not helping.
“I should have known you’d come running to Kane,” Amanda drawls.
My scowl goes past him to the Amanda. “You set me up!"
“I told you there’d be risks.”
“You didn’t tell me Nial would blackmail me into some damn forever deal!”
“You just weren’t listening,” she says in a musing tone that grates on my teeth. “I told you once Nial has his clutches in you, he doesn’t let go.”
“After he already had me!”
“That’s not how he operates. He likes to ensure you’re absolutely committed to the cause. If you’d given up on your Ironcross boy and broken the deal, he would have let you go.”
“And how the hell was I supposed to know that?”
“You weren’t,” she says, her voice thinner. “Neither did I when I made my deal. Suck it up, baby girl, you’re not in Ironcross anymore.”
“That’s enough,” Kane issues, an order.
My eyes flash to him. “She made a devil’s bargain with a guard, a lifetime of servitude—”
“Not a lifetime,” Amanda inserts. “And it’s just a morning snack.”
“—and then she passed that debt onto me,” I finish, staring at Kane, waiting for the shock and horror to wipe over his stony mask.
It doesn’t.
He throws a look over his shoulder. “Is this about your brother?”
“Of course is it,” Amanda says. “Everything has always been for Jeremy. You know that. I’ve been at the House of Ell for three years. The prince won’t keep me much longer. I had to give the guard a replacement to secure the deal I made for my brother.”
Kane says nothing.
Why is he saying nothing?
Is he seriously falling for her sob story?
His gaze swings back to me. “I’ll go with you to meet this guard tomorrow. He can have me. I’ll take over your deal.”
“No, you won’t,” I snap. “I don’t do that to friends. I don’t do that to anyone!”
“I’m not asking.”
“I won’t let you.”
“Neither will Nial.” Amanda stands and walks over. “Senna has already proved her worth to him. He doesn’t need you, Kane, and he doesn’t care how much you may want to protect Senna. She belongs to the prince. He wouldn’t dare harm her, therefore he can’t use her to control you.”
A shadow passes over Kane’s features. “There must be something I can do.”
“I’ve been locked into this deal for over two years. I’ve tried everything.” Amanda looks at me. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this, Senna. There really was no other way out for me. I hope one day you’ll understand.”
“What do you say, Kane?” My tone is blistering. “Do you forgive her? Do you understand? Because that pretty speech certainly isn’t aimed at me.”
His hands lift from my shoulders as he turns to her. “You should have come to me for help.”
“I’ve only had myself to rely on for three long years, Kane.”
My hands clench into fistfuls of anger as they share a timeless look.
I’m not unfeeling. She’d have bucket loads of my sympathy if she hadn’t made me collateral damage in her heartless scheming.
Kane ends the look with a softly spoken, “I know.”
“I shouldn’t have involved Senna.”
“You shouldn’t have.” He sighs. “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Do you mind?”
Her eyes slide to me, back to him with a warm smile. “Sure.”
He watches her walk away, watches until she’s out the cave before he turns to me.
Hurt piles onto my anger. “What? She bats her big brown eyes at you and everything’s okay? We’ll figure it out?”
His brow flattens. “Jealousy doesn’t suit you.”
My heart thunders so violently, it feels like it’s about to crash. My palm flies up. I don’t even register what I’m doing until he catches the slap before it lands.
I stare at his fingers wrapped around my wrist. “I’m not jealous, Kane. I’m furious.”
“At Amanda, that’s understandable,” he says. “But why are you so mad at me? Because I don’t ditch my friends every time they make a mistake?”
“I’m mad at you because you’re not the slightest bit mad.”
“Trust me, I’m furious with both of you right now.” He drops my wrist and props that hand against the wall at my back, his head tipped to look me in the eye. “You left a whole lot out when you told me about that blood trade for favors. You made a deal with a bloodsucker. How did you think that would work out?”
“I was prepared to take a risk,” I say, uncomfortably aware of his body crowding me and the pull of his gaze. “I wasn’t prepared for Amanda to throw me to the wolves.”
I’m not trapped. His other arm hangs at his side. I could easily slip out and run from his infuriating composure and impartial judgement and dominating presence.
But that’s the thing. I don’t want to run from Kane. And he can’t judge me any worse than I judge myself.
I don’t blame Amanda for the mess I made. That’s all on me. I was reckless and naïve and I put Gabe in Nial’s crosshairs. I blame her for being a cruel, self-serving, heartless bitch. There’s a difference.
The slated look in his eyes warms around the edges. “Amanda’s brother was Tithed the year before she—”
“Don’t!” I stop him. “I get it. She’s your friend. But I can’t listen to you make excuses for her right now.”
“Very well.” He brings his other hand up to rest lightly on my shoulder. “Do you know about the deal she made?”
I shake my head. No.
“This guard, Nial, took her brother away from here, to a place where he can live free.”
“And you believe Nial?”
“You tell me,” Kane says. “Is there any honor in his deals or is it all bluster?”
Seriously? “I’m the last person to make that call. I trusted Amanda!”
“Senna.” He looks at me.
“Fine.” I have to think it through. “Nial kept his part of our original deal. He didn’t threaten Gabe’s work assignment at the stables. He made a new deal for Gabe’s life. Make of that what you will.”
“He has a pattern,” Kane says. “That’s how he locked Amanda into a new deal, too. He said Jeremy would live free, so long as he was alive to do so.”
“Then this place could exist?” A thread of hope winds through me. “Where is it?”
“Amanda won’t say.”
Now that’s hilarious. “She doesn’t trust you?”
A smile traces his lips. “She doesn’t trust you, and she doesn’t trust me to keep it from you. But it’s more than that. A secret shared is no longer a secret, and she’ll take this one to the grave with her if it means keeping her brother safe.”
“I could help with that,” I mutter.
Kane ignores that. “She’ll show us.”
“Of course she’s coming with.”
“We need her.”
“You’d bring her along even if we didn’t.”
“Yes,” he says simply, with complete and utter loyalty and a sexy, gorgeous grin that tucks his mouth and hollows his jaw and sneaks into my bones. “We’re getting out of here and I’m upping the timeline. I don’t want you spending one more day in this deal with Nial than absolutely necessary.”
We’re getting out of here. The most beautiful words I’ve ever heard. “I don’t have any bags to pack.”
“I need to finalize some preparations...” He trails off, his gaze sinking into me, softening me.
We’re both feeling it, this hope, this glimmer of light at the end of so much darkness.
And as the seconds tick by with neither of us able—or willing—to break from the way he’s looking at me, we’re feeling that too. A connection that runs far deeper than the reality of one kiss. The connection that joins us in that place we go when the prince or princess feeds. There, his body knows every inch of mine. There, we give in to desire with blissful abandonment.
I see it as I’m held captive in his heated gaze: he feels it too. We’ve made love until our bodies ache with satisfaction. We’ve taken and given in each other’s arms until the world burned away.
His hand roams from my shoulder to curl around the base of my neck, his thumb stroking sensations into the crease of my jawbone. “Do you think you can stay out of trouble for a few more days?”
I swallow past the lump of imagined memories swelling in my throat. “I’ll do my best.”
He looks at me a moment longer, then he breaks away from me and stands back with the kind of self-command I’m not sure I’ll ever master.