At least I’d had some blood this morning. Still, though, my gums began tingling. If only I could surrender to Erin’s kiss, to kiss her back the way I longed to without being afraid of what might happen.
She’d already nicked her tongue on my tooth once. If it happened again, she wouldn’t be able to explain it away for long.
And God knew I wouldn’t be able to stop if I had even the tiniest taste of her blood again.
I didn’t pull away, not at first. I relished the warmth of her lips, how they swelled as the blood rushed into them, the muffled snap of her tiny vessels bursting, painting color into her skin…
My left cuspid began to descend.
As much as it pained me, I broke the kiss and pulled away from her warm body.
“You have to go,” I said.
She bit her lip, clearly struggling for composure. As beautiful and captivating as she was, she probably wasn’t used to being turned away. I ached for what she was feeling, for what I was making her feel.
If only she knew how much I truly wanted her in every way. Ways she could never imagine.
“I’m sorry, but I—”
“I said leave!” My voice came out harsher than I’d meant it to. But she did have to leave. Now. Or I couldn’t be sure I wouldn’t harm her.
“I’m really sorry about this,” she said. “I won’t bother you again.” She turned and walked out the door.
My chest tightened with a sharp pain. Was this what heartache felt like? Pure heartache? What if I never saw her again? Could I live with that?
No. I couldn’t.
I had to figure out how to deal with this.
Bill had gone into his study. We weren’t supposed to disturb him while he was working, but this was an emergency as far as I was concerned.
He’d been wanting me to talk. Now I was ready to talk, although not about what he wanted to know.
I knocked hesitantly on his door.
“Come in,” he said.
I opened it and walked in.
“Who was at the door, Dante?”
“A woman,” I said.
“Oh? What did she want?”
“She came to see me.”
“You’ve been back two days. Who would come to see you?”
“She’s a nurse. I met her the night I… She helped me.”
“And…?” The glint in his eye indicated he knew where I was going with this.
“I’m…interested in her. Sexually.”
“I see.”
“I…only did this once before. And I wasn’t all the way…mature. I don’t know how to…” God, how would I get through this uncomfortable but necessary conversation?
“Yes. How to control yourself when you mate with a human woman.”
“Mate? I’m not planning to mate. I just want to…” Fuck her senseless, smell her all day, never leave her presence. “I… I’m not a virgin, but for all intents and purposes, I have no experience.”
“Dante, I don’t mean to sound patronizing, but have you considered that maybe you’re not ready to become involved with a woman yet? You need to work through what happened to you. If you don’t want to talk to me, you have to talk to someone else.”
Impatience tugged at me. Bill meant well, but he didn’t understand the urge overtaking me.
Did he?
He’d been my age once. Of course he hadn’t been held against his will for ten years.
Damn her! What more was she going to steal from me?
I stood. “You don’t understand, damn it. No one will ever, ever understand!”
He was at the door, blocking my exit, in a flash.
“Help me understand, son. I want to help you. We all want to help you.”
No. No. Couldn’t say the words. Couldn’t even bring myself to think the words.
My vision blurred, a red hue overtaking everything. My fingers curled into a fist, a fist that landed on Bill’s left cheek. He slammed against the wall, his eyes bulging.
I’d hit my grandfather. Punched him like a thug. Hadn’t felt it at all. What was happening to me?
“Bill, I—”
“Leave this study,” he said calmly. “And leave this house. Do not come back until you’re ready to accept my help.”