KATHLEEN’S VOLVO DIVES into the water headfirst. Jin, Kathleen, and I are trapped inside, sinking to our doom. The car’s doors are sealed tight, but it’s only a matter of time before the windows shatter under the water pressure and we all drown. We’re pretty much screwed. If only Jin was a merman instead of a brony! Kathleen has stopped screaming, but her mouth is still wide open. If we somehow survive this ordeal, I’m taking her to an AA meeting.
“We’re trapped,” Jin says, putting his weight into opening his door without success. “We’re too deep already. The pressure is too strong.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Kathleen mutters in between sobs.
“Let’s just try to conserve our oxygen,” I say.
“How? Hold our breath? Then we’ll just pass out,” Jin says.
“Do you have a better idea?” I ask. “I’m open to suggestions.”
“Yeah, how about you text your boyfriend and have him come save us,” Jin says sarcastically.
It’s actually not a bad idea. “Fine,” I say. I pull my phone out and call my not-boyfriend.
“Anna!” Earl Grey says. He’s safe in Seattle and here I am, halfway between Seattle and Portland and ten thousand leagues under the sea.
“Hey,” I say. The sound of his voice is so dreamy that I temporarily forget what I was calling him about.
“Are you okay? Did you make it back to Portland?”
“Not exactly,” I say. The car finally hits the ocean floor. The clock is ticking.
“Are you in trouble?”
“Yes,” I say, a little embarrassed. I’m always getting into trouble and asking Earl to save me. As if he doesn’t have anything better to do with his day! “I’m kind of stuck in a car on the bottom of the ocean with Kathleen and Jin.”
“I’ll be there soon,” he says. “Hold tight. Whatever you do, don’t die.”
“Okay,” I say. I’m not sure if that’s the sort of thing you can promise a lover, but I’ll do my best.
I hang up the phone. “He’s on his way,” I tell Kathleen and Jin.
Two hours later, we’re back on dry land. Kathleen’s Volvo is totaled. We survived the accident, thanks to Earl Grey, who drained the Pacific Ocean to save us.
Earl drapes his jacket around me. He’s dressed in his button-down shirt and smiley-face tie again, and looks as handsome and dashing as ever. I want him to bend me over and take me on the beach, but it would be kind of awkward with Kathleen and Jin sitting in his helicopter waiting for us.
“You’re one lucky girl,” Earl says.
“I’m the luckiest girl,” I say. “I have you.”
He shakes his head. “You never cease to amaze me, Anna.”
“I shouldn’t have left you,” I say, lowering my head. I don’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes.
He puts a hand under my chin and gently tilts my face up toward him. “It’s okay,” he says, his eyes and voice tender and forgiving. “It’s okay.”
I begin crying. The tears flow quick and fast, like it’s raining. Oh, wait—it is raining. I guess I’m not crying after all.
“Let me fly you guys back to Portland before this storm picks up,” he says, kissing me on my forehead. We get back on the helicopter. Kathleen and Jin are already passed out, thanks to the alcohol-soaked tampons in their butts.
We begin the flight to Portland in silence. After everything we’ve been through, the quiet is nice for a change. Even my inner guidette shuts her trap for once. It’s during this moment of Zen that I feel something kick in my stomach. OMG. I don’t remember eating a baby. This can only mean one thing: I’m pregnant—pregnant with Earl Grey’s baby!