The Complete, Unexpurgated List
1. Shopping at Walmart on Saturdays
2. Bondage with handcuffs
3. Plays BDSM (Bards, Dragons, Sorcery, and Magick)
4. Mancrush on Tom Cruise, even after all the Scientology/Katie Holmes BS
5. Spanking
6. Actually likes the taste of Bud Light
7. Whipping
8. Flogging
9. Cried when Oprah went off the air, but never found the time to watch her cable channel
10. Caning
11. Backdoor sex
12. Prefers Jay Leno over David Letterman
13. Teabagging
14. Nipple clamps
15. Doesn’t understand why everyone hated the Star Wars prequels so much
16. Thought Jerry Seinfeld was the funniest part of Seinfeld
17. Bath & Body Works Signature Collection Coconut Lime Breeze body wash
18. Cock rings
19. Doesn’t get Mad Men–like, at all
20. Uses a PC laptop with an Apple sticker covering the Dell logo
21. Steals Wi-Fi from neighbors
22. Finds it incredibly erotic when women pick their noses
23. Nickelback
24. Only flosses teeth the week before a scheduled dentist appointment
25. Watches Titanic at least once a year, and laughs every time when that guy hits the propeller
26. Team Jacob
27. Trolls Craigslist for dates
28. Wishes Katy Perry and Russell Brand would reunite, because they were so good together
29. Thought Heath Ledger was “just okay” as the Joker
30. Olive Garden is his favorite Italian restaurant
31. Bondage with rope
32. Pays women to live-action role play (LARP)
33. Never finished reading Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged
34. Watches professional wrestling religiously even though he knows it’s not “real”
35. Gossip Girl
36. Can’t remember the last time he trimmed his toenails
37. Makes frequent references to Snakes on a Plane, even though it wasn’t even funny to do so when the movie was in theaters
38. Vibrators
39. Thinks Tim Burton is kind of overrated
40. Wishes everyone would just leave Kristen Stewart alone
41. Lesbian porn doesn’t really do it for him
42. Can eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in under half a minute
43. Thinks Jeff Foxworthy is hilarious
44. Snowballing
45. Thinks you just can’t beat a good floral-print Hawaiian shirt
46. Kind of thought George W. Bush was decent as commander in chief
47. Butt plugs
48. 16 and Pregnant
49. Pegging
50. Reads erotic romance novels