CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

Eve

July 29, 2019

I think we found the place today. I can’t believe it. I’m about to have a legitimate I’m-paying-the-bill apartment. It’s in a secure neighborhood with homes that aren’t new but aren’t dilapidated, either. The landlord lives in the connected house. It’s just an over-the-garage situation, but there are two bedrooms, one for the kids and one for me. As Sammy gets older, I’ll figure out something. Maybe I’ll share Charlotte’s room or sleep on the fold-out couch in the living area.

And it’s furnished! Like, there are beds and that pull-out couch, and even a table and chairs for meals.

The older couple who own the place go to Tiff’s church. They said they’d drop the rent even further if I would take over mowing their lawn. Of course! It’s all too good to be true.

The only thing that matters is that it will be a perfect home for my children. It’s safe. And Joey won’t know where we are, but Zara and Tiff will.

I’ve decided I can’t do this on my own. I need to humble myself and ask my sister to forgive me. I hope she’ll be willing to help out with the kids until I can get reliable childcare.

I’ll know soon. Zara and I are having lunch together on Thursday.

BY THE TIME ZARA RECEIVED THE CALL that Sammy could have the testing, she’d about given up. Nothing moved quickly in the foster care system, except expectations on her time. Those came up frequently and with a pressure that could have burst a Goodyear blimp.

There were a couple of options for the urine sample, as there was no way Sammy was going to tinkle on command. The doctor had recommended a kind of sack with sticky edges. For a woman who was just getting the hang of diapering, this seemed like a stretch, but it was better than more invasive procedures.

Zara clicked on the television and started an episode of Doc McStuffins. Charlotte would stare at the screen with a look of awe until the program ended. At first, Zara had felt a twinge of guilt at using TV to entertain her, but it was a lifesaver, and she’d take the help. She slung Sammy onto her hip and went to get the lunch items out of the refrigerator.

All she had to do now was wait for Chad to get home, and together, they’d head to the doctor’s office. No problem. It was just a urine sample—not a test that would tell them if Sammy had a future. One step at a time, right?

Chad came into the kitchen to Pickles barking like the house was being invaded by an army of cats. He set a white bag on the back of the counter and picked up the dog. “Hey, buddy. Chill out.”

Pickles changed his tune and started licking, his tongue moving at mesmerizing speeds.

“You’re going to hate me.” Chad’s face cocked into a lopsided smile.

“What?” That pressure was mounting again, like her chest was ready to blow, but Sammy patted her cheek and kissed her chin. Within a second, he’d changed his focus to the counter, where the string cheese waited for his lunch to be served.

“I can’t go with you. One of the clients I took over is in some serious trouble with the IRS.” Chad pulled the tray from Sammy’s high chair while she put him in and fastened the buckles.

“But.” Zara’s mouth went dry. “But that’s not your fault. You just started. And what about the little bag thing? And how will I get Sammy to sit still while we do this?”

Chad slid the tray back into place and handed Sammy a cheese stick. “The guy before me was fired. It’s my job to clean up his mess.” He shook his head. “Didn’t they say this would be easy? They just clean the area, take the strips off the sticky tape, and stick it on.” He shrugged. “Once he goes, that’s it.”

“Oh yes. Simple”—Zara rolled her eyes—“if you’re doing this on a baby doll. Sammy is a very mobile toddler who can’t even stay still for a simple diaper change. I can’t imagine what will happen when they trade his diaper for a stick-on bag.”

“I think the diaper goes back on. Or maybe not. I don’t know.” He kissed her cheek. “I’m really sorry.”

She deflated with a long exhale. “I know. Good luck with your client.”

“You’re the best.” Chad ducked back out the door, and she was all alone with the kids again. Guilt ate at her when she wanted her freedom, yet fear had its way when she let herself love the moments with the kids. There was no way that all would be perfect in the world ever again. Zara was on a raft heading for a waterfall, with no oars or even a life jacket.

“Mama Z, it’s over!” Charlotte’s voice bellowed from the other room. “Quick—another one is starting. I’ll have to watch it.”

Zara couldn’t help but chuckle. Charlotte was making a lot of headway in the honesty department. And she clearly understood her weakness for Doc McStuffins. She walked into the living room and clicked the television off. “Let’s have some lunch, then. We need to go to the doctor.”

Charlotte’s eyes went wide, but she didn’t run. Another improvement.

“No worries, kiddo. This is an appointment for Sammy only. I may need you to be my helper.”

“What are they going to do to my brother?”

“They need a urine sample.”

Her mouth twisted, asking the question without having to utter a word.

“Pee. They need some of Sammy’s pee.”

“That’s disgusting. Why do they want that?”

She had that right. “It’s not such a big thing. They test it to be sure he’s healthy.”

“I don’t want anyone testing my pee.”

Zara turned around before Charlotte saw her grin. “Let’s get some lunch.”

They arrived at the office twelve minutes past their appointment time, but by the looks of the waiting room, it wouldn’t make much difference. A kid was slumped over a phone, continually wiping his nose with the side of his arm. Near the fish tank, another child stared at the water, tear tracks streaked down his dirty face, a large bandage affixed to his forehead. A little girl sobbed uncontrollably in her mother’s arms. And a lady held her newborn tight in the corner of the room, looking like she would fight back an army to keep her child safe.

Charlotte started jumping from state to state on a rug designed as a map of the United States. A boy joined her, and they seemed to be getting along well, until his face turned a greenish hue and his mother lunged forward with a garbage can.

Zara took Sammy and Charlotte toward the entrance and doused them both with an ample amount of hand sanitizer. How could there be so many germs during the summer?

The nurse finally called them back. The exam room, though small, seemed sterile. There was a safety in the confines of these walls that kept vomiting children at a distance. Zara had never been good with sickness, and since joining the mothering team, she’d only gotten more paranoid.

“So, if you could get him undressed, this shouldn’t be too bad.” The nurse prepared the bag while Zara got Sammy ready for this odd process.

Once his skin was cleaned, the nurse removed strips from the outside of the bag and attached it. “Okay. It’s all up to you now, Samuel.”

And they waited. What seemed like a constant any other day was now turning into a dry spell. Charlotte peppered Zara with questions about the bag, the urine, the testing. None of which Zara was able to answer in a way the five-year-old found acceptable.

Forty minutes later, at about the same moment that both children began sobbing from the exhaustion of being stuck in a room the size of a closet, Sammy gave up and produced a sample.

Zara hadn’t cheered so much since watching Chad run through the finish line of his half marathon last year.

It took the doctor only a few minutes to come in with the news: Sammy’s urine showed elevated levels of sugar molecules. Dr. Kiddle scrubbed his hands through his thick graying hair. “I think we should go ahead with a blood draw for the next level of testing.”

Zara looked from the doctor to Charlotte and back again. Her mouth fell open. This couldn’t be happening.

“I’ve asked a pediatric phlebotomist to come in. It shouldn’t be more than a few minutes. I was thinking Miss Charlotte might want to watch a video with one of my nurses. Would that be okay?”

Zara nodded. At least they could get through this by only traumatizing Sammy—and Zara.

Eve

July 31, 2019

Soon, I’ll be independent. I’ll have my own apartment, paid for by the proceeds of my own job. I have a feeling that my rent is not what it should be, that Bruce and Tiff have done something to help, but I’m still proud. And I know they’re proud of me. That’s one of the things that has made the difference. I know Bruce and Tiff are excited for me, and they really believe I can do this.

Today, I bought a frame and put the picture of me and the kids in it. I already look so different from that day, but it’s a reminder, and I want it to hang in a place where I’ll see it and remember where we’ve been.

TIFF FELT LIKE A CAT BURGLAR as she and Bruce entered the above-garage apartment. With the windows having remained shut for who knows how long, it was warm, nearly hot. She pushed one open and felt the soft breeze float in, bringing with it the sweet scents of the jasmine plant that grew underneath.

Bruce dropped the first box on the counter and turned to head back out for another. There was a lightness in him that had been absent so long, she’d forgotten to even miss it.

“And here’s another.” He dropped it in the middle of the living room floor. “We’d better get this stuff unpacked just in case Eve happens by.” His cheeks crinkled with his smile.

“It’s a little like the night before Christmas.” She remembered the late nights she and Bruce had spent putting together gifts and a stocking for Lindsay and Brandt. It was always a special time with her husband, a time where they shared secrets and surprises, relishing the excitement of the season.

Bruce set his mind to the art of toy assembly, while Tiff removed tags from clothing and placed them in the dresser that came with the apartment. She made the beds with freshly laundered sheets and blankets. The crib would be delivered the day before they moved Eve into the apartment.

When they were done, Tiff looked around. It was a home waiting for a family.

She’d gotten involved. Too involved. And she wouldn’t change a thing.