Two
John Lee sat on the sofa in the McClouds’ living room with a sleeping Cassie cuddled against his chest. Mandy and Sam sat opposite him, the look in their eyes damning.
“I know it was the wrong thing to do,” he said regretfully. “Or at least I do now. But I swear I was only trying to help Merideth. I thought if she and Cassie met up, they might be good for each other. You know, both of them having suffered a loss, and all.”
He sighed in frustration when Sam and Mandy continued to glare at him. Hell. He’d said he was sorry. What was there left to say?
The roar of his Porsche on the drive outside saved him from having to make any more attempts at an apology, for it made both Sam and Mandy leap to their feet He stood, too, and stretched out his free arm to stop them from rushing to the door. “If you girls don’t mind,” he said, “I’d like to talk to her first.”
The two exchanged a glance, then stepped back, silently indicating their agreement.
“In private,” he added. He held out the sleeping baby to Mandy. “Would you mind looking after Cassie for me while I talk to Merideth?”
Mandy stretched out her arms, her expression softening as she took Cassie from him.
Sam continued to glare at him. “If you upset her again, John Lee, I swear I’ll—”
He held up his hands in surrender. “I’m not going to do anything but apologize. You have my word.”
Not wanting her sisters hovering over Merideth while he made his amends, John Lee headed for the front door and the porch beyond, hoping to intercept Merideth before she reached the house.
Dusk had settled over the landscape since his arrival, leaving the porch in long shadows. He paused there among them, watching Merideth’s approach, noting the droop of her shoulders, the heaviness in her step. He wished he could see her expression, too, but her hair curtained her face and dark sunglasses masked her eyes.
When she reached the foot of the porch steps, he took a deep breath and stepped from the shadows. She froze at the sight of him, then firmed her lips and started past him.
John Lee took a step sideways, blocking her way. “I’d like to talk to you, if I could,” he said quietly. “To explain.”
“There’s nothing you have to say that I want to hear.” She started to go around him again, but this time John Lee caught her arm, holding her in place. When she tried to twist free, he tightened his grip, his fingers digging into her flesh.
“Five minutes, Merideth. That’s all I ask.”
She yanked off her sunglasses to glare at him. “That’s right, John Lee. When charm fails, use muscle. Isn’t that what you cowboys usually do to get your way?”
More than her words, it was the red, puffy eyes and the tracks of tears through her makeup that made John Lee release his hold on her. “I’m sorry, Merideth. I never meant to upset you.”
Fresh tears welled in her eyes and she fought them back. She wouldn’t let him see her cry. “Apology accepted. Now go home to your baby and leave me the hell alone.”
“She’s not my baby.”
Already turning for the house, Merideth stopped.
“She’s my niece.”
Slowly she turned to face him. “Sissy’s baby?”
“Yeah.”
Though the news surprised her, it didn’t soften Merideth’s anger with John Lee. She lifted her chin, her look one of contempt. “I always considered Sissy intelligent, but she certainly has displayed poor judgment in her choice of babysitters.”
John Lee heaved a sigh. “I’m not baby-sitting. I’m Cassie’s guardian. Sissy’s dead.”
The blood slowly drained from Merideth’s face. “Dead?” she repeated in a hoarse whisper.
John Lee thinned his lips, fighting back the emotion, the memory. “Yeah. She was killed in a motorcycle accident a little over a month ago.”
“Oh, John Lee,” she murmured, “I didn’t know.” She pressed a hand against her heart, remembering the towheaded little girl who had shadowed her big brother’s every step from the time she could walk. “I’m so sorry. You were so close. That must have been horrible for you.”
He dipped his chin to his chest and scuffed the toe of his boot at a plank on the front porch. “Yeah, it was, but truthfully I lost Sissy a long time ago.” He lifted his gaze to meet hers, his blue eyes a deep pool of grief that Merideth well understood. “You wouldn’t have known her, Merideth. After Mom and Dad died, she went crazy. Died her hair purple, pierced everything on her body that could be pierced. When she wasn’t living on the streets, she was shacking up with first one guy, then another. I doubt she even knew who fathered the baby.” He shook his head regretfully. “I tried to help her, but nothing I did or said seemed to make any difference. It was as if she was determined to self-destruct.”
Merideth laid a hand on his arm, her touch light but full of compassion. “I wish I’d known. Maybe I could have done something to help her.”
He placed his own hand over hers and squeezed. “Thanks, but nothing you could have done or said would have changed anything. Believe me, I tried it all.” He drew her hand from his arm to clasp it between his own. He dropped his gaze to stare at them. “But maybe there is something that you could do for Sissy.”
Unsure what she could do now that Sissy was gone, Merideth peered at him quizzically. “What?”
John Lee drew in a deep breath and lifted his gaze, his blue eyes meeting hers. “I need help with Cassie. Mrs. Baker, my housekeeper, takes care of her through the day, but the woman isn’t as young as she used to be. And with all her other household chores...well, the baby’s not getting the attention she requires. What Cassie needs is a nanny.”
Merideth tensed, sensing the direction the conversation was taking. “Is that why you invited me to dinner? To persuade me to become the baby’s nanny?”
He had the grace to blush. “Well, yeah, sorta.”
Her lips thinned and she jerked her hand from his. “Then you wasted your time. Look elsewhere. I’m not interested.”
When she turned for the house, John Lee stepped in front of her again. Merideth snapped her head up to glare at him.
“I have looked,” he said. “I really have.” He dug his hands deep into his jean pockets. “You don’t realize how hard it is to find someone competent, someone I’d trust with her. That’s why I was hoping you’d be willing to help me out for a while. You wouldn’t be her nanny, really. More like her friend.”
When her eyes narrowed dangerously, John Lee pressed on. “It’d just be for a couple of months. Just until I can find someone permanent. You told me you didn’t know what you wanted to do with your life,” he reminded her. “This’ll give you something to occupy your time while you’re making up your mind. And you can live on the ranch with Cassie and me. That way you won’t feel like you’re a burden on your sisters anymore. It’s the perfect arrangement for everyone. Don’t you see?”
Though Merideth’s gaze was riveted on John Lee’s face, the image she saw was that of Cassie, that beautiful little baby, standing in the playpen, her arms outstretched to Merideth, tears streaking down her red face, that silent plea in her eyes.
Slowly she backed away from him. “No,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.” Spinning around she ran from the porch and across the lawn.
“Why didn’t either of you tell me?” Merideth demanded accusingly of her sisters.
Mandy and Sam exchanged a guilty look, but as the oldest and the one who’d ultimately made the decision to keep the news from her, it was Mandy who responded. “I’m sorry, Merideth. I know we should have, but—well, right after Sissy’s accident, you had your accident and we didn’t think you needed to be burdened with any more bad news.”
Merideth folded her arms beneath her breasts. “So you’re making my decisions for me now, are you? And I suppose you both were in on this little scheme with John Lee, too, weren’t you, thinking I’d go along with his idea? Well, you were wrong!” she cried, flattening her hands on her father’s desk as she leaned across it to glare at them. “I won’t do it I can’t.”
“Whoa, wait a minute,” Sam said, rising from the sofa. “What scheme?”
Narrowing her eyes suspiciously, Merideth shifted her gaze from Sam’s to Mandy’s and back again, looking for signs of guilt, for the lie she was sure that her sisters were trying to brazen out But she saw nothing there but confusion. “He didn’t tell you?”
Sam tossed her hands in the air in frustration. “Tell us, what, for heaven’s sake?”
“That he wants me to move in with him and take care of Sissy’s baby.”
Mandy’s eyes widened and she leapt from the sofa. “What! Oh, Merideth, surely you know that we’d never ask you to do something like that. That would be cruel. Your own loss is still much too fresh.”
Merideth folded her arms beneath her breasts again and turned her back on her sisters to stare out the darkened window. “Yes, it is,” she said, feeling tears rising. “But obviously John Lee doesn’t think so.”
The days faded one into the other until a week had passed since Merideth’s conversation with John Lee. During that week, she had paced her room, walked the pastures of the Double-Cross, driven for miles on end, all the while cursing John Lee Carter.
Why had he done this to her? Didn’t he realize how painful it was for her to see someone else’s baby when her heart was still raw from the loss of her own?
And that baby. That precious little angel. As hard as she tried, Merideth couldn’t shake her image...or the desperation in John Lee’s voice when he’d said he needed help with the child.
She tried hard not to feel sorry for him, to hold on to her anger with him, but it was obvious that he was in way over his head. What did a bachelor, especially a playboy like John Lee, know about caring for a baby?
The poor little thing, left without a mother to love and care for her. Merideth tried to blot the infant from her mind, but she couldn’t sleep at night for worrying about her, wondering if she was okay, if John Lee had found someone to care for her, if she was receiving the proper care.
After a week of sleepless nights and haunted days, she finally decided she wouldn’t rest until she saw the child again and satisfied herself that the baby was receiving the attention and care she needed. She owed Sissy that.
She planned her visit mid-morning in hopes of avoiding John Lee, sure that he would be out on the ranch with his wranglers at that time of day.
Parking in front of the long, ranch-style house, she crossed to the porch and rang the bell. From the other side of the door, she could hear the drone of a television set... and the plaintive cry of the baby. She waited, her nerves winding tighter and tighter with each passing moment, with each new heartbreaking sob.
She punched the bell a second time. Then, unable to stand the sound of the baby’s crying, tried the door and found it open. She stepped inside. “Mrs. Baker? John Lee?”
She listened but heard nothing but the baby’s persistent cry. Had something happened to the housekeeper? Was the baby alone and in pain? With panic gripping her chest, Merideth ran down the hall, following the crying sounds to the den.
There she found a playpen in the center of the room and inside it Cassie stood on wobbly legs, her fingers knotted in the playpen’s mesh sides. She stood just as she had the last time Merideth had seen her. Dressed in nothing but a fruit-stained T-shirt and a sagging diaper, she turned her face toward Merideth. Alligator-sized tears ran down her face.
Merideth glanced frantically around, looking for some sign of John Lee or Mrs. Baker, hoping they would hear the baby’s cries and would come and see to her needs. But no one came. There wasn’t a sound in the house other than that of canned laughter from a television set in another room. Merideth swallowed the fear that rose as she turned her gaze back to Cassie.
Tears burned her throat. She’d made a mistake, she told herself. She shouldn’t have come. She couldn’t bear this.
She started to turn away, to leave before anyone saw her, but just as she did, the baby swayed, losing her balance, then sat down hard on the floor of the playpen. Her frustrated wails grew louder.
Instinctively, Merideth took a step toward her, her hands outstretched, reaching for her...then she stopped, curling her hands into fists against her lips. She couldn’t pick her up. She couldn’t touch her. She just couldn’t.
As if Cassie sensed Merideth’s inability to rescue her, she flopped over on her tummy and buried her face in the blanket beneath her, sobbing miserably.
Swallowing hard, Merideth quickly closed the distance between them and stooped to pick her up. Cassie grabbed at Merideth’s hair, tangling the fingers of one hand there, while she fisted her other hand in Merideth’s blouse. Straightening, Merideth held her out in front of her.
Emotion rose in her throat as she met the infant’s gaze. “Shhh,” she whispered, blinded by her own tears. “Please don’t cry.” But Cassie only wailed louder. With her heart threatening to split wide open, Merideth drew a deep breath and slowly drew her to her breasts. The frantic beat of the baby’s heart throbbed against her own.
She closed her eyes, trying to remain unaffected, but the baby’s warmth seeped through her blouse and slowly wound itself around her heart. Merideth couldn’t hold back the tide of grief that rose inside her.
Cupping the back of the baby’s head, she tucked it beneath her chin and pressed her lips to the cap of silky hair there. Inhaling deeply, she filled her senses with scents of baby powder, milk and innocence.
“There, there,” she soothed as she instinctively began to sway. “No need to cry. Merideth’s got you.”
A hiccupy sigh reverberated against Merideth’s chest, then Cassie leaned back and looked up at her. Tears swam in eyes as blue as John Lee’s. She peered up at Merideth innocently, yet with a look of such expectancy and hopefulness, that Merideth felt as if the child had reached in and touched her heart.
Tears blurred her vision as she tried to focus on the baby’s sweet face. How could she have ever been so heartless, she asked herself, so selfish as to run from this precious child?
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” she murmured sympathetically as she swiped tears from her own eyes. “Are you wet? Do you need your diaper changed?” In answer, Cassie’s lower lip began to quiver. Merideth tested the diaper. “You are wet,” she confirmed. “And I’ll bet you’re hungry, too.” She glanced around. “Where is Mrs. Baker?” she asked, beginning to frown. “She should be taking care of you.”
“C, you fool. Ask for a C!”
Merideth turned toward the sound and anger slowly rose to warm her cheeks. “The irresponsible twit,” she muttered to the baby. “Watching television and leaving you alone in here and all by yourself.” Furious now, she marched in the direction of the swinging door that separated the kitchen from the den. Slapping a palm against it, she stepped into the kitchen, then stopped, shifting Cassie to her hip while the door rocked on its hinges behind her.
Just as she’d expected, she found Mrs. Baker standing at the kitchen’s center island, her hands white with flour, her eyes glued to a television set on the counter opposite her. Pursing her lips, Merideth marched across the room and with an angry stab of her finger, punched the power button. The screen went black, the room silent.
Mrs. Baker turned from the screen to Merideth, her eyes widening in surprise when she saw Meredith, obviously unaware of her presence before that moment. “What do you think you’re doing?” she blustered indignantly.
“Turning off the television.”
Mrs. Baker narrowed her eyes suspiciously, shifting her gaze from Merideth to the baby and back again. “How did you get in here?”
Cassie started to cry again and Merideth bounced her on her hip, trying to quiet her. “I walked right in the front door, the same as any kidnapper or murderer could do.”
Her expression turning sour, the housekeeper gathered her apron in her hands and wiped the flour from them. “And what gives you the right to march into a private home unannounced?”
“I rang the bell twice, but you were so engrossed in Vanna White flipping letters,” she said with a dramatic wave of her hand toward the television set, “that I guess you didn’t hear.”
“An unlocked door gives you no right to just barge in.” She shook a finger at Merideth. “John Lee’ll hear about this, I assure you.”
“No need. I’ll tell him myself. And while I’m at it, I’ll tell him how you were watching television and ignoring the baby’s needs.”
Mrs. Baker’s mouth dropped open. “I was not ignoring the baby!”
“You most certainly were! She was in the den crying her heart out. I could hear the poor thing all the way from the front porch.”
At that moment, the back door swung open, and John Lee stepped into the kitchen. In the midst of dragging off his hat, he froze when he saw Merideth holding the baby.
“What are you doing here?” he asked in surprise as he tossed his hat onto the counter top.
“That’s exactly what I was trying to get out of her.” Mrs. Baker huffed and shot an accusing look at Merideth.
Ignoring her, Merideth turned on John Lee, having to raise her voice to be heard over Cassie’s crying. “This woman is totally irresponsible. When I arrived, Cassie was in the den in her playpen screaming her lungs out while she—” she pointed an accusing finger at Mrs. Baker “—was watching TV in the kitchen. She is incompetent and lazy and I want her fired immediately!”
Seeing the color rise on his housekeeper’s face, John Lee quickly crossed the room and took Merideth by the elbow. “Excuse us for a minute, Mrs. Baker,” he said apologetically, as he propelled Merideth toward the swinging door. “I’ll take care of this.”
Merideth dug in her heels, but John Lee shoved her kicking and fussing ahead of him. Once in the den, he spun her around to face him. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?” he whispered angrily. “Do you realize how hard it is to get good help these days?”
“Good help!” Merideth cried. “Why, that woman—”
John Lee clamped a hand over her mouth. “Don’t you say another word,” he threatened. “I’ll be lucky if she doesn’t quit over this.”
Merideth ripped his hand from her mouth. “You’ll be lucky if she does quit!” she returned furiously.
Firming his lips, John Lee caught her by the elbow again and marched her down the hall to the master bedroom. Once inside, he slammed the door behind him and fisted his hands on his hips. “Let me tell you something, Miss High-and-Mighty McCloud. I need Mrs. Baker. Without her help with Cassie, I don’t know what I’d do.”
Merideth shifted the baby to her shoulder and frantically patted her back, trying to calm her. “You’d find someone better. Someone conscientious. Someone without a television addiction.”
Shooting Merideth a scathing look, John Lee took the baby from her. Holding Cassie at arm’s length, he jounced her up and down, puckering his mouth sympa-thetically as he looked up at her. “Whatsa matter, darlin’? Is all this yellin’ upsettin’ you?”
Merideth snatched the baby right back from him. “For heaven’s sake! She isn’t some football you can toss around.” She cradled the baby to her chest, tucking the infant’s head beneath her chin and rocking slightly while she glared at John Lee. “And I can tell you what’s wrong with her. She’s wet. She’s dirty. And probably hungry. And that witch in the kitchen totally ignores her.”
John Lee narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you start in again with me,” he warned.
“As if anything I said could penetrate your thick skull.” Turning her back on him, Merideth paced the room, patting and comforting, trying to calm Cassie. A huge beveled mirror covered the wall opposite her from floor to ceiling, offering Merideth her reflection and that of the black velvet comforter and cowhide throw that stretched across the king-sized bed behind her. She knew without looking that she’d find a similar mirror on the ceiling. She also knew their purpose. She shifted her gaze to a huge impressionistic painting of bold red slashes. After staring at it a moment, she realized she was looking at a nude woman’s reclining form.
The entire room screamed of seduction.
She glanced over her shoulder to scowl at John Lee. “I suppose this is your room?”
“Yeah,” he said defensively. “You got a problem with that?”
“Yes, I do, though I imagine the caliber of women you entertain here probably find this hedonistic display highly erotic.”
John Lee wasn’t at all sure what she’d just said, but by her tone, he figured he’d just been insulted. “I’ll have you know—”
Merideth shifted Cassie to the opposite shoulder, cutting him off with a dismissing wave of her hand. “Don’t bother me with the details of your sordid sex life. Just tell me where the baby’s room is so that I can change her.”
Scowling, John Lee gestured toward a door. “Through here.”
Merideth followed him into the adjoining room, which proved to be an extension of the den of iniquity she considered his bedroom. An entertainment center lined one wall and a sleek black leather couch, deep enough to sleep on, another. Framed photographs hung above the sofa and Merideth focused in on the largest, a picture of John Lee surrounded by a group of big-busted cheerleaders, each of whom seemed intent on offering him the most daring view of her cleavage. By the broad smile he was wearing, Merideth could tell he had been enjoying himself immensely.
“Disgusting,” she muttered under her breath and brushed past John Lee, heading for the crib parked in a comer of the room.
She laid the baby down, her expression and her tone softening perceptibly as she turned her full attention on Cassie. “That’s okay, precious,” she soothed, drawing a clean diaper from the bag hanging on the side of the crib. “Merideth will take care of that old wet diaper.”
As she worked, the trio of gold bangles at her wrist clinked musically. Mesmerized by the sound, Cassie stopped crying and stretched up a chubby hand to grab for them. Laughing, Merideth slipped one off her wrist and gave it her. “You like jewelry, do you? Well, so do I. And I must say you have marvelous taste.” When Cassie carried the bracelet to her mouth and began to gum it, Merideth smiled approvingly. “That’s right, darling. It’s only fitting that a princess should cut her teeth on gold.”
John Lee wasn’t sure what to make of all this, but damned if he was going to say or do anything to stop it! Merideth was holding Cassie, talking to her, even teasing her. This from the woman who, a little more than a week ago, couldn’t bring herself to so much as touch the baby.
Was it possible that she had reconsidered his proposal?
Cautiously, he eased up behind Merideth and peered over her shoulder as she pressed the tabs of the clean diaper in place. “You’re pretty good at that.”
Merideth favored him with a look that would have brought a lesser man to his knees. “Any fool can change a diaper, which only supports my claim that Mrs. Baker is incompetent. You should fire her.”
John Lee cocked his head in warning. “Merideth...”
“Oh, forget it.” She glanced around. “Where do you keep her clothes? You do have something other than these tacky T-shirts for her to wear, don’t you?”
“Of course I do.” He dug through a box of clothes sitting on the floor beside the crib, and pulled out a pink romper and held it up for her inspection. “Will this do?”
Merideth eyed it critically. “For now.” She took the garment and tugged it over Cassie’s head. “We’ll go shopping later.”
“Shopping?”
“Yes, shopping.”
“For what?”
“A new wardrobe.” She bent to lift Cassie from the crib and shifted her to her hip. “She’ll need furniture, too. A chest of drawers, a changing table and a rocker, of course.” She crossed to the window and opened the shutters, letting sunlight flood the room. Turning, she cocked her head, studying the walls, already mentally ripping the pictures from them. “And paint,” she added thoughtfully.
“Paint?” John Lee repeated, wondering what in the hell was going on, but afraid to ask.
“Yes. This room is much too dull. A baby needs color for stimulation. We’ll need to drive into Austin, and maybe even to San Antonio.”
“And when are we going to do this?”
“First thing in the morning. We’d go today,” she added, already thinking of fabrics and colors, “but I need to go home and pack a few things.”
“Pack a few things?” he repeated, beginning to feel like a parrot. “Are you planning on moving in?”
Merideth rolled her eyes. “Well, of course I am. Someone has to look after Cassie, and it’s obvious she—” she jerked her head toward the kitchen “—isn’t capable of the job. And you,” she added pointedly, “are too spineless to fire her.” She turned to Cassie, nuzzling her nose against the infant’s. “Isn’t that right, princess?”
In answer, Cassie caught Merideth’s cheeks between her chubby hands and pressed their noses closer together.
Laughing, Merideth gave her a quick hug before turning to John Lee. When her gaze met his, her frown returned.
“I suppose we should get a few details out of the way,” she said, her tone turning crisp. “I’ll take care of Cassie, but that’s it. I do not cook, clean or do laundry, including my own. I’ll sleep in your room, so that I can be nearby in case she cries out in the night, which of course means that you’ll need to move into one of the other bedrooms.”
Though the idea of giving up his room didn’t exactly please John Lee, he figured he could live with the inconvenience for a few months if it meant Merideth was going to be looking after Cassie. “Sounds fair enough. What else?”
“You’ll need to provide me with transportation, as I don’t own a car. I’m sure—”
John Lee’s eyes bugged out. “You don’t own a car?”
Merideth lifted a negligent shoulder. “In New York I never had need of one. The studio provided me with a chauffeured limousine.”
He could see her sliding into the back of a stretch limo and giving a driver orders in that snooty way of hers. The image suited her. But he figured he better let her know up front that she wasn’t in New York anymore where everyone danced to whatever tune she played. Or at the Double-Cross, where everyone spoiled her unmercifully.
“Well, sugar, I hate to tell you this,” he said sadly, “but there isn’t a limousine on the place. You’ll just have to use one of the farm trucks.”
Merideth crossed to him and patted his cheek, smiling sweetly. “Why, thank you, John Lee, for your generosity, but frankly I prefer the Porsche.”