Nine
He was dying, he was sure of it. He had this pain in his chest that ached worse than any he’d ever had in his knee. He couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t think.
Well, the last was a lie. He could think, all right. And it was what he was thinking that was causing all the rest of his symptoms. Merideth. The damn woman haunted his every step.
She was everywhere. In his bedroom, in his bathroom, in his car. He couldn’t even eat his breakfast without imagining her as she’d stood that morning when he’d gone out early to drive to Austin for that tractor part. A vision of seduction standing there in his kitchen in that piece of nothing of a nightgown, her lips all pouty and sweet, her nipples nudging that thin strip of lace.
He got hard just thinking about it.
And her scent! No amount of scrubbing could erase it. He knew, because he’d tried. He’d used two bottles of a pine-scented cleaner on his bathroom, thinking if he couldn’t scrub it off, at least he could smother it. But he still smelled her at every turn.
The mirror above his bed was creating a whole different set of problems. He couldn’t sleep for looking in it, seeing Merideth there all naked and hot, her body tangled with his, watching her hands trail over his body, watching her hips move in rhythm with his. As much as he liked his mirror, he was afraid he was going to have to tear the dang thing down.
Cassie sure wasn’t helping much, either. Blubbering “Mur-r-r” all the time, and looking so pitiful he thought his heart would break. He’d catch her sometimes, looking around kind of hopeful as if she expected Merideth to come sashaying into the room at any moment.
The nursery was another can of worms he had to deal with. He couldn’t take a step inside without looking at that rocker and seeing Merideth sitting there with Cassie in her lap, humming some little song while she rocked Cassie to sleep. Other times, he’d remember the day they’d gone nose-to-nose over what she’d referred to as his “toys,” saying Cassie needed her own room, her own things so she’d feel more secure in her new home.
Well, if she was so damn worried about Cassie feeling secure, then why the hell did she run off and leave her? he asked himself furiously. Cassie needed her. She loved her.
He loved her.
He froze, then gulped. Loved her? Blowing out a breath, he sank down on the hay bale, his knees weak. He sat there a moment, letting it sink in, even trying to talk himself out of it. But he couldn’t. A man couldn’t argue with facts. And the fact was, he loved her.
The realization had no sooner formed than he was jumping to his feet. He’d go and get her, he told himself. Haul her back to Texas where she belonged. They’d get married. They’d—
He sagged back down again, curling his hands around the hay bale’s edge to keep himself from pitching over onto the floor in a dead faint. Married? Him? John Lee Carter?
He dragged a hand across the sweat that popped up on his forehead. He couldn’t get married. He didn’t want to get married. He liked his freedom. No. He loved his freedom. Women were his hobby. His pastime. His joy. He loved ’em, all of ’em, and they loved him. He’d go stark raving crazy if he was chained to the same woman for the rest of his life.
He gave his head a shake, freeing himself of thoughts of marriage and Merideth. “Whew! That was a close one, Carter,” he muttered with a nervous laugh, and gave his heart a soothing pat. He’d come dang close to making the biggest mistake of his life. Taking off for California and bringing Merideth back. Marrying her. What was he thinking?
He just needed a night out, he told himself. A little loving with a willing woman and he’d be back to normal in no time. He stood up again, though his knees—both the good and the bad one—still trembled a little. He’d call one of his friends. Maybe Muffy. He hadn’t seen her in. . .
He stopped, frowning, trying to remember the last time he’d seen Muffy. He scratched his head, hoping to shake loose a memory of her or another woman he’d seen recently. Anybody! But durned if he could think of a one. It had been months since he’d been out with a woman. And the oddest thing of all was that he hadn’t even noticed or felt deprived.
It was because Merideth had been there, he realized. Not once during the entire time she’d been living with him had he even thought about another woman, much less gone out with one.
He tried to work up the enthusiasm to head on up to the house and give Muffy a call. . .but he couldn’t.
He dropped his chin to his chest. It’s no use, he told himself. He didn’t want to see Muffy. Or Debbie. Or Trish. Or Suzanne. Or any other woman, for that matter. He’d lost his taste for any woman other than Merideth.
He rubbed a hand against the ache in his chest. He wanted Merideth. She was the only woman for him. And some way or another, he was going to have her.
He sat down on the bale again, his rear end sinking into the nest he’d shaped with all his yo-yoing up and down, wondering if he’d be able to talk her into coming home with him and marrying him. It’d be a hard sell. She hated ranch life. He knew that for a fact. She’d run from her own home years before just to escape it.
And would it be fair to ask her to give up her career? he asked himself. She loved acting, and had made a real success of it. He remembered the expression on her face when she’d told him about this new offer for a made-for-television movie. All bright-eyed and smiling.
He rose slowly, firming his lips, remembering her standing on his front porch, her hands braced on her hips, full of sass and saying, “Well, this is it, cowboy. Pucker up.” At the time, he’d been so choked with the thought of her going, so shocked that she’d even consider leaving them, that he hadn’t said anything, hadn’t tried to stop her or persuade her to stay.
But he wasn’t choked up now. He was mad. Dang mad. Putting him and Cassie through such misery. Making them miss her. And all the while she was off having herself a high old time in Hollywood.
He grabbed up his hat and rammed it on his head. Not for long she’s not, he told himself, because he was going to California and he was bringing her home where she belonged, whether she wanted him to or not.
And if she put up a fuss. . . Well, he hoped she did. He was ready to go another round or two with Miss Merideth McCloud.
“A cowboy, huh?”
Merideth stared miserably at her reflection in the mirror and nodded while the makeup artist dabbed, buffed and dabbed again, trying to conceal the red puffiness around her eyes.
“I’ve always wondered what it would be like to date a cowboy. Is he worth all these tears?”
Merideth’s lower lip began to tremble.
“Oh, no you don’t,” the woman warned, seeing the swell of tears. “I’ve already patched your makeup twice this morning and I’m not doing it again.”
Merideth hiccuped a sob. “But—”
Before she could say another word, the woman gave the chair a hard twist, then hopped out of the way. Merideth’s mouth gaped, her head snapped back and she dug her nails into the chair’s padded arms to keep from being catapulted across the room.
“Trixie Starr!” she screamed as the chair spun crazily. “You stop this thing right this minute!”
“Are you going to cry any more?”
Merideth shot the woman a murderous look as she spun past her, but Trixie just laughed and gave the chair another hard push.
“No! Please!” Merideth begged, her stomach beginning to churn. “I won’t cry.”
“Promise?”
“Promise,” she whimpered weakly.
Trixie grabbed the back of the chair as it swung past and dragged it to a stop.
Her head still whirling, Merideth struggled to pull herself back to a sitting position. When she had, her chest swelled and all hell broke loose. “Trixie Starr, you are the meanest, the vilest, the most despicable person I’ve ever met in my life! I ought to have you fired!”
Trixie rolled her eyes and flapped a hand. “Yeah, yeah. Tell it to somebody who cares.”
Furious, Merideth snatched a tissue from the box on the vanity and pressed it beneath her nose. As she did, she met Trixie’s gaze in the mirror. The redhead stood behind her, her arms folded across her chest, her mouth puckered smugly. A smile trembled on Merideth’s lips, then, unable to help herself, she burst out laughing.
“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”
Trixie lifted a shoulder. “You aren’t crying any more, are you?”
“Who could cry when their breakfast is threatening a return performance as their lunch?”
Trixie chuckled and picked up a makeup brush. She dipped it into a pot of concealer and started over again, dabbing it beneath Merideth’s eye. After only two strokes, Merideth touched her hand, stopping her.
“Thank you.”
Trixie grinned. “For giving you the ride of your life?”
Merideth smiled. “No. For being my friend.”
Trixie scrunched her nose, obviously embarrassed. “It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it.”
The door opened behind them, and a runner called, “Two minutes, Miss McCloud.”
“I’ll be right there.”
Trixie quickly repaired the damage then whipped the smock from around Merideth’s shoulder. “Break a leg.”
Merideth stood and checked her reflection, giving her hair one last fluff, then turned and gave Trixie a quick hug. “I owe you one,” she whispered, then released her and hurried back to the set.
John Lee shifted Cassie to his opposite hip and carefully made his way through the web of cables snaking across the floor. Stopping behind an unmanned camera, he used it for concealment as he stole a glance at the set. He saw her almost instantly. . .and silently cursed her for looking so damn beautiful.
Obviously, she wasn’t suffering sleepless nights, haunted days, like he was. He narrowed an eye at the skimpy cocktail dress she was wearing.
“Mur-r-r,” Cassie cried, clapping her hands.
John Lee ducked behind the camera and clamped a hand over her mouth, burying his mouth at her ear. “Shhh. Remember?” he whispered to her. “This is supposed to be a surprise.”
He glanced around to see if anyone had noticed them, but fortunately there was a lot of noise and everyone seemed pretty consumed with whatever task they were about. Relieved, he dropped his hand and dug in his pocket for the pacifier.
“Here, Princess. Suck on this for a while,” he whispered and popped it into her mouth.
“Places, everyone. Places.”
There was a flurry of movement as people scurried in all directions, then silence. John Lee peeped around the side of the camera. Only Merideth and some slick-haired man wearing a tux remained on the stage. Another guy dressed in jeans darted in front of them, holding a clapboard, and shouted “Scene five, take three,” then disappeared.
Instantly, the action started. The man on the stage grabbed Merideth and put a lip lock on her that had John Lee’s eyes bugging, then narrowing to dangerous slits. “So much for foreplay,” he muttered under his breath, then nearly choked when the man put his hands on Merideth’s shoulders, caught the thin straps that held up her dress and began to peel them down her arms.
As far as John Lee was concerned, this scene had played long enough. With a low growl, he stepped around the camera and strode for the set. He knocked over an umbrella light stand, shoved a cameraman aside, and elbowed his way past some owl-eyed woman holding a script. Another two steps and he was on the set.
He shifted Cassie to his opposite hip, grabbed the man’s arm, swung him around, reared back and planted his fist right square in the man’s face. The guy toppled like a stack of bricks.
Her eyes wide in horror, Merideth watched him fall, then slowly turned. Her eyes widened even more when she saw John Lee. “What are you doing here?” she asked in a shocked whisper.
Scowling, he shook his stinging fist. “I came to take you home.”
“Cut! Cut!”
“Somebody call security!”
“Is Shaun okay?”
“Kill the lights!”
A moan came from the guy on the floor.
Someone grabbed John Lee from behind and Merideth snatched Cassie from him just as he stumbled backwards, his arms pinned behind his back. “No,” she cried, grabbing at the security man’s arms. “It’s okay. I know him.”
Another guy, the director, John Lee figured, came streaking onto the stage. “What is the meaning of this?” he shouted angrily.
Merideth melted into a puddle of apologetic mush. “Oh, Ted, I’m sorry. I’m afraid there’s been a terrible misunderstanding. If you’ll give me a few minutes, I’m sure I can get it all straightened out.”
Ted shot John Lee a scowl, which John Lee gladly returned, then the director turned and yelled. “Lunch break! Everybody back on the set in one hour.”
The hands that held John Lee’s arms behind him disappeared. Turning to frown at the security guard’s back as he walked away, John Lee gave his cuffs a snap, tugging his shirtsleeves back into place.
It took two people to help the moaning Shaun up from the floor, and John Lee thought he heard the guy mumble something about a lawsuit, but he didn’t care. The satisfaction he’d gotten from burying his fist in the guy’s face was well worth whatever it cost him in fines.
Within seconds, the place was empty, leaving only Merideth, John Lee and Cassie on the set. Merideth cupped a protective hand at Cassie’s back and whirled on John Lee, her eyes blazing. “What are you trying to do? Ruin my career?”
John Lee stuck his hands in his pockets, and scuffed the toe of his boot against a line of cable. “No, not exactly.”
“Then what did you hope to gain? Storming in here like some kind of maniac, slugging my leading man.” She pressed a hand to her brow, seeing it all again— Shaun crumpling, her director’s furious face. She dropped her fingers to press them on her trembling lips. “I’m ruined,” she moaned miserably.
John Lee scowled. This wasn’t the welcome he’d hoped for. “I didn’t plan on hitting him.”
She snapped her head up to glare at him. “Well, you did,” she reminded him furiously.
He propped his hands on his hips and glared right back. “Well, what’d you expect me to do? The guy had his tongue halfway down your throat!”
Merideth’s mouth dropped open. “He most certainly did not!”
“Damn close,” he replied resentfully.
She snapped her lips together and glared at him. “You’re just jealous,” she accused him.
“Jealous! Of that pansy-faced actor?”
The accusation had been a reflex for Merideth, a means of getting in her own dig, but the speed and bluster of John Lee’s response told her that she was right. He was jealous. And the thought that he would be thrilled her! She tossed back her head and laughed. “You are jealous!”
John Lee scowled. “Well. . .maybe a little. But the guy was enjoying himself way too much. Besides,” he added, nodding toward Cassie, “I don’t think Cassie ought to be seeing that kind of stuff. Might give her nightmares or something.”
If Merideth hadn’t already been in love with him, she would have fallen in love with him at that moment. She crossed to him and laid a hand on his cheek. “Oh, John Lee,” she murmured, “you didn’t have to hit him. It was all just an act.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” he mumbled.
Sighing, she withdrew her hand and wrapped her arms around Cassie, her anger with him gone. “Why are you here, John Lee?” she asked softly.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets again and used his shoulder to gesture toward Cassie. “She misses you.”
Merideth tucked her chin back to smile at Cassie. “Do you miss me, darling?” Cassie pulled out her pacifier and tried to stick it in Merideth’s mouth. Laughing, Merideth caught it in her hand and hugged Cassie to her. “Well, I’ve missed you, too.”
“And she wants you to come back home with us where you belong.”
Merideth’s heart stopped for a moment, then kicked furiously against her ribs. Slowly she looked up at him. “Home?” she repeated.
With his hands still stuck in his pockets like they were glued there, John Lee frowned. “Yeah, home.”
“B-but why?”
“I already told you,” he muttered impatiently. “Cassie misses you. Cries all the time.”
That he was using Cassie as a shield to hide his own emotions behind was obvious, and it infuriated Merideth. The stubborn man! Well, she wouldn’t let him get away with it. If he wanted her in Texas with him, then by golly he would have to say so. “So you’re here to take me home for a visit. Is that it?”
He heaved a frustrated breath. “Not for a visit. We came to take you home. You know, permanent-like.”
“Why?”
He ripped his hands from his pockets and gestured wildly. “For God’s sake, Merideth! Are you listening to anything I’m saying? Cassie misses you. She needs you. She wants you back home where you belong.”
“And what do you want, John Lee?” she asked pointedly.
“The same damn thing.”
Merideth was sure she was going to scream. But she wouldn’t. He’d say it all, if she had to pluck every single word out of him with tweezers. “And I’m supposed to walk off this set, break a signed contract and ruin my career, just because Cassie misses me?”
“Ah, hell, Merideth,” he whined. He reached for Cassie and took her from Merideth’s arms. “She loves you. We both do. And we want you back home with us, where you belong.”
It wasn’t an out-and-out declaration of love, although it was awfully close for a man like John Lee. . .but not anywhere close enough for Merideth. She’d already suffered through one mistaken proposal from him and she wouldn’t suffer through another one.
“What is it you want from me, John Lee? A full-time nanny for Cassie? A live-in lover for you?”
He spun away in frustration, then whirled back, hooking Cassie at his hip. “Has all this smog affected your hearing or something? For God’s sake, Merideth, I’m asking you to be my wife and Cassie’s mother!”
Stunned that he’d finally said the words she’d so desperately needed to hear, Merideth stared, afraid to trust her ears. “Your wife?” she repeated.
“Yes, my wife!” John Lee hauled in a calming breath, then blew it out real slow. This wasn’t how he’d planned to propose to her—not that he’d had a plan in mind when he’d taken off for California to bring her home. But he sure as hell hadn’t expected to scream his proposal at her, and judging by the shocked look on her face, he figured he’d messed things up royally.
“Listen, sugar,” he said, hoping to make her see things his way. “I know this sounds like I’m asking you to give up a lot, and I guess I am, but I’m willing to compromise where I can. If you’ll just say you’ll marry me, we—
“Yes!” Merideth threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around both him and Cassie, laughing. “Yes, yes, yes, yes!”
Stumbling back a step, John Lee managed to get an arm around her waist, steadying them all before they toppled over. Grinning, he craned his neck back to look at her. “Well, I’ll be damned,” he murmured.
Merideth pressed a kiss first on Cassie’s cheek, then a more passionate one on John Lee’s mouth. She drew back, leaving a hand curled behind his neck and another pressed over his heart. “What took you so long to come after me?” she asked, tears stinging her eyes. “I’ve been absolutely miserable without you two.”
John Lee’s forehead plowed in confusion. “But, sugar, I thought this is what you wanted? You seemed so excited at the prospect of making a movie.”
Merideth dropped her gaze to his chest. She traced the outline of his shirt pocket with a manicured nail. “That was just an act,” she admitted reluctantly. “I couldn’t bear the thought of being only a temporary part of your and Cassie’s lives. Leaving seemed less painful than staying.”
John Lee tucked her head against his chest and hugged her to him. “Aw, sugar.”
“But you know what?” she murmured, comforted by the steady beat of his heart. “When I wasn’t missing you and Cassie, I really have enjoyed the challenge of making a movie. It’s so different from the acting that I’ve done before. And I’d really like to finish this project.”
“And you will,” John Lee promised her.
“But how?” she asked, lifting her head to look at him. “I can’t be two places at once.”
He frowned and tightened his arm around her. “Well, I don’t know exactly. But it doesn’t seem fair that you have to give up everything, when Cassie and I get to go along just like we were. Surely there’s a compromise in here somewhere. We’ll just have to find it.”
An idea began to form in Merideth’s mind. She took a step back, turning away from him, then spun around to face him again. “Did you hire one of the nannies I had the employment agency send out?”
John Lee swelled his chest. “Sure did. And a good one, too. Just like you told me to.”
“Does she like to travel?”
“Well, I don’t know,” he said uncertainly. “Was that one of the questions I was supposed to ask her?”
Merideth shook her head. “No, but if she doesn’t, we may have to hire a new one.”
“Whatever you say, sugar.”
Merideth laughed at his easy acquiescence and threw her arms around him, including Cassie in the embrace. “Don’t you see, John Lee? We can use the ranch as our home base, and when I have to be away on location, Cassie and her nanny can travel with me. We can fly home for the weekends, or you can join us when you can. And it isn’t as if we’ll be gone all the time. I can limit the number of projects I do a year.”
He stepped back, keeping a hand on her to hold her at arm’s length. “On one condition,” he cautioned her.
“What?”
“You have to have a stand-in for all those love scenes.”
Merideth threw her arms around his neck, laughing. “Oh, I love you, John Lee Carter.”
He hitched Cassie up higher on his hip and smiled smugly. “Yeah, I know.”
Merideth gave his chest a shove and pouted. “You’re supposed to say you love me, too.”
Working an arm around her waist, he turned her and headed her toward the studio door. “Sugar, you know I love you. Hell, I’m crazy about you. But I’m a man of action. I’d rather show you how much I love you. Now, have you got one of those little casting couches in your dressing room? You know, the kind where the leading man is supposed to seduce his leading lady?”
Laughing, Merideth slipped her arm around his waist and hugged him to her. “Not only that, I have a wonderful friend named Trixie who I know would love to baby-sit for a couple of hours.”
He stopped, pulling her to a stop too. He dipped his head over hers and branded her with a kiss that burned all the way to her toes.
Dragging her lips from his, she looked up at him. “What was that for?” she asked breathlessly.
He grinned and tugged her on toward the dressing room. “Sugar, where I come from, we call it foreplay.”