Chapter Fifteen

Delilah couldn’t find her car key.

It was Zero’s fault. She never took the key fob out of her purse, but she’d forgotten to lock the doors before she got out and then had to fish it out to click the button, which felt stupid in retrospect, given there were no other cars or people in Miller’s parking lot this morning. But she’d needed to focus on anything other than what he’d said.

Because it would be far too easy to fall for you.

And now the key had vanished.

Carol Miller dusted off her hands as she climbed to her feet after thoroughly inspecting the area under the register. “Not there. Did you look in the parking lot?”

Zero stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking far less perturbed than he should at the delay. “We both did.”

It would be fairer to say he’d looked while she’d continued to panic.

It was one thing to admit to herself that she had a very small crush on him and do a little flirting, then put the brakes on when things got out of hand. It was another thing entirely to throw down the gauntlet like he had, spilling secrets and impossible things all over the center console of her car.

“I’ll look again,” Delilah said and sprinted out of the feed store for some much needed air.

Her face was on fire. Her lungs were on fire. Everything inside felt scorched as if she’d swallowed hot coals.

“I think this is the part where I should apologize,” Zero said from behind her.

She turned around in slow motion. Of course he’d followed her. He lived to unsettle her, why not continue the tradition? “For what?”

“I shouldn’t have said that in the car. It obviously upset you.”

For many, many reasons and too much so to pretend any longer. “I just need to find my key so we can go home.”

Or rather back to his home. It wasn’t hers, no matter how much she’d come to love the family dinners and the fact she could see the pond from her window whenever she felt like it. Not to mention the shared bathroom that meant she always heard Zero through the walls, sounds that were both comforting and provocative at the same time.

Home wasn’t a thing in her world.

“Delilah.” His quietness stilled her rollicking insides. Somehow. “Breathe for a minute. I asked Carol to call Sheridan. She’ll come get us. It’s okay.”

Nothing was okay. Nothing would ever be okay again. “I can’t leave without my key.”

“I’ll take you to the dealership. You can get a new one made.”

“I don’t have any extra money,” she cried, and yes, it did sound as hysterical out loud as it did in her head. If only she hadn’t ordered all of those chew toys on eBay. “Key fobs are expensive. Why do you think I needed a place to live? It’s not because I was running away from home.”

Well, technically she’d done that a decade ago, drifting from place to place while she put herself through school, desperate to keep her grades up so she could maintain a partial scholarship. If only she could get her loan processed, she could get back to art history, where everything made sense and nothing exciting ever happened, because the people involved had been dead for a century.

“Okay, let’s take a time out,” Zero said in his Army Captain voice, the one she had no doubt had lined up plenty of guys in fatigues back in the day.

He hustled her over to the side of Miller’s where the roof extended over a picnic table she suspected might actually be the employee breakroom, based on the crumpled napkins and straw wrappers that had blown out of the round metal trash can near the wall.

“Please sit down,” he instructed and waited until she sank to the weathered bench seat, then he vanished around the corner.

When he returned, he carried two Sprites and a bag of potato chips that he handed to her, along with one of the soft drinks. “Eat something and get some sugar in you while I take my foot out of my mouth.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine,” she lied, wondering when on earth he’d clued in she liked Sprite the best. “I led you on with all the flirting, and I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

Zero settled heavily onto the bench, popping the top on his own drink. “I’ve done plenty of my own flirting. I don’t seem to be able to help myself.”

She had to laugh. “There’s a lot of that going around.”

They sat in silence for a beat, and then he did the strangest thing. He reached out and captured her hand in his, holding it as if they did this kind of thing often. The really weird part? It felt totally natural. Comfortable. He’d known exactly what she needed to calm down.

How?

Finally, he glanced up, meeting her gaze. “I’ll let go if you say so. I just…couldn’t sit here any longer without seeing how it feels to be normal for once.”

A tiny bit of sadness crept through his expression, capturing her thoroughly, and she couldn’t have released his hand at gunpoint. “It’s okay. I don’t have a lot of normal in my life, either. I’d almost forgotten some people have that as a matter of course. I’m sorry you’re not one of them.”

His mouth lifted up in a brief smile, the first one she’d seen in a while. It reminded her that up until he’d thrown down the falling-for-you speech, they’d been having fun together. She had anyway, and that’s what they needed to get back to. Pronto.

“Also my fault,” he told her. “Sheridan is a widow because of me.”

Her mouth flattened in a line as she swiftly assessed the falseness of that statement based on everything she knew about him, which he clearly did not realize was a lot. “I doubt that seriously, or that she believes that. What happened? Her husband did something boneheaded and you were in the vicinity but couldn’t save him?”

The scowl that flashed across his face told her she’d guessed correctly.

“That’s not what happened. Insurgents ambushed us at a checkpoint. They demanded to know who was in charge, so of course I raised my hand, expecting that I’d be executed on the spot. Instead, when they pulled their triggers, Rob jumped in front of me.” He scrubbed his hands over his face but not fast enough to hide his ravaged expression. “I still don’t know what he was thinking. Maybe that he’d knock me out of the way. Maybe he didn’t think at all, just reacted. I didn’t get to ask him before he died.”

“Oh my God.” She stuffed a fist against her mouth, but it didn’t stop the tears from welling up and spilling over to splash on her cheeks as she internalized the anguish of what he’d gone through.

And that she’d trivialized his brother-in-law’s sacrifice by calling it boneheaded, when in fact what Rob Bassett had done should go down in history books as the most heroic thing she’d ever heard of.

Zero’s unfocused expression didn’t change when she squeezed his hand, shifting his fingers deeper between hers as she held on for dear life. The scar around his eye took on new, deeper meaning, and she’d never look at it the same way again.

“We got out, though, thanks to him,” he murmured. “The distraction worked to allow the rest of my team to take down the insurgents. He saved us all.”

At an enormous price. Hunter had lost his dad, Sheridan her husband. What had Zero lost? The question felt huge, important. It might even be the biggest key to what he was going through day in and day out as she watched him push himself to the point of exhaustion around the ranch.

“I’m sorry, Zero,” she told him quietly. “That’s a tough thing to have to deal with.”

He nodded his agreement. “Yeah. I can’t stop blaming myself. If only I hadn’t raised my hand. If only I’d thrown myself in front of my team instead of the other way around. It’s an infuriating game of round robin that churns through my head constantly.”

She could only imagine. “I appreciate that you trusted me enough to talk to me about this.”

More than she could possibly express. She’d been so focused on her goals for so long, simple human companionship had fallen by the wayside. The fact it was Zero heightened everything to a whole other level. One she should be slashing and burning immediately, but she couldn’t go back and unfeel everything he’d created between them. She’d rather rip out her fingernails than destroy it.

It had been so long since she’d let herself have any kind of emotional connection to another person. She didn’t trust easily, either, after the fiasco of a relationship she’d had with her father.

That’s when he seemed to remember they were still holding hands across the picnic table, turning hers over in his to brush his thumb across her palm. She ignored the little feathers of delight that shivered up her arm, completely aware she should be ashamed of herself for registering pleasure in the midst of so much of his pain.

“See, that’s why I’ve made such a mess of everything,” he told her earnestly, his gaze begging her to understand. “I’m struggling to move on, to feel like it’s okay to live when Rob isn’t anymore. Most of the time, I don’t try. But I couldn’t stay away from you. I still can’t. Even though the timing sucks and I have no right to be saying things like this to you. So I have to apologize.”

Horrified he thought this way, she shook her head vehemently. “That’s ridiculous, Zero. You have every right to talk to me about whatever you want to. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

Everything came together in an enormous wave of guilt and grief over the impossible situation she’d created for herself. She had to tell him everything, about the dogs, training Elizabeth Swann and Will Turner to be emotional support animals, art history. All of it. Regardless of what it might cost her. And given the direction of the conversation, the price might be a lot higher than she’d ever realized.

“Don’t be silly,” he said with another of his brief but affecting smiles. “You’re the first good thing that’s happened to me in ages. That’s why I’m telling you all of this. So you can understand the place I’m coming from. I’m taking a chance here. With you. No more games. Just…how does normal look between us? Is this what a date might be like? If so, I’m liking it so far. How are things on your end?”

Her eyes flew shut as she processed the enormity of the question. Things were looking like everything she’d ever wanted on her end. Every fantasy she’d had, every dream about this man—he was laying it out for her like she could just pick it up and hold it all close to her chest. As if it might actually work out. As if normal might be a thing she could strive for.

Except that wasn’t how her life worked. And she was still going back to school at some point. She wasn’t a dog trainer. This was not reality, not for her.

“Zero.” She squeezed his hand. “This is happening pretty fast—”

“I know.” He made a face and laughed self-consciously, running a hand through his hair. “Told you. Making a mess here. You’ve made it clear you’re moving on and I’m so rusty at this. I guess…I’m asking if there’s a chance you might consider staying in the area. Or maybe coming back occasionally. To see me. We can take it slow, no expectations. Make a solid plan for how to level up. Maybe make a spreadsheet or two.”

He flashed her a just kidding—sort of smile, and that was when her heart swelled. She was so far gone over him.

How could she not have fallen for such a man? He was so sweet and unassuming, but commanding and shiver-inducing when she least expected it.

“Are you suggesting we resurrect the wing it plan?” she said with a watery smile. “Because that’s right up my alley.”

“Good.” His gaze warmed as he contemplated her. “I want to take you on a real date.”

Oh man. She wanted that, too. So badly. What was wrong with this take it slow idea he’d come up with? Why couldn’t she take the same kind of chance he was? As long as she came clean and told him everything, nothing stood between them and whatever came next. They didn’t have to commit to anything right this minute.

“You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in ages, too,” she told him honestly, letting her heart speak for her. “I’ve thrown up a lot of roadblocks myself, for the same reason.”

He absorbed that, a ridiculously pleased smile stealing over his features. “Which reason was that?”

“Because I knew how easy it would be for me to fall for you, too.”

Before she could guess his intent, he leaned across the table and captured her face with his fingers, then laid his lips on hers in a kiss that melted her bones. There was a three-foot length of wood between them, but that didn’t seem to stop his essence from swirling around her, wholly encompassing her in a bubble of bliss.

“Maybe we could get to that date sooner rather than later,” he murmured.

Sheridan pulled into the lot at that moment, stealing his attention.

Oh man, she was almost out of time. Panicked all at once, she put a hand on his arm. “Zero, I have to tell you something. It’s important.”

“Okay.”

A line appeared between his brows she wanted to smooth away, but she kept her hands to herself for the time being. “I’m a college student. A PhD candidate. I took this job training your dogs because I’m between loans and I needed a place to stay.”

Zero firmed his mouth and waited a beat. “And?”

“And what?” She turned up her hands, staring at him, willing him to internalize what she was saying. “That’s it. That’s what I meant by other commitments. I’m going back to school, and it’s not something I can just give up. I’ve been working toward this degree for ten years.”

“So you’re telling me I get to date a college girl?” His mouth twitched. “I’m waiting for you to get to the bad part.”

She smacked him on the arm even as her heart lightened all at once. It was going to be okay. He was strong enough to handle her unconventional life, her history of drifting. Once he heard about the strides Hunter had made with the dogs, he’d be thrilled.

She’d make sure of it, just as soon as she found a way to mention it.

“I’m being serious,” she told him. “You have to keep this in mind. College is a lot of work, focus, and energy that I won’t have for you. No expectations—is that really something you can do?”

He waved that aside like he’d already considered it and dismissed the protest. “That remains to be seen, right? Besides, that’s the beauty of this plan. We’re winging it. No agenda. We’ll figure it out. Please be with me on this.”

That’s when she saw the plea in his gaze she’d missed earlier. “This is hard for you, isn’t it? This idea of not having a label or a plan or spreadsheets?”

“It’s…different,” he hedged. “But maybe it’s exactly what I need.”

Exactly what they both needed.

“There’s more.” A lot more. “About the dogs. I need tell you—”

Sheridan beeped the horn, and Zero glanced over his shoulder, then stood, holding out his hand to her. “For a self-confessed wing-it girl, you don’t seem to have a grasp on the concept. Come home and stop worrying about the dogs, your job, school, the ranch, all of it. That’s for tomorrow or whenever. No agenda. Worry instead about what you’re going to wear on our date.”

Home. The very sentiment crawled into her heart and made itself a place to live. Was it so terrible to believe she might actually find a real home this time? That Zero would be the one to offer it to her?

“If you’re sure.”

“Delilah.” He tempered his exasperation with a smile. “Work with me here. I need your allergies to planning to take the lead. Teach me, oh wise one.”

She couldn’t stop her own return smile.

He’d asked her to embrace winging it, so what was she supposed to do, force him to listen to her when he’d expressly told her they’d talk about it later? She had to believe he’d be okay with the news half of his dogs wouldn’t be making the cut for working the cattle. She’d buy him some new dogs that could herd cows. Push off her dissertation for a few more weeks to train them. It wouldn’t be the end of the world. As long as she could extend this bliss he’d plunged her into.

And that’s when she realized the wisdom of his statement—she really didn’t have anything to wear on their date, and that’s exactly what she worried about all the way back to the ranch.