“Science has not yet taught us if madness is or is not the sublimity of intelligence.” —Edgar Allen Poe
King
I’m an idiot.
Like a complete idiot.
I have nothing coursing through my veins… unless you measure the blood and ask how much of it pumps for her, burns for her.
I have zero things left in my arsenal.
So I give up.
No, fuck that, I don’t give up.
I give her what she needs, what she says she wants.
My soul feels like it’s scraping my insides as I watch her walk out of my house, the house I’ll most likely inherit when I become the new Capo. Del strolls outside like my heart isn’t ready to snap like a rubber band in my chest, slamming against my insides, causing internal bleeding.
She looks up, and her green-eyed gaze takes in the stars while I watch like a complete fool. My body tells me that she wants me. My heart tells me that we have a chance.
My brain, however, jolts us back into the reality we now live in.
I’ll marry her because that’s my duty as the next Capo of these Families But love? It was never for me, and why should it be? What amazing thing have I done to deserve to have the sort of love my cousins have? My best friends? They all sacrificed. And this? This is being fucking handed to me on a silver platter with gold oven mitts and diamond-encrusted decorations.
It’s not the same.
Not that I want it to be.
Maybe I just thought my journey would still include something—epic.
I almost laugh because yeah, bullshit, I’m literally hiding behind a giant-assed oak tree watching Del like a friggin’ stalker as she looks up at the sky while Roman comes up behind her.
I keep my growl back.
Not gonna turn into a werewolf, so why worry everyone that I’m going crazy as he wraps his arms around her middle, resting his chin on her head.
My hands shake at my sides as her smile matches his. I’m going through absolute hell while they experience heaven.
I swallow the lump in my throat and try to take a few deep breaths. I’m the next Capo, after all. I can’t be weak or show weakness, so I know I only have a few human moments left before I give them my back while they most likely kiss under the stars, and I walk back into the house to do my job.
My job is my life now.
My lover.
My past, present, future.
She’s just a girl I’ll put a ring on and smile with during family dinner while everyone else has kids, experiences passion, fights, chaos—I’ll sit there with a perfect smile on my face and pretend that everything’s perfect.
And at night, I’ll stupidly dream of a world where the person I married looks at me the way I’ve always secretly looked at her.
How fun.
A future of self-inflicted torture.
Can’t wait.
Eyes still closed, Del stays that way like he’s her center when all I’ve ever wanted in the last six months is to take that position away from him, even though I know I haven’t earned it.
Does it matter, though? In the end? When she’s his? He’s hers?
No. Every part of my body tells me no. Even the beat of my stupid heart seems to take up the cadence.
Nope. Doesn’t matter.
Because no matter how many gifts I shower her with, how many compliments, the heart wants what it wants.
Mine wants hers.
Hers wants his.
Five seconds.
Four.
Three.
Two.
I smile and lower my head, then I give them the privacy they deserve. Her and her bodyguard.
“Keep her safe,” I whisper. “With your life, Roman.”
And I hear the whisper of his promise in the wind answering, “I will.”