The next day, I decided that I would have to do something positive about my situation. I would have to pluck up courage and ask Aunty M. It would take guts and I really didn’t know whether I had enough courage to ask her. I decided not to plan anything. Just see how things went at the time. We got on really well together and I felt pretty confident she wouldn’t mind. I just couldn’t bear not knowing. I needed answers. I needed to know who I really was. I wasn’t sure any more.
I was sitting at the table having hot chocolate; steam was spilling out of my mug.
“Aunty M can I ask you something?”
“Yes my dear. Anything.”
“Can I ask you something? I’m a bit worried about asking you but you’re the only one I can ask.”
“Go on anything Flo. We know each other now so well. If I can help you I will and if I can’t I won’t.”
“I found some old Victorian stuff in the attic.”
“You’ve been up in the attic? “said Aunty M staring at me crossly.
“Yes I have. I found the secret stairway and I went up to look. I wondered if I could take some of the stuff I found for my project on the Victorian’s at school.”
“Florence, why did you not tell me before about finding the way up there? Is that what you were doing the night you fell?”
I nodded ashamed of myself.
“There are a lot of private things up there you know. You should have asked me first. I am a little surprised at you.”
“Aunty M, I am so sorry. I didn’t realise that I could upset you by going up. I just read and stuff up there,” I replied, feeling absolutely wretched.
“Anyway, what did you find?” continued Aunty M.
I chickened out. What would I do if she refused to tell me or I embarrassed her or hurt her feelings? Suddenly I realised that what I had found out she might not know about or feel she should be the one to tell me if she did know. Was it really any of my business?
“I found some old toys; a wooden top and a push-along-horse.”
“Yes that’s fine. I think you had better bring them back once your project is finished but that’s fine. They’ve been in the family for years so I suppose they better stay at Apple Jack’s Cottage, but its fine for you to borrow them. Are you sure that that is all you want to take?”
“Yes that’s all.”
Go on; go on ask her then I found myself saying,
“Aunty M?”
“Yes, Florence. Is there something else?”
“Yes there is but I don’t know how to say it to you because I realise I’ve upset you so much. I did not realise until now what I have done. I wouldn’t upset you for the world.”
“Say what darling?” said Aunty M.
“Well it’s like this.”
“What’s that sweetie?” asked Aunty M staring at me straight in the face.
Then from somewhere, I got the courage.
“I found some old photos and a wedding dress.”
“Oh, you found them did you? How on earth did you find them?”
“Yes I did. I found them quite by accident. I found the christening gowns too. They must have been for my great, great grandma and her sister.”
“You found those too did you?”
“My mum was wearing the wedding dress in the photo but she wasn’t marrying dad she was marrying someone else. I don’t know who he is because he’s not my dad.”
“Is all this something to do with why mum doesn’t like me?”
“Florence, she doesn’t not like you; she’s just cold and unfeeling. She’s always been the same. She’s that kind of person. Let me tell you what happened and then maybe you’ll be able to understand better. Things did happen that made her feel the way she does but she doesn’t blame you. None of this was your fault my dear. You were only a baby.”
“So I am involved then. I guessed that.”
“Come on, let’s go and sit in a comfortable chair. Florence, this is going to be a bit difficult for me but I’ll try to tell you as much as I feel I can. I don’t want to upset mum or granny or anyone come to it.”
So I sat there with Aunty M and she told me the story about mum, dad, and me and Roma and it made all the pieces of the jigsaw fit. The curtain behind Aunty M flicked up and down a bit and I knew that Roma was there in the room with us. Even if I hadn’t seen the curtain move, I would have known she was there. I had become so close to her.