After a heavy debate on who will pay the bill, we finally decide to split it. Which didn’t satisfy either of us, but it was the best solution we could come up with. I used the excuse I told my son. That this is payment for Jack working on the window. Whereas Jack argued that he’s the one who asked me on the date, therefore he should pay. Sounds a little old school, even I know that.
“What time do you have to be home?” I look at my watch, noting it’s just about seven forty-five. I’ve only been gone around two hours.
“My son said he’d guarantee my daughter’s safety up until midnight,” I say lightly.
“Morbid little thing, huh?” I let out a laugh at his words.
“He’s something else. Great kid though. Honestly, both of my kids are near perfect, and I know most people say that about their kids, but it’s true for me. They’re good people. Kind, considerate, and accepting, and those are some things I think are important.”
“We need more people like that in the world.”
I nod. “We certainly do,” I agree.
“Well, since we still have a few hours, that is if I’m not boring you to death, what do you think about a walk?” He jerks his head towards the beach where people are starting to gather. “This beach has one of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve ever seen.”
The thought of it all seems kind of heavy, more intimate than I’m ready for. But the alcohol is still swimming in my veins and the thought of spending more time with him has my chest fluttering. This night has gone great so far, outside of my worrying about my kids, and watching the sunset with Jack would only make it better and hopefully help me to accept that I’ve made the right decision.
It’s still something I’ve struggled with every day. We’ve been here only a week, and I know it’s going to take time, but it’s such a big change that I can’t help but think it’ll take me years to finally settle in, and I don’t want to waste more time than I already have.
Besides, I was telling myself I wanted to see the sunset…
“I think that sounds great.”
“Good,” he says with a smile, hooking his arm in mine, and guiding us towards the crosswalk where a crowd of people are waiting for the walk signal to flash. Just as we reach it, it lights up and we move across the street towards the beach.
“Now, you can do what you want,” he begins, unlooping his arm with mine and reaching down to pull off his shoes. “But I hate sand in my shoes.”
He straightens, holding both shoes in one hand. I decide to do the same, never having felt sand on my feet, so this will be a good experience. I pull off my shoes and follow after Jack, who is moving quickly down the sidewalk and not towards the water like I’d thought he would. I have no idea what he’s doing, where he’s going, but I follow after him anyway. He finally stops near another crowd of people, and when I reach his side, I finally see what’s going on and why this group of people is so much bigger than the others.
“Again, do what you want, but I hate carrying things around.” He drops his shoes to the ground, near a pile of what has to be a hundred shoes. I raise a brow at him. “This is the shoe spot. It’s been a thing since the thirties, and I promise your shoes are safe here.”
With a shrug, I drop them beside his and all the others. “They’re just shoes, and I honestly don’t care if someone takes them anyway. I’d have left them on the sidewalk.”
He grins brightly for a long moment before narrowing his eyes at me. “You ever been on the beach before.”
“Nope,” I admit.
“That’s exactly the answer I was hoping for.”
Jack takes my hand and pulls me after him, stepping onto the warm sand. My feet sink into it, it’s soft and slightly gritty, definitely weird, but I think I like it. His quick steps turn into a jog, and even after only a few strides, my calves are tightening. I’m on my feet most of the day, and I work out regularly, but trying to keep my balance on a ground that is partially swallowing me isn’t easy. Still, the sand surrounds my feet in a way that’s similar to water, but also entirely different. It’s warm and seems both heavy and light at the same time.
Jack looks back at me, his dark curls bouncing around his head, a wide grin on his face as he pulls me after him. I can’t help but laugh, can’t help but truly enjoy myself for the first time in a long time.
The people around us are doing the same thing as us. Couples and families running around. Some sitting in the sand, others walking and talking. Everyone here is happy. Everyone here shares something in common. We’re all waiting to watch the sunset. I bet many have seen it a hundred times, but I’m sure a lot, like me, have never seen it before either.
It’s silly, I know that, but I don’t feel alone right now. There is a sense of belonging swelling in my chest that I’ve never known.
Jack and I reach the surf and once my feet are on the damp sand, the entire texture changes. It’s firmer, thicker, and cool. Jack stops and I look down at my feet, wiggling my toes and seeing how the wet sand stays clumped together along my feet and doesn’t slide off like when it’s dry.
“What do you think?” I lift a foot before putting it back down and putting pressure on the sand.
“I have no idea,” I say with a laugh.
“Bad?”
“Not at all.”
I take note immediately of how he hasn’t let go of my hand and I look over at him but catch the sight of the sun going down over his shoulder. It isn’t quite a sunset yet, but the sky is starting to change colors and I know it’ll be happening any minute now. Jack turns slightly, looking at the horizon before turning back to me.
“You haven’t seen nothing yet.” He turns back to me, winks, and bites on his bottom lip, his bright-blue eyes shining in the fading light.
I don’t know what comes over me in that moment. It’s a rush of emotions and alcohol, the energy of everyone around us, the beauty of the pinks and purples of the sky as the sun goes down. The happiness and freedom I feel in my heart over all of the changes I’ve made in my life. Even though I know I have a long road ahead of me, I feel the weight lifting and lightening.
I tug on Jack’s hand, pulling him closer to me, wrap my free hand around the back of his neck, and dip my head, bringing my lips to his. He sighs softly and doesn’t pull away. Not even a little. And even though this kiss is innocent, chaste, and sweet, it evokes feelings inside me I’ve never felt before. My body is vibrating, buzzing. I feel alive and wild and free. I feel like I’m finally breathing for the first time in my life.
And I don’t ever want to let that feeling go.