Stroke of midday, and the warm December breeze wafted me up from the shore to the door of my rental cottage. I dropped my sand-coated shoes next to my duffle and propped the guitar case against the porch rail while I scrolled through my phone for the arrival instructions.
I had to turn it off airplane mode, which meant a barrage of notifications. The first I’d read since crossing the New Mexico border. My band—my ex-band—The Evil Stepbrothers had only just finished up our latest tour. Everything I thought could stay backstage until we got off the road, instead blew up there, as public as possible. The headline writers were having a ball, as every one of my notifications made clear.
The Evil Stepbrothers Burn Scorch On Stage
After Phoenix Flameout, Can Scorch Madigan’s Career Rise from the Ashes?
‘No Prince Charming’: TES’s Haddon and Lewis on Madigan’s Bitter Backstage Brawling
Brawling, for fucks sake. It had never been a brawl, but truth had no weight against the lure of alliteration. And with two against me, and those two eager to spread all kinds of toxicity about me, I moved fast. I arranged with my pal Brendan to stay at his in-laws’ beach place for a couple of weeks, threw some stuff in a rental car, turned off my phone, hit I-10, and drove the thousand miles to this little Gulf Coast cottage.
I loved a long drive. I loved the hours to stare at scenery and let my thoughts churn. I loved the solitude, the detours, the random roadside diners. Watching the shadows crawl across the day, and spotting a nondescript place to hold up for the night.
Being away from the band I’d been sucked into at nineteen and found near impossible to escape. Until that humiliating set at the indie festival propelled me away from them and into an unknown future. My life was an hourglass draining me of all my cultural relevance, and I had to get it flipped before I had no career left at all.
The place was all grey-weathered wood and candy-hued trim. Cozy, and just obtrusive enough for me to spy it waiting for me while I counteracted the long drive with a wander through the surrounding sand dunes. Gave me a feeling of possibility. Of hope. Settled down my jitters about all I needed to accomplish during this creative retreat. The too-bright pressure of the world’s expectations for me. Of my expectations for myself. I just had to figure out how to get in and start to get my life in order. Muting the notifications, I found Brendan’s message. Parking rules, advice about the veranda’s tricksy solar shade, door code.
I stepped in, and saw great beauty, and felt great pain.
Gasping, the beauty dropped her broom and dustpan and dashed to wrap her arms around me. Before I was aware of my own curses, she had me deposited in an armchair and was kneeling with my foot on her lap.
“Oh, ouch!”
Somewhere under my disbelief, I registered the lilting alto of her voice. I pushed a long breath through clenched teeth. “Are you really the one saying ‘ouch’ right now?”
The smooth look she arched my way contradicted her quick, efficient handling of my goddamn throbbing foot. “Excuse my sympathy. It was just a reflex from working with children. They tend to calm down if you let them know they’re not alone with their pain.”
Unbelievable. “I’m not sure how often you leave shards of glass laying around for your students to step in, but it may be a good idea to come up with another way to bond with them.”
Ignoring me, she pulled a green kerchief off her head, slapped it on the edge of a coffee table, and yanked the table forward so she could rest my bloody foot on it. “Don’t move. I’m going to grab some supplies.”
And then she was down the hall. Well, not hall. The cottage wasn't really big enough for a hall. I focused on the sounds of banging around and water running until she returned. “I can’t find tweezers, but I think I can get most of the pieces out without them. After I do that, I’ll wrap it up and drive you to urgent care. I’m Sarita, by the way.”
“Ignatius.” Never had the syllables of my real name grated more painfully as I forced them out. I took perverse satisfaction in the way she winced.
“Right, Brendan said. Jeannie’s my sister.”
I saw it now. Same wave of dark hair, same strong chin. And no offense to my friends, but Brendan’s wife paled in comparison to her sister. If she hadn’t been the one who caused my agony, I’d cast her as my ministering angel.
If angels swore under their breaths as they prodded at my ripped up flesh. I fought against thinking about the extent of the damage, but her furrowed brow wasn’t helping. And it had been a lot of glass, the shards now exploded across the floor around us. “Hi, Jeannie’s sister. You’re not sitting on glass yourself, are you?”
She glanced around and shook her head before bending back to blot up more of my blood. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back against the chair. Urgent care. Splintered glass. Sandy feet. I wanted to scream. Or cry. Or call my mom. Or otherwise bash myself against the cage of performative masculinity and let my vulnerable side freak the fuck out.
“Shit. Okay. This hurts like hell, and I’m going to just sit here and breathe deep for a minute, if you don’t mind. Can you talk? Are you a rambler? I’m longing for some chatter right about now to distract me.”
She huffed a laugh. “Never been accused of rambling before, but, yes, sure, I’ll give it a go. I mean, I said sorry, right? I think I did. I shouldn’t even have been the one cleaning the place, you know? My plan was, come to town just for the party, but no. My godmother and her family decided to stay with us, so I get the royal decree: show up for all of my holiday break. And then you’re coming, and the cleaning service is double booked for the season, so hey, why not send Sarita down to tidy the cottage and put out some Christmas decorations?”
“I hate Christmas decorations.”
Her hands stilled for a minute. “Well. That’s weird.”
I grunted. Not the first thing about me someone called weird.
“You’ll be so glad I broke the ornament ball, then. Except for the part where I couldn’t find an empty box to sweep the shards into, and you stomped all over the damn thing.”
“Except for that.”
Her palm wrapped across the top of my ankle and squeezed. Warm and gentle and almost enough to short out the pain transmitters racing up and down my leg. “Okay. Sit there a minute so I can sweep again. You have shoes somewhere?”
I waved back towards the porch. “With my gear. Don’t think I can put them on, though.”
“Just the one. No need to extend the damage to the left foot, too.”
“Right. You mind bringing in my guitar, too?” I eased forward to examine the layers of gauze on my foot. Already blood dotted the outer layers.
Welcome to vacation, Scorch. Supposed to bleed all over the page, not the floor.
Sarita returned with a damp towel and my shoe. I blotted my face and hands—sweatier in the aftermath of the injury than when I was walking in the sun—then cleaned away sand so I could stand.
She winced as she helped balance me. “You want a pain killer or something? It's about twenty minutes to the clinic.”
“Shit. Um. Yeah, thanks. And a glass of water.”
She was a blur of energy as I stood there, foot throbbing, eyeing the distance to the door. When she rolled a desk chair in from the bedroom I didn't try to hide my relief.
“Your chariot, sir.”
Wasn't sure how I felt about her making jokes at my expense, what with her being the one to blame in the first place, but that didn't stop me from leaning on her strong shoulder as I hopped out to where she'd set the chair on the walkway. With my knee resting on the chair, we wheeled me towards the fancy car beside mine at the curb.
“I'm gonna get blood all over your upholstery.”
“Okay.”
Okay then. Not my problem. Sarita drove like a native Texan, which is to say, like everyone should stay the hell out of her way. Irritated in general as I was with her, I admired her back-off-or-I’ll-make-you-sorry attitude. I would be adopting the same, soon as possible. Soon as I got over the damn painful and aggravating disruption she’d shoved in my way. Only so many times I’d hand someone the chance to ruin every step I needed to take. I vowed this setback from Sarita would be the last disruption to my plan.
Triage had me on a table right away, hooked up to a few monitors, handing over insurance info and answering intake questions.
The whole time, Sarita stood there. Hovering. Interjecting. Ignoring the constant blip of her phone notifications.
“You need to get that?” I finally asked.
She went blank.
“Your phone’s blowing up.”
Her hand darted to the ass pocket of her denim shorts. “Crap. Sorry.”
“Whatever. Look, I'll get a car when I'm done here.”
Her frown stayed directed at her screen. “What?”
“This town has Lyft? Taxis? I'll call for a ride when I'm done. You can go.”
Maybe I was surly but she didn't have to gape at me. “I'm not going to just leave you alone.”
“I'm not alone.” I waved towards the bustling in the hallway. “There are trained medical people here. I don't need you now.”
Another three chimes from her phone, and I was ready to throw the thing through the window. Safer target than the beeping of my blood pressure and oxygen and whatever else monitors. Have I mentioned I’m on-edge about medical stuff? No story of early trauma or anything; all I can think to blame it on is this one babysitter who played nonstop ER reruns.
So the last thing I needed was another machine demanding attention in the room, even if it wanted Sartia’s attention instead of mine. She was studying me like I had inscrutable lyrics scrolling up my face, and I went and pulled a dick move. Lip curl and everything. “Like what you see, sweetie? You hanging around so you can apologize in a more physical way?”
Even that didn’t deter her. “Have you already picked up groceries?”
Record scratch. I dropped the lewd act. “What?”
“For your stay. There’s fresh milk and some eggs and bread, but not much else. Did you stop at the store on your way in?”
Ah. I glanced at my foot. I wouldn’t be driving anytime soon. “I’ll find someone to deliver.”
She lifted that stubborn chin and rolled her eyes. “Okay, what are your faves? Allergies, comfort foods? I’ll go get stuff while you’re getting patched up.”
Before I could skewer the plan and assure her I knew how to use DoorDash, she took a call. And since she didn’t leave the confines of my exam room, I didn’t bother pretending I wasn’t listening. Some family member, voice emphatic even filtered through the electronics, telling her to come home and do something social. Sarita saying I needed her around. Saying I wouldn’t be okay with someone taking her place. Saying it must be the temperamental rock star in me, and that Jeannie and Brendan would be irked if she pissed me off.
Ha. I had five angry texts half-composed in my head. Only hadn’t sent because I didn’t want to deal with Brendan’s fussing.
Medical people came in with a distracting tray of shiny implements. They got busy digging into my sole, so I got busy analyzing every word Sarita said. She claimed someone named Luis would be fine without her. She dispatched a sister to sweep up all the bloody glass in my temporary living room. She swore Luis would text her if he needed any old friend’s number.
Fuck but everything the doctor was doing hurt.
Sarita turned and saw, I presume, a sheen of flop sweat on my face. “Gotta go. Scorch needs me.”
I’d have denied it, but she squeezed my hand without asking, and hell if I didn’t squeeze back.
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