Xiu Juan and Xi Shun were college classmates. Upon graduation Xiu Juan was given a teaching position by the college, but for love she went with Xi Shun to this county town. The county education bureau had only one position in town for the two of them; the other had to go to a faraway place. So Xi Shun went to the Pointed Hill Valley grade school about 80 li from the county town. The living conditions there were bad and there was no transportation. Xi Shun could come back to visit only once a month. Everything at home fell on the shoulders of Xi Juan.
It wasn’t too bad in the beginning. Once they had a baby, however, it proved to be tough on Xi Juan. Their salaries were not good. They needed to send support money to Xi Shun’s parents, too. So they were tight all the time. Xiu Juan planned and economized on everything to make it work. For three years she didn’t even buy one new dress. She was also very kind to Xi Shun’s mother. One time the elderly woman came to visit. Xi Juan took her to the doctor for a physical, bought her medicine, prepared food for her, and carried warm water for her to wash with in the evening. With her thick, cotton-padded clothes on the elderly woman couldn’t bend enough to wash her own feet. Seeing this, Xiu Juan squatted down, grasped her feet and began to wash. Afterwards, Xiu Juan clipped mother-in-law’s toenails, too. The elderly woman said: “This is the first time I have clipped my nails the entire winter. . . . ” That evening she sobbed for half of the night, her pillow wet with happy tears. Later, after hearing this from his mother, Xi Shun grasped Xiu Juan’s hands and said: “What can I do to repay you for the rest of my life!”
During those days they were so in love with each other. While at school, Xi Shun would think of Xiu Juan all the time and often dream of her taking their child to kindergarten. One time a mountain flood cut through the road so Xi Shun couldn’t go home for more than two months. As soon as the road was fixed, he jumped on the first bus to the county town.
When he saw Xiu Juan, his eyes glowed with a flame of desire. Yet neither of them dared to do anything because their five-and-a-half year old son was “in the way.” Son asked father to tell him stories, so Xi Shun told him stories while gripping Xiu Juan’s hand and feeling it hungrily. Xiu Juan responded likewise, her hand quivering. Both of them felt time was creeping too slowly. Then, Xiu Juan gave their son a yuan and asked him to go to the small stand at the alley entrance to buy a pack of noodles. Thrilled, the boy left half dancing with the money in hand. Xiu Juan and Xi Shun had just snuggled together when the son returned and banged on the door. This time Xi Shun came up with a better idea. He went to the kitchen, came back with a plate, and told his son to go and buy half a jin of soy sauce at the small grocery. “Son,” he encouraged, “I’m sure you can ace this challenging assignment!” The boy puffed out his chest like a grown-up and marched away with the plate.
This time it worked. Xi Shun and Xiu Juan barely had enough time to satisfy their hunger for each other when their son returned, crying: “I walked slowly and carefully but the soy sauce still spilt. I didn’t do a good job with the assignment!” Xiu Juan gathered her son in her arms and smiled, both shame and joy in her eyes.
Later, Xi Shun left his teaching job and started to work for the local township government. From administrative assistant to deputy town commissioner to commissioner to Party Chief to the Director of County Petrochemical Fertilizer Factory, Xi Shun moved up step by step. Since the fertilizer factory was the backbone of the county’s industries, Xi Shun’s car was the best in the entire county. Dining and staying in expensive hotels became a routine in his life, too. He changed gradually. Before long he hooked up with a new college graduate. Xiu Juan refused to believe what she had heard until one day Xi Shun asked for a divorce. Then she knew the same story she had seen on TV had happened to her.
When their son, now a college student, knew this, he came all the way home to talk to his father. But Xi Shun wouldn’t listen. Desperate, the son said: “If you divorce mother, you won’t be my dad any more.” But Xi Shun had already made up his mind: “You will still be my son, no matter how you feel about me. However, I have to follow through on this.” Hearing of this, Xiu Juan knew there was no hope.
Xi Shun was thrilled beyond himself when Xiu Juan said yes to his request. He took out the divorce agreement and asked Xiu Juan to sign. Xiu Juan held the pen between her quivering fingers. Her son said: “Ma, don’t sign!” Biting her lip bitterly, Xiu Juan put her name on the agreement. While gathering the signed agreement, Xi Shun said: “You know where to find me when you run into difficulties.”
Xiu Juan didn’t say a word. Xi Shun wanted to leave right away but felt it would be too soon. So the three of them sat there, as if frozen. The room was deadly quiet.
A long while had passed when Xiu Juan stood up suddenly, went to the kitchen, came back with a plate, and thrust it into her son’s hand: “Go and buy half a jin of soy sauce!” The son looked at his mother, confused, and didn’t move. Xiu Juan cried out: “So, you don’t listen to me, either!” Tears welled up in her eyes. Seeing this, the son took the plate and left for the small grocery.
Xi Shun was stunned. That plate pounded his soul like a hammer and opened up a floodgate of memories. His face reddened right away as if he had been slapped hard left and right, his head low. When the son returned with the soy sauce, he saw his father burning a sheet of paper with his cigarette lighter.
(2002)