The Palace.
Enter Falatius,
Labree, as passing by they meet Cleontius.
Cle. Your Servant, my Lord. — So coldly, stay — your reason, Sir.
[Fal. puts off his Hat a little, and passes on.
Fal. How mean you, Sir?
Cle. Do you not know me?
Fal. Yes, I have seen you, and think you are Cleontius, A Servant of the Prince’s; wert i’th’ Campania too,
If I mistake not.
Cle. Can you recal me by no better instances?
Fal. What need of any, pray?
Cle. I am a Gentleman.
Fal. Ha,
Labree, what means he now?
By Jove, I do not question it,
Cleontius:
What need this odd Punctilio?
I call thee to no account.
Cle. That’s more than I can say to you, Sir.
Fal. I’ll excuse you for that.
Cle. But shall not need, Sir; stay, I have a Sister.
Fal. Oh, the Devil, now he begins.
Cle. A handsome Sister too, or you deceiv’d her.
Lab. Bear up, Sir, be not huft. [Aside.
Fal. It may be so, but is she kind,
Cleontius? [Fal. bears up.
Cle. What mean you by that word?
Lab. Again, Sir, here’s two to one. [Aside.
Fal. Will she do reason, or so? you understand me.
Cle. I understand that thou’rt an impudent fellow,
Whom I must cudgel into better manners.
Fal. Pox on’t, who bears up now,
Labree?
Cle. Beat thee till thou confess thou art an Ass,
And on thy knees confess it to Isillia,
Who after that shall scorn thee.
Lab. Railly with him, Sir, ’tis your only way, and put it
Off with a jest; for he’s in fury, but dares not Strike i’th’ Court.
Fal. But must you needs do this, needs fight,
Cleontius?
Cle. Yes, by all means, I find my self inclin’d to’t.
Fal. You shall have your desire, Sir, farewel.
Cle. When, and where?
Fal. Faith, very suddenly, for I think it will not be
Hard to find men of your trade,
Men that will fight as long as you can do,
And Men that love it much better than I,
Men that are poor and damn’d, fine desperate Rogues,
Rascals that for a Pattacoon a Man
Will fight their Fathers,
And kiss their Mothers into peace again:
Such, Sir, I think will fit you.
Cle. Abusive Coward, hast thou no sense of honour?
Fal. Sense of honour! ha, ha, ha, poor Cleontius.
Enter Aminta and Olinda.
Am. How now,
Servant, why so jovial?
Fal. I was laughing,
Madam — at —
Cle. At what, thou thing of nothing —
Am. Cousin Cleontius, you are angry.
Cle. Madam, it is unjustly then, for Fools
Should rather move the Spleen to Mirth than Anger.
Am. You’ve too much wit to take ought ill from him: Let’s know your quarrel.
Fal. By Jove,
Labree, I am undone again.
Cle. Madam, it was about —
Fal. Hold, dear Cleontius, hold, and I’ll do any thing. [Aside.
Cle. Just nothing —
Fal. He was a little too familiar with me.
Cle. Madam, my Sister Isillia —
Fal. A curse, he will out with it — [Aside, pulls him by the Arm.
Cle. Confess she is your Mistress. [Aside.
Fal. I call my Mistress,
Madam.
Am. My Cousin Isillia your Mistress! Upon my word, you are a happy Man.
Fal. By Jove, if she be your Cousin,
Madam, I love her much the better for’t.
Am. I am beholding to you,
But then it seems I have lost a Lover of you.
Cle. Confess she has, or I’ll so handle you.
[Ex. Labree.
Fal. That’s too much,
Cleontius — but I will,
By Jove,
Madam, I must not have a Mistress that
Has more Wit than my self, they ever require
More than a Man’s able to give them.
Oli. Is this your way of Courtship to Isillia?
[Ex. Cle.
Fal. By Jove,
Ladies, you get no more of that from me,
’Tis that has spoiled you all; I find Alcander can
Do more with a dumb show, than I with all my
Applications and Address.
Oli. Why, my Brother can speak.
Fal. Yes, if any body durst hear him; by Jove, if you
Be not kind to him, he’ll hector you all; I’ll get
The way on’t too, ’tis the most prosperous one; I see no
Other reason you have to love Alcander
Better than I.
Am. Why should you think I do?
Fal. Devil, I see’t well enough by your continual Quarrels with him.
Am. Is that so certain a proof?
Fal. Ever while you live, you treat me too Well ever to hope.
Enter Alcander, kneels, offers his Sword to Aminta.
— What new Masquerade’s this? by Jove,
Alcander
Has more tricks than a dancing Bear.
Am. What mean you by this present?
Alcan. Kill me.
Am. What have you done to merit it?
Alcan. Do not ask, but do’t.
Am. I’ll have a reason first.
Alcan. I think I’ve kill’d Pisaro.
Am. My Brother dead! [She falls into the arms of Oli.
Fal. Madam, look up, ’tis I that call.
Am. I care not who thou beest, but if a Man,
Revenge me on Alcander. [She goes out with Oli.
Fal. By Jove, she has mistook her Man,
This ’tis to be a Lover now:
A Man’s never out of one broil or other;
But I have more Wit than Aminta this bout. [Offers to go.
Alcan. Come back and do your duty e’er you go. [Pulls him.
Fal. I owe you much,
Alcander.
Alcan. Amimta said you should revenge her on me.
Fal. Her Word’s not Law I hope.
Alcan. And I’ll obey —
Fal. That may do much indeed.
[Fal. answers with great signs of fear.
Alcan. This, if thou wert a Man, she bad thee do,
Why dost thou shake?
Fal. No, no, Sir, I am not the man she meant.
Alcan. No matter, thou wilt serve as well. A Lover! and canst disobey thy Mistress?
Fal. I do disown her, since she is so wicked To bid me kill my Friend. Why, thou’rt my Friend,
Alcander.
Alcan. I’ll forgive thee that.
Fal. So will not his Majesty: I may be hang’d for’t.
Alcan. Thou should’st be damn’d e’er disobey thy Mistress.
Fal. These be degrees of Love I am not yet arriv’d at;
When I am, I shall be as ready to be damn’d In honour as any Lover of you all.
Alcan. Ounds, Sir, d’ye railly with me?
Fal. Your pardon, sweet Alcander, I protest I am Not in so gay an humour.
Alcan. Farewell, I had forgot my self. [Exit.
Fal. Stark mad, by Jove — yet it may be not, for Alcander has many unaccountable humours. Well, if this be agreeable to Aminta, she’s e’en as mad As he, and ‘twere great pity to part them.
Enter Pisaro, Aminta, and Olinda.
Am. Well, have you kill’d him?
Fal. Some wiser than some,
Madam. — My Lord — what, alive? — [Sees Pisaro, runs to him, and embraces him.
Pis. Worth two dead men, you see.
Fal. That’s more than I could have said within
This half hour. Alcander’s very Orlando, by Jove, and gone
To seek out one that’s madder yet than himself
That will kill him.
Am. Oh, dear Falatius, run and fetch him back.
Fal. Madam, I have so lately ‘scap’d a scouring,
That I wish you would take it for a mark
Of my Passion to disobey you;
For he is in a damn’d humour.
Am. He’s out of it by this, I warrant you;
But do not tell him that Pisaro lives.
Fal. That’s as I shall find occasion.
[Exit Fal.
Pis. Alcander is a worthy Youth and brave,
I wish you would esteem him so;
’Tis true, there’s now some difference between us,
Our Interests are dispos’d to several ways,
But Time and Management will join us all:
I’ll leave you; but prithee make it thy business
To get my Pardon for last night’s rudeness.
Am. I shall not fail.
[Exit Pis.
Re-enter Falatius, with Alcander melancholy.
Fal. Here,
Madam, here he is.
Am. Tell me,
Alcander, why you treat me thus? You say you love me, if I could believe you.
Alcan. Believe a Man! away, you have no wit, I’ll say as much to every pretty Woman.
Am. But I have given you no cause to wrong me.
Alcan. That was my Fate, not Fault, I knew him not:
But yet to make up my offence to you,
I offer you my life; for I’m undone,
If any faults of mine should make you sad.
Am. Here, take your Sword again, my Brother’s well.
[She gives him his Sword again.
Fal. Yes, by Jove, as I am: you had been finely serv’d,
If I had kill’d you now.
Am. What, sorry for the news? ha, ha, ha.
Alcan. No, sorry y’are a Woman, a mere Woman.
Am. Why, did you ever take me for a Man? ha, ha.
Alcan. Thy Soul, I thought, was all so; but I see
You have your weakness, can dissemble too;
— I would have sworn that Sorrow in your face
Had been a real one:
Nay, you can die in jest, you can, false Woman:
I hate thy Sex for this.
Fal. By Jove, there is no truth in them, that’s flat.
[She looks sad.
Alcan. Why that repentant look? what new design?
Come, now a tear or two to second that,
And I am soft again, a very Ass.
— But yet that Look would call a Saint from th’Altar,
And make him quite forget his Ceremony,
Or take thee for his Deity:
— But yet thou hast a very Hell within,
Which those bewitching Eyes draw Souls into.
Fal. Here’s he that fits you,
Ladies.
Am. Nay, now y’are too unjust, and I will leave you.
Alcan. Ah, do not go, I know not by what Magick, [Holds her. But as you move, my Soul yields that way too.
Fal. The truth on’t is, she has a strong magnetick Power, that I find.
Alcan. But I would have none find it but my self,
No Soul but mine shall sympathize with hers.
Fal. Nay, that you cannot help.
Alcan. Yes, but I can, and take it from thee, if I thought it did so.
Oli. No quarrels here, I pray.
Fal. Madam, I owe a Reverence to the Place.
Alcan. I’ll scarce allow thee that;
Madam, I’ll leave you to your Lover.
Am. I hate thee but for saying so.
Alcan. Quit him then.
Am. So I can and thee too. [Offers to go out.
Alcan. The Devil take me if you escape me so. [Goes after her.
Fal. And I’ll not be out-done in importunity.
[Goes after.