Carlo’s House.
Enter Olinda and Dorice.
Olin. But is the Bride-Chamber drest up, and the Bed made as it ought to be?
Dor. As for the making, ’tis as it use to be, only the Velvet Furniture.
Olin. As it use to be? Oh ignorance! I see these young Wenches are not arriv’d yet to bare Imagination: Well, I must order it my self, I see that.
Dor. Why, Olinda, I hope they will not go just to Bed upon their marrying, without some signs of a Wedding, as Fiddles, and Dancing, and so forth.
Olin. Good Lord, what Joys you have found out for the first Night of a young Bride and Bridegroom. Fiddles and Dancing, ha, ha, ha! they’ll be much merrier by themselves, than Fiddles and Dancing can make them, you Fool.
Enter Haunce and Gload.
Bless me! what is’t I see!
[Stares on Haunce.
Hau. Why! what the Devil means she? look about me, Gload, and see what I have that’s so terrible.
Olin. Oh, I have no Power to stir, it is a Sprite.
Hau. What does she mean now, Gload?
Glo. She desires to be satisfy’d whether we be Flesh and Blood, Sir, I believe.
Hau. Do’st see nothing that’s Devil-wise about me?
Glo. No, indeed, Sir, not I.
Hau. Why then the Wench is tippled, that’s all, a small Fault.
Olin. O, in the name of Goodness, Sir, what are you?
Glo. Ay, Ay, Sir, ’tis that she desires to know.
Olin. Who are you, Sir?
Hau. Why who should I be, but he that’s to be your Master anon?
Glo. Yes, who should he be but Myn heer Haunce van Ezel?
Olin. What, did you come in at the Door?
Hau. Yes, marry did I; what, do you think I creep in like a Lapland Witch through the Key-holes?
Dor. Nay, nay, this cannot be the Bridegroom.
Olin. No, for ’tis but a moment since we left him, you know, in my Lady’s Chamber.
Hau. Very drunk, by this good Light.
Dor. And therefore it cannot be Myn heer Haunce.
Hau. What a Devil will you persuade me out of my Christian Name?
Olin. The Priest has yet scarce done his Office, who is marrying him above to my Lady.
Hau. Salerimente, here’s brave doing, to marry me, and never give me notice; or thou art damnable drunk, or very mad.
Glo. Yes, and I am married to you too, am I not?
[To Olinda.
Olin. You? we know neither of you.
Hau. Ha, ha, ha, here’s a turn for you.
Enter Carlo.
Car. Why, Olinda, Dorice, Olinda, where be these mad Girls? ’tis almost Night, and nothing in Order. Why, what now? Who’s here?
Hau. So the old Man’s possest too — Why, what a Devil ails you, Sir?
[Goes roughly to him.
Car. From whence come you, Sir? and what are you?
Hau. Gload, let’s be gone, for we shall be transmigrated into some strange Shapes anon, for all the House is inchanted. Who am I, quoth ye? before I came you all knew me; and now you are very well acquainted with me, you have forgot me.
Car. If you be my Son Haunce, how came you here?
Hau. If I be your Son Haunce, where should I be else?
Car. Above with your Wife, not below amongst the Maids.
Hau. What Wife? what Wife? Ha, ha, ha, do not provoke me, lest I take you a slap in the Face, I tell you that now.
Car. Oh, I find by his Humour this is he, and I am finely cheated and abus’d. I’ll up and know the Truth.
[Goes out.
Hau. And so will I.
[Follows.
Glo. Why, but Mistress Olinda, you have not, indeed, forgot me, have you?
Olin. For my Lover I have, but perhaps I may call you to mind, as my Servant hereafter.
Glo. Since you are so proud and so fickle, you shall stand hereafter as a Cypher with me; and I’ll begin upon a new Account with this pretty Maid: what say you forsooth?
Dor. I am willing enough to get a Husband as young as I am.
Glo. Why, that’s well said, give your Hand upon the Bargain — God-ha’-Mercy, with all my Heart, i’faith.
[Go in.
[Scene draws off, discovers a Chamber. Enter Alonzo, Euphemia,
and Lovis; to them Carlo, Haunce, and the rest.
Car. Oh, I am cheated, undone, abus’d.
Lov. How, Sir, and where?
[Haunce sees Alonzo drest like him, goes gazing about him, and on himself, calling Gload to do the same.
Car. Nay, I know not how, or where; but so I am: and when I find it, I’ll turn you all out of Doors. Who are you, Sir? quickly tell me.
Alon. If you be in such haste, take the shortest Account, I am your Son.
Car. I mean, Sir, what’s your Name, and which of you is Haunce van Ezel?
Hau. Ay, which of us is Haunce van Ezel? tell us that, Sir; we shall handle ye i’faith now —
Alon. He, Sir, can best inform you.
[Pointing to Haunce.
Hau. Who, I! I know no more than the great Turk, not I, which of us is me; my Hat, my Feather, my Suit, and my Garniture all over, faith now; and I believe this is me, for I’ll trust my Eyes before any other Sense about me. What say’st thou now, Gload? guess which of us is thy own natural Master now if thou canst.
Glo. Which, Sir? — why — let me see — let me see,
[Turns them both about.
fakes, I cannot tell, Sir.
Car. Come, come, the Cheat is plain, and I’ll not be fobb’d off, therefore tell me who you are, Sir.
[To Alonzo.
Alon. One that was very unwilling to have put this Trick upon you, if I could have persuaded Euphemia to have been kind on any other Terms, but nothing would down with her but Matrimony.
Car. How long have you known her?
Alon. Faith, Sir, too long by at least an Hour.
Car. I say again, what are you, Sir?
Alon. A Man I am, and they call me Alonzo.
Car. How! I hope not the great fighting Colonel whom my Son serv’d as a Voluntier in Flanders.
Alon. Even he, Sir.
Car. Worse and worse, I shall grow mad, to think that in spite of all my Care, Euphemia should marry with so notorious a Man of War.
Hau. How! is this Alonzo, and am I cozen’d? pray tell me truly, are you not me indeed?
Alon. All over, Sir, only the inside a little less Fool.
Hau. So here’s fine juggling — are not you a rare Lady, hah?
[To Euphemia; crys.
Euph. I assure you, Sir, if this Man had not past for you, I had never had him.
Hau. Had him! Oh, you are a flattering thing, I durst ha’ sworn you could no more ha’ been without me, than a Barber’s Shop without a Fiddle, so I did: Oh, what a damnable Voyage have I back again without a Wife too —
[Crys again.
Lov. If that be all, we’ll get you one before you go; that shall be my care.
Hau. A Pox of your care: well, I will get my self most soundly drunk to Night, to be reveng’d of these two damnable Dons. Come, Gload, let us about something in order to’t.
[Exit with Gload.
Euph. Pray, Sir, be persuaded, he’s worth your owning.
Car. Tell not me of owning; what Fortune has he?
Lov. His Horse and Arms, the Favour of his Prince, and his Pay.
Car. His Horse and Arms I wholly dislike, as Implements of War; and that same Princely Favour, as you call it, will buy no Lands; and his Pay he shall have when he can get it.
Lov. But, Sir, his coming to Madrid was to take possession of a Place the Prince has promis’d him.
Car. Has promis’d him? what! I shall marry my Daughter to the Promises of e’er a Prince in Christendom, shall I? No, no; Promises, quoth ye?
Alon. Well, Sir, will this satisfy you?
[Gives him a Parchment.
Euph. If it should not, let us consider what next to do.
Alon. No consideration, Euphemia; not so much as that we are married, lest it lessen our Joys.
Car. Twelve thousand Crowns a Year! — Sir, I cry you mercy, and wish you joy with my Daughter.
Lov. So his Courage will down with him now.
Alon. To satisfy you farther, Sir, read this.
[Gives him another Paper.
And now, Euphemia, prepare your self to receive some gallant Friends of mine, whom you must be acquainted with, and who design to make a merry Night on’t.
Euph. A whole Night, Alonzo?
Alon. By no means, Euphemia, for the first too, which if the thoughts of its being part of my Duty do not hinder, will be a pleasant enough to me.
Car. So considerable an Office at Court too! — Let me imbrace you, Sir; and tell you how happy I am in so brave Son-in-law.
Alon. With that assurance, Sir, I’ll take a more than ordinary freedom with you, and teach Euphemia a franker way of living, than what a native Spaniard would have allow’d her.
Car. She shall be what sort of Wife you’ll have her.
Enter Servant, after a noise of Musick.
Alon. What Musick’s that?
Serv. It waits upon some Ladies and Gentlemen who ask for you, Sir.
Alon. Wait them in, they are those Friends of mine I told you of.
[He goes and brings them in.
Enter Marcel and Clarinda, Silvio and Cleonte, Antonio
and Hippolyta, Dormida and Francisca; all salute Euphemia.
Enter Haunce and Gload in Masquerade to the Company, Olinda
and Dorice masked.
Hau. Well, the Devil’s in’t if we shall not appear ridiculous enough, hah, Gload?
Glo. Ay, Sir, the more ridiculous the better.
Hau. I was always of that mind. — Ha, ha, Boys, who be all these Dons and Donnas? — Harkye, Lovis, I hope the Wife you promis’d me is amongst these fair Ladies, for so I guess they are both, fair and Ladies.
Lov. You guess right, Sir.
Alon. Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, command your Musick, and do what likes you best.
Lov. Here’s the Lady I recommend to you, take her, Sir, be thankful.
[Gives him Olinda.
Olin. This is the Fool that I am to manage.
Dor. And this is my Lot.
[Takes Gload.
[Musick plays, they all dance.
Lov. There is within a young Father ready to join your Hands: take this opportunity, and make sure of a Wife.
Hau. I warrant you, Sir.
[Exeunt Haunce, Olinda, Gload, and Dorice.
Enter Pedro.
Ped. Your Mother, Sir, whom I found more dead than living, for the loss of your Sister, was very near dying outright with Joy, to hear of your Arrival, and most impatiently expects you.
Dorm. And are we all forgiven, Pedro?
Ped. Yes, you and I are like to be Fellow-Servants together again, Dormida.
Dorm. And Fellow-Lovers too I hope, Pedro.
Ped. The Devil’s in’t if Age have not allay’d Flames of all sorts in thee; but if you contribute to my allowance —
Dorm. Thou know’st I could never keep any thing from thee, Pedro.
Alon. Come, Ladies, there is a small Banquet attends you in the next Room.
Silv. We’ll wait on you, Sir.
Enter Haunce, Gload, Olinda, and Dorice.
Hau. Hold, hold, and give me Joy too, for I am married, if she has not mistaken her Man again, and I my Woman.
Olin. No, you are the Man I look for, and I no Cheat, having all about me that you look for too, but Money.
[Discovers her self.
Alon. How, Olinda!
Olin. Yes, indeed, Sir, I serv’d my Lady first, and then thought it no Offence to take the Reward due to that Service.
Hau. Here’s a Spanish Trick for you now, to marry a Wife, before one sees her.
Euph. What, Dorice married too?
Dor. After your Example, Madam.
Glo. Yes, indeed, forsooth, and I have made bold too after the Example of my Master.
Hau. Now do they all expect I should be dissatisfied; but, Gentlemen, in sign and token that I am not, I’ll have one more merry Frisk before we part, ’tis a witty Wench; faith and troth, after a Month ’tis all one who’s who; therefore come on, Gload.
[They dance together.
Alon. Monsieur Haunce, I see you are a Man of Gallantry. Come let us in, I know every Man here desires to make this Night his own, and sacrifice it to Pleasure.
The Ladies too in Blushes do confess.
Equal Desires; which yet they’ll not confess.
Theirs, tho less fierce, more constant will abide;
But ours less current grow the more they’re try’d.