A Room with several Tables.
Enter Hazard in a travelling Habit, and Jack, a Sea-Boy, carrying his Portmantle.
Haz. What Town’s this, Boy?
Boy. James-Town, Master.
Haz. Take care my Trunk be brought ashore to night, and there’s for your Pains.
Boy. God bless you, Master.
Haz. What do you call this House?
Boy. Mrs. Flirt’s, Master, the best House for Commendation in all Virginia.
Haz. That’s well, has she any handsome Ladies, Sirrah?
Boy. Oh! she’s woundy handsome her self, Master, and the kindest Gentlewoman — look, here she comes, Master. —
Enter Flirt and Nell.
God bless you, Mistress, I have brought you a young Gentleman here.
Flirt. That’s well, honest Jack. — Sir, you are most heartily welcome.
Haz. Madam, your Servant.
[Salutes her.
Flirt. Please you walk into a Chamber, Sir?
Haz. By and by, Madam; but I’ll repose here awhile for the coolness of the Air.
Flirt. This is a Publick Room, Sir, but ’tis at your service.
Haz. Madam, you oblige me.
Flirt. A fine spoken Person. A Gentleman, I’ll warrant him: come, Jack, I’ll give thee a Cogue of Brandy for old acquaintance.
[Exeunt Landlady and Boy.
[Hazard pulls out Pen, Ink and Paper, and goes to write.
Enter Friendly.
Friend. Here, Nell, a Tankard of cool Drink, quickly.
Nell. You shall have it, Sir.
Friend. Hah! who’s that Stranger? he seems to be a Gentleman.
Haz. If I should give credit to mine Eyes, that should be Friendly.
Friend. Sir, you seem a Stranger; may I take the liberty to present my Service to you?
[Exit Nell.
Haz. If I am not mistaken, Sir, you are the only Man in the World whom I would soonest pledge; you’ll credit me, if three Year’s absence has not made you forget Hazard.
Friend. Hazard, my Friend! come to my Arms and Heart.
Haz. This unexpected Happiness o’erjoys me. Who could have imagin’d to have found thee in Virginia? I thought thou hadst been in Spain with thy Brother.
Friend. I was so till ten Months since, when my Uncle Colonel Friendly dying here, left me a considerable Plantation; and, faith, I find Diversions not altogether to be despis’d; the God of Love reigns here with as much power as in Courts or popular Cities. But prithee what Chance (fortunate to me) drove thee to this part of the new World.
Haz. Why, faith, ill Company, and that common Vice of the Town, Gaming, soon run out my younger Brother’s Fortune: for imagining, like some of the luckier Gamesters, to improve my Stock at the Groom Porter’s, I ventur’d on, and lost all. My elder Brother, an errant Jew, had neither Friendship nor Honour enough to support me; but at last being mollified by Persuasions, and the hopes of being for ever rid of me, sent me hither with a small Cargo to seek my Fortune —
Friend. And begin the World withal.
Haz. I thought this a better Venture than to turn sharping Bully, Cully in Prentices and Country Squires, with my Pocket full of false Dice, your high and low Flats and Bars; or turn Broker to young Heirs; take up Goods to pay tenfold at the Death of their Fathers, and take Fees on both sides; or set up all night at the Groom-Porter’s, begging his Honour to go a Guinea the better of the lay. No, Friendly, I had rather starve abroad, than live pity’d and despis’d at home.
Friend. Thou art in the right, and art come just in the nick of time to make thy Fortune. — Wilt thou follow my Advice?
Haz. Thou art too honest to command any thing that I shall refuse.
Friend. You must know then, there is about a Mile from James-Town a young Gentlewoman — no matter for her Birth, her Breeding’s the best this World affords, she is married to one of the richest Merchants here; he is old and sick, and now gone into England for the recovery of his Health, where he’ll e’en give up the Ghost: he has writ her word he finds no Amendment, and resolves to stay another Year. The letter I accidentally took up, and have about me; ’tis easily counterfeited, and will be of great use to us.
Haz. Now do I fancy I conceive thee.
Friend. Well, hear me first, you shall get another Letter writ like this Character, which shall say, you are his Kinsman, that is come to traffick in this Country, and ’tis his will you should be received into his House as such.
Haz. Well, and what will come of this?
Friend. Why, thou art young and handsome, she young and desiring; ‘twere easy to make her love thee; and if the old Gentleman chance to die, you guess the rest, you are no Fool.
Haz. Ay, but if he shou’d return —
Friend. If — Why, if she love you, that other will be but a slender Bar to thy Happiness; for if thou canst not marry her, thou mayst lie with her: and, Gad, a younger Brother may pick out a pretty Livelihood here that way, as well as in England. Or if this fail, thou wilt find a perpetual Visiter, the Widow Ranter, a Woman bought from the ship by old Colonel Ranter; she served him half a Year, and then he marry’d her, and dying in a Year more, left her worth fifty thousand Pounds Sterling, besides Plate and Jewels: She’s a great Gallant, but assuming the humour of the Country Gentry, her Extravagancy is very pleasant, she retains something of her primitive Quality still, but is good-natur’d and generous.
Haz. I like all this well.
Friend. But I have a further End in this matter; you must know there is in the same House a young Heiress, one Colonel Downright’s Daughter, whom I love, I think not in vain: her Father indeed has an implacable Hatred to me, for which reason I can but seldom visit her, and in this Affair I have need of a Friend in that House.
Haz. Me you’re sure of.
Friend. And thus you’ll have an opportunity to manage both our Amours: Here you will find occasion to shew your Courage, as well as express your Love; for at this time the Indians, by our ill Management of Trade, whom we have armed against our selves, very frequently make War upon us with our own Weapons; though often coming by the worst, they are forced to make Peace with us again, but so, as upon every turn they fall to massacring us wherever we lie exposed to them.
Haz. I heard the News of this in England, which hastens the new Governour’s arrival here, who brings you fresh Supplies.
Friend. Would he were landed, we hear he is a noble Gentleman.
Haz. He has all the Qualities of a Gallant Man: besides, he is nobly born.
Friend. This Country wants nothing but to be peopled with a well-born Race, to make it one of the best Colonies in the World; but for want of a Governour we are ruled by a Council, some of whom have been perhaps transported Criminals, who having acquired great Estates, are now become your Honour and Right Worshipful, and possess all Places of Authority; there are amongst them some honest Gentlemen, who now begin to take upon ‘em, and manage Affairs as they ought to be.
Haz. Bacon I think was one of the Council.
Friend. Now you have named a Man indeed above the common Rank, by Nature generous, brave, resolv’d and daring; who studying the Lives of the Romans and great Men, that have raised themselves to the most elevated Fortunes, fancies it easy for ambitious Men to aim at any pitch of Glory. I’ve heard him often say, Why cannot I conquer the Universe as well as Alexander? or like another Romulus, form a new Rome, and make my self ador’d?
Haz. Why might he not? Great Souls are born in common Men sometimes, as well as Princes.
Friend. This Thirst of Glory cherish’d by sullen Melancholy, I believe, was the first motive that made him in love with the young Indian Queen, fancying no Hero ought to be without his Princess. And this was the reason why he so earnestly press’d for a Commission, to be made General against the Indians, which long was promis’d him; but they fearing his Ambition, still put him off, till the Grievances grew so high, that the whole Country flock’d to him, and beg’d he would redress them. — He took the opportunity, and led them forth to fight, and vanquishing brought the Enemy to fair Terms; but now instead of receiving him as a Conqueror, we treat him as a Traitor.
Haz. Then it seems all the Crime this brave Fellow has committed, is serving his Country without Authority.
Friend. ’Tis so, and however I admire the Man, I am resolv’d to be of the contrary Party, that I may make an Interest in our new Governor. Thus stand Affairs, so that after you have seen Madam Surelove, I’ll present you to the Council for a Commission.
Haz. But my Kinsman’s Character —
Friend. He was a Leicestershire younger Brother, came over with a small Fortune, which his Industry has increas’d to a thousand Pounds a year; and he is now Colonel John Surelove, and one of the Council.
Haz. Enough.
Friend. About it then, Madam Flirt to direct you.
Haz. You are full of your Madams here.
Friend. Oh! ’tis the greatest Affront imaginable to call a Woman Mistress, though but a retail Brandy-monger. Adieu. — One thing more, to morrow is our Country-Court, pray do not fail to be there, for the rarity of the Entertainment: but I shall see you anon at Surelove’s, where I’ll salute thee as my first meeting, and as an old Acquaintance in England — here’s Company, farewel.
[Exit Friend.
Enter Dullman, Timorous and Boozer. Hazard sits
at a Table and writes.
Dull. Here, Nell — Well, Lieutenant Boozer, what are you for?
Enter Nell.
Booz. I am for cooling Nants, Major.
Dull. Here, Nell, a Quart of Nants, and some Pipes and Smoke.
Tim. And do ye hear, Nell, bid your Mistress come in to joke a little with us; for, adzoors, I was damnable drunk last Night, and I am better at the Petticoat than the Bottle to day.
[Exit Nell.
Dull. Drunk last Night, and sick to Day! how comes that about, Mr. Justice? you use to bear your Brandy well enough.
Tim. Ay, your shier Brandy I’ll grant you; but I was drunk at Col. Downright’s with your high Burgundy Claret.
Dull. A Pox of that paulter Liquor, your English French Wine, I wonder how the Gentlemen do to drink it.
Tim. Ay, so do I, ’tis for want of a little Virginia Breeding: how much more like a Gentleman ’tis, to drink as we do, brave edifying Punch and Brandy. — But they say, the young Noblemen now, and Sparks in England, begin to reform, and take it for their Mornings draught, get drunk by Noon, and despise the lousy Juice of the Grape.
Enter Mrs. Flirt, and Nell, with drink, pipes, etc.
Dull. Come, Landlady, come, you are so taken up with Parson Dunce, that your old Friends can’t drink a Dram with you. — What, no smutty Catch now, no Gibe or Joke to make the Punch go down merrily, and advance Trading? Nay, they say, Gad forgive ye, you never miss going to Church when Mr. Dunce preaches, — but here’s to you.
[Drinks.
Flirt. Lords, your Honours are pleas’d to be merry — but my service to your Honour.
[Drinks.
Haz. Honours! who the Devil have we here? some of the wise Council at least, I’d sooner take ‘em for Hoggerds.
[Aside.
Flirt. Say what you please of the Doctor, but I’ll swear he’s a fine Gentleman, he makes the prettiest Sonnets, nay, and sings ‘em himself to the rarest Tunes.
Tim. Nay, the Man will serve for both Soul and Body; for they say he was a Farrier in England, but breaking, turn’d Life-guard-man, and his Horse dying, he counterfeited a Deputation from the Bishop, and came over here a substantial Orthodox. But come, where stands the Cup? Here, my service to you, Major.
Flirt. Your Honours are pleased, — but methinks Doctor Dunce is a very edifying Person, and a Gentleman, and I pretend to know a Gentleman; for I my self am a Gentlewoman: my Father was a Baronet, but undone in the late Rebellion, and I am fain to keep an Ordinary now, Heaven help me.
Tim. Good lack, why, see how Virtue may be bely’d. We heard your Father was a Taylor, but trusting for old Oliver’s Funeral broke, and so came hither to hide his Head. — But my service to you; what, you are never the worse?
Flirt. Your Honour knows this is a scandalous place, for they say your Honour was but a broken Excise-Man, who spent the King’s Money to buy your Wife fine Petticoats; and at last not worth a Groat, you came over a poor Servant, though now a Justice of the Peace, and of the Honourable Council.
Tim. Adz zoors, if I knew who ’twas said so, I’d sue him for Scandalum Magnatum.
Dull. Hang ‘em, Scoundrels, hang ‘em, they live upon Scandal, and we are Scandal-proof. — They say too, that I was a Tinker, and running the Country, robb’d a Gentleman’s House there, was put into Newgate, got a Reprieve after Condemnation, and was transported hither; — and that you, Boozer, was a common Pick-pocket, and being often flogg’d at the Carts-tale, afterwards turn’d Evidence, and when the Times grew honest was fain to flie.
Booz. Ay, ay, Major, if Scandal would have broke our Hearts, we had not arriv’d to the Honour of being Privy-Counsellors. — But come, Mrs. Flirt, what, never a Song to entertain us?
Flirt. Yes, and a Singer too newly come ashore.
Tim. Adz zoors, let’s have it then.
Enter a Girl who sings, they bear the Bob.
Haz. Here, Maid, a Tankard of your Drink.
Flirt. Quickly, Nell, wait upon the Gentleman.
Dull. Please you, Sir, to taste of our Liquor. — My service to you. I see you are a Stranger, and alone; please you to come to our Table?
[He rises and comes.
Flirt. Come, Sir, pray sit down here; these are very honourable Persons, I assure you: This is Major Dullman, Major of his Excellency’s own Regiment, when he arrives; this Mr. Timorous, Justice a Peace in Corum; this Captain Boozer, all of the honourable Council.
Haz. With your leave, Gentlemen.
[Sits.
Tim. My service to you, Sir.
[Drinks.
What, have you brought over any Cargo, Sir? I’ll be your Customer.
Booz. Ay, and cheat him too, I’ll warrant him.
[Aside.
Haz. I was not bred to Merchandizing, Sir, nor do intend to follow the drudgery of Trading.
Dull. Men of Fortune seldom travel hither, Sir, to see Fashions.
Tim. Why, Brother, it may be the Gentleman has a mind to be a Planter; will you hire your self to make a Crop of Tobacco this Year?
Haz. I was not born to work, Sir.
Tim. Not work, Sir! Zoors, your Betters have workt, Sir. I have workt my self, Sir, both set and stript Tobacco, for all I am of the honourable Council. Not work, quoth a! — I suppose, Sir, you wear your Fortune upon your Back, Sir?
Haz. Is it your Custom here, Sir, to affront Strangers? I shall expect Satisfaction.
[Rises.
Tim. Why, does any body here owe you any thing?
Dull. No, unless he means to be paid for drinking with us, — ha, ha, ha.
Haz. No, Sir, I have money to pay for what I drink: here’s my Club, my Guinea,
[Flings down a Guinea.
I scorn to be oblig’d to such Scoundrels.
Booz. Hum — call Men of Honour Scoundrels.
[Rise in huff.
Tim. Let him alone, let him alone, Brother; how should he learn Manners? he never was in Virginia before.
Dull. He’s some Covent-Garden Bully.
Tim. Or some broken Citizen turned Factor.
Haz. Sir, you lye, and you are a Rascal.
[Flings the Brandy in his Face.
Tim. Adz zoors, he has spil’d all the Brandy.
[Tim. runs behind the Door, Dull, and Booz. strike Hazard.
Haz. I understand no Cudgel-play, but wear a Sword to right myself.
[Draws, they run off.
Flirt. Good Heavens! what, quarelling in my House?
Haz. Do the Persons of Quality in this Country treat Strangers thus?
Flirt. Alas, Sir, ’tis a familiar way they have, Sir.
Haz. I’m glad I know it. — Pray, Madam, can you inform one how I may be furnish’d with a Horse and a Guide to Madam Surelove’s?
Flirt. A most accomplish’d Lady, and my very good Friend, you shall be immediately —
[Exeunt.