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Today I ran. It’s not the first time I’ve run, but this time I’m running to my sister, who I haven’t seen in almost two years. She got married and he wouldn’t even let me be at the wedding saying that since I had a kid I couldn’t do the things that I wanted to do. Anytime that I’ve run he’s managed to find me where I am. This time I promise my boy that he won’t find us ever again. At least that’s what I’m hoping by driving throughout the night under the cover of the dark.
Little does anyone know, but I’ve been planning this for months, researching routes that go down the back roads until I get out of the county so that the cops that are his friends don’t spot me. Then it’s onto the interstate to drive as fast as I can, putting as much distance between Jeff and me as possible ending at least at my sister’s house for now, it’s three counties away and he’d need some time off to come and get me then. I’m considering moving away from there after the school year has ended putting more space between us as possible, maybe I’ll stop when I get to California, but for now I need to settle and earn some money.
Sitting next to me is my can of look alive juice, how Jeff drinks this stuff all the time is beyond me. At least it is doing the job and keeping me from falling asleep. Also helping me to keep awake is my favorite three Eminem Cd’s playing on repeat. I’m reminding myself why I’m leaving Jeff for good, he’s bad for me; he’s toxic. Luke deserves better, too bad his dad isn’t in his life. Thank goodness Luke is sleeping in his car seat. The one thing I didn’t figure into the plan and that was the broken wrist that Jeff gave me earlier today.
I waited until I knew Jeff would be in roll call before I packed up and left giving me at least forty-five minutes on the road before he would get into his cruiser and hit the streets. According to my plans forty-five minutes would get me to the county line going over the back roads.
As I drive I think of all the times that I’ve run from Jeff and why I went back. During the first few months we had fun, once I moved myself and Luke in with Jeff though everything changed. By our six-month anniversary we were arguing almost daily, I couldn’t cook right, clean right, or get enough of the housework done each day. By our eight-month anniversary he’d started to punch and hit me in places that could be interpreted as walking into something or just a usual bruise. I left for the first time at nine months together. He found me at the women’s shelter, he used his badge to get to talk me saying he was a friend that may be able to help me.
He’d promised that day that he wouldn’t hurt me, again, what a lie. Two weeks later I had a swollen eye and couldn’t leave the house without sunglasses making it embarrassing for me to go out even to the grocery store. Our small town talks its only got about six hundred residents. On our one-year anniversary I was in the hospital with a broken leg that he’d given me, I’d fallen when he hit me, and I’d went skiing across the freshly waxed floor twisting my leg just right and snapping it. When the doctor asked how it happened I half lied and said that I’d slipped on the freshly waxed floor. I could see the doubt in the doctor’s eyes, but he just went along with it.
Things settled down some while my leg healed, he still verbally berated me almost daily reminding me of how much of a let down as a girlfriend I was. When I got my cast off and had healed sufficiently I was once again subjected to his full barrage of abuse. He knocked me unconscious this time: I don’t know how long I was out for, but when I woke up I was alone with Luke and I ran again to the women’s shelter. However, this time at the shelter it was worse, there was an almost teenage kid there whose mom would get kicked out the minute he turned thirteen, or he’d be forced to go to a boys’ home away from his mom and little sister. He was a tough boy though, apparently, he’d seen too much abuse. He took his anger out on everyone for him having to live there. I caught him once watching the women in the showers, usual teenage behavior, but some of the women there had been raped and it made everyone uncomfortable. I left before he did anything to Luke or myself. Only problem, I had no where to go, except back to Jeff. That had been a mistake.
I walked through the door with Luke in my arms to see Jeff sitting at the table and he was pissed; I’d been gone for almost a week. He at least let me put Luke down for a nap before he punished me for leaving. He’d known that I was at the women’s shelter, but he’d done nothing but wait, knowing that I was too brainwashed to even think about my sister and her new husband. They’d been married almost two years now. Luke was about to turn four which would make him eligible for early kindergarten. Once Luke was in school that would tie me to the area since I wanted him to have something I didn’t have my whole life, friends.
The minute I’d come out of Luke’s room he’d grabbed me from behind and cuffed my hands behind me so that I couldn’t move them. He took me to the bedroom and stripped me down after locking the door. Once he had me totally naked he’d taken advantage of my hands being cuffed and he’d forced himself on me. He’d made me do things that I normally wouldn’t consent to doing. The whole time he’d reminded me that he was my boyfriend and he was a cop, so pressing any charges against him would only get overlooked as a pissed off girlfriend. When he was done having his ways with me he’d spanked me like I was his child and he’d started talking to me outside of the bedroom in the same tone, like I was his child.
I’d stayed until today, he’d come home this morning and ordered me to do things that I was never comfortable with in the bedroom. When I didn’t comply with him he’d hit me he’d pushed me down in the kitchen and ripped my shirt open and tore off my underwear, since I was wearing a skirt on a warm November day. I was thankful today that my son was at school as he’d once again used my body multiple times in ways I hated. When he was done my wrist had begun to swell and he’d only told me to clean up the mess we’d made and take a shower he’d pick up my son from school. I’d waited the rest of the day and when he left I’d packed the important shit and ran.
My bottom hurt as I drove I knew I was bruised down there, my wrist was more than likely broken just holding the steering wheel made me want to scream out in agony, but my sleeping Luke kept me biting back the pain. I finally pull into my sister’s driveway as the sun is just starting to rise in the east. There’s a county car sitting in her driveway, she had told me that her husband was a cop. I take a steeling breath and prepare myself for the next few minutes.