Gage froze as if he’d been expecting her to say something totally different and now wasn’t sure what to do. His eyes gleamed silver and neither of them moved as the elevator doors opened.
“I should walk you back down to your room and—” he began.
“No…” She shook her head, sagging against the wall. “I don’t want to go back to my room. I don’t want…to be…alone.”
He hesitated again, but then nodded and led her toward his suite with his hand at the small of her back.
As always, his closeness was jarring. She’d never understood her physical reaction to him. She’d been something of an innocent at nineteen, far more interested in sports than boys, but the day she laid eyes on Gage that changed. She’d gone from an inexperienced tomboy to insatiably sexual. He hadn’t pressured her, not then and certainly not now, but she’d wanted him so much it hurt. Just like she did now. Going a year or more without sex was unbearable but he was the only man she’d ever slept with and even if that hadn’t been the case, he was the only man she wanted to be intimate with. Everything else aside, she literally couldn’t imagine doing the things they did with anyone else.
“Whatever you’re thinking,” he said as he poured her a tumbler of brandy, “it probably isn’t a good idea.”
She huffed out a laugh. “How do you know what I’m thinking?”
“Whenever you’re about to jump me, your eyes get a little glassy and you lick your lips a lot.”
“I’ve never known you to mind.”
He faced her, slowly twirling his glass between his fingers. “Mind? Never. But you asked me to keep things professional and now you’re asking me not to. Mixed signals get very confusing for a man like me.”
This time she laughed heartily. “A man like you? I find it hard to believe anything confuses you.”
He arched his brows. “When it comes to you? Everything confuses me. I’ve been trying to figure you out for more than fifteen years.”
“I’m not that complicated.”
“The fact that we’re divorced and still fall into bed together says you are.”
“So you’re saying you don’t want to?”
“I’m saying you asked me not to go there, to keep our relationship purely professional. I seem to make you angry every time we get too close and, the truth, Laurie, is that I hate it when we fight. I hate seeing you upset. And I despise when you’re angry at me.”
She was taken aback, confused at the depth of meaning in his words. He’d been affectionate and romantic once upon a time, but as things had gone sideways for them as a couple, he’d become colder and less open with his feelings. This was a part of Gage she hadn’t seen in a long time and it was a bit unnerving. This was the man she’d fallen in love with and these were the types of things that drew her in every damn time.
“I hate when we fight too,” she admitted, sinking onto the couch.
“Then maybe we shouldn’t,” he said softly.
She looked up. “Easier said than done.”
“If I ask you a question, will you give me an honest answer?”
She hesitated. This could get tricky, but she didn’t have any fight left in her tonight so she nodded.
“Did you only take the job because it was a once-in-a-lifetime professional opportunity?”
“You’re asking if I also wanted to be close to you, and the answer is yes.” She waved an impatient hand. “You don’t have to ask that. We go a year, maybe eighteen months, and then I break down and need to see you. It’s not good for me, and it’s probably not good for you either, but lying about it is silly.”
“But if you don’t love me anymore, why do you keep doing it?”
“Who said I don’t love you anymore?” She frowned. “I can’t get past all the shit that happened ten years ago, but you’ll always be the love of my life.”
“Couldn’t we try?” His voice was so low she almost didn’t hear him.
But she did.
And her heart kicked into high gear, a wave of desire hitting her that was so strong it nearly blurred her vision.
“Wh-what do you mean?” she whispered.
“I mean, if I’m the love of your life, and you’re the love of mine, couldn’t we try to get past everything that happened? Couldn’t we just take it one step, one minute, one fucking day at a time so this yearning goes away?” His eyes were glittering, naked truth hidden in their silver depths.
“Gage?” She slowly put her glass on the table and got to her feet. She didn’t approach him, merely stood a few feet away looking into those beautiful, expressive eyes. Could she forgive him? Hell, could she forget the past and make it as simple as this? As simple as letting it happen. Again?
“I’m right here, baby.”
“How… I don’t even know what I want to ask.”
“Why ask anything? Why not just say yes and then come here so I can hold you before both of us explode?”
Fuck.
She was so fucked.
This was going to be a spectacular disaster.
But her feet were already moving and then she was in his arms, her body pressed against his. She rested the side of her face against his chest and breathed in the scent that was only his. “We fucked up everything between us romantically, but our bond, the way we feel about each other, has never changed. I don’t know what to do, Gage. You have the power to destroy me.”
“I’ll do anything you want, babe, but I don’t want to hurt you. Not again. I’d rather cut off my legs than hurt you.”
She didn’t answer, merely lifted to her toes and pressed her lips to his. She’d been married to this man and he knew her better than literally anyone. Since they’d separated, she kept herself so tightly coiled that sometimes it felt like she might do just what he’d said—explode.
“Laurie.” He brushed his knuckles across her cheek, looking at her intently.
She pressed her cheek harder into his hand, loving the warmth, the rough masculinity. “How do you always do this to me?”
“Same way you do it to me.”
“What do we do, Gage? I can’t forget you but I haven’t forgiven you either.”
“How much worse can it be if we just try?”
She lifted her face to his and closed her eyes. He took control before she had time to think about anything else. He was wildly dominant in the bedroom, and she’d always loved it. Even after all these years she relished his touch, the way it felt when he plundered her mouth with his. Being together like this always transported her somewhere else, somewhere that didn’t include broken hearts and memories of all the bad things. What they were doing would re-open all the old wounds, but she suddenly didn’t care. All she cared about was his mouth on hers, his delicious tongue against hers, and those incredibly soft but firm lips.
Time disappeared and she surrendered to his touch. When had kissing been this emotional and poignant? She couldn’t pull him deep enough or hold him tight enough. His body was hard and firm against hers, but it wasn’t enough, as if even the smallest thing would somehow break them apart, in more ways than one.
“Come to bed, baby.” He pulled away slightly, cupping her cheek with his hand. He led her into the bedroom and dimmed the lights, pausing to undress and revealing his gloriously naked body. His thick, hard cock was already proudly at attention and she reached out to lightly stroke it.
“Some things never change,” she murmured with a soft smile.
“My attraction to you? No, that definitely will never change.”
She flushed, dipping her head slightly. “Why do you always make me feel so beautiful?”
“Because you are.” He lifted her chin with two fingers. “Get undressed for me, Laurie.”
She reached out and ran her hand over the curve of his shoulder, exploring the myriad new tattoos. He’d only had a few when they’d been together, but he’d gotten more over the years and now they covered both arms and his torso. The new one on his shoulder, however, was the Blizzard’s logo.
“When did you get this one?” she asked.
“Last summer.”
“I love it.”
His skin was warm beneath her fingers and she trailed them down his chest, pausing to lean down and drop a few light kisses on his nipples, his rock-hard abdomen, even his belly button. She dropped to her knees and looked up, licking her lips in anticipation. She remembered every detail of what it was like to be intimate with him, but this was different. They weren’t just having a fling and she’d agreed to give him another chance. This opened up a torrent of emotions she hadn’t felt in a long time.
“Are you nervous?” he asked softly, meeting her gaze in the semidarkness.
He knew her so well. Even after all this time he could read her like a book, and though it was a little embarrassing, it was comforting too.
“It’s been a long time,” she admitted.
“Have you…” He cleared his throat. “You’re not seeing anyone.”
It was more a statement than a question, but she felt the need to shake her head no. “I don’t have time to see people,” she whispered. “And frankly, I’ve never been interested in anyone else.”
The surprise on his face was unmistakable but he quickly masked it, something he often did when he didn’t want her to know what he was thinking. She was on to him, though, and opted for the only kind of distraction that would work. Without hesitation, she sucked him deep, one hand closing firmly around the base of his shaft while the other lightly tickled his balls. He let out a little hiss of both surprise and pleasure, arching his hips forward.
He tasted the same, she thought, musky and manly with a hint of saltiness she loved. Even after the initial separation they’d continued to have sex through the failed attempts at counseling, during the six months they’d gotten back together. It was hard not to remember all the wonderful moments in the past as she sucked and licked, attacking his cock with vigor. She loved doing this, loved having him in her mouth, totally at her mercy, controlling his reactions, his needs, his pleasure.
It was a feeling she’d never forgotten, and one she never felt the desire to explore with anyone else. Even when their relationship had been at its worst, there was no one that made her feel safer than Gage. Strong and caring with enough alpha to make her heart flutter with anticipation, she’d fallen in love with him hard and fast. It had been so difficult to leave him, and now that she had him again, there was no reason to pretend this wasn’t exactly what she wanted.
“Laurie, honey, I don’t want the first time to be…ah, shit.” The last part was a raspy grunt as she moved faster, using both hands. His hips were grinding forward and she opened her mouth wider, taking him as deep as she could, loving the way it felt when he hit the back of her throat. She resisted the urge to gag, relaxing her muscles the way he’d taught her so he could slide in and out easily.
“Oh, hell, babe, it’s too good…”
He jerked and warm semen dripped down her throat. She swallowed as best she could, slowly and methodically pulling away, watching his cock come back into view. When she finally glanced up, he was smiling, a wicked look in his eyes as he lifted her to her feet.
“I thought I asked you to undress?” was all he said.
“I was hungry.” She shrugged, giving him an impish grin.
“Hurry up.” He lightly swatted her backside. “So am I.”