Watching the game from the bench the following night, Laurel felt strangely detached, as if this was happening to someone else. The crowd was subdued as well, for some reason, but they came to life when Kane scored the first goal of the night and went on to get another hat trick. The Blizzard rolled all over the team from Minnesota and with their seventh win in a row, the press wouldn’t leave them alone afterward. Laurel had been prepared for a million questions so she was ready when the inevitable came.
“Coach, do you think benching Matt Forbes for those games played into his overdose?”
“God, I hope not,” Laurel responded slowly. “We disagreed about the way he’d been behaving in the days before the overdose, and now we know it most likely had to do with his drug use, but I had no way of knowing that at the time. I’d only been here a week or so when this happened. Believe me, I think about it every day, but Matt’s issues obviously ran deeper than any of us knew. Hopefully, this will raise awareness for the future, so if anyone else in the league and beyond is struggling with this, they’ll feel more comfortable talking about it, getting help.”
The questions went on for a while, but her answers seemed to satisfy everyone and finally it was over. They would play Minnesota again the next night, have a day off, and then the Sidewinders would be in town for the final two games of the season. There was a lot more pressure on them now but the team seemed to take it in stride, and with the focus on Matt behind them, they weren’t thinking about anything except the next game.
“I’ll see you all in the morning for practice,” she told the team before leaving the locker room. “Get some rest because it’s going to be brutal.”
For some reason, most of the guys just laughed and she wondered if they didn’t think she was tough enough or if they were just high from the win. She mentioned it to Gage when she got home.
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “It probably had more to do with the win than not thinking you’re tough enough. I mean, you assigned Matt an essay. I’d be terrified if I were them.”
She looked up to see if he was teasing but his face was dead serious. Until he burst out laughing. She lightly smacked him, shaking her head.
“I really want this for them,” she said after a minute. “For myself too, but more for them. From everything I’ve heard and what you’ve told me, it’s been a rough few years and Matt’s overdose just added another layer of distraction. They need something like the playoffs to shake it off.”
“They’re doing great and so are you.” He leaned over to kiss her. “Just keep doing what you’re doing. It seems to be working.”
“I still feel like I should pinch myself every time I get out there with them. It’s hard to believe it’s happening.”
“It is.” He trailed his fingers along her thigh, doing intricate little designs. “By the way, I have to go out of town tomorrow. I should only be gone two days but it’s rough getting to and from the East Coast.”
“Where are you going?”
“New York. I need to see some of my investors, make sure everyone is happy. I’ll be leaving early in the morning and hope to be back by game time the day after.”
“I’ll miss you,” she whispered, winding her arms around his neck.
“I’ll miss you too. When the season is over, let’s go away somewhere.”
“Where?”
“Name it.”
“Tahiti?”
“I haven’t been there, so we definitely should go. Find a place you like and have Rose make reservations.”
“Okay.”
Walking into the hole-in-the-wall bar where he usually met his handler, Gage still felt like a shit for lying to Laurel. He didn’t want to do anything to upset the delicate balance they’d found so far, especially with her so distracted by work, and though he could have made something up, it would’ve been much more complicated to explain a trip to D.C. He legitimately had business contacts in New York so it was more natural, but she hadn’t even batted an eyelash and he hated himself for his deception. Hopefully, this would be the very last time.
He sank into a barstool next to Carol Lang and motioned to the bartender, who put a Corona on the bar in front of him.
“What’s up?” she asked, taking a pull from her own beer.
“I’m done,” he responded without preamble. “I want some semblance of normalcy in my life, maybe start a family. This is my formal letter of resignation.” He pulled an envelope from his jacket.
She looked at it with raised eyebrows, a faint smile playing on her lips. “Seriously? Give me a break, Gage. Just because you’ve got your precious Laurel back in your bed doesn’t mean you have to do something rash. She’ll never know. This isn’t like when you were deployed.”
“It’s about honesty and integrity, something I thought we valued as patriots.”
She shrugged. “We tell lies for a living, Gage. She walked away from you once before, what makes you think she’ll stay this time?”
“Because this time I’m not giving her any reason to walk away.” He met her gaze directly.
“You’re making a mistake. You live for the rush, the danger, the excitement. Why would you give that up?”
“Because I’ve done it for more than a decade and I’m done. I want to be married, maybe with a bunch of kids at home.” Assuming he could talk Laurel into it. “I’ve done my duty by my country. I’m ready to live for myself.”
“Men like you aren’t really living unless you’re in the thick of things. You’ll be back, Gage. Mark my words.”
“Have you ever been in love, Carol?”
She laughed. “There is no cock as exciting as a mission, and I promise you Laurel’s pussy won’t provide that much excitement after the first few months.”
“You kiss your mother with those lips, Lang?”
She ignored him. “I’m not accepting your resignation, Gage. You’ll be back.”
“Don’t hold your breath for that.” He put a ten-dollar bill on the bar and then got up and walked out.
She was right about one thing: He loved the excitement of it. He loved Laurel more, though, and he was turning thirty-six this year. Enough was enough. He wanted more, a family, the woman he’d always loved. He enjoyed owning the hockey team and spent hours every week personally overseeing his investments. Hockey was plenty exciting and as for Laurel, well, there was nothing like being with her, both in bed and out. It felt like he was doing the right thing, but his gut told him nothing was ever this easy. Carol wasn’t going to accept his resignation without a fight and if he escalated it to her boss, who knew what would happen?