Streamlining Wordy Phrases

Using several words when one would do can be tempting. You may have been taught that more elaborate phrasing makes your prose more scholarly or more formal. However, it actually just means you are taking longer to say what you are saying, wasting your time and the reader’s.

• WORDY: I am of the opinion that the aforementioned salespeople should be advised that they will be evaluated with regard to the utilization of responsive organizational software for the purpose of devising a dynamic network of customers.
• CONCISE: Managers should tell the salespeople that sales staff will be evaluated on their use of flexible computerized databases to develop a customer network.

Streamlining Wordy Phrases Practice Set

Revise the wordy phrases in the following sentences.

1. Government funding cripples the natural relationship of arts enthusiasts and artists by subsidizing work and makes artists less creative and forces the taxpayer to take on the burden of paying for art they don’t like.

2. There are many reasons why some may believe that the services of one real estate agent are superior in quality to the services of another competing real estate agent or group of agents, including the personal service they provide, the care and quality of the work they do, and the communication lines they set up and keep open.