Some KISS fans may be doctors and some may need doctors, but they’re all united in their common love of KISS. The lengths to which members of the KISS Army and KISS Navy go to show their allegiance are legendary. And when they tattoo my Starchild face on their bodies, it’s humbling. It points to my responsibility—my commitment must be worthy of theirs.
That might sound cheesy, but it’s what got me this far: a belief in myself, a standard I owe to the people who put me where I am as well as to myself, and a joy in doing what I do.
KISS has always been the underdog, and the band champions those like us. We hope to inspire people through our accomplishments; we have always been relentless in pursuing our goals, and the audience can sense the genuine nature of our passion. It’s at the core of everything I do, over the course of more than 2,500 concerts. I’ve thrown myself into every show. There is no substitute for a performer’s commitment, no way to fake it.
And the same is true in life.
We have to do things properly—never lowering the bar. I suppose we can find ways to fool other people, but ultimately this undermines our own view of ourselves. If we don’t do a job as well as we can, it’s hard to look in the mirror. I owe myself better. You owe yourself better. We all owe ourselves better. And there is a reward in doing things properly: we build up a sense of self and take home a great feeling when we’ve given our best.
As I’ve said, nothing of any value comes without work, and we find out how important something is to us by how hard we are willing to work to achieve it. But I had to figure out how to work toward goals—and I’ve found that everything is accomplished incrementally. A clean room starts with one thing being picked up. And that’s the most effective way to deal with life: look at what needs to be done, and then start with doing one thing.
What’s great about starting to work on something and doing one thing at a time—whether it’s getting in shape or launching a business—is that the task becomes much less overwhelming. If I had known how long it was going to take me to become a good guitar player, I never would have picked up the instrument in the first place. Or when I look at a tour itinerary and see one hundred shows: I break out in a sweat. How am I ever going to do this? Well, I do it one show at a time—one single show, one hundred times. The same was true for me with therapy: I went to therapy to get some answers. That was forty years ago. If I had realized that I was going to have to figure out the answers myself and that there was no quick fix, I probably would have just gotten high instead.
Or take surgery. I don’t fear it, because I can’t start working toward my goal of recovery until I get past the surgery. I see injuries as minor setbacks to living my life to the fullest. As long as we keep going forward, at some point we will turn around and see where we started. The first day sucked. The first week sucked. But here I am with two weeks behind me! Whether it’s surgery or anything else, I look forward to having it happen because then it’s one day behind me. I’m one day closer to the goal. We can’t do anything that we’re not willing to start.
KISS is a tribe at this point, and unlike most bands that are very age and demographic specific, we don’t have a stigma. If a fan’s younger brother or sister shows up, if the fan’s father or mother shows up, if the fan’s grandmother or grandfather shows up, it’s all good. It’s about being a member of the biggest cult in the world, of a secret society that is life changing, life affirming, and something you ultimately want to share. We are multigenerational and proud of it. KISS has long been heralded as “the people’s band” because of the community we have created and the spirit of celebration that infuses all that we do.
We don’t preach, we inspire.
Which is a long way of saying I’ve been successful by being an everyman. I think people look to me for inspiration because they see their attributes and their flaws in me, just as they see them in themselves. Meaning, if I can do it, perhaps everyone can—with a little guidance and support. That also explains why this book is a total package. Because what I’ve found is that it’s not about what we can accomplish; it’s more about how we can accomplish it.
In my case, I don’t attribute my success to a certain way of working out or eating any more than I attribute it to positive thinking. Those things are part of it, of course, but what it’s really about is a point of view—a way of facing the day, a way of taking control of my life.
I try to apply the same determination and passion even in areas some might dismiss as trivial. Some people might not think it helps us professionally to cook up a nice meal at home, for instance. But it does: everything is connected, and when we affect one thing, we affect everything—we raise the level of everything we do.
The KISS rider—the list of things promoters are contractually obligated to have for us backstage—has changed a lot over the years. Early on we used to order champagne by the case. Then we switched to Dr. Pepper. Our rider these days is surprisingly dull. The only drug anyone wants backstage is Advil. But part of the reward of success should be hard-earned knowledge, lessons learned, realizations and epiphanies across many aspects of life, not just in music and business. It’s not that I want to limit myself to what might be called “age-appropriate” behavior, but I’m glad to have different priorities—to be a little wiser.
This is probably why people come up to me all the time and say things like “You inspired me to become a doctor” or “You got me through a troubled time in my life.” I met a man recently who told me he was a two-time cancer survivor. What got him through the days when he couldn’t get off the sofa, he told me, was listening to KISS. I would like to think that we all can inspire one another to become the best we can be, to fully realize who we are, by seeing how others have done it. We can emulate the passion and determination and apply it to anything in life.
Part of what’s so difficult for most of us is feeling that we’re alone in our struggles. But if we open up to the right people, we find out there’s actually a lot of support around us, because we’re all dealing with the same stuff. When we idolize someone, we tend to see that person as perfect, and I’d rather people look at me and realize that where I am today didn’t come without a lot of hard work, pain, and defeats.
Do I have it all? Yeah, I really do. I have the satisfaction of a great job and a great family, and they enhance each other. But anyone can have it all. People compromise; too often they surrender and settle in relationships, in jobs—in life. But the truth is: we can have it all. And we owe it to ourselves to at least try.
I want everybody to succeed.
The top of the mountain is really big. There’s room for everyone.
Just remember that our stories never end—your story never ends. At some point it simply gets added to someone else’s and passed forward to be told again. It’s up to you to make sure you love yours.