‘This way,’ Craig said, waving the gun towards the bottom of the garden.
She stood still and stared at him in the gloom. She hadn’t seen him in the flesh for a year, since he’d beaten her and Liam in his basement. He’d lost weight around the middle, looked older but suited it, had a trimmed salt-and-pepper beard. He wore a thick fleece, jeans and walking shoes, as if he was at home here. She thought about the hundreds of times they’d fucked, fought, made up, shared a tub of ice cream, watched a crappy movie and slagged it off. She imagined the ghosts of his previous selves standing at his shoulder, all the Craigs that had shaped her into who she was, for better and worse.
Craig tightened his grip on the gun. ‘I said move.’
The terrier mooched around the flowers following scents.
Jenny slowly stepped to the end of the garden away from the house. There were two benches on raised decking, a small outdoor table, perfect for catching sunrises or sunsets, hot chocolate in the autumn, strong G&T at the height of summer. She stepped up, views for miles across the Forth, lights over the water.
He walked behind her and she smelled him, the same smell she woke up with for years. She’d once been aroused by that smell, then sickened, now it felt like nostalgia.
‘Empty your pockets on the table,’ he said.
‘This is over, people know I’m here.’
Craig smiled and it didn’t even seem fake. ‘The police? I don’t think so or they would be here already. Maybe the famous Skelf women, come to save you like last time.’
‘One of those women is your daughter.’
The corner of his mouth twitched. ‘Empty your pockets.’
She didn’t move.
He whipped the gun barrel across her face. She felt searing pain on her cheek, wet with blood, the corner of her eye pounding.
She emptied her pockets. Cash, tissues, lipstick, van key and mobile.
Craig picked up the phone and dropped it on the decking, dug his heel into it, ground away until the screen light died. He pocketed the van key.
‘Sit.’
‘You’ve lost.’
He smiled again. ‘Whatever you say.’
‘I don’t care if you kill me.’
‘Yes you do, imagine never seeing Hannah again.’
‘Fuck you.’
The gun smacked her face again, same place, a blinding pain in her eye and cheek. She raised a hand and felt the blood, wiped away tears.
‘Sit.’
She sat.
He pulled out his phone and dialled, waited.
‘Hey, darling, I’m going to be a while with Saughton.’ He glanced at the terrier on the grass. ‘It’s past Sophia’s bedtime, maybe you should get her upstairs?’ He paused to listen. ‘Great, love you too.’
He pocketed his phone and grinned.
Jenny rubbed her eye. ‘You named the dog after the prison?’
Craig shrugged. ‘A reminder.’
Jenny nodded at the house. ‘Happy fucking families here.’
Craig’s eyes widened. ‘Absolutely.’
‘But Sophia belongs with Fiona.’
‘I’m her father.’
‘You’re a murderer and a kidnapper.’
Craig sat down opposite her, still pointing the gun. He thought for a moment. ‘I used to be those things but I’ve changed.’
Jenny let out a laugh. ‘Holy shit, born again, yeah?’
Craig sighed. ‘I thought you might understand.’
Jenny felt bile rising in her throat. ‘Understand what?’ She waved a hand around the garden. A salty breeze crept over the dunes from the sea. ‘Please tell me what this is because I would love to understand how kidnapping your own daughter is a touchy-feely moment.’
He stared at her for a long while and she held his gaze, determined not to look away.
‘It’s not kidnapping, she’s my daughter.’
‘Change the fucking record.’
‘We all make mistakes.’
‘Some more than others.’
He angled his head. ‘We all make mistakes, you know that as much as anyone.’
‘Yeah, I married you.’
‘Just shut up and let me speak.’
She shook her head. ‘Yeah, let the narcissist have his wee speech, justify his bullshit.’
He bolted out his seat and grabbed her throat, pinned her to the chair, swung the gun barrel against her face again, her neck twisting in his grip.
‘Fucking shut up,’ he said quietly. He looked at the house, upstairs lights on, Sophia probably brushing her teeth and getting tucked in, bedtime story.
‘She must miss her mum,’ Jenny struggled to say.
Craig squeezed her throat, put the muzzle of the gun against her forehead. He stayed like that for a long time, Jenny’s blood pounding in her ears, breath short, body sweating. She saw in his eyes that he would kill her.
Eventually he let go and eased back into the chair. ‘She’ll be fine. Fiona wasn’t a good mother.’
Jenny felt sick again. ‘And you’re better?’
Craig glanced at the house. ‘Charlotte adores her.’
Jenny shook her head. ‘I used to think you were clever. I admired how smart you were. But this is insane. What’s the long-term plan, exactly? Live happily ever after by the seaside, sandcastles and barbecues?’
Craig widened his arms. ‘It’s worked so far.’
‘Sophia will have questions when she’s older.’
Craig frowned. ‘Fiona’s in a mental hospital, she’s not well.’
‘You told her that?’
‘It’s not ideal but it’s close to the truth. She’s fucking crazy.’
‘This is sick.’
‘Eventually she’ll die in there.’
‘This is impossible,’ Jenny said. ‘Sophia will find out. Everyone will find out.’
‘Nothing’s impossible, you just have to want it hard enough.’
‘Now I know you’re crazy, motivational bullshit like that.’
Craig leaned over and she flinched, but he touched her cheek, wiped blood from the cut under her eye.
‘We used to be so cynical and sarcastic,’ he said. ‘Remember? We used to hate everything. The world was so corny, adverts, movies, the news, we were above it all.’
‘I don’t remember it like that.’
‘Typical of our generation,’ Craig said. ‘We thought we knew better, didn’t get sucked into sentimentality, wrapped everything in so many layers of irony we forgot what we really thought. We didn’t have real feelings, those were for suckers.’
Jenny shivered at the cold. More lights were on across the Forth, lighthouses blinking. She wondered if she could decode their messages. ‘We were young, that’s all.’
‘This is life,’ Craig said, taking in the whole beach. ‘No one is above it all. This is the real world in all its glory, you have to revel in it, soak yourself until it seeps into your bones. You have to grab every moment and sink your teeth into it.’
Jenny sighed and put on a voice. ‘Thanks for coming to my TED talk.’
‘What?’
‘This is some unbelievable YOLO bullshit.’
Craig shook his head. ‘I thought you’d understand.’
‘So that’s your reason for murdering, kidnapping, affairs, abuse. Seize the fucking day?’
Craig leaned in and she could smell his breath. ‘We always had a connection. You were the love of my life.’
Jenny laughed.
‘It’s true,’ Craig said. ‘Being sarcastic and laughing about it doesn’t make it any less true. You were the one, Jenny, you always understood me.’
Jenny pointed at her face. ‘Is that why you’re pointing a gun at my face?’
‘You haven’t changed but I have. I’ve grown, I’ve moved on. But that doesn’t alter what’s between us.’
‘There’s nothing between us.’
‘What about Hannah?’
Jenny ran her tongue around her mouth, touched her cut cheek. ‘She loathes you.’
Craig sighed. ‘That’s my one regret.’
Jenny couldn’t believe this shit. ‘That’s your one regret? Not killing a woman pregnant with your child, or escaping prison, or kidnapping Sophia?’
Craig nodded but Jenny knew he wasn’t listening. He’d never listened. He always had the appearance of a reasonable, attentive husband, but it was a façade to cover up a total narcissist. A guy who did whatever he wanted, fuck everyone else, because he was always in the right.
He nodded at the house. ‘People deserve a second chance, don’t they?’
‘Only if they’re genuinely sorry, if they really change. You haven’t changed a bit.’
He shook his head. ‘You’re wrong, I’m a changed man. I’m trying to live my best life, be there for my new family.’
‘Bullshit.’
‘I honestly want to be a good father, don’t you understand? I never gave my girls enough attention or love, but I’m trying to correct that now. That’s why I set up that sign in Hannah’s flat.’
‘You broke in.’
Craig sighed. ‘I don’t think Hannah is ready to forgive me yet.’
‘She despises you, you’re delusional.’
Craig seemed to ignore her. ‘That’s why Sophia is here with me. I still have a chance with her. I can look after her, be a good dad, make my life worth something after I’m gone.’
Jenny felt rage consume her. ‘And where does Fiona figure in all this? And the gun, the violence, the murder?’
Craig rubbed a hand down his face and stood up. ‘Enough, let’s go.’
‘Where?’
‘For a walk.’
‘You’re finally going to kill me.’
It was hard to see in the dark but it looked like Craig was crying. He wiped at his cheek and glanced at the house. ‘Come on.’
Jenny held the arms of the chair. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
He lunged at her, whipped the gun against her face, both sides this time, hitting her left eye so hard she heard a bone crack. The pain raced through her body, burning and fierce. He grabbed her hair and yanked, lifted her out the chair and pushed her off the decking, out the back gate, the gun pressed against her back.
The terrier raised its head and looked at him.
‘Stay, Saughton.’
They walked onto the first dune, grass whipping her legs.
He pushed her towards the sea. ‘Move.’