providenciales, turks and
caicos islands, 1989
Terry hoped to spot Amanda during the evening, but she was nowhere to be found. Despondent, he resumed his usual position at the corner of the bar and proceeded to drink even more heavily than usual. He lit a cigarette and was about to unsteadily make his way back to his villa when she appeared by his side.
“Hi, Terry,” she whispered in his ear.
He turned quickly, which resulted in him nearly falling off the barstool. He wanted to say something endearing, but his mouth couldn’t seem to coordinate with his brain, and all he managed was a mumbled, “Hello.”
“You really shouldn’t do that, it’s very bad for you,” she said, pointing at his cigarette.
“What?” he muttered.
She reached over and took the cigarette from his fingers and stubbed it out in the semifull ashtray that sat next to his nearly empty drink.
“Oh.”
She sensed his predicament and suggested they escape the noise of the bar and take a stroll on the beach.
Embarrassed at his condition, he tried to get his shit together but failed miserably. The result being that he had to lean heavily on her to make it out of there without crashing to the red tiled floor. The two minutes it should have taken to reach the fine golden sands of Grace Bay took ten, much to the amusement of the other patrons. Amanda, for her part, fixed them with an angry stare, daring them to say anything, until they looked away sheepishly.
Upon reaching their destination, directly in front of where he was staying, he sat down on the cool sand and desperately tried to focus on the dark, moonlit ocean as she sat down next to him. They sat silently for a few minutes, him not daring to risk conversation, her wondering what was troubling him so much that he was drowning himself in alcohol on a nightly basis.
She needed to make him at least somewhat coherent and knew of only one way to achieve this. Standing, she kicked off her shoes and dropped her dress slowly to the sand, revealing her white panties and pert pale breasts. Kneeling in front of him so that he could see her clearly, she took him by the hands.
“Terry, it’s a beautiful evening, let’s go for a swim.”
Even in his drunken haze, he recognized this as an order more than a suggestion and, with her help, slowly rose to his feet. He wanted to kiss her so badly, to wallow in her beauty, but he was in no condition and did not trust himself to succeed in the manhood department. She helped him out of his clothing until he was down to his boxers, then she stood on her tiptoes and gently kissed him on the lips. The touch of her mouth on his partially broke him out of his drunken stupor, and he was surprised to feel himself immediately react down below. Reaching up, he gingerly touched her left breast and felt her nipple harden slightly. She let his hand linger there for a moment before reaching up and slowly, reluctantly moving it away. Interlocking her fingers with his, she turned toward the ocean.
“Come on, Terry, this will do us both a world of good.”
Maybe it was the fresh air, the kiss, or seeing her partially naked in the moonlight, but his head seemed to clear a little, and he made it to the water’s edge without falling on his ass. She was already up to her waist when she dived into the surf. She reemerged on the far side of a crashing wave with a yelp of joy.
“Come on in, it’s lovely,” she yelled. “Or are you chicken?”
It wasn’t so much the taunt that drove him forward, diving ungainly into the surf, as it was the sight of the rivulets of water dripping off her wet hair and running down her perfect body.
“Bloody hell!” He gasped for breath as he resurfaced. He swam a couple of strokes over to where she was standing and stood in front of her.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” she said softly, looking up at the moon and the stars.
He just continued to look at her. “Yes,” he whispered.
She turned toward him, and a smile crossed her face when she realized he was looking at her. Reaching up, she placed her slender arms around his neck and interlocked her fingers. “You’re so silly,” she purred before kissing him for so long it took his breath away.
Everything was fully functioning now, which may have been her ulterior motive from the moment she suggested they go for a swim. Without a word and without taking her eyes off him, she reached under the water and pulled down his boxers so they were around his knees. Then she pulled herself up, wrapping her legs around his waist. “Give me a hand,” she whispered before kissing him again.
Putting his hands underneath her firm buttocks, he realized she was still wearing her underwear. Pulling them to one side, he held himself close to her, and she slowly lowered herself onto him.
“Lovely,” she moaned when she had reached the base.
Slowly, at first, she began to move, keeping her eyes locked on his. For one brief second, he remembered his nurse’s warning about being eaten by a tiger shark, but he didn’t really care anymore. She kissed him again and began to speed up her gyrations. He moaned loudly and grabbed at her butt in desperation, wishing it wouldn’t end but knowing he couldn’t last much longer. She let out a cry of pleasure and he knew she couldn’t either. When they both came it was as if every fiber of his body was electrified and the charge was coming from her. He let out a loud cry as he finished and was gasping for breath even though he had done little of the work. A thought flashed through his mind. What the hell just happened? He expected that she would release her grip around him and lower herself down, but she stayed exactly where she was, with him still inside of her, resting her head on his shoulder, not saying a word. He was about to speak, feeling the need to say something, anything, when she lifted her head off his shoulder and put her finger to his lips.
“Think you could do that again?” she asked, starting to move on him.
“Perhaps,” he mumbled.
And so they began their lovemaking all over again.
When they were finished, they walked hand in hand to the beach and lay down in the sand, not speaking, her head nestled on his chest, just looking up at the stars. She ran her finger over his scar, the dressing long claimed by the ocean.
“What happened?”
“Oh, just in the wrong place at the wrong time,” he answered. He could tell she wanted to ask him more, but she held her peace.
After ten or so minutes, she propped herself up on her elbow and kissed him gently on the lips.
“Let’s go to bed. It’s getting a little chilly.”
He nodded, and without bothering to dress, they gathered up their clothes and headed for his villa. After showering together, they made love once more and fell asleep entwined as if any space between them might allow the magic to end.
Around four in the morning, he awoke and bolted upright, screaming, covered in sweat. It took him a full half minute to realize where he was and remember that he wasn’t alone. He knew Amanda would be dressed and out the door in under a minute.
Instead, she put her arms around him and lowered him back down to the pillow. Then she rested her head on his chest and began to stroke his hair. “It’s okay, Terry, I’m here, I will always be here.”
For some reason, and against all security protocols, he began to tell her his story. He described the pain, the utter devastation he felt at the age of fifteen with the loss of his father to cancer. He talked about his mother, about moving in with his older sister, and about how he joined the army at sixteen. He talked about how the army had become his home, even more so when his mother died when he was nineteen. By then he’d been in Northern Ireland for two years, and the things he had seen and done had hardened him, and he hadn’t shed a tear at her funeral. He talked about the deep guilt he felt about this and how he wished he had been able to spend more time with her before her death. Then he began to tell her about his mission in Northern Ireland to eliminate Kieran Martin, the man responsible for the Bristol pub bombing. He even told her about Ciaran and how he thought he had loved her but had been disgusted by her tears at the death of Kieran Martin.
His own tears silently flowed now as he told her about the ambush and the death of his friend, Steve Bailey, and how he hadn’t been able to attend the funeral because of security concerns. The only thing he didn’t tell her about was his debrief with R. When he had finished, he felt totally drained but also at peace for the first time in a long time. She moved up to him and kissed him gently on the mouth, and then held him close as he fell asleep in her arms.
When he awoke the following day, she was not next to him. He glanced over at his alarm clock and was surprised to see it was eleven in the morning; it was the latest he had slept in years. He lit his first cigarette of the morning and was about to get out of bed when she appeared naked in the doorway of the kitchen carrying a large mug of tea. He felt himself reacting to her nakedness, but he ignored it, knowing he had to talk to her about the previous night’s confession. After his confession, he felt completely at peace and absolved from his sins. She took the cigarette and put it out in the ashtray on his nightstand.
“Foul bloody things,” she said, giving him a stern look.
“Sorry. I guess I’ll have to quit.”
She smiled her approval and handed him the steaming mug of tea. When she sat cross-legged on the bed in front of him he almost spilled the hot tea all over himself. He took a sip and was pleased to see she had made it NATO style, thick as mud with a little milk and two heaping teaspoons of sugar.
“Good tea,” he said with a smile.
She gave him a pleasant smile back. “I thought you might like it that way. It’s how my father takes it.”
“Your father is in the military?”
“He’s a lieutenant colonel in the Household Cavalry.”
He realized that, besides her name, this was the only other thing he knew about her. “Oh really, what regiment?”
“The Life Guards.”
He knew little about the regiment, but the one thing he did know was that you didn’t become a lieutenant colonel as a working-class lad from Manchester. That meant her family had land and a shitload of money. At present, though, that was the furthest thing from his mind. He had to talk to her about last night and the things he had told her.
“Listen, about last night, I may have said a few things that I shouldn’t have. It’s really important that you don’t talk to anyone about what I said, okay, or I could end up in a great deal of trouble.”
Her reaction was not the one he expected: she laughed. “It’s all right, Terry, I won’t breathe a word. Anyway, my father asked me to keep an eye on you while I was here.”
Terry, who had been taking a large gulp of tea, had a brief coughing fit before being able to speak. “He did what?”
“A friend of his, someone high up in the government, apparently, found out I was going to be in Providenciales with some friends on a bachelorette getaway and asked him to ask me to keep an eye on you and report back on how you were doing.”
“Oh, Christ,” he mumbled. “So what the hell was last night, checking me out to see if I was fit for duty?” he asked angrily.
She pouted slightly and he saw tears well up in her eyes.
“God, I’m sorry,” he said grabbing her in a tight hug before kissing her cheeks and eyelids. “I didn’t mean it to come out that way. It’s just that I was shocked by what you said. Please forgive me.”
She lay her head on the pillow facing him and draped her long slender leg over him. He felt himself twitch again at her touch.
“Last night, Terry, was me wanting to help the man I have found myself falling for. Don’t tell me you don’t feel the same way because I’ve seen the way you look at me.”
He blushed. “Oh, I’m done falling, I’ve already landed with a thud. I was just hoping this wasn’t some one-night stand for you.”
“If it was, I wouldn’t have been here when you woke up.”
“Amanda, why me? I mean it’s not like I must have made a great impression being pissed every time you saw me. I’m sure I’m not the prize your mom and dad were hoping you would bring home.”
She laughed loudly. “Who said anything about bringing you home?” She saw him react negatively and realized she’d touched a nerve. “I’m sorry, darling, I would love to bring you home. To be honest, I just don’t know. It’s as if when I first saw you, I just knew. As for the drinking, please don’t worry about that. I saw my father climb in and, eventually, out of a bottle, especially after his second tour in Ireland. As for a prize, there is one thing you should know about my parents. They are the most down-to-earth rich people you will ever meet. They will just be ecstatic that I’ve met someone, and when Daddy hears that you are in the military, he will be so pleased.”
“I hope so. I can’t help thinking that I am at a bit of a disadvantage. You know everything about me, and I don’t know much about you. What are your plans for the future? What are you doing now?”
Amanda laughed. “Besides being with you?”
“You know what I mean,” replied Nolan.
“I’m at university studying law. I really want to represent people that usually fall through the cracks of the system.”
“Hey, that’s great. Which university?”
“Downing College at Cambridge.”
Nolan let out a low whistle. “Wow, that’s very impressive. I might end up married to a famous lawyer.”
She smiled and kissed him hard this time, and he couldn’t ignore his physical reaction. He tried to roll on top of her, but she put her hand on his chest. “I’m sorry, Terry, I can’t, I have to get back and pack. We are supposed to be flying out today for Miami.”
“I guess that’s that, then,” he replied. “You’ll be back in England while I’m stuck here alone. Once I get back, I’m sure they’ll have some sort of job for me to do.”
“How much longer are you going to be here?”
“At least another six weeks.”
She reached down with her hand and teased him, moving her hand up and down. He gasped with pleasure. “You could always ask me to stay,” she purred before lowering her mouth onto him.
“Oh my God, please stay!”
Quickly she straddled him and guided him into her as she lowered herself down. He lifted his head and sucked on her nipple ever so gently. Now it was her turn to moan.
She pushed his head down on the pillow and smiled mischievously as she began to rock up and down on him. “My bags are already in the spare room,” she said before kissing him greedily.
They returned to England six weeks later. Two months after, they were married in a private ceremony on her family’s estate in Oxfordshire. R even agreed to be Terry’s best man. There was no one else he could ask. And although she wasn’t showing in her wedding dress, Amanda was already three months pregnant with their daughter, Miranda.