Ella woke after midday. The pets had gone, and so had Callum, the only signs of him the rumpled duvet on the mattress where he’d slept. Taking advantage of the empty cottage, she jumped in the shower. Then she dressed and began to pack.
A while later she was glad when she heard sounds of life. ‘Callum? Is that you? Is Jessie okay? Have you heard?’
In the kitchen, a brunch of toasted bagels was waiting. Crucially, there was also a large cafetière of delicious-smelling fresh coffee. Best of all, he had news from the hospital.
Callum filled Ella’s mug. ‘She’s badly bruised, but no fractures. And the scan was fine. No head trauma. Thank goodness.’
She splashed some milk into her coffee. ‘We can stop worrying now.’
‘They’re keeping her in for observation though.’ Sitting opposite her at the kitchen table, he propped his chin on his hand.
‘Best to be on the safe side.’ She stifled a yawn. ‘Jessie seemed as fit as a fiddle, but then…’
‘I know.’ He frowned. ‘They’re running some tests, in case there’s an underlying health condition. She didn’t have any dizziness before the fall, so that’s a good sign.’
Ella turned her mug around in her hands. Eventually she drank some coffee. ‘Did you actually get a chance to talk to Jessie?’
‘Yes. She’s not very pleased. She threatened to discharge herself – wants to come home to Hughie.’
‘She can’t do that.’ Ella sighed. ‘Speaking of the little devil, where is he?’
‘I’m not a hundred per cent sure.’ Seemingly unconcerned about the dog’s whereabouts, he tucked into his bagel, swallowed a bite and set the rest on the plate.
She groaned, feeling like last night had been a different place and time, in a parallel world, and that right this minute they were neglecting their duty. One thing was for sure. She couldn’t leave until she found an experienced pet sitter. ‘We’re supposed to be taking care of him.’
‘He’s probably off chasing butterflies.’
‘Do dogs do that?’ She finished her coffee in a series of quick, nervous sips and clunked the mug down on the table.
‘I don’t know. I’ve never owned one.’
‘Me neither. I don’t stay in one place long enough. I get my animal fix from other people’s pets.’ She stared into the empty mug. ‘I won’t be able to forgive myself if anything happens to him.’ Avoiding looking up at Callum, she bit her lip, wishing she hadn’t said that.
‘This is Hughie’s home. He knows his way around.’ After a moment’s hesitation, he added, ‘It’s been busy around here this morning. Not all of us can play Sleeping Beauty!’
She raised an eyebrow, sorry that she’d slept so late. ‘What’s been happening in the last one hundred years? What did I miss?’
Callum tipped the remaining contents of the cafetière into their two mugs and topped them up with milk. ‘I repaired that door handle you vandalised…’
She threw a linen napkin across the table at him in protest and grinning, he caught it in mid-air.
‘A mechanic has also been to check my car is safe to drive and repaired the windscreen while she was here.’ He folded the napkin, set it on the table and leaned back in his chair sipping his coffee. ‘The cleaners arrived.’ He shrugged. ‘Not much else to report. I fed Hughie and the cats…’
‘Can Jessie have visitors?’
‘Not right away.’ He checked his watch. ‘Visiting starts at two.’
Ella speedily finished her coffee. ‘I wonder if there’s an empty bed next to Jessie. If they could hook me up to a caffeine drip that would be perfect.’
‘Hangover that bad, huh?’ Callum beamed annoyingly and changed the topic of conversation. ‘You missed an impressive sunrise.’
‘How in the world were you up that early?’
He looked away. ‘You’ll never guess what else you missed. Karl only went and got himself stuck in the room with the broken handle all night.’
‘I shouldn’t laugh.’ She pressed a hand over her mouth to stop a giggle.
‘Laugh all you like.’
‘Where is he now?’
‘Gone. He’s a piece of work.’
‘Tell me about it.’ She got up from the table and filled a pocket with dog treats, not wanting to discuss Karl. ‘We ought to find Hughie.’
She went outside to scout around for the dog, and Callum joined her.
She stared out to sea. ‘I’m actually going to miss this place.’ She couldn’t bring herself to admit out loud that she was going to miss Callum too. What would be the point? Beautiful, lustful kisses apart, he wasn’t free in his heart. She’d got that from what they’d discussed in the earliest hours of the morning.
‘Right now, I need to be far away from here. Too many memories.’
‘It’s okay to feel your loss as long as you need to.’
This was every shade of awkward. She wanted him to know that she understood that he wanted to take his time, to heal – that almost sleeping together amounted to nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Last night his lips, his arms, his body holding her close, his heartbeat next to hers had made her feel so alive. But she had started it for the wrong reason. And it just wasn’t meant to be. He’d been through more sorrow than she had any right to try and make sense of. It couldn’t be more obvious he wasn’t over it.
‘You need space, away from the associations of Porthkara.’
He neither agreed nor disagreed. ‘What are your plans?’
Luckily, she had things to do, lots to keep her busy, so she wouldn’t have to time to be sad about what-almost-was with Callum. While she’d been packing her things, she’d seen a text from her father.
‘It’s official. My dad’s getting married again.’ And the strangers outside the church knew before she did. Typical!
‘Wow. How many wives has he had?’
‘Not quite as many as Henry VIII.’
He laughed as she counted on her fingers. ‘Janice. Kerry. Ingrid. Anna. And now Yvonne. She’ll be number five. He’s also selling up and buying a house in France. I’m planning on spending some time in London, so, given the news, it would make sense to stay with him, and sort through the stuff I’ve been keeping at his place.’
‘Is he why you don’t want to get married?’
‘I’m sorry, what? Who says I don’t want to get married?’
‘You did. Last night when I gave you the flowers, you said…’
‘That? Oh, I suppose so. He didn’t want my mother and me. Not enough to get married.’
‘That doesn’t mean your father didn’t want you. Not everything in life is black and white and easy. Maybe he thought he had to choose between you and his music career. Have you asked him?’
‘No.’
Callum had made a good point. Why Wesley hadn’t married Suzi, and why he’d left, were things they had never talked about.
Since visiting her mother in New Zealand, she’d been living frugally, like a backpacker – only with a big suitcase. She’d saved most of what she’d made from her acting and modelling work and had managed to put away a mind-blowing sum of money – more than she could ever have imagined earning before she’d met her dad and made connections in his world.
‘I need to get a real job, and my own place. I’ve been trailing around from one place to another for much too long.’ There was only so long a person could spend sleeping in international hostels, on friends’ sofas or in her family’s spare rooms. The hotel in Porthkara had been supposed to be a treat – so much for that! ‘I’ve had enough of being a nomad.’
‘You’re settling in London?’
‘It’s where I grew up.’ With no family, and a dwindling number of friends based in the city, it didn’t really matter where exactly. She hugged herself defensively. She couldn’t think of a time when she’d felt so in touch with her feelings as she had with Callum. With him she felt totally happy to be herself. ‘I’m not sure about London. It just seems like the obvious choice.’
Gently he cupped her cheeks in his hands. Her body felt confusingly like concrete. ‘I’ll remember this weekend as long as I live.’ His eyes shone, his voice deep, gravelly and sincere. Against her strong resolve, she wished that he would kiss her, then he said what she was thinking and her heart went into a tailspin. ‘I’m going to miss you.’
Under a sky spangled with stars, a tiny piece of their friends’ happiness had rubbed off on them. She longed for more. But stuff like that didn’t last. Not in her experience.
All the words she could say to him filled her head like in a cartoon thought bubble. “Let’s keep in touch. Here’s my number. What’s yours? We should meet for a drink in London. I’ll call you.” She said none of it. To protect her heart. To keep safe. And because it would be a mistake to ask if they could give each other a chance.
She shivered. She’d been putting on an outward show of being single and content for so long, she didn’t have the foggiest idea how to go about changing, afraid of trying and failing. They’d agreed to forget about that out-of-this-world kiss on the terrace when it had felt like they were spinning through space, the only two people on the planet. Her heart hurt. It was hard to imagine how this might have turned out if things had gone differently, if Jessie hadn’t fallen. If, if, if. She couldn’t have him. That was all.
He took a big step back. ‘I have to get back to London. Some loose ends need sorting with my lawyers before the sale of my company goes through. I’ll stop by the hospital first, to say goodbye to Jessie. And I’ll help find a pet sitter before I go. If you need a lift somewhere, I’d be happy to—’
‘Hughie!’ Interrupting Callum, the dog shot out from underneath the hydrangea bush and dashed across to Ella. He sat looking at the pocket containing the treats and raised a paw.
Relieved to see him, and to have something other than her feelings about saying goodbye to think about, she crouched down and scratched behind his ears, like she’d seen Jessie do. It worked because he lay down obediently beside her. ‘You rascal.’ She fed him a treat. ‘I was worried about you.’ He rolled onto his back, legs in the air and a goofy grin on his doggy face. Ella laughed and rubbed his tummy.
She couldn’t look Callum in the eyes, convinced that every time she did, she lost a tiny fragment more of her heart to him, so she talked directly to the dog. ‘You know what? I think I’ll stay on here for a couple of days. Take care of you and the cats myself. It’s not rocket science, right? Just until I’m sure Jessie is back on her feet.’
Callum crouched down next to them. ‘Would you like me to stay too? I could push back my meetings. I know you’re not keen on this place, and it’s out-of-the-way, and you don’t drive, so if you’d rather not be alone…?’
Ella sprang to her feet. A gust of wind off the sea blew her hair in her face. She gathered it into a ponytail and tied it back with a band she’d had on her wrist. Every atom of her was so full of loneliness and yet she could not wait for him to leave. ‘No. Really. That’s not necessary.’
The dog gave a yelp which sounded like an objection.
‘See?’ she said, choosing to interpret it differently. ‘Hughie agrees. We’ll be fine. I’m better on my own.’
‘What about the ghost?’
She knew he was teasing her. ‘I’m not scared. I’m even getting used to that weird sound the peacock makes and it’s more screechy than any ghost. I can stick it out for a while longer. Honestly, I’ll be okay.’
He looked at her doubtfully. For a fraction of a second she thought about pressing her mouth to his lips and saying, “I lied. I’m not okay. I’ve fallen for you. Please stay”. Except she knew that wouldn’t turn his frown to a smile, at least not permanently.
‘I could come back down, if you like. When I’ve collected the campervan.’
‘Let’s face it – Porthkara’s not where you want to be.’
He dug his hands into his pockets and stared down at the ground. ‘No, you’re right. It’s not. Being here this weekend was something I had to do. For Saffie.’ A muscle twitched in his cheek. ‘Also – mostly, if I’m honest – for Roxanne.’
‘You have to get away.’
‘That’s the idea. Drive through Europe. I’ve marked out a route from one high-octane experience to the next. I’m going to discover what it’s like to be an adrenaline junkie.’
She said nothing. Daniel had put her off thrill seekers. After him, for the longest time, she’d been risk-averse with all varieties of men. Callum, it seemed, had cured her.
‘I need to reboot and figure out what comes next.’ He paused. ‘In the meantime, hang-gliding and bungee-jumping and white-water rafting feels right. It’s the best way I can think of to seize the moment and get on with life.’
‘Sounds fun.’ Ella hid the wobble in her heart. She understood. He hadn’t worked out how to be by himself yet, let alone how to be with someone new. If he returned to Porthkara before setting off on his trip to Europe she would do the wrong thing. She would ask him to take her with him travelling. Doing that could only prolong her agony. It would be temporary. And what she needed most was to ground herself and inject some permanency into her lifestyle. ‘There’s no point in you coming back.’ She fed the dog another treat. ‘I’ve got Hughie and the cats. Plus, the ghost of Karadow – not that I believe in ghosts, obviously.’
‘Obviously.’
The smile on his face made her heart tremble. It was a moment of weakness. She was cross with herself that she felt this strongly about him. She’d only known him three days. Last night on the terrace would always be in a gift-wrapped box in a corner of her memories with a tag marked “best kiss of my life”. It would be hard to forget him.
‘Can I hitch a lift to the hospital with you?’ she said, keeping it real by thinking about practicalities.
‘Sure.’ He sent her a glance that lingered, then turned away abruptly and walked off.
Enough!
No man should set her senses on fire with just a look. She had been so close to telling him that she was falling for him. The wonderful feeling she got when he was around? That crazy fabulousness was a one-off. And those feelings weren’t the lasting kind.