27

“Darling,” said Daphne, “you’ve remembered so very well so many things: but wasn’t Muriel G— mixed up in some shop-lifting case?”

“Well done indeed,” said I. And then, “You’re perfectly right. It had gone clean out of my mind. Give me a minute or two to marshal the facts.”

“When you’re ready,” said Jonah…

For a minute we sat in silence. Then Berry addressed himself to Daphne, speaking low.

“Who was Muriel G—?”

“You might not remember her. She was very sweet – the only child of the L—s. Very fond of Boy, whom she’d known as a child. But happily married and ten years older than him.”

“I’ve got her,” said Berry. “Very fair and quick in the uptake. Her father was a ‘back-woods’ peer.”

“That’s right,” I said. “And I’ve got it straight now.

“She rang me up one evening and asked if I was in court the following day. If not, would I help her out? I asked what it was she wanted. She said she wanted me to take her to Marlborough Street Police Court. ‘That,’ I said, ‘I will never do. No Metropolitan Police Court is a fit place for you.’ And then she was off.

“A friend of hers had been charged with shoplifting. And she wanted to be in court, to hold her hand. ‘It’s a hideous mistake, of course.’

“In the end I promised that if there was nothing in Chambers to prevent me, I would be at the court at eleven o’clock – but only on the condition that she stayed outside in her car.

“‘I promise,’ she said at last. ‘But come at a quarter to, and I’ll put you wise.’

“There was no question of my appearing. Bodkin had been instructed for the defence. But the woman and her husband were friends of Muriel’s and had turned to her in their extremity.

“Well, I arrived on time: and there the three were in her car. I was greeted and introduced. The woman was much older than Muriel – just about fifty, I’d say: but young for her age. Her husband was a soldier, retired. They were obviously well-bred people – quiet, perfectly dressed, of impeccable demeanour. The husband was a very nice-looking man. They didn’t look rich. I studied them carefully. The woman was gay and seemed to regard the affair almost as a jest. ‘I’m sure, Mr Pleydell, you’ve never been put in a cell… Then I’m one up on you. Not that the police weren’t nice. They were perfectly charming to me. And they gave me such excellent tea. I was really quite sorry to leave, when they came and bailed me out.’ Her husband subscribed to her mood – but I saw the strained look in his eyes.

“After a little, he and I took a short turn.

“‘Must she stand in the dock?’ he said.

“‘I’m afraid she’ll have to,’ I said. ‘But I’ll have a word with the jailer, and you shall stand – not in the dock, but just by her side.’

“‘That’s very good of you. Er, is Bodkin any good?’

“‘The best man you could have,’ I said. ‘If you had asked me who to have, I should have put him first.’

“‘He advises that she should reserve her defence and be committed for trial. Would you have said the same?’

“‘I haven’t seen the papers,’ I said. ‘But I hope I should.’

“‘Why d’you say that?’

“‘Because Bodkin’s brain is a far better brain than mine.’

“There was a little silence. Then–

“‘Things do go wrong,’ he said.

“‘I’d lay you fifty to one that this one won’t.’

“He stared.

“‘But you haven’t seen the papers,’ he said.

“‘I’ve seen the accused. Do as Bodkin says, and you’ll find I’m right.’

“I shall always be glad to remember that he seemed more or less relieved.

“I saw the jailer, with the result that, when the case was called on, he was allowed to stand just beside the dock, with his hand on the rail. I also saw Bodkin – before the case was called on. When I told him why I was there, he gave me a whimsical look. ‘We shall go for trial,’ he said. ‘I think even you would have given that advice.’ ‘As bad as that?’ I said, laughing. ‘You listen to the evidence,’ said Bodkin.

“This was damning. Selfridge’s. The woman had had a portfolio. She had been seen to pick up two baby’s garments, open the portfolio and drop them in. When she was taken to a manager’s room and the portfolio was opened, the garments were there. She denied all knowledge of them.

“She duly reserved her defence and was committed for trial. And when she was tried, she got off, as I knew she would. Wallace was then Chairman of the Sessions and I really don’t believe he ever sent a shoplifter down.

“When it was all over, Muriel asked me to dine.

“‘What do you think?’ she said.

“‘I imagine,’ I said, ‘she’s a kleptomaniac. She’s no children and, therefore, no grandchildren. The garments were useless to her. But she had an impulse to steal them; and so she did. And her husband knew she was guilty. I’ll lay any money you like she’d done it before. The moment I saw his face, I knew there was something wrong. And when I heard that she was to go for trial, I knew that Bodkin knew that that was the only way to save her skin. They all get off at the Sessions. But she wouldn’t have stood an earthly at Marlborough Street.’

“‘D’you know,’ said Muriel, ‘I did begin to wonder. She was so very bright. I mean, I should have been devastated.’

“‘Of course you would.’

“‘You think there’s no doubt, Boy?’

“‘I haven’t the slightest doubt that she stole the things. But in view of the things she stole, I don’t think she’s a shoplifter. I think she’s a kleptomaniac. Have you missed anything?’

“Muriel shook her head.

“‘But I shan’t have her here any more.’

“‘I’m glad of that,’ I said. ‘For I don’t think kleptomania knows any law.’

“Well, there’s the sordid story, for what it is worth. A shocking thing for a husband to have a thief for a wife. And they were – well, distinguished people. No doubt about that.”

“What a terrible thing,” said Daphne.

“It was indeed, my sweet. But the man was the one to be pitied. I felt damned sorry for him.”

“Didn’t you bring shoplifting into one of your tales?”

“Yes. Into Period Stuff. A girl is arrested by mistake. That can happen, of course: but I think it’s rare.”

“Weren’t the goods being passed?”

“That’s right. The girl was wearing a squirrel coat: so was ‘the receiver’: and the thief slipped her spoil into the girl’s cuff by mistake. Fortunately a stranger was there, and he saw the whole thing.”

“In such a case,” said Jonah, “an action could have been brought.”

“Yes. For the girl was detained. An action for false imprisonment. You may remember the manager’s relief when, in response to his apology, the girl said, ‘I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault.’”

“Such actions have been brought?”

“Oh, several. And won. It’s very hard lines on the stores. They lose – or used to lose – thousands of pounds a year, thanks to the activity of shoplifters. Naturally, they do what they can to catch the thieves out: but mistakes – or alleged mistakes – are easy to make. When you consider the crowds of people – all potential customers – continually on the move on every floor, to me the wonder is that more mistakes are not made.

“One such action, I remember, was brought against Selfridge’s not very long after that famous store had opened its doors, while it was still the wonder of London and its name was still in everyone’s mouth. A woman had been detained and was presently charged with stealing three or four of those little, fluffy chickens – toys, of course – that used to be sold.”

“I used to love them,” said Jill. “They really looked alive.”

“So they did,” said I. “Well, her defence was that she had bought the chickens off a street-vendor, before entering the store. They used to be sold in the streets by fellows with trays. The magistrate gave her the benefit of the doubt and she was discharged. Whereupon she issued a writ and claimed damages for false imprisonment and, I think, malicious prosecution.

“The case was heard by Darling J. I can’t remember which way it went, though I was in court part of the time. But I do remember that when the plaintiff’s counsel, who was opening her case, stated that she was taken to Marylebone or Marlborough Street, Darling looked up. Then, with the most innocent of airs, ‘Isn’t there a resident magistrate at Selfridge’s?’ he said.

“It mayn’t seem very funny at this distance of time, but I can still hear the roar of delighted laughter which greeted his remark.”

“I think it was brilliant,” said Berry. “And very typical.”

“Yes, it was typical of Darling. He had a very pretty wit.”