The next morning I rode to school thinking about Mitzy’s advice, which wasn’t very smart because I nearly crashed into the gutter.
How could I show everyone that me being the teacher’s pet could be good for them? As I parked my bike, I saw Johnny Wilson and I had an idea. (SAM APPROACHES JOHNNY WILSON)
SAM: (LOOKS AROUND THEN WHISPERS) We’ve got assembly today, so I’ll be marking. I’ll do it.
JOHNNY WILSON: Huh? What?
SAM: (WHISPERS) You know. The . . . you know.
JOHNNY WILSON: The . . . wha . . .?
SAM: (LOOKS AROUND, WHISPERS) The cheating. For you.
JOHNNY WILSON: (LOUDLY) Oh! The cheating for me. On the maths test. Cool.
SAM: Shhh!
The bell rang and, as everyone trudged to assembly, I headed for our classroom, scared but eager, trying to tell myself that this was a win-win. If Miss Lee caught me cheating for Johnny Wilson, then surely it would change her opinion of me, and she’d stop thinking I was perfect. So getting caught would be good.
And if I got away with it, it’d show Johnny that me being the teacher’s pet could be good for him, and he might stop hassling me. And if he stopped hassling me, everyone else would follow.
Johnny Wilson had given me a way out. At that moment I almost liked him.
Miss Lee was already inside our classroom. ‘Morning, Sam. How’s your new sister? Everything good at home? How’s your mother? Getting enough sleep?’
‘Good. Yep. Good. Yep,’ I replied.
Mum sometimes asked me two questions at once, but four in a row was a new record. I grabbed some papers for marking, making sure Johnny Wilson’s was among them, and then we sat on opposite sides of her desk. I found Johnny Wilson’s paper and tried to make it obvious I was hiding something by turning away and wrapping my arm around it. I started marking and whenever I came to a wrong answer (which was almost all of them) I ticked it correct.
Miss Lee was concentrating so hard on her own marking that she didn’t notice. I coughed to try and get her attention. She looked up and I quickly covered Johnny Wilson’s paper, made my eyes go all wide and tried to look guilty. If she couldn’t catch on from that, she shouldn’t be a teacher.
MISS LEE: Sam? What are you doing? Move your hand. Are you marking wrong answers as correct? For Johnny Wilson? You’re trying to improve his mark! Oh, Sam.
SAM: Yes. I did it. I cheated for Johnny Wilson. I’m such a bad person. I know I’ve let you down. I guess your whole opinion of me has changed.
MISS LEE: It has, Sam. I didn’t realise you were so caring.
SAM: What the . . .?
MISS LEE: Look at you, trying to help Johnny. He does struggle in class and it must be hard for him. I know your intentions were good, but that’s not the right way. It’s so sweet that you care, though. I’m going to organise some after-school sessions for Johnny, where he can stay back and I’ll help him work through some extra maths problems.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Johnny Wilson would be furious with me. Not only had I failed to improve his mark, he was now going to have to stay back after school. I’d made things worse.
But I was positive I was on the right track. If I did something else naughty, surely Miss Lee would stop thinking I was Little Mr Perfect.
I had another idea. Miss Lee kept a bag of lollies in her desk and gave them out as rewards. (Mainly to me. It was the only good thing about being the teacher’s pet.) If I could steal the bag and share the lollies with everyone, it would definitely win me some cool points. And if I got caught, surely that would be enough to convince Miss Lee I was a bad boy.
I avoided Johnny Wilson at recess, then at lunchtime snuck into our classroom, (against the rules) opened Miss Lee’s desk drawer (against the rules) and took the lolly bag (HUGELY against the rules). As I headed for the door, Miss Lee came in. Yes!
MISS LEE: Sam? What are you doing?
SAM: (raises hands above his head) Oh, no. You’ve caught me red-handed, stealing your bag of lollies. I admit my guilt.
MISS LEE: You can put your hands down, Sam. I’m not the police.
SAM: But it’s pretty terrible, you’ve got to admit that. You must be so disappointed in me.
MISS LEE: Not in you. In myself.
SAM: What?!
MISS LEE: Of course I shouldn’t be using lollies as rewards for the children. All that sugar. I’m teaching you all terrible eating habits. I’m so ashamed.
SAM: (ALARMED) No! No, let’s focus on me. I stole your lollies.
MISS LEE: Yes, because obviously you didn’t think I’d listen to you if you suggested I use healthy food instead. So you tried to get rid of the lollies by yourself. I’m so sorry to put you in that position, Sam, and thank you for showing me the error of my ways. You’re a real treasure. I’m going to go to the health-food store right now.
SAM: But . . .
After lunch things got even worse.
MISS LEE: (TO CLASS) I will no longer be giving out lollies for good behaviour and good work. (EVERYONE GROANS)
MISS LEE: Instead, I’m going to give out yummy healthy treats, like dried apricots and raisins.
(EVERYONE GROANS LOUDER)
MISS LEE: And it’s all thanks to Sam.
(SAM LOWERS HIS HEAD)
MISS LEE: Sam pointed out to me that it was wrong to reward you with unhealthy, sugary food.
SAM: But . . .
MISS LEE: It was very mature of him. Let’s give Sam a big round of applause.
CLASS: BOOOOO!
MISS LEE: And as a reward, Sam, I’ll give you some dried apricots and raisins, of course!
(NO ONE LAUGHS. EVERYONE GIVES SAM THE DEATH STARE.)
