Ever since I had been in England, the bloodlust had increased exponentially. I guess it was the proximity of Azazel. That, and the tension that a potential meeting with someone like me brought. It was so double. I was torn.
Here I would finally be able to meet someone who I had a connection with. Another being who is immortal like me. Who was part of whatever it was that I was destined to be. This whole Apocalypse thing was still so weird. I couldn’t get my head around it. It frustrated me too. Not only because it was so surreal, but also because it was something that I had no say in. It had happened to me, was still happening to me, and what I wanted was not in any way part of the equation. Being the control freak that I am, this was a no-go. I didn’t like being controlled. It was against my nature, even my current nature. Or maybe even especially my Primal nature.
Being such a strong and powerful creature when changed, gave me an even greater feeling of control. There was basically nothing in this world that could stop me. That was one of the lessons that I had taken back with me from Nepal. Probably not what the Watchers wanted me to learn, but that was their problem.
I am in essence a super being. Untouchable. Unstoppable.
So why was everyone trying to control me?
The Watchers were getting on my nerves. Oh, not Panat, he was getting under my skin. Which was probably worse. But I’ll get back to that later. No, I’m talking about characters like Joseph. He was just too slick. In my experience—If something feels too good to be true, it usually isn’t. There was something about him, and the others in Holland, that just got the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up. I listen to my instincts. They’re good. A lot better since they were joined by thousands of years of Primal experience.
The way that Joseph tried to manipulate me in subtle ways really irritated me. He didn’t so much order me around or tell me what to do, he just managed to steer all conversations in a certain direction that made it almost impossible not to do what he set out to organise. He made you want to do what he wanted, or at the least he made it extremely difficult to say no. There have been times when we just arrived in Holland, that both Panat and I agreed to things that we later couldn’t explain why. I guess I saw the manipulation sooner than Panat. He’s quite the trusting type. It suited him, but on the other hand it’s not really a good idea. Not in this world. It means that someone, or probably a lot of people, will take advantage of you.
It took quite a lot of convincing to get him to see the possibility that he might be played. It dismayed him. He had known all these people for years, his whole life actually. It must have taken a lot out of him to acknowledge that he might not be able to trust some of them anymore.
Me, I’m paranoid. I don’t trust anyone. So not trusting the Watchers came naturally for me. No, that’s my cynicism talking. I have just experienced too much. If you live forever, you experience a lot of shit. See a lot of bad in people. That makes me what I am now—Cynical and unforgiving.
Anyway, the way things were unfolding in England was stretching my patience and my trust to a breaking point. If Joseph wanted to know so much about what Azazel was doing, why didn’t he come along as well? Instead of getting us to do his dirty work. And then, there was that nagging question I had at the back of my mind. If he was the leader of Azazel’s clan, and Aze killed most of them, why hadn’t he killed Joseph?
There was something definitely off about all this. I could feel it in my bones. I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was exactly.