Living in the real world

It was getting light – grey merging to a paler shade of grey – when Elin watched the Sunny Days van disappear down the lane. Small bubbles in the puddles settled, melting into the ever-changing raindrop circles on the surface of the water, and it seemed as though the only sun she’d seen for days was on the side of Steve’s van.

She turned and went in, casting an eye over the basket and noticing slight imperfections she knew no one else ever would, before moving it aside. She began to clear away and wash up the breakfast things.

Kip padded over and lay at her feet, then stirred and sat up as she became aware of tyres crunching on the gravel of the yard. The stuff of men’s dreams, Bede’s nightmares, glided in. Only a car like that could actually glide over their yard. She tried to maintain her vision of their ancient estate car as homely and practical rather than scruffy, as the Bentley pulled up alongside it.

She turned from the window to put some plates away. Although she was expecting it, the force of Philip Northcote’s hammering on the door made her jump.

Dressed immaculately in grey suit and polka-dot tie, he looked imposing even with his waxed jacket draped over his shoulders against the rain. His eyes were blazing fit to evaporate the drops around him.

‘Morning, Philip,’ she said calmly. Years of living with Bede had made her immune to blazing eyes. ‘What can I—’

‘Bede in?’

‘Sorry, he’s just left. Can I help?’

He tutted. ‘Might have known. Couldn’t stay and face the music. It’s about time your husband grew up and started living in the real world.’

How far apart could their definitions of grown up and the real world possibly be?

‘You’d better come in and tell me what this is about.’

He shook his head curtly. ‘Isn’t it fucking obvious? See that?’

She looked at the gleaming Bentley, raindrops only enhancing the subtle glow of the paintwork, a condescending presence outside their house as though even the car didn’t want to be there.

‘I see it. And?’

‘How can you be so bloody brazen? As if the pair of you haven’t been having a good laugh at my expense. Well I hope you can still smile when you get the bill.’

Then she noticed. Two deep parallel scratches scored down the side. A mixture of apprehension and indignation rose inside her. She glared at him.

‘Look, if you think Bede would do something like that—’

‘I don’t think.’

How dare he? She folded her arms. ‘See him do it, did you?’

‘Didn’t need to. It’s obvious, isn’t it?’

‘Anything but. He was in a busy pub working and playing pool all evening.’

‘After letting me know in no uncertain terms what he thought of me and my car.’

‘Just words, Philip.’

He was shaking his head again. ‘I suppose this is meant to be some kind of protest for the planet. But there’ll be more of your precious resources used up in repairing it. And I’ll be sending you the bill.’

‘So you said. Feel free to send what you like.’ Elin dug her fingernails into her palms; losing her temper wouldn’t achieve anything. ‘Unless you can prove it was him, there isn’t a cat in hell’s chance of us paying it.’

‘I thought you protesters liked to claim “responsibility” for your irresponsible actions. I’ll have the police round.’

‘They’ll find nothing because there’s nothing to find.’ She looked him in the eye. ‘Like last time.’

He stared back. ‘So if it wasn’t him, who else could it have been?’

Was he actually accusing her? She wouldn’t lower herself to deny it. ‘I have no idea, sorry.’

‘You will be.’

He left.

Elin forced herself to close the door gently – slamming it would achieve nothing – and turned back into the kitchen. She stood for a moment, breathing away her anger. Kip was watching, hackles slightly raised but silent.

‘Fat lot of help you were,’ she said as she ruffled his ears.

Turning back to the draining board, she picked up Bede’s favourite mug to dry it, stowed it in its place on the shelf and stood for a moment staring at it.

The rain had cleared and, before starting on her jobs, Elin went out to walk off her frustration. The dusty, sepia-tinged scent of the May blossom hung on the air, taunting her as she pulled her jacket tighter against the fresh breeze. Ne’er cast a clout till May is out – it was hard to remember the false early spring and the week of sunshine they’d enjoyed in April when Fran and Jeff were there. It was as though they’d taken the good weather home with them. Well, they’d had it for a month now – time to give it back. Except she knew it had been as wet in Manchester as in Foxover.

The hawthorn didn’t seem to mind. The white sprays arching from the hedgerows and single bushes dotting the hillside created a photo in negative of the landscape, and the scent came in waves as she followed the path that wound its way over the hillside.

The lone bushes looked like abandoned brides, forlorn. An occasional breeze moved their trailing lace-trimmed fingers in a dance to attract their men back. She smiled as she recalled the day she and Bede had first conjured the image, taking it in turns to add details. One night they’d slip down to the river and drown themselves in a tragic ritual on realising their errant husbands-to-be would never return. When they’d planted the willows, he said they provided a safety net, keeping the beautiful hawthorn brides in their place until the summer returned and persuaded them they didn’t need husbands to make their lives complete. The only reminder of what might have been were the berries like an annual display of blood-red tears. He hadn’t mentioned his mum, but the errant husbands had been his idea.

Kip was running rings around her, following scents, sniffing out burrows. As the path led into Holtwood, the dog gave a small bark, looking back at her, tail waving a beacon. Shaking off the feeling of being a trespasser in a place she had once found reassuring, she followed him into the trees, heading towards the river. She was stopped short by an angry yellow sign glaring at her like a searchlight. Private Land. Keep Out. And another: Danger. Shooting in Progress. 

She felt in her inside pocket and drew out a couple of the crumpled flyers and a small tin of drawing pins she carried for such opportunities. The flyers were impossible to smooth fully, but it was the principle; they’d be gone in no time anyway. She tacked Frack-Free Foxover over the harsh yellow warnings – it had become habit although she knew it would achieve little more than to make her feel better – then started down the path. Despite the sharp yet homely smell of the wild garlic, and the small carpets of bluebells pooling to either side, the sound of the wind stirring the leaves blended with the birdsong and nearby rushing of the river to play on her nerves like a tense film soundtrack punctuated by the distinctive chak of the captive pheasants.

Kip vanished from view. She heard a girl’s voice, annoyed at first, then soothing, playful. Crossing the track, which seemed more rutted every time she came, she followed the path to one of her favourite places, a hollow in the land by the river, where the arms and fingers of alders and willows spread in welcome to the clearing they formed. She saw Tamsin there, fussing the dog.

‘Hello.’ Elin smiled. ‘I haven’t seen you here before.’

‘Oh, I used to come here a lot. We loved playing in the woods when we were little. I realised recently I hadn’t been for ages. Needed some peace and quiet. I’m in the middle of revision. Exams coming up, you know?’

She picked up the stick Kip had dropped in front of her and threw it, badly. It splashed into the shallows. Elin watched the dog leap in after it, shuddering as she imagined the shower to come. A dark hollow in the undergrowth on the far bank caught her eye.

‘Did you know there are water voles over there, on the opposite bank?’

Tamsin smiled. ‘Yeah. I was kind of looking out for them. They’re shy, though. I’ve seen the burrows but no sign of the little beggars.’

Kip came bounding out of the water and shook himself.

‘Ratty’s certainly not going to show himself while you’re around,’ Elin said, grabbing the stick and throwing it behind them into the undergrowth. ‘I’m glad to see the voles are still there, even with all the disturbance on this side of the river. It’ll be a sad day if they go. This place has special memories for us. Bede showed me the burrows and we came here to watch for the water voles the first time he brought me to Foxover.’ She smiled. ‘Joe told me to make the most of it – said it was as close to romance as Bede was likely to get.’

‘That’s incredible!’ Tamsin was staring into the water.

‘Really?’ Surely it wasn’t that surprising.

‘Oh, I mean…that would’ve been before the floods, yeah?’ Elin nodded. ‘I meant I’m surprised they came back to the same place after the waters went down.’

She heard evasiveness in Tamsin’s voice, but her expression gave nothing away.

‘Maybe they’re less disturbed by flooding than we are,’ Elin said.

‘Too right. Mum’s still fussing about the damage it did to the gardens and the ground floor of the house. Twice now. The first one seemed the kiss of death for the B&B. She and Dad had blazing rows about what a mistake it was coming here, blaming each other. As if they could’ve known. But, well, they were already at each other’s throats all the time anyway. I mean, it’s not as if we get floods every year is it? Both times I just thought it was, like, fun – a good excuse not to go to school.’ She stopped suddenly, glanced at Elin. ‘Oh, I’m sorry… Until we heard…’

‘It’s OK.’

‘It must have been horrible, losing his dad like that.’

Kip nudged Elin. She took the stick from his mouth and threw it again. ‘Joe was Bede’s uncle. He never knew his dad.’

‘Oh, that’s sad. I mean, I have my moments with my dad, and he was a complete bastard over the divorce, but… How did he die?’

‘He doesn’t know if he’s dead. Literally never knew him. His mother refused to tell him who he was, even when she was dying.’ She stopped abruptly and stared across the rippled surface of the water. The river carried her words away and she wished it would turn and flow upstream, taking them back and making them unsaid. ‘Anyway, he didn’t get on with his stepfather and Joe took the place of his father. Listen, Bede would kill me if he knew I’d told you a word of it.’

Kip had settled at her feet and she stroked him as if to entreat him to silence, too.

‘You haven’t said anything wrong,’ Tamsin said. ‘I can sympathise; I’m the only one in my crowd with divorced parents. Don’t worry, I won’t say a thing.’ Her hand drew an invisible zip across her mouth. ‘Tell you the truth, it makes him seem more approachable, you know? I’m still not sure what to make of him.’

She looked away, her turn to silently confide to the river that she’d said too much.

‘He’s better for getting to know, I’ll grant you that.’ Elin laughed. ‘Funny expression, that. Isn’t everyone?’

‘Not in my experience. I’ve not exactly been warming to Philip, have I?’

Elin raised her eyebrows. ‘And how have you been getting to know him?’

Tamsin pulled a face. ‘Our place has been invaded since Mum took up with him.’

So their suspicions had been well founded.

‘Honestly, it’s doing my head in. I mean, I spend most of my time in my room, but I don’t want to, like, have to, you know? Trying to avoid him – can’t be doing with the sleazeball, but he’s just, like, there. Mum insists I have dinner with them and when he’s not ignoring me and blathering on to her, he’s trying to get round me.’ She mimed vomiting.

Elin could sympathise. She wondered what Kate could possibly see in Philip, but reminded herself of others’ opinions of Bede. There was no comparison, but then she wasn’t Kate.

‘Do you know anything about the car incident?’

‘Not the beloved Bentley?’ Tamsin wrinkled her nose. ‘Picked me up from the bus in it yesterday, like I’m supposed to be impressed. Waving at everyone as we passed through the village like he’s lord of the manor. Toad of Toad bloody Hall more like. Embarrassing or what?’

‘You didn’t hear about the Cowardly Act of Vandalism, then?’

‘Ooh, I’m all ears.’

Elin told her all about that morning’s visit. Tamsin snorted.

‘Genius. Wish I’d thought of it myself.’

‘That’s more or less what Bede said when I phoned to tell him just now.’

‘So it wasn’t him?’

‘Tamsin!’ Elin could swear she looked genuinely disappointed. ‘Actually, he’d have been way more sophisticated. The Engineer, they used to call him.’

Tamsin grinned. ‘Who did?’

‘My friend Fran – you’ve met her – and I were involved with a group of environmental activists when we were students. At a place called Calsthorpe Wood – not unlike Holtwood, really, but it was threatened by a road development rather than fracking. It’s where Bede and I met – Joe got involved in the protest camp and brought him along. Bede came up with some ingenious ideas for lock-down devices—’

‘What?’

‘You know, when protestors lock themselves into something heavy and immovable in front of whatever they’re trying to protect, so it takes the powers-that-be ages to free them safely.’

‘Like chaining yourself to stuff? Wow. Did you ever do any of that?’

‘A couple of times. It wasn’t pleasant – horribly uncomfortable and it ended in getting arrested – but we just felt we had to do something.’

‘You got arrested?’

‘It never came to too much, thanks to the support and intervention of the activist community. Anyway, it got to the stage where non-violent direct action looked like it was getting us nowhere, so they got Bede to break into the compounds under cover of darkness and use his mechanical skills to slow things down. A delivery truck here, a digger there… Always in a way that no one would get hurt, you understand. He said there was no way you’d catch him lying down in front of one or chaining himself to it, so that was his contribution. He was a reluctant protester at best – said he couldn’t really see that it achieved anything – but they’d dangle the opportunity to tinker with an engine in front of him as bait.’

Tamsin laughed. ‘I get how a scratch in the paintwork would be well beneath him. Surely it’s the best argument you’ve got to get Philip off his trail.’

‘No way. His actions weren’t exactly legal, right?’ Elin stood up, brushed herself off and called to Kip. ‘Listen, I ought to be getting back. Got tons to do. Do you fancy coming, giving me a hand for a while?’

‘Yeah, that’d be great.’

‘I’ve been meaning to ring you – we’d love you to help out. It’d only be pocket money and I’m not sure how often. But Bede’s checking out a job today with the guy he used to work with. If that comes off we can definitely make it regular.’

They walked towards the rutted track through the woods and began to pick their way between puddles that gleamed blankly up at them – slow going as Tamsin was determined to preserve her trainers the best she could. They were about to turn off onto the footpath Elin had come by when they heard the crunch and splash of an approaching vehicle. She paused to call Kip to heel as a jeep rounded the corner. The window swished down. Elin glimpsed Silvan in the passenger seat before turning her attention to Philip’s mask of disapproval.

‘You again.’

‘Philip,’ she replied curtly.

‘This is private land.’

‘We’re aware of that. We’re not doing any harm.’ She took a few steps to one side. ‘And this is a public footpath.’

Tamsin looked at her in admiration and moved to join her, looking defiantly past Philip at Silvan as she did so.

‘Not for much longer. I’m applying to have it diverted.’

‘You can’t do that!’

Philip fixed Elin with a stare. ‘If I didn’t have cause to be concerned about vandalism, I wouldn’t have to take security measures, would I?’

‘You can’t silence people by diverting a footpath,’ Elin said. Silvan gave her a thumbs-up behind Philip’s back.

‘I’m not doing it to silence anyone,’ Philip said. ‘Tamsin, do you want a lift home?’

‘I’m good.’

He rolled his eyes and reminded her about her exam revision, before revving the engine and turning back to Elin. ‘I see you still haven’t removed your junk. I won’t ask again.’

Elin turned and moved quickly up the path out of range of the mud he was bound to spatter them with as he set off.

‘Threat received loud and clear, sir,’ she muttered to Tamsin as she caught up and they headed through the woods before striking out across the hillside. The fields below and to the side were still clear of anything but a couple of surveying poles; she wondered for how long. ‘If we want him to leave us anything to retrieve, that’s our first job.’

‘Does that mean we can make a raft? I’ve seen you at it a couple of times before. Always thought it’d be fun to join in.’

‘You should’ve come and asked. Not today, though. I never thought I’d say it, but I don’t want to spend any longer in those woods than I have to.’ She swallowed her rising anger. ‘Time to give the tractor an outing. You ever seen an electric tractor?’

‘You what?’

‘Our pride and joy. Well, Bede’s baby, really – he converted it. He’s planning to disembowel the car next.’

‘You’re joking.’

Elin smiled. ‘He threatened to, but I’ve put my foot down and told him we’ll have to recycle a write-off.’

‘The beloved Bentley mysteriously dies at the Engineer’s hands…’

‘Don’t tempt him.’

‘How come you haven’t got an electric car already?’

‘There’s no way we could afford one new, and there’s hardly a thriving second-hand market yet. When we first had the idea of converting an EV, Bede and Joe decided we probably do more miles on the land than going places, so the tractor came first. It was probably more straightforward for him to learn on, too.’ She smiled. ‘They were about to start looking for a suitable victim – um, I mean car to convert – when Joe died.’

She glanced at Tamsin, telling herself she’d given away so many personal confidences already that another little detail wouldn’t harm. ‘It’s one of those things Bede…hasn’t been able to face since then.’

Tamsin nodded, apparently accepting it all as perfectly reasonable.

Back at Alderleat, she disappeared upstairs to change into some borrowed old clothes – she was reluctant to go home in case Kate had other plans for her – while Elin busied herself hitching the trailer to the tractor. She was surprised she still noticed how the tyre noise and rattling of the hitching gear was louder than the barely audible electric motor. The between-showers sun glinted off the body Bede had sprayed a glorious purple, her favourite colour and a bid to prove it wasn’t all mundane functionality. The bodywork in turn was usually outshone by his glow of pride, which had hardly faded since he’d first driven it out. Despite initial scepticism, including Joe’s, the electric workhorse had served them well for a couple of years now, powered without guilt by electricity from their turbine. The heavy battery on the back even increased the traction. He liked to pronounce that it was far more meaningful than some protest that was unlikely to make the powers-that-be even pause for breath.

Tamsin came out of the house, Kip at her heels, and Elin felt sorry Bede wasn’t there to see her look of admiration. She clambered into the cab, looking as though she was going to enjoy working here as much as Elin was having her around.