Chapter 32

A Woman’s Strength

January 1944
Gestapo Headquarters, Warsaw, Poland

 

Irena woke. Her eyes were puffed, and she could feel the pain in her cheeks. The fire in her leg was worse. She lay on the floor of her cell, her clothes in rags. She remembered last night’s nightmare. A terror among terrors. She looked down and saw that they’d set the bone in her leg. There was a dirty bandage wrapped tightly around her upper thigh. She wished they’d left it alone. If she had an infection she might die. She wanted death more than anything.

How long had she endured his torture? She couldn’t keep track of the time. Months had passed, that was certain. She had no idea how she had endured. At first, she thought she would expire from the pain, or worse, that she would talk. But she’d fought down the words and by concentrating on each day, moment by moment, she’d somehow managed to hold her tongue.

Why didn’t they shoot her? Klaus had threatened to kill her so many times now. He’d held a gun to her head a dozen times, even pulling the trigger. But the chamber was empty. He must have thought he was motivating her, but he didn’t realize, she wanted the gun to be loaded.

Her mother. She was gone. He’d described her arrest, torture, and murder. Had he taken Adam and Rami too? He hadn’t said anything yet, but she knew that didn’t mean anything. Klaus liked to dish out his terror, course by exquisite course. He might be holding it back for just the right emotional moment. Did he know how close she’d been to talking last night? If he had, he wouldn’t have let her go. He would have kept her there, kept her awake, and played his last cards. She would have talked. She was desperate to talk. She didn’t know how much more she could resist. She was starving, exhausted, the pain had stacked on, brick by brick, until the weight of it threatened to crush her soul.

But he’d given her a break. He’d patched up her wounds and let her sleep. She had a sliver of resistance left. Perhaps enough to hold him off for another day. Every day was a miracle from God.

God. Was there a God? The Russians didn’t think so. Her socialist friends were sure it was a myth. But here in this cell, where every moment was agony, she wasn’t sure. She knew one thing for sure: There might not be a heaven but assuredly there was a hell.

There was a knock on the door. She felt the fear course through her. Why did he bother knocking?

The latch moved and the door opened. Klaus was there. He smiled down at her. “How is our little patient today?”

She spat on the pavement, unwilling to answer.

“Ungrateful as ever, I see,” he said. “I’ve kept you alive all this time and yet you don’t thank me for my efforts.” He stepped in and lowered himself to the pavement, leaning his back against the wall. “Ahh,” he said. “It feels good to rest for just a minute.” He looked at her, his face full of concern. “Honestly, Irena, I wish you would just tell me what I want to know. If you believe I’ve enjoyed this, you are entirely wrong. The same truth exists that I presented to you on the first day of your visit. I don’t want to harm you; I just want some answers.”

“You want names so you can torture and kill others. So you can send those poor little children up the chimney,” she hissed. “I’ll never give them to you.”

He looked at her intensely for a moment. “It’s the children that really bother you, isn’t it? I’ll tell you what, Irena. I don’t want them anymore. You can keep the little ones safe. I just want egota. Just give me the names I need, and once I verify things you can walk out of here.”

She was shocked. He didn’t want the children anymore. Just egota. She could save them if she just told him what he wanted. She thought of Julian, of her friends in the resistance. She would mourn their loss. But she knew she wasn’t going to last much longer. Could she pass up this chance to save the children, even if it meant betraying her cause? Did she have a choice? She saw the grin on his face. She was struggling with this decision and he knew she was.

She ran the issue through her mind. What was she going to do? “Can I have a little time to think?” she asked.

He pulled himself up. “Of course, you can. And let me give you something else to help your decision.” He opened the door and a guard brought in a platter with bread, sausage, cheese, and some grapes. He lowered the tray down to her. “Here’s something for your information. A little appreciation in advance.” He stood and bowed his head slightly. “I hope you’ll now see reason,” he said. He turned and left the cell.

She couldn’t believe it. They’d only given her a little bread and water each day. She was starving. She ripped off some of the sausage and shoved it into her mouth. She’d never tasted anything better in her entire life. She gorged on the cheese and grapes and then wolfed down the bread. She felt sick from the influx of food and she threw up on the pavement. She didn’t care. Her stomach felt better than it had all these months.

Klaus returned sometime later. He looked at the mess she’d made, shaking his head. “I should have warned you,” he said. “Too much too quickly is a bad thing. After we’ve had our little talk you can have a shower and we’ll get you some new clothing.”

She hung on his words. She couldn’t imagine the feeling of warm water on her skin. Of being clean. Of having new clothing brought to her. She wanted desperately to tell him what he wanted, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. She shook her head, the tears welling up in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I just can’t.”

He stood over her for long minutes. Finally, she heard him scoff audibly and he opened the door, letting himself out. She laid her head back on the concrete and erupted in sobs. He would be back, she knew, and soon. The terror would begin anew.