Are you are so busy, striving for a clean house and home-cooked meals? For exercising daily, eating right, watching your weight, having rewarding employment, having a social life and fulfillment? For being the best mom or dad you can be?
Do you feel something is missing? Are you noticing that
• you and your partner don’t spend time together?
• you and your partner are arguing with no resolution?
• you feel that you are letting him or her down?
• you want to add more intimacy and romance in your life?
• you and your partner have a dream, such as going on vacation, and you don’t know how to make that happen?
• you have an issue that is causing stress in your relationship (e.g., kid issues, job issues, troubles with infertility, or your relationship with in-laws)?
• you are going through a life transition, such as a new job, a baby, a new romance, a new marriage, your kids growing up and leaving home, having to care for an elderly parent?
Is it time to start paying attention to your relationship with your partner? “But Susan, we both work full-time, and the kids demand all of our attention!” Paying attention to your relationship will put you both at the top of the list, and when you nurture and support each other, everything else will seem much more manageable.
• Get a babysitter if you need to and go out one time a week. Pick a night and stick to it. It doesn’t have to be Saturday! It doesn’t matter what you do—you can even go food shopping together. Just make it alone time.
• Make a specific time each evening as “off duty.” For example, tell the kids, “Bedtime is 8:30p.m., and we are now on break; no interruptions.” Follow through to ensure you and your partner have at least an hour alone each evening.
• Explore activities and hobbies that you have in common. As your kids get older, begin to do these activities together, such as, for example, running, tennis, dancing, skiing, photography, or hiking.
• Talk about intimacy and schedule time to be alone and reconnect. Notice when your partner does something kind and comment to him or her about it.
• Get conscious in your relationship and pay attention to what is going on.
These steps are not automatic, and they take planning and organization. But the work is well worth it in the end. But just a little caveat, some days the laundry just won’t get folded, and there might be some dishes in the sink when you wake up in the morning, but sometimes, letting go of some mundane tasks will be well worth it!