The cottage, five p.m.
Tilly Why aren’t they back yet? Josh pulled his ‘help me’ face as the car drove off. Why can’t they just buy wood from a shop?
Hilary They wanted an experience with nature. Maybe you should have gone with him. Got some exercise.
Tilly Join the nightmare.
Hilary Being with his dad is not a nightmare.
Tilly Why does he say it is, then? I had stuff to do.
Hilary Urgent stuff like bleaching your non-existent moustache.
Tilly It’s not non-existent. I inherited it from you. Only I have more pride.
Pause.
Am I going to get those things round my eyes? Like you’ve got?
Hilary What things?
Tilly Like you’ve been attacked by a cat.
Hilary Yes. They spring up overnight aged about sixteen. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
Tilly When are you two going away?
Hilary We are away.
Tilly Together. For a weekend. Without me. A week? Sacha’s parents are always going away. They went to St Petersburg. She has great sleepovers.
Hilary Sorry. Not on the horizon. We’re in Norfolk. Let’s just enjoy that.
Tilly You and Dad would have such a good time. Get the old love-juice flowing, Dad. You know you want to.
Mark The Van Goghs in the Musée d’Orsay. We got to them half an hour before it shut and we weren’t even looking for them – just stumbled into this gallery. Genius paintings.
The portrait of Dr Gachet. Holding these healing herbs. Hallucinatory colours.
Hilary (to Tilly) Dr Gachet was …
Tilly I don’t care.
Mark I could do that again.
Hilary Look what you’re doing. Giving in to her. She just wants us away so she can have a party.
Tilly Sleepover.
Hilary We’d come back, our loo would be pulled off the wall.
Mark I wasn’t giving in. I was thinking aloud.
Tilly Forget it, Dad, she doesn’t want to go with you.
Hilary I don’t like the idea of coming back and having no place to shit.
Tilly Your definition of home.
Roland and Josh enter.
Roland I just need to –
Josh His eye –
Hilary What happened?
Roland No fuss – I just need to –
Roland Ridiculous.
Josh Wood chip bounced into his eye. Bang on target.
Hilary Is that dangerous?
Roland A scratch –
Josh gets out his BlackBerry.
You’re not –?
Josh Googling it.
Roland That’s unholy.
Josh ‘Many people are discovering the adventure of chopping wood. But even for the experienced woodsman or woodswoman the possibility of injury or even death should be taken into consideration for this seemingly simple task.’
Roland What – when I accidentally chopped at my own neck?
Josh ‘Even the smallest piece of wood, flying off can cause major injury to the eye and medical attention would be needed almost immediately.’
Roland I can’t listen to this. It’s written by a fool who wants everyone to stay indoors.
Josh The Forestry Commission.
Hilary Let me see. Get a torch, Mark.
Mark exits.
Roland Just need to bathe it.
Tilly Josh. (She indicates to him.)
Hilary I’ll see to it.
He goes.
Roland I was just trying some father–son bonding.
Maybe I’ll lose an eye. All this liberal shit – we should just beat them senseless.
That’s what my father would have done.
Mark re-enters
Hilary shines the torch into his eye.
That’s hellish.
Hilary I can’t see anything.
Roland Let me – get some water on it. It’ll be fine.
Roland exits.
Frances enters.
Frances You know that thing I was telling you about?
Hilary No.
Frances Yes, that thing I’ve been going on about relentlessly for weeks only you’ve obviously just been pretending to listen.
Hilary Oh yes, that.
Frances Well what do you think?
Hilary Well, it’s your call.
Frances (to Mark) I want to try this thing out, Mark, on some mates, it only takes five minutes, what do you think?
Mark Is it a starter?
Frances No.
Mark Well, fine.
Frances Good. I’ll get ready.
She exits.
Mark Don’t you want to go to Paris?
Hilary I have to start the dinner.
Mark Don’t you want to go to Paris with me?
Hilary Can we afford it?
Mark With me?
Hilary God, do you want to do this now?
Mark What’s the point?
Hilary What?
Mark The point in us. Is there a point?
Hilary Mark –
Roland comes in with a handkerchief held over his eye.
Roland ‘You should have seen the other fella.’
Mark exits.
You like my jokes. With Bea they fell on stony ground. I can talk to you so easily.
The sound of my voice used to grate on Bea’s soul. I could see her flinching. If we were having a dinner party and I launched on an anecdote – you have to do that sometimes at dinner parties, otherwise all you hear is that dreadful clicking of knives on plates – she should have been grateful to me – instead I could see something slide down behind her eyes.
She was postponing her life until after I’d finished and someone else, who wasn’t her husband, would say something that might kindle a fire in her.
She was a fucking effigy.
Hilary You’re not over her.
Roland I am now. Can we have some booze?
Hilary White’s open.
I did sleep with other women. By the end. It was a survival thing. And I was quite surprised. These lovely young women, interested in me.
Hilary Right.
Roland That’s why life is so … You feel like shit and then – something can happen between people. The space between you becomes charged – all the little emotional tentacles reaching out. Imagine living without that.
Hilary Flirting.
Roland It’s being alive and not being old.
He moves towards her.
Hilary How is the eye? It’s quite red.
Roland Good when it’s looking at you.
He touches her face. Moves away as Tilly and Josh enter, followed by Mark.
Tilly We need a lift to the station.
Mark Wait. I said it needed a discussion first.
Hilary No. No way. Dinner’s in an hour.
Tilly If we don’t go now there’ll be no point. We’ll miss the train. Chloe’s sister’s having a party.
Hilary Out of the question, sorry.
Tilly Dad says we can. It’s going to be really good.
Mark No, that’s not correct. I said a discussion.
Hilary Why did you say that? That just gives her leverage.
We’re away. For the weekend. What’s so difficult to understand about that?
Tilly Yes, but we don’t like it.
Hilary None of us like it, that’s not the point.
Tilly Dad.
Hilary Say no to her for once.
Tilly We’re bored here. You don’t even really want us here.
Mark Sorry, love, it’s a no. It’s not so bad here with us?
Tilly It’s marginally better than being dead.
Roland We can go for a walk after dinner. Josh, remember those great walks we had in France?
Josh I was eight. You lost me. It was pitch black. I almost fell into a river.
Tilly Please. We’re dying here. It’s so dull. It’s just wine and talking.
Hilary No. What’s wrong with you? It’s a no.
Tilly (to Mark) Why do you always do what she says?
Frances (off) Can you do the music for me?
Tilly She doesn’t even like you.
Frances (off) The music.
Tilly She treats you like shit.
Frances I’ll switch it on, then.
She switches the music on.
And performs a burlesque routine.
Black leather, black balloon. Challenging.
Quite a lot of it directed at Roland.
Occasionally she stops and says things like ‘And then I do something here, but I haven’t worked it out yet’.
She finishes, switches off the music.
I’d love some feedback. What did you think?
Roland I can’t see any more. Both my eyes appear to have swelled up.
Frances That’s an extreme reaction.
Hilary Oh God.
Roland Who said that?
Hilary Oh God.
Roland No. I know –
Josh It’s your eyes, Dad. You should take it seriously.
Hilary (to Mark) Drive him to Casualty.
Roland It’s actually fucking terrifying. Will I go blind? Oh Christ. It’s a Greek tragedy right here in Norfolk.
Josh You’re going to be OK, Dad. We’re taking you to Casualty.
Tilly Can you drop us at the station after?
Mark Yes, love.
They start to exit.
Hilary (as Mark leaves) What are you doing? Does anything I do have an impact on anyone? Is anyone listening to me? No, Mark, I don’t think there is a point.
He exits.
Frances Well, that was a resounding yes. What did you think?
Hilary I wasn’t really concentrating.
Frances It’s quite empowering about female sexuality. I’m definitely in control.
Hilary Do you think the kids should have seen it?
Frances I think it’s an antidote to the pornographication of women. I control and playfully manipulate the gaze. The only thing was my balloon burst too early.
Hilary Yes, there’s glitter all over the floor. Like there’s been a party.
Frances exits, leaving Hilary alone.
Roland re-enters.
Roland I told them I needed a piss. I’m not blind yet. The walking wounded.
I wanted to –
He kisses her. They kiss.
– feel like I’m fifteen.
He exits.