38 
Perry saw the exact moment that Aria understood. Her eyes flew open and her temper washed over him, pure ice. He kept talking, trying to explain.
“Cinder is going in his own Hover. . . . He’ll have to pull ahead of the fleet at the barrier of Aether, and I’m going with him.” His throat felt like it was closing up, but he pressed ahead. “What’s out there sounds bigger than anything any of us has ever seen. And you know the way he is afterward. If it doesn’t kill him, he’ll be close to dying. Maybe . . . maybe he won’t come out of it.”
Perry stared at the tufts of sea grass by his foot, unable to look at her anymore. He watched the fine blades blowing in the wind, and drew a few trembling breaths before he continued.
“I’m the only person he trusts. The only one. How can I ask him to go out there for us, if I won’t fight for him—for his life? And he’s terrified, Aria. If I’m not with him, I don’t know if he’ll go through with it. We’d all lose if that happened.”
Perry had talked it over with Marron and Cinder earlier in the Battle Room. He and Marron had even planned for the possible outcomes, and who would lead the Tides should he not make it back. Then Marron had left to speak to the Tides and, after, to arrange everything with Sable.
Now Perry looked up. Tears brimmed in Aria’s eyes. Discussing the consequences of his death had been easier than telling her that he had to leave her.
“I’ll go with you,” she said.
“No. Aria, you can’t.”
“Why not? Why is it all right for you to go?”
“Because I need you to watch Talon.” He let out a breath, frustrated with himself. That hadn’t come out right. “What I meant is that if I don’t come back, Molly will take him, but I want him to grow up knowing you and Roar. We don’t have any family left, but you—” His voice snagged. He swallowed. Couldn’t believe the things coming from his mouth. “You and Roar are that to me. And I want Talon to have you both. For anything he needs.”
“Perry, how can I say no to that?” she said desperately.
He knew she couldn’t.
“So are we saying good-bye?”
“Only for a while.”
Movement further along the bluff drew his attention. The Six were approaching, their strides long and faces grim. Others, too. Proof that word had spread despite his hope it wouldn’t. He didn’t want to say four hundred good-byes. He couldn’t bear it. This one with Aria had already broken him open.
Quickly, he pulled Aria close. “Do you hate me?”
“You know I don’t.”
“You should.”
“I don’t,” she said again. “How could I ever?”
He kissed her head and then spoke with his lips on her skin, like he might make what he said more permanent. More true. “I promise you,” he whispered. “We’ll both get there, and I’ll find you.”
He would do it. If he survived.