MONA CALLED IRA FROM HER OFFICE in the warehouse several times the following wee k. He was still having a fit over her behavior at the audit meeting. He didn't seem to understand that she knew what she was doing. All the men in her life were being difficult. He simply wouldn't concentrate on what she was telling him.
"Mona, let me try to explain something very basic to you. The IRS doesn't have to tell you they're investigating you, got that? They can investigate you in secret," he told her heatedly.
"Ira, I don't know what you're referring to," she said, irritated that he couldn't stick to the subject. "I'm talking about Cassie. I'm trying to get through to you. There are going to be consequences if she doesn't leave me alone."
"Look, I understand the situation, but you have to sit tight here. You can't do anything. You can't make friends with IRS agents. Do you read me?"
"I would do no such thing. It's not my fault if he's coming on to me. The guy calls me every day."
"This is very upsetting to hear," Ira said angrily. "You have to be careful. You don't want to get him angry at you."
"I told him I can't have a relationship right now, but men just like me. I don't know what it is."
"Mona, he doesn't like you. He's working a case."
"I know. Sexual harassment is a terrible thing. If it goes any further, I'll just have to make a complaint."
"Don't you do that!" Ira screamed.
He was losing it, a very small-minded man. Mona changed the subject. "Look, Ira. You don't know what's happening here. Cassie is coming in and having checks cut. I can't have that. Do you understand me. I cannot have that."
"Look, she's not getting what's due her. Her regular checks aren't coming in. She can't pay the doctor bills."
"She's a very extravagant person, Ira. She should economize, not try to take advantage of the situation."
"I'm not arguing with you about this again, Mona. You can't cut the owner's wife off when her husband has doctor bills. You don't have that kind of power."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Ira. This woman spends like an Arab."
"Mona! You're giving me an ulcer!"
"I have an ulcer myself. And I have asthma. I've never been in such terrible condition in my life. Look at what she's doing to me, Ira. She tried to kill me, now she's trying to eliminate Mitch. She comes into the building and talks shit about me. I know she intends to take over as soon as he's gone. I can't have that. You have to talk to her. You can't let this go anymore."
"Mona, she has doctor bills."
"I don't want her around here," Mona said.
"Then make sure she has the money she needs. Don't make me step in here. I'm only the accountant."
"Oh, you're much more than the accountant," Mona said.
"Hey! Don't start with me. You know I don't know the half of what Mitch gets up to. And believe me, I don't want to know. I know what I know, and that's it."
"But I'm all alone with this, Ira. What am I going to do about the money I need? Tell me that. I'm stuck here in this big house. I can't carry it. Cassie is a murderer-" She could go on and on.
"Mona, did you know that IRS agents routinely go to banks for canceled checks to prove people are spending money they claimed they'd never earned? If you mess around with Charlie Schwab and he starts looking closely at you and finds out where you live and how you live, he might just think some of your deductions are a little on the high side. He might question your salary, how you're paying for that big house. He might start looking for safe-deposit boxes. Do you have any safe-deposit boxes full of cash that I don't know about?" Ira said furiously.
"No, of course not. I'm shocked to hear you suggest such a thing." Mona tapped her fingers on the desk.
"I don't want to find out down the road you've got cash all over the place."
"I said I don't." Mona checked her nail polish. Why was he acting like such a pig after all the things she'd done for him?
"Then don't start spending it, you hear me? Don't involve me. And don't engage Cassie in your war. I'm telling you, she could do a lot of damage."
"I wouldn't hurt her for the world, Ira. I'll listen to you, Ira. I want you to know I think you're very special. You're all I have. I won't forget it."
Mona hung up and dialed Charlie Schwab's number. She left another message for him when his voice mail answered. She was a woman with a great deal of confidence in her ability to turn any situation around. In spite of their first-date fiasco, and the fact that he hadn't called to thank her for her gifts, she was convinced he liked her.