Chapter Nine

My parents were talking with William in the kitchen. I’d entered the store and could see my mother as she moved back and forth from counter to table, setting out the meal she’d prepared especially for my brother’s homecoming. Pork roast, scalloped potatoes, broccoli with cheese sauce, and apple pie with Velveeta cheese for dessert. The talking stopped as I walked across the floor to stand in the doorway. William looked up at me and grinned. Elizabeth was sitting in the seat next to him, looking pretty in an aqua sleeveless blouse, her hair tied back with a silky white scarf. Her elbows rested on the table, one hand tucked under her chin while the other twirled a gold locket around and around.

“Come sit here,” said William, patting the empty chair on his other side. “Your ears must be ringing because we were just talking about you.”

“Uh-oh,” I said. “Anything you can repeat?”

William laughed. “All good. I was just catching up on what you’ve been doing. You’re looking well.”

“You too.” I slid in next to him and he reached over and ruffled my hair.

“I think you’re a few inches taller that last time I saw you.”

“It happens,” I said.

I looked him over. His hair had reached his shoulders and he’d grown a beard. The sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up and he wore a leather strip around one wrist. By the way Elizabeth was watching him, I knew she didn’t care that they were cousins. I’d gotten used to the way girls looked at my brother, and it didn’t make me uncomfortable like it used to.

My dad’s eyes settled on mine. “Where’ve you been all afternoon?”

“Just at the beach and then I stopped by Candy Parsens’ …. “

His eyes narrowed. “I don’t like you spending time there,” he said. “There’s something not right about that family.”

My mother was standing by the counter. She turned and her eyes darted to my father. She was upset.

“How do you know what they’re like?” I asked. I knew immediately I’d made a big mistake.

The vein in my dad’s temple throbbed purple. He stared me down until I felt my bottom lip quiver. He threw his fork onto his plate and it made a loud clink that made my knee jump and bang against the bottom of the table. “It doesn’t take but one sighting to know they’re trouble. Long-haired, hippy, weirdo freaks.” He punctuated each word like he was punching holes in a piece of paper. He looked across the table at William to let my brother know what he thought of his appearance too. “I’m sick of these freeloaders moving in and taking over the neighborhood. The woman dresses like a prostitute. The man probably pushes drugs to kids in playgrounds. I’d like to line them up and …”

“That’s enough, George,” my mother said quietly. “We get the point.”

My father looked at my mother. “How do we know they aren’t up to no good? We can’t just turn a blind eye and pretend everybody’s welcome in the community. Some bring drugs and immoral behaviour. We have to be on guard.”

Next to me, William tensed, and I felt him move his feet back from where they’d been stretched out under the table. I kept my eyes on my mother’s face. She was watching my dad.

“Not everyone is a threat, George.”

“I know that, but you can tell a lot about someone by how they dress. I have a bad feeling about that family.”

“You have a bad feeling about everyone.”

She spoke so softly that if we hadn’t been holding our collective breath, I might have missed what she’d said. She turned her back on my father and continued calmly chopping the tomato she’d be adding to the salad bowl on the counter. Her back was ramrod straight, her shoulders squared.

My father looked at her without moving for a few seconds. Then he stood up and raised a hand as if he was dismissing the whole lot of us. His voice wasn’t as angry as it had been, though. “I’ll just go move those boxes for you then, before suppertime.”

“That would be good,” my mother said without turning.

Dad glared at me before he clumped from the room as if I was responsible for getting him into trouble. The front door banged shut behind him.

William stood too. “Need anything, Mom?” he asked.

She laid the knife carefully on the counter. “I think I’ll go check on the laundry if you could finish this salad, Darlene.” She turned and smiled at us without really focusing. I nodded and watched her leave the kitchen.

William sat back down. He slumped hard against the chair.

“What was that all about?” Elizabeth asked. “Is your father always so … paranoid about people? You’d think Charles Manson had moved his commune in next door the way he acts.”

“He has his moments,” I said. I wouldn’t give her room to ask anything else. I wouldn’t let her see how shaken I was by my father’s anger. I swung around to face my brother. “How’s school going, William?”

“Good. Good.” He looked at me. “It’s harder this year, but I’m enjoying the challenge. Tell me about grade ten. Did you ace it?”

His eyes flashed a warning at me. I knew to pretend like nothing had happened.

“Not so much, but I passed okay.”

“You must be the smart side of the family tree,” said Elizabeth. Her blonde hair trailed on the table as she leaned forward toward my brother. “Will you defend me when you get to be a big time lawyer?”

“You plan to do something illegal.”

“Everything I plan to do is illegal.” She smiled at William.

“Maybe Dad should start looking for trouble a little closer to home,” I said, “instead of worrying about the hippies down the road.”

After dinner, I looked for William all over the house and in the backyard. I needed to talk to him. I went back to the living room. Elizabeth raised her head from where she was lying on the couch watching Laugh-In. Ruth Buzzy was hitting an old man over the head with her purse. I looked at Elizabeth and had the urge to grab something and thwack her too. It was the second time I’d gone into the back room looking for my brother. Elizabeth hadn’t answered when I asked her the first time if knew where he was. This time, she kept her eyes on the screen when I entered and she let out a loud sigh.

“He’s gone out. He said he’d be back in time to go to the beach with us.”

“Why didn’t you say that last time I asked? It would have saved me looking all over for him.”

Elizabeth tossed her hair back and stared me down from her prone position. “I knew you’d figure it out. You’re a smart girl.”

“And you’re a …”

“Darlene,” my mother was right behind me, “could you watch the store for a minute?”

I turned. Her eyes were fixed on me, and I couldn’t do anything but nod.

“See you later,” said Elizabeth. “Do you want to watch TV with me, Aunt Jan?”

“No thanks, Elizabeth. I have an errand to run and then I’ll be back in the store.”

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Just out for some fresh air.” Mom laughed. “Not really an errand I guess.”

I started down the road toward Candy’s cottage after Mom came back from her walk and took over the cash. Anywhere would be better than staying home and spending time with Elizabeth. I knew I shouldn’t react when she baited me, but knowing and stopping myself were two different things.

The night air was warm with a full moon and a blanket of stars punched out like sequins overhead. It felt good walking through the darkness and listening to the crickets in the long grass. I thought about climbing down the path to my rock to watch the water but kept walking along the road. I was getting closer to Candy’s cottage and heard voices up ahead. Men’s voices. I slowed down and tried to blend into the shadows closer to the side of the road. The voices stopped and someone was walking toward me. He had his head down and it took me a few seconds to recognize him. I stepped forward, crossing the road to block William’s path.

“Darlene,” he said. “Where’d you come from?”

“I was looking for you. Who were you just talking to?”

William half turned around, then swung back toward me. “Just met the guy staying in the Davidson cottage for the summer.”

“That’s Johnny Lewis. Did you run into him on the road?”

“Yeah, I met up with Mom, but she had to go back to the store. I didn’t feel ready to go in yet so headed this way and Johnny was out walking. We just got talking.”

We started back toward our house. “What did he say?” I asked. “You seemed to be having quite a conversation.”

“Talked about the weather mostly. Seems like an okay guy.”

“I don’t know. Whenever I see him, I get the feeling he’s hiding something.”

William laughed. “You’re one spooky kid sometimes, you know that?”

“What do you mean?”

“I forget sometimes how intuitive you are, but we all keep secrets you know. I’ll bet you’ve stored up a few since I saw you last. Johnny’s probably no different. So how’s Dad been?”

Smooth change of topic, I thought. I let it go. “You know. Dad’s Dad.”

I nearly tripped on a rock in the road and William reached out a hand to steady me. “He seems more agitated than normal,” he said.

“Dad was laid off again in the spring but it just lasted a few weeks before they called him back. He asked us not to talk about it. You know how he gets when he can’t control things. Plus he’s getting headaches again.”

“Bad ones like before?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s not good.”

“Tell me about it. Mom says he’s worried about me getting in with the wrong crowd.”

“You giving him reason?”

“Do you really think he needs one?”

I could hear the smile in William’s voice. “Probably not. So how are things with you anyway?”

“I could do without our cousin here. What’s going on with her parents anyway?”

“Aunt Peg drinks … a lot. She used to just drink at night, but now she starts as soon as she gets up in the morning.

“No way. How long has she been doing that?”

“A long time. Elizabeth’s been left on her own since she started high school. Maybe earlier. Uncle Ed doesn’t spend much time at home.”

I stopped walking. “So the question is, does Uncle Ed not go home because Aunt Peg drinks or does Aunt Peg drink because Uncle Ed doesn’t come home?”

“I’d tell you if I knew.”

“I still don’t like Elizabeth much. Does that make me mean?”

“Not really. She’s got that tough act down. Makes it hard to warm up to her.”

“She likes you just fine. In fact, she likes most boys just fine.”

“Give her a chance, Dar. She’s not so bad.”

“Spoken like a true male. Oh yeah, and she keeps bringing up Annie. It’s like she’s trying to throw her death in my face. She has this way of looking at me like I was to blame. Dad looks at me like that too sometimes.”

William stopped. He put an arm around my waist and pulled me closer. He leaned into me and spoke low and fierce into my ear. “You were six, Darlene. It wasn’t your fault that Dad was looking after you when Annie drowned. You were just a kid.”

“Tell that to Dad,” I said. “I’m the one he can hardly bear to be around.” I was miserable. Being miserable made me angry. “Sometimes I think he wishes it was me instead of Annie. I’ll bet Elizabeth would rather it was me too.”

William pulled me tighter and my ribs hurt under the pressure of his arm. “It’s not an either or deal. You know we’d all be heartbroken if anything had happened to you.”

I nodded into his chest.

“We couldn’t bear if anything … anything, happened … to … you.”

I nodded again, inhaling the smell of the woods and sweat and sincerity that was my brother. “I know,” I whispered, but in the empty hollow where my heart beat, I didn’t believe him.

He let go of me and we started walking again. A few steps farther on he grabbed my hand. He swung our hands back and forth. We didn’t speak again until the lights of the store came into view.

“So, are you seeing anybody?” I asked. “Mom said you broke up with Gail.”

“Gail! Man, she was a long time ago. I’ve been hanging loose, working on my studies, dating a bit.”

“You’ve always got a girlfriend somewhere. Has someone broken your heart?”

“Just taking a breather from women. How about you? Anybody special?”

I shook my head. “Nobody special.”

“It’s less painful that way, believe me.”

His voice was sad. I wished I could see his face more clearly. “So there is someone.”

“There was, but it’s over. Just sometimes when I see her.” He took me by the arm. “I don’t know how you’ve dragged this out of me, but I’m done talking about women and my damaged heart. Buy you an ice cream cone?”

“You’re on,” I said. “I always could be bought off with ice cream.”

“Whatever works to get your mind off my love life. Race you back. I’ll give you to the tree as a head start.”

I started running. “Get ready to eat my dust,” I called over my shoulder.