Tina Davis didn’t know how long she’d been unhappy with her life, but in the past several weeks that unhappiness had morphed into loathing, and every day that passed—every day where she woke to Ryan’s alarm or one of the boys’ voices out in the hallway—she hated her life more and more.
It wasn’t always like this, of course. She’d been happy once. And she knew it had nothing to do with her sister disappearing—almost a year ago now, come to think of it—or Ryan being laid off from his six-figure job about a month after Holly left.
But it had started sometime after that, in the limbo period where Ryan searched nonstop for a job until he finally found one—only a couple months ago, a job that paid considerably less, but at least it had decent benefits, so there was that—and the unhappiness had started to settle in, and even though things were beginning to look up—or at the very least weren’t looking as dire—Tina just couldn’t shake the unhappiness, no matter how much she tried, until it started to snowball into that loathing and then, finally, hatred.
It wasn’t like she was suicidal. Tina didn’t want to end her life; she simply hated it. The way you hate that one coworker who constantly gets on your nerves, just small stuff at first until that stuff is all you think about, and the more you think about it, the more you wonder how anybody could put up with the person until the day finally comes when you realize what had started out as simple dislike has turned into hate.
“Mom? What time is Mrs. Holbrook picking us up?”
Tina blinked. Realized she was standing at the sink, the faucet running. Lost again in her thoughts.
Matthew tried again, his tone this time hesitant.
“Mom?”
She shut off the water and turned around. Smiled down at her two sons at the kitchen table.
They had their tablets open, propped on the table in front of them. It was the only time of day they were allowed to have their tablets at the table. At dinner it was No Tablet Time. Tina had even printed up signs with a tablet in a red circle and a slash across it, like the Ghostbusters logo. It hung on the fridge, a helpful reminder, though one time Matthew tore it down when he got detention at school and they’d taken away his tablet as a punishment.
Both boys were watching her now, worried, their plates of pancakes half-eaten. For one crazy moment, Tina considered telling them she hated her life—she even started to open her mouth—and that was when Ryan tore into the kitchen like a tornado.
“Sorry, in a rush.”
His tie was draped around his neck, the first two buttons of his dress shirt open. He carried his briefcase in one hand, his cell phone in the other, and he ignored the plate she’d prepared for him as he hurried past, kissing each boy on the head, and pecked her on the cheek before pivoting away and heading for the side door.
“See you when I get home.”
He didn’t wait for a response, disappearing outside, and Tina was left feeling like she’d missed something, though in truth Ryan had been doing this more and more lately, staying up late because he couldn’t sleep and then getting up at the last minute and rushing out of the house.
Tina knew she couldn’t blame him—the new job was running him ragged—but still she wondered how this would affect the boys later in life, whether or not they would understand and respect their father or resent him.
Matthew said, “Mom?”
She blinked again. Shifted her focus down to her son.
“Yes?”
“What time is Mrs. Holbrook picking us up?”
Stacey Holbrook, a longtime family friend, had volunteered to take the boys to the zoo today, along with her son Kyle. Stacey invited Tina along too, but Tina had declined, making up some excuse why she couldn’t go—right now the reason evaded her—because she worried Stacey would sense Tina’s depression, and she didn’t want her friend to worry about her.
Tina glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. It was almost eight thirty.
“She should be here any minute.”
That was when her phone pinged on the counter, a text message from Stacey saying she’s just pulled into the driveway.
“Apparently she’s already here.”
The boys jumped to their feet, grabbing the tablets before they made a break for the door.
Tina said, “Tablets stay here.”
Max’s eyes grew wide like saucers.
“But, Mom!”
She tilted her chin down, gave him the look that said, Do you really wanna try me?
Max crinkled his nose but didn’t say anything, simply set his tablet aside, as did Matthew, and they called out goodbye as they tore off toward the door, Tina following them, stepping out to wave at Stacey as the boys loaded into her minivan, and soon the van disappeared down the street and Tina stepped back inside, closing the door and taking a deep breath.
She cleaned up the kitchen and headed upstairs to take a shower. Today was Monday, aka Laundry Day, but the laundry could wait. As soon as she was dressed, she headed back down the steps, grabbed her purse and keys, and headed outside.
Her Nissan was parked in the driveway, dusty in the morning sun. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d gotten it washed. If and when they needed some extra cash—and that time was coming very soon, no doubt about it—her car would probably be the first thing to go. Though, Tina had to admit with a pang of disappointment, she didn’t expect them to get much for it. Maybe two thousand dollars if they were lucky.
As she backed into the street, her mind was so focused on how much she hated her life that she didn’t notice the car parked at the end of the block and how it pulled away from the curb to follow her.