Nathanial could not deny that leaving Boston behind did feel somewhat liberating. No longer did he see others look at him with pity, all aware of what had happened. No longer did he need to fear that his path would cross Abigail’s. No longer was he forced to continue his days as though nothing had happened.
Unfortunately, though, even England could not make him forget completely.
And for a very simple reason.
One he had foolishly not seen coming.
Descending the stairs, Nathanial proceeded down a corridor toward the breakfast parlor. In its doorway, however, his feet pulled to a sudden halt when his eyes fell on Zach and Becca seated perpendicular to one another at the breakfast table. Their hands were linked, their eyes only seeing the other as they whispered to one another like love-sick youths. Such joy stood in their eyes that Nathanial wanted to turn on his heel and leave.
The sight of them was sickening.
And painful.
Dear heavens, was it painful!
Over the past few days observing his brother and new sister-in-law, Nathanial had been forced to realize something utterly devastating. For the truth was that he could not see Abigail and himself in them. Never had they been quite like that. Never had he felt as connected to her. Never had the world stopped turning when she’d entered a room.
Not like this.
He’d loved her; Nathanial was certain of that. He still did love her for his heart still hurt as it had the day she had broken their engagement. Had she ever loved him though? If she had, would she have been able to betray him the way she had?
Nathanial could not help but wonder about all that had eluded him, all that he had not seen. In his mind, he replayed moment after moment he had shared with her, trying to glimpse signs of her true feelings. And yet, even in retrospect, he could not.
What did this mean? Would he ever dare trust another again? Would he ever dare be that foolish?
“Good morning, Brother.”
Clearing his throat, Nathanial stepped into the room. “Good morning. I apologize for disturbing you.”
“Nonsense.” With a large smile on his face, Zach waved him over. “Did you sleep well?”
“Quite well.” In truth, Nathanial had been suffering from insomnia ever since the damned affair had destroyed his life. He would find himself exhausted at the end of the day, barely able to keep his eyes open. However, the second his head touched the pillow, he would feel his body wake as though it fought the pull of slumber…
…for a reason he could not understand.
Nathanial had not slept more than three or four hours a night in a long time.
Becca smiled at him and motioned for a footman to pour Nathanial some tea as he sat down across from her. “Our wedding celebration is only a sennight away now,” her gaze darted to Zach’s and both their faces lit up before she looked back at him, “and I’m happy to say that a dear friend of mine will be in attendance as well.”
Nathanial felt the muscle in his jaw twitch. Were they trying to play matchmaker? “I appreciate your sentiment,” he said carefully, not wishing to offend her. “However, at present, I am not interested in−”
“Oh, you misunderstand me,” Becca interrupted him with a smile. “My friend is also your cousin, Lady Remsemere.”
Surprised, Nathanial looked at his brother. “The cousin you wrote to me about?”
Zach nodded. “Yes, her little daughter was born at the end of last year and I wasn’t certain if she would be able to attend.”
Becca’s hand settled on Zach’s. “However, a letter arrived this morning, saying that they’ll be here. I haven’t seen her in almost a year, and I miss her dearly.”
Nathanial nodded, feeling a bit apprehensive, but also pleased at the thought of meeting new family. After their parents’ passing, Nathanial and Zach had only ever had each other. Now, Zach was married and would no doubt be a father soon, making Nathanial feel a bit like being left out in the cold.
Still, according to Zach’s letters, Lady Remsemere had suffered her fair share of losses before she had now found happiness in her marriage. Not only had she lost her father, but also her brother, which had left the family without an heir to the title. Subsequently, it had moved to the second son−Zach’s and Nathanial’s father−who had also unfortunately been deceased at the time.
Thus, Zach as the eldest had become the new Earl of Pembroke.
“There is something else we wanted to discuss with you,” Zach began, a hint of caution in his voice. His gaze once more drifted to his wife, and Nathanial could not help but wonder what passed between them that he could not grasp. What was it like to communicate without words?
Becca squeezed his brother’s hand, an encouraging smile upon her lips, before Zach once more opened his mouth. “After our wedding celebration, we were planning to go on an extended honeymoon.”
When Zach paused, Nathanial looked from one to the other, wondering what that had to do with him. “Where?”
A radiant smile lit up Becca’s face. “Everywhere.” Her eagerness to be off was only too visible in the way her teeth sank into her lower lip, trying and failing to contain the smile that tickled her lips.
“That sounds wonderful,” Nathanial replied, still uncertain how that pertained to him.
Zach cleared his throat. “We were wondering if you’d like to accompany us.”
Nathanial’s brows rose. “On your honeymoon?”
His brother shrugged. “We used to travel together all over the world. Why not do so again?”
“Because this is your honeymoon,” Nathanial scoffed, unwilling to contemplate the awkwardness of being the fifth wheel in this endeavor. Was he truly this pitiable that they would sacrifice their honeymoon in order to try and cheer him up? “I appreciate your offer. However, I’ve made plans to return to Boston within a fortnight.”
Zach frowned, and Becca’s smile faded. “Do you truly want to go back so soon?” she asked directly. “I understand that you have no wish to accompany us.” She glanced at her husband. “Perhaps it was a poor idea, indeed. However, you could remain here at Pembroke Hall or go to London, meet new people, try something different.”
Zach nodded eagerly. “I think that’s a splendid idea!”
“I don’t know anyone here,” Nathanial remarked, uncertain how he felt about his sister-in-law’s suggestion. His plan had been to come to England, meet his brother’s wife, wish them well and then return to Boston. Always had Nathanial been one to make plans and see them through. Until his last plan had ended in utter disaster! “The company. I am needed−”
“Is the company your only objection?” Zach interrupted. “Did you leave it in Mr. Johnson’s care?” Nathanial nodded. “Then there is no reason to return so soon. You know as well as I do that Mr. Johnson is more than capable to see to it. We’ve trusted him before and never regretted it.” His brows rose, urging Nathanial to acknowledge the truthfulness of his words.
“What would I do here?” Nathanial asked, feeling like a child, completely uncertain of the world he was facing.
“Anything you’d like,” Becca exclaimed, then turned to look at Zach. “Perhaps Lord Markham could show him around.”
Zach nodded. “I’ll ask him.”
Overwhelmed, Nathanial stared back and forth between his brother and sister-in-law as they began to make plans, not bothering to ask how he felt about them. Still, Nathanial could not deny that the thought of prolonging his return to Boston was tempting.
Perhaps he truly ought to gain some distance from his life.
Perhaps it would help him decide how to proceed.
It was worth considering.