Nathanial’s skin felt warm against her own as Charlaine held his hands and her feet began to move. His blue eyes remained on hers, and she could see the corners of his mouth fight to rise into a smile. It was obviously quite unfamiliar to him. No doubt, it felt foreign, and yet, she could see that a part of him longed for the ease and warmth and kindness of a simple smile.
A true smile.
A smile not born out of duty.
But one created in the moment.
Faster and faster, they twirled, their eyes locked, the world whizzing past them as the soft music from inside the ballroom drifted to their ears. “Don’t let go!” she called to him, and his hands tightened on hers instantly, a reassurance that he would keep her safe.
Nathanial Caswell was that kind of man, was he not? Someone who looked out for those he cared for. Someone who put their well-being above his own. Someone who was honest and true and kind.
Someone who had been hurt because of it.
Someone who now feared it would happen again.
When Charlaine had glimpsed him from across the room as he had approached the lady in blue, she had felt her heart crumble at the forlorn look upon his face. He had seemed so lost. He still did, but at least now he was smiling.
“Aren’t you afraid we’ll fall?” Nathanial called to her as they spun in ever faster circles.
Charlaine laughed. “This joy will be worth a bruise or two.”
A chuckle rumbled in his throat. “What will people think if they see us?” He glanced at the French doors…and his footing shifted, throwing her balance off as well.
Charlaine felt her left hand slip from his as her feet tried to even out the sudden shift in position. Nathanial’s eyes widened and, instantly, snapped back to her. His other hand gripped hers more tightly, and she could feel his arm flex as he tugged her toward him. Their feet slowed as they swayed across the terrace, and then Charlaine all but fell against him. His arm came around her, holding her to him, keeping her from falling as he braced himself on the balustrade with the other.
Looking up, Charlaine stared into his eyes. They were both breathing fast, the pulse in his neck hammering at the same speed as her own. Still, he quickly matched her smile, something irresistibly tempting lingering in his blue gaze. “You must be mad,” he whispered then, but it sounded for all intents and purposes like a compliment. “Utterly and truly mad.”
“You’re smiling,” Charlaine observed with a smirk.
Nathanial laughed. “I suppose I am.” Still staring at her, he shook his head. “I came here tonight to…” His mouth opened and closed, a loss for words only too visible in his eyes. “I never thought I could…”
“You felt something,” Charlaine whispered, all too aware that he was still holding her in his arms. But was he?
Nathanial nodded. “Yes, I felt something. Perhaps that was why I came, to feel something different, to be someone different…if only for one night.”
“A reprieve?”
“A reprieve,” he echoed, and the pressure of his arm around her lessened. His hand slid to her back, but did not fall away.
“Who would you want to be?” Charlaine dared him, noting the way he tried his best to suppress his American accent. Every once in a while, it slipped in, but with the music echoing around them, even out here on the terrace, it was barely noticeable. Her own English accent was almost perfect as it should be for Peter had taught her ever since she had been a little girl. She knew how to speak like the ton, but she preferred not to.
Tonight, however, was different.
“If you could be anyone,” Charlaine asked, tipping up her chin, “who would you want to be?”
Nathanial laughed. “I don’t know. Perhaps someone who doesn’t feel the constant need to think things through. Someone who acts on impulse alone. Someone who,” he drew in a slow breath, “seizes the moment.”
His gaze lingered on hers, and Charlaine could not help but notice the way he was looking at her. She felt his hand lying on her back, warm and restrained. Still, there was something…something that whispered of a longing he no doubt had not felt in a long while.
To connect with another.
To give something of himself and receive something in return.
To leave behind the bitterness that clung to every word.
Charlaine knew those feelings. She had left her home and come to England for those very reasons. To focus on the good instead of the bad. To acknowledge the tears, but strive for smiles above all else. To live again and be happy once more. “And will you?” she asked, still standing in his embrace as though she belonged there. “Seize the moment?”
Nathanial exhaled a slow breath as temptation and restraint warred within his gaze. “The truth is that we cannot escape who we are. No amount of wishful thinking can−”
Never one to think things through too thoroughly, Charlaine pulled him down into a kiss before he could convince himself that the risk was too great. Ever since he had caught her in his arms after their stumble had she wondered what his kiss would feel like.
Now, she knew.
And she had been right to seize the moment.
For although Nathanial did tense in surprise at the feel of her lips against his own, the longing she had seen in his eyes soon pushed all restraint away. His hands tightened on her, pulling her closer, as he returned her kiss in a heartbreakingly gentle way. There was something utterly sweet in the way he held her, the way his knuckles brushed over her cheek before his hand slipped into her hair.
For a moment, Charlaine feared the pins holding her mask in place would suffer. However, Nathanial’s caresses felt like the delicate touch of a feather. She could feel his caring heart in every touch and knew that, somehow, she had reached him tonight. Here and now, he cared for her, for Nathanial Caswell was not the kind of man who would return a woman’s kiss without feeling something. They had shared a precious moment, and it had been exactly what he had needed.
In truth, Charlaine had needed it as well.
Lifting his head, Nathanial looked down at her, a hint of contrition in his eyes. “I…I shouldn’t have done this.”
Charlaine smiled at him. “You didn’t. I did.” She searched his face. “Do you regret it?”
Slowly, he shook his head. His hands finally released her and he took a step back. “I cannot say that I do.” His gaze lingered on hers. “Why did you…?”
Leaning back against the balustrade, Charlaine smiled. “Because I wanted to. Because it felt as though you wanted to as well. Was I wrong?”
Running a hand through his hair, Nathanial turned away, trying to hide the grin that stole onto his face. “We hardly know each other.” He chuckled. “In fact, we don’t know each other at all.”
“Then tell me something about yourself,” Charlaine dared him. “Is your brother like you?”
Looking back at her, Nathanial paused, his blue eyes calculating as he no doubt considered how much to share with a stranger, his mind never allowing his tongue free rein. “We’re like day and night,” he finally said. “He is daring and bold, charming and easily makes friends wherever he goes. He never worries and…” A heavy sigh left his lips.
Holding his gaze, Charlaine moved closer. “You don’t truly believe that, do you?”
Nathanial frowned. “Why wouldn’t I? It’s true.”
“Everybody worries,” Charlaine objected. “As soon as you love, you worry. You said he is married?” Nathanial nodded. “And he loves his wife?” Again, he nodded. “I dare you to ask him. But I guarantee that he worries for her and no doubt for you as well.” Her gaze narrowed as she chose her words carefully. “Is that why you’re here tonight? Was it your brother who urged you to attend?”
Running a hand over his face, Nathanial stared at her. “How do you do this? How do you know exactly…?” He shook his head. “Yes, a friend of his invited me here tonight. He convinced me that…” His lips thinned, and Charlaine could see that leaving behind his worries was a constant struggle for him.
“Do you wish you were more like him?”
The look that came to his face belied that the thought was not foreign to him. “It seems an easier way to live.”
Charlaine shrugged. “Easier isn’t always better.”
“I’m confused,” Nathanial replied with a frown. “Earlier, it sounded as though you were in favor of…of being more daring, of taking chances, of−”
“Yes, if that is what you want!” she exclaimed. “If you feel the temptation, then by all means give in and see what happens. But don’t be someone you’re not.” She shook her head for emphasis. “Don’t ever be someone you’re not.”
His gaze narrowed as he watched her. “Now, you tell me something about yourself.”
Charlaine laughed at the daring gleam in his eyes. “Well, if you insist. I−”
A man stepped through the French doors and onto the terrace in that moment, his simple attire instantly revealing him as a servant. “Pardon me,” he said, and Charlaine tensed as she recognized him. “Miss−?”
“Yes, can we help you?” Charlaine interrupted before Jacob could foolishly blurt out her name. She hurried toward him. “Are you looking for someone?” It would seem something had happened that required Pierce’s attention or Albert would not have sent the young footman to retrieve him. She dropped her voice as she reached his side. “Lord Markham disappeared down that corridor over there,” she whispered, nodding her head in the general direction. She had glimpsed Pierce and Caroline in her rather revealing red gown slip away a while past.
“Thank you,” Jacob mumbled with a quick nod and then equally quickly disappeared.
Relieved, Charlaine turned back to Nathanial. She ought not lie to him, but she had the distinct feeling that knowing who she was would destroy the fragile bond that had formed between them. How she was to continue being his friend after tonight had her puzzled though. Perhaps with time a solution would reveal itself.
“Is everything all right?” Nathanial asked before he glanced over her shoulder. “Do you have to leave?”
“Not quite yet,” Charlaine replied as she returned to his side. She had noted a touch of regret in his voice at the suggestion that she might have to leave and was surprised to experience a gentle warmth at the thought that he enjoyed her company.
Especially after the way he had brushed her off the other day.
Even if everything would come crumbling down soon enough, Charlaine knew that coming here tonight had been the right thing to do. Not only was she enjoying herself, but now she also knew that she had been right about Nathanial. He would be a wonderful friend, and they felt good together.
Hopefully, he would come to see that as well.
After tonight.