I don’t even look at the phone. I clench it in my hand, screen downward. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to know. I wish I wasn’t here. I wish I wasn’t anywhere. I just want to forget everything, to stop feeling the pain. I consider using my last wish to ask just for that, to have James erased from my mind. But the thought of losing Arthur as well is somewhat unbearable; I don’t want to lose the love of my life and my best friend all in one day.
Plus, we’re made of our experiences. Knowing James, losing him twice has made me what I am today and I wouldn’t want to be any different. I will cherish our time together forever; the memories we created are mine, and no one could ever take them away from me. I’ve been cheated out of a life with him, but no one can steal away our past.
I console myself thinking that today, right now, it’s the hardest. This is as bad as it gets. From here on I can only recover. I wish I didn’t have to go through it all over again, but unfortunately fast forward is not an option. Not even for me, apparently.
PING. PI-PING. PING. PI-PI-PING. PING.
My phone is exploding with messages. I turn it around in my hand as a flicker of hope rises inside me.
All the texts are from Megan.
Megan: He said your NAME!!!
It’s the first text she sent five minutes ago, which I didn’t read because I was too busy commiserating myself. Why didn’t I read it? He said my name? My head is spinning. I quickly scroll through the other messages.
Megan: He said I take thee ALLY.
Megan: Like Ross in Friends!
Megan: This is crazy…madness!
Megan: The bride is fainting.
Megan: The father of the bride just punched James right in the face.
Megan: They are both down now.
Megan: Groom and bride, I mean.
Megan: I can’t see anything anymore because everyone is rushing to the front to see.
Megan: Ally ARE U THERE?!?!?
Am I here? Yes, I am. Yes! Yes! Yes!
I shoot up from the couch, pacing around nervously. My energy suddenly comes back as an adrenalin rush pumps through my veins.
What do I do?
Ally: What’s happening?!?!
Oh, forget it! I can’t wait for an answer. I am calling her. The phone rings barely once before she picks up.
“Ally, WOW!”
“Don’t WOW me! What’s happening? What’s happening?” I ask hysterically.
“I don’t know. I have like a million other people in front of me.”
“Are they going through with it?” I squeal.
“From what I saw last, the bride and the groom both seemed unconscious. I don’t think they could go through with it even if they wanted to.”
“Meg, you have to give me something more. Where’s John?”
“I can try to reach him, but I have to push my way into a mob. Stay on the line.”
“Okay.”
I keep pacing furiously around the room, my heart in my throat.
“Everything all right?” Arthur’s voice surprises me from behind. I had forgotten he was here.
“I’ll explain later.”
He pulls a face, but I’m far too busy to pay attention to him. I listen to some more scuffling sounds coming from the phone until Megan gets to where John is. I can overhear them talking.
“Baby,” he says.
“What’s going on?” she asks.
“I don’t know. It’s absolutely crazy.”
“Where are they?”
“They all went inside the house. Vanessa’s father seemed like a madman. After he punched James he kept repeating ‘this is my fault, this is my fault’. He acted like a lunatic.”
“What? Why should it be his fault?” Meg asks, surprised.
“Like I know.” I can practically see John shrugging. “They brought Vanessa inside. She was still half out. And James ran after them.”
“He did?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be back in a sec. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
I hear some more scraping until she’s back with me.
“Ally?”
“Yep.”
“Did you hear?”
“Yes. What do you think?” I ask, worried. I don’t like that he ran after her.
“I don’t know, baby. He was running after Vanessa. I don’t know if it’s a good sign.” Megan confirms my fears. “And what about her father? I honestly have no idea what’s going on here.”
I do.
“Mmm-hmmm.” I mumble to avoid the question, not that she expects me to answer it. What now?
“It’s killing me not knowing what’s going on,” I tell her.
“I can only imagine. Let’s do this.” As usual she takes control of the situation with a rational approach. “For now, nobody has said anything about the ceremony being cancelled, but at this point I honestly don’t think it’s going to happen today, or ever.”
“You don’t?” I’m hopeful.
“No, I don’t see how they could after what happened, but we have to wait and see. Nobody told us to leave just yet—if that’s what’s going to happen, someone will have to come out and say it eventually. We’ll stick around for a bit longer and I’ll let you know if something happens.”
“Ok, thanks. I want to know everything, even the smallest thing. You promise?” I press her.
“Don’t worry, I’m on it.”
“Thank you so much. I love you.”
“You know, Ally, I think I should apologize to you. I’ve been giving you crap about James for two years, but today, when he said your name, I don’t know—I just felt I’ve been wrong all this time.”
“Oh shut up, Meg. It doesn’t matter. You were doing what you thought was best for me. Just tell me what’s going on over there. It’s all I care about right now.”
“Ok, I’ll go stick my nose around then. Talk to you later.”
“Ok, bye.”
I spend the rest of the afternoon living and breathing for the next text from Meg. I get twenty-two in total.
Megan: There are penguin waiters coming out now with drinks and refreshments to keep the guests going.
Megan: So far no announcements…
Megan: I am trying to mingle with different crowds to see if anybody has an idea of what’s going on.
Megan: Most people have no idea!
Megan: Some didn’t even notice that he said the wrong name. Half the people here probably don’t know the bride’s first name.
Megan: Random theories going around, like the dress was too tight and the bride should sue Vera Wang…
Megan: Or the father of the bride is suffering from emotional detachment stress disorder. Does it even exist?!?!
Megan: I’ve tried to sneak inside the house…
Megan: But only immediate family members are admitted.
Megan: I’m not joking, there are two huge bulky bodyguards at the doors wearing earpieces! They won’t let anyone “unauthorized” in.
Megan: Ok. The wedding planner, I assume, said an announcement would be made shortly.
Megan: A young guy in a black suit is taking the “stage”.
Megan: He has introduced himself as Mr. Van Horn’s chief assistant. How many does he have?
Megan: He’s saying there will be no wedding today…
Megan: Ally they’re calling it off! It’s over. Done. Finito. Caput.
Megan: He’s saying it’s off due to a sudden illness of the bride…
Megan:…nothing alarming, but the family prefers to be cautious blah, blah, blah…
Megan: All the guests are invited to stay for dinner and enjoy the party, blah, blah, blah…
Megan: John has been trying to reach James for hours, but his phone always goes straight to voicemail.
Megan: I don’t know if there’s much left we can do here. John wants to leave.
Megan: Do you want us to stay? How are you coping?
Megan: Do you want me to come over there and have a full postmortem?
I need to think.
Ally: No go home and relax. I’m ok. Need some alone time. Thx again for today. Love u.
I press send and turn off the phone.
The good thing about alone time these days is that mine has a personal counselor in it… Arthur.
“The wedding is off,” I tell him.
“I applaud your success.”
Is he being sarcastic?
“Are you being sarcastic?”
“Well, I simply do not find it tasteful to rejoice in someone else’s unhappiness.”
“Oh puleease, spare me your do-goodism.”
“What is next then, a happy reunion?” he asks acidly.
“Are you in a mood or something?”
“Are you?”
“You know that you can be the most annoying person I know.”
I wait a couple of seconds for a retort that doesn’t arrive.
“Whatever,” I say, shrugging. “I’m having another drink.” I am so on edge that I need to relax.
“You did not have anything to eat all day.”
“Oh, are you worrying about me now? I thought you were too busy being obnoxious.”
“Ally Johnson, sometimes you make me want to snap your neck.”
“Death threats, really?”
I chug my sixth or seventh martini—I have lost count—and go to my room, slamming the door shut. I jump on the bed, ready to reflect on the events of the day. Maybe being truly alone sometimes is actually better.
“Mao?” As if reading my mind Sugar seems to be asking permission to join me.
“Don’t worry, baby, you are always welcome,” I reassure him, patting the empty space on the bed next to me.
He jumps on it and starts purring loudly as soon as I begin scratching him behind the ears.
Where am I? In your bed. What time is it? Late, it’s dark outside. What happened? James, the wedding…
After going to my room, I got lost in thoughts while cuddling Sugar and I must have dozed off. My head is throbbing. You had a pitcher of martinis. Why am I awake? I want to sleep! Something woke you. What? A distant sound.
As I remember the sound, I regain proper consciousness and look around me, searching for the source of the noise without finding it. I’m almost ready to get back to sleep when I hear it again, only this time it’s loud and clear. Someone is knocking on my door.
I launch myself out of the bed and run into the living room as if Jack the Ripper was chasing me, all the while ignoring the fact that my apartment seems to be spinning around me. In four quick strides, I reach the door to have a look through the peephole.
I almost die. It’s James!
“You,” I hiss to Arthur. “Beat it.”
“Pardon me?”
“It’s James at the door,” I whisper furiously. “I don’t want you here.”
“So things worked out exactly the way you wanted,” he says flatly, his jaw tightening slightly.
“Do not cheer too loudly,” I retort, sarcastic. “Off you go.”
“I will make myself invisible immediately.”
“No, no. No, no, no. Not invisible, I want you to go away, like wherever it is you go when you’re not here.” I press him when there is yet another knock at the door.
“I’m coming,” I shout toward the hallway, as if I was in another room. “I don’t want you here, it’s James. I want to be alone with him. Really alone,” I add, murmuring.
“Ally, I think you are making a mistake,” Arthur says, still very here and still very visible.
I’m losing my patience.
“Arthur, I need you to go,” I hiss, trying to keep my tone low. “We can discuss your philosophical views another time.”
“Another time may be too late. Listen, there is something I need to tell you…”
“I don’t care right now, and you can tell me tomorrow. Would you just go away now, please?”
“No, I will not,” he states stubbornly, his tone rising.
“Shhhhhh. Why of all moments now, why?” I plead. If I could touch him, I’d be shoving him away, but I can’t.
“Because tomorrow it could be too late,” Arthur repeats gravely.
“Too late for what? Please don’t start throwing riddles around, not now.”
As the fourth knock resounds in the room, I resort to threats. “Arthur, go away or I’ll make you go.”
“You promised never to.”
“So just go.”
“No. Ally, please—what I have to say is very important.”
Fifth knock.
“I’m sorry, Arthur,” I say in a whisper, soft this time. “I order you back into the coffer.”
As he begins to dissolve in front of me, I barely have the time to take in the look of utter betrayal on his face and glimpse his eyes filling with hurt just as he looks away from me.
For a second there I am breathless. What have I done? But he was being impossible! And in what could be the most important moment of my life. I’ll make it up to him later.
I catch my reflection in the hallway mirror and it’s horrible! I quickly give myself a magical restyling, take a deep breath, and open the door.